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Enablers not Rescuers not Flying Monkeys (+Dark Personalities)

Uploaded 12/6/2024, approx. 6 minute read

Had I been British, I would have said that I'm under the weather.

But because luckily I'm not British, all I can say is that I'm blipping sick.

And I hope to recover in time for the seminar in Zagreb, because it is day long and almost 400 clinicians from all over Europe are streaming into the city to listen to the one and only.

But I'm not in good shape. Let's hope for the best. Let me take a sip.

I know what you're thinking. It is not whiskey. It is chamomile tea.

Okay, enough fooling around.


Today is a day of disambiguation. Disambiguation is a word that Wikidians are very fond of.

I'm going to explain to you the difference between enablers, flying monkeys and rescuers, saviors. I'm also going to shed light on dark personalities and the common mistake perpetrated and perpetuated by self-styled experts online.

Let's start with enablers.

Enablers are people who assist someone in his habit, especially if it is a self-destructive habit.

So if someone is a junkie and you provide them with drugs, you're an enabler. If someone misbehaves in some way, criminally or otherwise, and you cover up for them, you're an enabler. If you provide someone with illicit materials, you're an enabler.

An enabler is someone who helps another person continue, perpetuate, and perpetrate criminal, illicit, immoral, illegal, or socially unacceptable behavior.

So, for example, a mother who would turn a blind eye to her son's criminal conduct would be an enabler. Someone who would bring alcohol to an alcoholic would be an enabler. Someone who would go to a shop and purchase alcohol for a minor would be an enabler.

Got it? This is an enabler.

Enablers have nothing to do with flying monkeys.

Flying monkeys are people who carry on the agenda, usually of a narcissist or a psychopath or a borderline.

They collaborate and collude with a narcissist or a psychopath or a borderline. They collaborate and collude with a narcissist in effectuating some kind of plan. It could be revenge, it could be a smear campaign, it could be interface with law enforcement, it could be smear campaign. It could be interface with law enforcement. It could be anything.

The flying monkey is the long arm of the narcissists. The flying monkey carries on or carries out the narcissists, strategisms, ideas, strategies, and so on and so forth.

And usually the flying monkey helps the narcissist to harm and damage and break and adversely impact other people.

So as you see, enablers and flying monkeys are not the same.

And then there is the rescuer savior.

The rescuer savior is someone who grandiosely believes himself or herself to have the capacity to save someone else, to rescue someone else, to fix someone else, to heal someone else.

As I said, it's a grandiose delusion.

The savior or the rescuer convinces himself or herself that they're the only ones who can change and transform someone else's life.

They create a narrative in which the other person is helpless and hopeless and irredeemable except for the intervention of the Savior and the rescuer.

And then they're rushed to the scene and they offer their services. They believe that their actions cause healing or personal transformation or a betterment of the situation.

So these are Saviors rescuers.

Saviors rescuers are usually part of what is known as the Karpman Drama Triangle. And there is a video dedicated to this on my channel.


Okay, one last comment about dark personalities.

Dark Triad personalities are not narcissists. They are not psychopaths.

People with dark triad personalities have traces of narcissism. They behave narcissistically. They have a narcissistic style.

But they are also subclinical.

In other words, people with dark personalities cannot be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. They are not clinical. They are subclinical.

Although many of their behaviors are highly reminiscent of the behaviors of a narcissist.

Similarly, people with dark triad personalities display or exhibit psychopathic behaviors, and yet they are not psychopaths. They cannot be diagnosed with psychopathy or antisocial personality disorder. They are subclinical psychopaths. They may be defined. They may be reckless. They may be aggressive, but they are not psychopaths. They may be defined. They may be reckless. They may be aggressive, but they're not psychopaths.

Dark tetrad personalities are subclinical narcissists, subclinical psychopaths, Machiavellian people who are also sadists.

Now there used to be, there was a proposal espoused by Millon and others to include sadistic personality disorder in the diagnostic and statistical manual. This proposal has been rejected, but sadism is a kind of personality disorder.

And so in dark tetrad personalities, the sadism is actually clinical.

Machiavellianism is a pattern of behaviors, choices, decisions, and strategies that are intended to manipulate other people.

But the psychopathy and the narcissism in dark triad personalities and dark tetrad personalities are subclinical. They cannot be diagnosed.

That's it for today. Now you are much better equipped to tackle life and everything in it.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Savior/Rescuer as Entitled Narcissist (Excerpt)

The Karbman drama triangle consists of three roles: rescuer, abuser, and victim, with roles that frequently shift among individuals. Many self-identified saviors and rescuers are often narcissistic and predatory, masquerading behind a facade of empathy while exploiting vulnerable individuals, particularly women. These individuals manipulate situations to position themselves as saviors, often engaging in sexual relationships with those they claim to help, leaving their victims more traumatized than before. The infiltration of narcissists into self-help and victimhood movements poses a significant danger, as they exploit trust and create profound feelings of betrayal among those seeking genuine support.


Caught in a Drama Triangle or Real Victim?

The Karpman drama triangle illustrates a destructive model of human interaction involving three roles: the persecutor, the victim, and the rescuer, where each participant plays a part that perpetuates conflict and dysfunction. Victims often seek out persecutors and rescuers to maintain their identity and avoid personal responsibility, while rescuers derive a sense of purpose from enabling victimhood, ultimately hindering the victim's growth and healing. The dynamics of the triangle can shift, with individuals easily transitioning between roles, leading to a cycle of learned helplessness and mental health issues. To break free from this cycle, individuals must recognize their roles, take personal responsibility, and learn to empower themselves rather than remain trapped in victimhood.


Narcissist's Victim: NO CONTACT Rules

Professor Sam Vaknin advises victims of narcissism and psychopathy to maintain as much contact with their abuser as the courts, counselors, evaluators, mediators, guardians, or law enforcement officials mandate. However, with the exception of this minimum mandated by the courts, decline any and all gratuitous contact with the narcissist or psychopath. Avoiding contact with the abuser is a form of setting boundaries, and setting boundaries is a form of healing. Be firm, be resolute, but be polite and civil.


Self-destructive Narcissists and Psychopaths

Self-destructive behaviors manifest in various forms, often linked to mental illnesses and states of mind, with individuals frequently unaware of their self-defeating actions. Life constriction, self-denial, and emotional numbing are examples of how people limit their experiences, leading to a rejection of life itself. Narcissists, in particular, engage in self-sabotaging behaviors as a means of coping with their internal conflicts, often choosing partners and situations that perpetuate their pain and reinforce their negative self-image. Ultimately, these patterns of behavior reflect a broader societal trend where trauma and emotional dysregulation contribute to an increase in self-destructive tendencies among both individuals with personality disorders and otherwise healthy people.


Domestic Violence Shelters

Before moving into a domestic violence shelter, it is important to ensure that the shelter's philosophy aligns with your own. Check if the shelter caters to specific ethnic minorities or neighborhoods, and if you can abide by the house rules. Gather intelligence and be informed before making a move, and talk to battered women who spend time in the shelter. Ensure that the shelter is secure, and that it provides counseling for abusers as well as ongoing support for their victims. Remember that shelters are temporary solutions, and plan your life after the shelter.


Love Your Narcissist? Make Him Stay, Depend on You (Tips, Resolutions)

In a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to know what not to do and what to do to maintain the relationship. Avoid disagreeing, contradicting, or criticizing the narcissist, and never offer intimacy or challenge their self-image. To make the narcissist dependent on you, listen attentively, agree with everything they say, offer something unique, be patient, and be emotionally and financially independent. It is also crucial to know yourself and set personal boundaries, treating yourself with dignity and demanding respect from others. If the relationship becomes abusive, consider going no-contact and ending the relationship for your own well-being.


Self-destructiveness: Learn to Identify It!

Self-destructive behaviors are common and often go unnoticed. These behaviors can be a rejection of life or a rejection of oneself in life. Examples of self-destructive behaviors include constricting life, love addiction, perfectionism, self-denial, depression, anxiety, numbing, dissociation, and masochism. These behaviors often stem from insecure attachment and a lack of self-love, leading to a scorched earth policy and an inability to form attachments.


Reverse Psychology CPTSD, Intermittent Reinforcement, Reactance, Strategic Self Anticonformity

Reverse psychology is a technique that involves asserting the opposite of a desired outcome to encourage someone to act in the intended way, often relying on the psychological phenomenon of reactance, where individuals resist perceived coercion. Victims of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) may exhibit behaviors similar to those of psychopaths, including defiance and emotional dysregulation, which can be influenced by intermittent reinforcement from abusers. Techniques such as mirroring, tough love, and pseudo-humility can be employed in both interpersonal relationships and therapeutic settings to manipulate behavior and promote change. Ultimately, reverse psychology can be a powerful tool, particularly with individuals who have strong resistances or personality disorders, as it leverages their natural tendencies to react against perceived limitations on their freedom.


Narcissistic Abuse: From Victim to Survivor in 6 Steps

To move on from being a victim of narcissistic abuse, one must abandon the narcissist and move on. Moving on is a process that involves acknowledging and accepting painful reality, learning from the experience, and deciding to act. It is important to grieve and mourn the loss of trust and love, but perpetual grieving is counterproductive. Forgiveness is important, but it should not be a universal behavior. Human relationships are dynamic and require constant assessment. It is not advisable to remain friends with narcissists, as they are only nice and friendly when they want something. Inverted narcissists who remain in relationships with narcissists are victims who deny their own torment and fail to make the transition to survivors.


Victim of Narcissist: Move On!

The narcissist lives in a world of ideal beauty, achievements, wealth, and success, denying his reality. The partner is perceived as a source of narcissistic supply, and the narcissist pathologizes and devalues them to rid themselves of guilt and shame. Moving on from a narcissistic relationship involves acknowledging and accepting painful reality, educating oneself, and gaining emotional sustenance, knowledge, support, and confidence. Forgiving is important, but it should not be a universal behavior, and no one should stay with a narcissist.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
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