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Negative, Fake, Low-grade Narcissistic Supply

Uploaded 9/5/2011, approx. 6 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.


Normal people are likely to welcome a moderate amount of attention, both verbal and nonverbal, in the form of affirmation, approval or even admiration.

But too much attention is perceived as onerous and to be avoided. Destructive and negative criticism is avoided altogether.

The narcissist, in contrast, is the mental equivalent of an alcoholic. He is insatiable. He directs his whole being, his whole behavior, in fact his life, to obtaining these pleasurable tidbits of attention. He embeds these into a coherent, completely biased picture of himself. He uses them to regulate his lab, sense self-worth, self-esteem.

To elicit this constant interest, this flood of attention, the narcissist projects onto others a confabulated, fictitious version of himself known as the false self.

The false self is simply everything that the narcissist is not and would have liked to be. The false self is omniscient, knows everything. It's omnipotent, it's all powerful, it's charming, it's intelligent, it's brilliant, it's rich, it's well connected and so on.

Having constructed the false self, having projected it, the narcissist then proceeds to harvest reactions to this projected image from family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, business partners, colleagues, and even passers-by.

If these reactions, the adulation, admiration, attention, fear, respect, applause, affirmation, if these are not forthcoming, the narcissist demands them or extorts them from others.

Money, compliments, a favorable critique, an appearance in the media, sexual conquest are all converted into the same currency in the narcissist mind and it is this currency that I call narcissistic supply.

But what happens if the supply is negative? What happens if the outcome of the projection of a false self gathers negative narcissistic supply, attention but negative? What happens if the narcissist is, instead of being loved, being feared? What happens if he is criticized? What happens if he is belittled, demeaned, bashed, chastised?

All these negative inputs.

Well, under normal circumstances, the narcissist will rage and will eliminate or deny these inputs from his mind. He will negate, obviate, or depreciate the sources of such negative supply.

But when positive supply is scarce or nowhere to be found, even negative supply can become narcissistic supply.

Narcissistic supply includes all forms of attention, both positive and negative, fame and notoriety, adulation and fear, applause and approval and derision. Whenever the narcissist gets negative, whether positive or negative, whenever he is in the limelight at the center of attention, it constitutes narcissistic supply.

If he can manipulate people or influence them, either positively or negatively, it qualifies as narcissistic supply.

Of course, a narcissist prefers positive input. It prefers positive narcissistic supply.

But worse comes to worse, negative supply would do.

Even quarreling with people and confronting them constitutes narcissistic supply.

Perhaps not the conflict itself, but the narcissist's ability to influence other people, to make them feel the way he wants, to manipulate them, to make their life hell, to make them do something or refrain from doing something. All these count as forms of narcissistic supply and this is hence the phenomenon of serial litigators.

But negative supply should be distinguished from low grade supply and faith supply.

Low grade narcissistic supply comes from sources which the narcissist cannot idealize, sources that cannot be idealized, no matter how hard the narcissist tries and to what extent he blocks out and denies reality and countervailing input.

No matter what he does, no matter how hard he works, he cannot idealize certain sources.

The type of narcissistic supply determines whether its source can be idealized or not.

For instance, if the narcissist receives compliments on his intellectual achievements, but the source of these compliments is an intellectually challenged, not to say retarded person, this kind of supply would not pass master and would never qualify as narcissistic supply. A retarded or intellectually challenged person cannot compliment the narcissist on his intellectual achievements because the narcissist regards him as not qualified, regards this source as not qualified to do so. It's a low grade source with a low grade supply.

Fake narcissistic supply is tinged with ulterior motives and hidden agendas.

Sources of fake supply compliment the narcissist in order to manipulate him to do something or to manipulate some other third person or in order to accomplish some goal.

Endowed with cold empathy, the narcissist picks up on these true motivations and he feels injured and slighted and humiliated.

Many narcissists test their sources of supply repeatedly. They engineer situations intended to expose the sincerity or lack thereof of the supply source and the consistency and authenticity of the source's conduct.

All in all, would we say that the narcissist wants to be liked? Not really. It's not about liking. It's about attention.

Would you wish to be liked by your television set or refrigerator?

To the narcissist, people are mere tools akin to television sets and refrigerators. They are objects, sources of supply.

If in order to secure this supply, the narcissist must be liked by them, he acts likable, empathetic, helpful, collegial, friendly.

If the only way to garner narcissistic supply is to be feared, the narcissist makes sure that they fear him.

He does not really care either way as long as he is being attended to.

Attention, whether in the form of fame or infamy, is what it's all about.

Narcissist world revolves around this constant mirroring, this constant craving, I am seen, therefore I exist, he thinks to himself.

But the classic narcissist also craves punishment. His actions are aimed to elicit social opprobrium and sanctions. His life is a Kafkaist, ongoing trial, and the never-ending proceedings are in themselves a punishment.

Being penalized, reprimanded, incarcerated, abandoned, serve to vindicate and validate the internal damning voices of the narcissist's sadistic, ideal and immature super-ego.

These voices were actually the voices of his parents, caregivers, and peers, or role models. These voices judged him and found him wanting.

And then the narcissist, at an early age, internalized, introjected these voices and became part of him.

So being punished confirms the narcissist's view of himself as worthless.

Don't misunderstand me. Consciously, the narcissist firmly believes in his superiority, invincibility, brilliance, power.

But unconsciously, deep down there, he was stalled and he came to believe that he is worthless.

Punishment relieves him from the inner conflict that he endures when he is successful. The conflict between the knowing feelings of guilt, anxiety, and shame, and the need to relentlessly secure narcissistic supply.

Not easy, nor is it fun to be a narcissist. It would seem.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Narcissistic Supply: Narcissist's Drug

Narcissistic supply refers to the attention and admiration that individuals, particularly narcissists, seek from their environment to maintain their self-worth and self-esteem. Unlike normal individuals who can tolerate a moderate amount of attention, narcissists are insatiable and manipulate others to provide them with constant validation through a fabricated persona known as the false self. This supply can be categorized into primary narcissistic supply, which includes any form of attention, and secondary narcissistic supply, which encompasses aspects of a stable and successful life. The narcissist conditions those around them to fulfill specific roles that cater to their need for validation, effectively creating a pathological space where they feel secure and valued.


Narcissist's Routines

Narcissists have a series of routines that are developed through rote learning and repetitive patterns of experience. These routines are used to reduce anxiety and transform the world into a manageable and controllable one. The narcissist is a creature of habit and finds change unsettling. The narcissist's routines are often broken down when they are breached or can no longer be defended, leading to a narcissistic injury.


Narcissistic Supply - How Does It FEEL?

Narcissistic supply is a crucial element for narcissists, serving as a means of external regulation for their self-worth, emotions, and moods, which are otherwise unstable. Unlike normal compliments, narcissistic supply is fantasy-based and deeply intertwined with the narcissist's grandiose self-perception, leading to a distorted view of reality and a dependency akin to addiction. When narcissists receive this supply, they experience a euphoric rush that reinforces their sense of superiority and perfection, while the absence of supply can lead to feelings of shame and collapse. Ultimately, narcissistic supply is not merely about seeking validation; it is a vital mechanism for maintaining their fragile internal state and managing their fear of abandonment.


Narcissist's Addiction to Fame and Celebrity

Narcissists are addicted to being famous as it provides them with power, constant narcissistic supply, and fulfills important ego functions. The narcissist's only bad emotional stretches are during periods of lack of attention, publicity, or exposure. The more the narcissist fails to secure the attention of the target group, the more daring, eccentric, and outlandish the narcissist becomes. The narcissist is not really interested in publicity per se, but with the reactions to his fame and celebrity.


Narcissist: Molting Snake Down Rabbit Hole, Phoenix (Narcissistic Supply)

Narcissistic supply operates like a game of snakes and ladders, where the availability and quality of supply depend on external feedback, leading to dramatic highs and lows for the narcissist. The belief in entitlement and cosmic justice fuels the narcissist's magical thinking, driving them to persistently seek validation despite repeated failures. When supply becomes chronically deficient, the narcissist experiences a collapse that challenges their self-image, leading to desperation and attempts to self-generate supply. Ultimately, this cycle can result in self-destructive behaviors, prompting the narcissist to reinvent themselves in a bid for renewal and validation.


Narcissistic Entitlement=Learned Helplessness+Grandiosity

Entitlement is a crucial pillar of narcissism, and it is one of the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Narcissists feel entitled to everything, including narcissistic supply, which they believe they are owed by the world. Entitlement is a form of learned helplessness, which is acquired through abusive parenting. Narcissists hate routine and use emotional investment prevention mechanisms to avoid getting emotionally involved and subsequently getting hurt.


Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) Misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Narcissists are anxious for social approval and seek narcissistic supply compulsively, which creates attendant anxiety. They require external feedback to regulate their sense of self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem, making them irritable. Narcissists are terrified of being embarrassed or criticized in public, and they fail to function well in various settings. It is easy to mistake the presenting symptoms of certain anxiety disorders with pathological narcissism, but the narcissist is egosyntonic, while the anxious patient is distressed and looking for help.


Narcissist's Pathological Space: His Kingdom

The pathological narcissistic space is a geographical area, group of people, or an abstract field of knowledge in which the narcissistic pathology reaches its full expression and effectiveness. It is a territorially expanded false self that is achieved via sources of narcissistic supply. The existence of the pathological narcissistic space is independent of the existence of sources of narcissistic supply. The pathological narcissistic space constantly consumes and drains narcissistic supply, and it generates negative narcissistic accumulation.


Narcissist Re-idealizes Discarded Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists maintain discarded sources of supply in a mental reserve and may seek them out when other options are unavailable, attempting to recycle these sources for validation. To reconnect with a devalued source, they must re-idealize it without admitting past mistakes, creating a narrative that reconciles their previous devaluation with the new idealized view. Old sources of supply should remain indifferent to the narcissist's attempts to reconnect, as this indifference is intolerable to them and deprives them of the attention they crave. Ultimately, narcissists view everyone as potential sources of supply, even enemies, as any emotional response, positive or negative, serves to validate their existence.


Narcissist’s Collapse, Narcissistic Supply The Nuances

Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist fails to secure adequate narcissistic supply, which can be total or partial, depending on the type and quality of supply received. Total collapse happens when there is no supply at all, while partial collapse occurs when the narcissist receives supply that is unsatisfactory or of low quality, leading to a transition between different types of narcissism. The types of narcissistic supply include primary supply, which is attention from high-grade sources, and secondary supply, which involves regular, stable sources of validation. The dynamics of narcissistic supply are complex, as the narcissist relies on both types to maintain their self-image and avoid collapse, and any failure in securing this supply can lead to significant psychological distress.

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