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Why People Torture and Abuse

Uploaded 1/25/2012, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.


Why do people torture? Why do people abuse others?

We should distinguish functional torture from sadistic abuse.

Functional torture is calculated to extract information from the torture victim or to punish her. It is measured, impersonal, efficient and disinterested. It's professional.

Sadistic abuse fulfills the emotional needs of a perpetrator.

Most perpetrators feel that they have lost control over their lives. Offenders, torturers, abusers feel out of control.

People who find themselves in anomic states, for instance, soldiers in war or incarcerated inmates in prison, this kind of people tend to feel helpless and alienated. They experience a partial or total loss of control over their lives. They have been rendered vulnerable, powerless and defenseless by events and circumstances beyond their influence.

So, they resort to torture.

Torture amounts to an absolute and all pervasive domination of the victim's body and existence.

So, when the abuser abuses, when the tormentor tortures, it's a coping strategy.

They wish to reassert control over their lives by asserting control over the victim.

But totally controlling the victim, they re-establish their mastery and prove their superiority.

By subjugating the tortured, they regain their self-confidence and they regulate the sense of self-worth.

Other types of tormentors channel their negative emotions, pent-up aggression, humiliation, rage, envy, diffuse hatred. They displace these emotions.

The victim becomes a symbol of everything that's wrong in the torturer's life and everything that's reprehensible in the situation in which the abuser finds himself, in which he is caught.

The act of torture amounts to misplaced and violent venting.

Many perpetrate heinous acts out of a wish to conform. Torturing others is their way of demonstrating of secret obeisances to authority, their way of cementing group affiliation, connection and adherence to the same ethical code of conduct and common values.

Such abusers, torturers and tormentors, bask in the phrase that is heaped upon them by their superiors, fellow workers, associates, teammates or collaborators.

Their need to belong is so strong that it overpowers ethical, moral or legal considerations.

Many offenders derive pleasure and satisfaction from sadistic acts of humiliation. To these people, inflicting pain is fun.

They lack empathy and so the victim's agonized reactions are merely cause for much hilarity.

Sadism is rooted in deviant sexuality. The torture inflicted by status is bound to involve perverted sex, rape, homosexual rape, voyeurism, exhibitionism, pedophilia, fetishism and other paraphilias, aberrant sex, unlimited power, excruciating pain. These are the intoxicating ingredients of the sadistic variant cocktail of torture.

Still, torture rarely occurs where it does not have the sanction and blessing of the authorities, whether local or national.

A permissive environment is sine qua non.

The more abnormal the circumstances, the less normative the milieu, the further the scene of the crime is from public scrutiny, the more is egregious torture likely to occur.

This is especially true in totalitarian societies where the use of physical force to discipline or eliminate dissent is an acceptable practice and part of the regime.

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Masochistic Personality Disorder (Masochism)

Masochists often internalize feelings of worthlessness and unworthiness, leading them to engage in self-destructive behaviors that undermine their own happiness and success. They tend to seek out painful experiences and relationships, rejecting help and support while gravitating towards situations that result in failure and disappointment. Their actions serve as a means of catharsis, relieving pent-up anxiety but simultaneously avoiding intimacy and its benefits. Additionally, masochists may provoke negative responses from others to reinforce their self-perception, finding comfort in humiliation and defeat.


Are All Narcissists Also Sadists? (Compilation)

Sadism is characterized by the pleasure derived from inflicting pain and humiliation on others, often involving premeditated actions aimed at achieving a sense of power and control. In contrast, cruelty is typically a reaction to personal humiliation or mortification, serving as a means to restore one's grandiose self-image rather than a pursuit of pleasure. While sadists find gratification in the suffering of others, cruel individuals may experience guilt and view their actions as necessary for a greater moral purpose. The distinction lies in the motivations behind the behavior: sadism is hedonistic and self-serving, while cruelty is often rooted in a desire for retribution or justice. Ultimately, sadism is a stable personality trait, whereas cruelty is situational and can cease once the perceived threat or grievance is resolved.


Cruelty Is Not Sadism Narcissism, Not Pleasure

Cruelty and sadism are distinct concepts, with cruelty being a reactive response often stemming from feelings of mortification and a desire to restore a grandiose self-image, while sadism is characterized by a premeditated pleasure derived from inflicting pain on others. Cruelty is self-regulatory and can be seen as a narcissistic defense mechanism, whereas sadism is performative and focused on external gratification. The cruel individual often justifies their actions as necessary for retributive justice or moral superiority, believing they are restoring order or cleansing the world. In contrast, sadism does not rely on the victim's acknowledgment of suffering and is a consistent character trait, making it fundamentally different from the situational nature of cruelty.


Sadist: The Pleasure of Your Pain, the Anguish of Your Pleasure (and Narcissist)

Sadism is characterized by a pattern of cruelty and a lack of empathy, often manifesting in interpersonal contexts rather than physical violence. The sadist derives pleasure from humiliating and controlling others, often using their vulnerabilities to inflict emotional pain. While narcissists can exhibit sadistic behaviors, their motivations differ; they typically inflict pain as a means to achieve narcissistic supply rather than for the sheer enjoyment of causing suffering. The distinction lies in that true sadists find gratification in the act of inflicting pain itself, while narcissists may do so incidentally or instrumentally to maintain their sense of superiority.


Abuser, Sadist – or Both?

The scene in the hotel bar illustrates the dynamics of sadism, where the sadist derives pleasure from inflicting pain and humiliation on others, prioritizing this gratification over typical sexual or social rewards. Sadists often engage in behaviors that are self-destructive and counterproductive, yet they persist because the power they feel from causing distress is intoxicating and reinforces their sense of superiority. This pleasure principle, rooted in a deep-seated need for control and validation, distinguishes sadists from typical abusers, who may cause pain incidentally while pursuing other goals. Ultimately, sadism is characterized by an addiction to the emotional and psychological power gained through the suffering of others, making it a complex and often incomprehensible phenomenon.


Self-destructiveness Not Masochism

Self-destructiveness and masochism are fundamentally different phenomena, with self-destructiveness being egodystonic and characterized by a rejection of life, while masochism is egosyntonic and involves a pursuit of gratification through pain. Masochism is episodic and self-limiting, allowing individuals to engage in painful experiences without it defining their entire existence, whereas self-destructiveness is systemic and pervasive, often becoming a way of life that drags others down with the individual. The self-destructive person often uses others to facilitate their own annihilation, creating a collective experience of pain, while masochism is primarily an inward-focused act that does not necessarily harm others. Ultimately, masochism and sadism are expressions of life and enjoyment, whereas self-destructiveness is a destructive force aimed at diminishing one's own existence and that of those around them.


Adulterous, Unfaithful Narcissists: Why Cheat and have Extramarital Affairs?

Narcissists are unfaithful to their spouses primarily due to their insatiable need for narcissistic supply, which they seek through sexual conquests and extramarital affairs. They experience boredom easily and use these affairs to inject excitement into their otherwise monotonous lives, while maintaining a semblance of stability in other areas. Their sense of superiority leads them to feel entitled to act outside social norms, viewing marriage as a constraint that diminishes their uniqueness. Additionally, narcissists fear intimacy and use infidelity as a means to avoid deeper emotional connections, allowing them to engage in relationships that are less demanding and more controllable.


BDSM, Sexual Sado-Masochism Disambiguated

BDSM is not the same as classic overt sexual sadism and classic overt sexual masochism. Sexual submission and domination are usually intra dyadic practices, taking place in couples among intimate partners, and rarely conducted in public. BDSM is a ritualized extended fantasy, a roleplay, while sexual masochism revolves around self-objectification, sexual degradation, extreme sexual degradation, dehumanization, losing one's identity, sometimes faceless self-pornography, the infliction and reception of real pain. Sexual sadism is about being turned on by torturing a partner, observing the agony, observing the writhing, observing the physical changes, observing the uncontrolled dysregulated reactions to pain, observing the disintegration, the tears, all this turns on the sadist.


Sexual Arousal? Only When Cheating on the Spouse

Some individuals find sexual pleasure exclusively through infidelity, as their formative experiences have linked intimacy with risk and deception. They thrive on the thrill of immorality, where the excitement of betrayal and the taboo enhances their arousal. This compulsive behavior often involves a roleplay dynamic, allowing them to dissociate from their actions and feel removed from their misconduct. Paradoxically, these cheaters maintain a strong attachment to their spouses, needing them as a source of emotional conflict and justification for their actions.


Psychology of Swinging (The Lifestyle)

Swinging, also known as group sex or spouse-sharing, involves sexual acts performed by more than two participants. The psychological background to such pursuits is not clear, but thousands of online chats reveal ten psychodynamic strengths. These include latent and overt bisexuality and homosexuality, the Slut-Madona complex, voyeurism and exhibitionism, vicarious gratification, masochism, legitimized cheating, alleviating boredom, displaying partners, and objectification. Swinging can be a form of art, entertainment, and intimacy-enhancing recreation, but it can also provoke anxiety, romantic jealousy, and guilt.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
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