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Narcissist No Toilet Paper: Aggressive and Brittle, Not Soft and Strong

Uploaded 7/4/2018, approx. 1 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The narcissist's personality is precariously poised, his access to and intimations of his positive emotions restricted and ambiguous, and his overpowering negative emotions so rampant that the narcissist needs to compensate for his vulnerabilities with a pyrotechnic display of dominance and abuse.

Narcissists often call themselves alpha males, while actually they are mere bullies.

But such antisocial maltreatment of others, especially of his nearest and dearest, such mistreatment does not render the narcissist strong, either in reality or in the eyes of others.

He does, however, endow the narcissist with a reputation for obnoxiousness and even repellent clownishness.

Similarly, when the narcissist does his thwarted imitation of being soft, the thespian effort strains the seams of his affected contact.

The narcissist becomes maudlin, maudlin exaggerates, cries, goes over the top with demonstrations of gratuitous and smarmy courtesy or feigned pity, goal-oriented charity, and his version of default pseudo-empathy.

The narcissist comes across as a badly programmed humanoid robot with an insufficient table of data on how to act human.

The narcissist immediately fosters unease and trepidation in people around him, and this is the uncanny valley effect.

The narcissist is not capable of true intimacy and of emoting, because deep inside where a human being should have been, the abode is empty, the flag is at half-mast.

The narcissist walks, the narcissist talks, but otherwise is long dead, like the zombies and vampires of your...

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The Signs of the Narcissist

Narcissists are difficult to spot, but there are subtle signs that can be picked up on, such as entitlement markers, idealization and devaluation, and a lack of empathy. Narcissists are often perceived as anti-social and are unable to secure the sympathy of others. They are also prone to projecting a false self and using primitive defense mechanisms such as splitting, projection, projective identification, and intellectualization.


Discontinuous Narcissist's Multiple Personas

Narcissists lack criminal intent and do not engage in premeditated wrongdoing; their harmful actions are unintentional by-products of their fragmented identities. They perceive their past selves as entirely separate, leading to confusion and anger when held accountable for previous actions. This disconnection allows them to shift personas easily, adapting to new environments and sources of narcissistic supply without emotional attachment to their past. Ultimately, their inability to empathize and predict the consequences of their actions contributes to their amoral and resilient nature.


Narcissist: Drama Queen in Pathological Narcissistic Space

Narcissists exhibit inconsistent behavior due to their chronic inability to experience genuine pleasure or love, leading them to seek excitement and drama as a means to combat their pervasive boredom and melancholy. They create a "pathological narcissistic space" where they extract admiration and attention from others, believing their existence is inherently special and deserving of recognition without effort. This reliance on narcissistic supply substitutes for real emotional connections and achievements, resulting in a deep-seated awareness of their mediocrity and a growing sense of disappointment as they age. Ultimately, the narcissist's conflicting desires for connection and fear of intimacy create a cycle of self-destructive behavior, leaving them isolated and unable to maintain meaningful relationships.


How Narcissist Dupes, Lures YOU Into Shared Fantasy

Narcissists and psychopaths create the illusion of being human through a combination of mimicry, emotional simulation, and manipulation of social perceptions. They exploit common cognitive biases, such as the Pollyanna defense, which leads people to assume others are generally good and truthful, and malignant optimism, where individuals believe they can "save" or change these individuals despite clear signs of their harmful nature. The lack of genuine emotional depth in narcissists and psychopaths allows them to imitate emotions and behaviors convincingly, often leading to a sense of discomfort known as the uncanny valley effect, where their near-human appearance triggers unease. Ultimately, these individuals operate as sophisticated social predators, using their skills to deceive and exploit others while lacking true empathy or emotional connection.


YOUR LOVE, Intimacy FEARED: Narcissist’s Perfectionism, Envy

Narcissists experience intense ambivalence, simultaneously feeling love and hatred towards those they depend on, which is rooted in their perfectionism. This perfectionism serves as a defense mechanism against their deep-seated fear of failure and self-annihilation, leading them to avoid genuine intimacy and connection. The narcissist's internal landscape is marked by envy and a fragmented identity, as they struggle to integrate their perceived flaws with their idealized self-image. Ultimately, their relationships are characterized by a need to control and internalize others, reducing them to non-entities to protect their fragile sense of self and avoid the threat of envy.


Narcissist Grooms Sources of Narcissistic Supply: Exploits Tragedy, Crisis, and Misfortune

Narcissists are callous and ruthless enough to exploit the tragedy of others. They are obsessed with the maintenance of their delicate inner balance through the ever-increasing consumption of narcissistic supply. The narcissist regards and treats his sources of narcissistic supply as full-fledged human beings, but only as long as they can provide him with what he needs. The narcissist always evaluates the victims of tragedies to see if they can become sources of supply or can be used as props in the theater of his life.


Can Narcissist Truly Love?

Narcissists are incapable of genuine love, viewing others primarily as sources of narcissistic supply, which is essentially attention. They perceive their loved ones as objects or extensions of themselves, reacting with rage to any signs of independence or autonomy. There are two types of narcissists: one seeks stability and control, while the other craves chaos and drama, but both reduce their loved ones to mere props in their lives. Ultimately, the narcissist's so-called love is rooted in fear and self-interest, leading to a cycle of idealization and devaluation of those around them.


How Narcissist's Victims Deceive Themselves

Narcissists cannot be cured and are a threat to those around them. Victims of narcissists often confuse shame with guilt and attribute remorsefulness to the narcissist when they are actually feeling shame for failing. Narcissists are attracted to vulnerable people who offer them a secure source of narcissistic supply. Healing is dependent on a sense of security in a relationship, but the narcissist is not interested in healing and would rather invest their energy in obtaining narcissistic supply. Narcissists lack empathy and cannot understand others, making them a danger to those around them.


Why Narcissists Laugh in Funerals?

Narcissists fake emotions to manipulate their environment and lack true feelings. They have emotional resonance tables but no real emotions, and they defensively distort facts and circumstances to preserve their delusions of grandeur. Narcissists use emotional delegation to defend themselves against past hurts, delegating their emotions to a fictitious self, the false self. This duality is fundamental to the narcissistic personality and is evident in every interaction with them.


When Narcissist Goes Emotional on You (+Generalized Anger Disorder)

Narcissists often display hyper-emotional behaviors and affection, which can create the illusion of being the perfect partner, but these actions are manipulative and serve to maintain the narcissist's needs rather than genuine care for others. Their emotional expressions are a façade that conceals deep-seated anger, which manifests as generalized anger disorder, characterized by excessive, uncontrollable anger that can be triggered by various situations. This pervasive anger influences their interactions and relationships, leading to abusive and provocative behaviors as they seek justification for their feelings. The underlying pathology of narcissism includes a unique worldview and a private moral code that, when violated, results in explosive anger and significant distress in various aspects of life.

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