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Narcissists Hard to Spot

Uploaded 2/15/2011, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin. I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Narcissists are an elusive breed. They are hard to spot, harder to pinpoint, and impossible to capture.

Even an experienced mental health diagnostician, with unmitigated access to the record and to the person examined, would find it finisially difficult to determine with any degree of certainty whether someone suffers from an impairment, mental health disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or whether then someone merely possesses narcissistic traits, a narcissistic character or personality structure, or a narcissistic overlay superimposed on another mental health problem.

It's difficult to isolate with any degree of exactitude, narcissistic personality disorder.

Moreover, it is important to distinguish between the traits and behavior patterns that are independent of the patient's social and cultural context, in other words, the traits and characteristics that are inherent or idiosyncratic to the patient, and reactive patterns or conformity to cultural and social mores and edicts.

Reactions to severe life crisis are often characterized by transient pathological narcissism. This has been established by Ronnigstam and Gunderson as early as 1996.

But such reactions to life crisis or to social and cultural norms, these do not constitute narcissistic personality disorder and do not constitute a narcissist.

When a person lives in a society in a culture that has often been described as narcissistic by the leading lights of scholarly research, such as Theodore Millon, and social thinking, such as Christopher Lash, well, how much of such a person's behavior can be attributed to his milieu, to his civilization, and which of his traits are really the most important of his traits are really purely his?

There is also a qualitative difference between having narcissistic traits, a narcissistic personality, or the narcissistic personality disorder.

The latter is rigorously defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual and includes strict criteria and differential diagnosis.

Narcissism is regarded by many scholars to be an adaptive or reductive strategy. It is called healthy narcissism. Narcissism is considered pathological in the clinical sense only when it becomes a rigid personality structure replete with a series of primitive defense mechanisms, such as splitting, projection, projective identification, and intellectualization.

Narcissism, pathological narcissism, also manifests and should lead to dysfunctions in one or more areas of life.

In other words, one can be overtly and overly narcissistic, but if this does not hurt or harm his functioning in a variety of fields of life, he may not be a narcissist in the clinical sense.

Pathological narcissism is the art of deception. The narcissist projects a false self and manages all his social interactions through this concocted fictional construct.

People often find themselves involved with the narcissist, emotionally, in business, or otherwise, before they have a chance to discover his true nature.

When the narcissist reveals his true colors, it is usually far too late. His victims are unable to separate from him. They are frustrated by this acquired helplessness and dependence. They are angry that they fail to see through the narcissist earlier on, but the narcissist does emit subtle, almost subliminal signals, the presenting symptoms, even on a first or casual encounter.

Be sure to watch the videos about how to tell a narcissist on a first date.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Narcissist: Is He or Isn't He?

Narcissism is a spectrum of behaviors, from healthy to pathological, and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual specifies nine diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). A malignant narcissist is someone who has NPD and wreaks havoc on themselves and their surroundings. They feel grandiose and self-important, exaggerate accomplishments, and demand recognition as superior without commensurate achievements. They require excessive admiration, adulation, attention, and affirmation, and are interpersonally exploitative, devoid of empathy, and constantly envious of others.


Covert Narcissist = Borderline+Psychopath+Passive-Aggressive

Narcissism exists on a spectrum, with individuals displaying varying degrees of narcissistic traits, personality styles, and disorders. The distinction between narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic personality style is crucial, as the former is dysfunctional and self-destructive, while the latter can be a positive adaptation that allows for social functioning. Narcissists often lack emotional empathy and perceive others as extensions of themselves, leading to exploitative behaviors and a reliance on narcissistic supply for self-regulation. Covert narcissists, in particular, may exhibit a fragile self-image and can be more dangerous due to their hidden nature, often engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors and manipulation.


Collapsed Narcissist, Collapsed Histrionic

Narcissists and histrionics rely on a constant supply of admiration and validation, akin to an addiction, and when this supply is insufficient, they can collapse into a state of dysfunction. This collapse can manifest in various forms, including self-destructive behaviors, aggression, or withdrawal, as they struggle to cope with their feelings of inadequacy and trauma. Both types may develop delusional narratives or engage in antisocial behaviors as a means of compensating for their low self-esteem and perceived rejection. Ultimately, when their psychological defenses fail, they may act out destructively, causing harm to themselves and those around them.


Narcissism: Blessing or Dysfunction?

Pathological narcissism is distinct from healthy narcissism, characterized by an impaired true self and a reliance on external validation for self-worth. Narcissists often engage in self-destructive behaviors due to internalized guilt and fear of intimacy, leading them to sabotage relationships and opportunities. Their sense of entitlement and aversion to routine contribute to their social dysfunction and eventual isolation, as they struggle to maintain meaningful connections or careers. Ultimately, many narcissists find themselves unfulfilled and unsuccessful, caught in a cycle of seeking validation while simultaneously undermining their own efforts.


Reverse Your Helplessness in Narcissistic Abuse (with Jacqui Yates, Circles)

Narcissism exists on a spectrum, with healthy narcissism contributing to self-esteem and self-confidence, while pathological narcissism significantly impairs interpersonal relationships. Pathological narcissism can be categorized into three manifestations: narcissistic style, which refers to unpleasant behaviors; narcissistic trait domains, which include specific traits like antagonism and obsessive-compulsive features; and narcissistic personality disorder, a severe mental illness that is distinct and not on the same spectrum as the other two. The confusion often arises when people mislabel others with narcissistic traits or styles as having narcissistic personality disorder, which is a clinical diagnosis. Ultimately, narcissistic personality disorder is a rigid and maladaptive condition that does not share a continuum with narcissistic traits or styles.


Think You Know Narcissists, Borderlines? Think Again! (With Ruan de Witt)

Narcissism can be understood as a complex of traits and behaviors, with a distinction between narcissistic style and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). The former is increasingly common as a coping mechanism in a self-centered society, while the latter involves severe disruptions in personality and functioning, often stemming from childhood trauma. The prevalence of NPD is now seen as roughly equal between men and women, with a concerning rise in narcissistic traits among women, often as a reaction to trauma. Relationships with narcissists can be toxic, characterized by phases such as love bombing, grooming, and shared fantasy, ultimately leading to complex trauma for the partner if they remain in the relationship without adjusting their expectations or reframing the situation.


Depressive Narcissist

Pathological narcissism is often considered a form of depressive illness, with the life of a typical narcissist punctuated with recurrent bouts of dysphoria, sadness, hopelessness, anhedonia, loss of the ability to feel pleasure, and clinical forms of depression. Narcissists react with depression not only to life crises but to fluctuations in narcissistic supply and to the internal dynamics that these fluctuations generate. There are several types of dysphoria and depression in pathological narcissism, including loss-induced dysphoria, deficiency-induced dysphoria, self-worth dysregulation dysphoria, grandiosity gap dysphoria, and self-punishing dysphoria. Many narcissists end up delusional, schizoid, or paranoid to avoid agonizing and knowing depression.


Narcissistic Defences and Personality

Narcissistic personalities are prone to depression, anxiety, shame, self-destructiveness, or rage when their habitual gratifications are threatened. Narcissism is an evolved version of the psychological defense mechanism known as splitting, where the narcissist either idealizes or devalues objects. The narcissist is obsessed with securing a reliable and continuous source of admiration, adulation, affirmation, and attention, and will become an evil person if they cannot secure positive supply. Narcissistic personalities slide the meanings of events to place themselves in a better light and maintain logical consistency while minimizing evil or weakness and exaggerating innocence or control.


Zombie Narcissist: Deficient Narcissistic Supply

When a narcissist fails to secure sufficient narcissistic supply, they experience withdrawal symptoms similar to those of a drug addict, leading to depression, disordered sleep, and changes in eating patterns. This deficiency results in violent mood swings, compulsive behaviors, and a retreat into a fantasy world where they can escape their painful reality. The narcissist begins to view those around them as mere tools for obtaining supply, leading to increased isolation and paranoia as they blame others for their lack of admiration. Ultimately, the narcissist's self-destructive tendencies emerge, revealing that their greatest enemy lies within themselves, as they squander opportunities and perpetuate their own suffering.


Narcissist's Revenge: Signs YOU are in DANGER

The life of a narcissist is characterized by early trauma and abuse, leading to a grandiose self-image and a reliance on intimate partners to fulfill their fantasies. Frustration is perceived as a narcissistic injury, causing anxiety and leading to emotional dysregulation, where the narcissist may transition into a borderline state and potentially a psychopathic state under stress. Their aggression is often externalized and reckless, aimed at coercing others to conform to their internalized expectations, which can escalate to violence. Revenge for narcissists is typically driven by a need to restore their grandiosity and is often unhealthy, contrasting with the pragmatic, restorative approach taken by healthier individuals.

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