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Zombie Narcissist: Deficient Narcissistic Supply

Uploaded 8/28/2012, approx. 6 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

What happens when a narcissist fails to secure or to obtain sufficient narcissistic supply?

Well, the narcissist then reacts very much as a drug addict would react to the absence of his or her particular drug of choice.

You see, the narcissist is constantly consumed, so one could say, praise upon, adoration, admiration, approval, applause, attention, and other forms of narcissistic supply.

When lacking or deficient, the narcissistic's deficiency dysphoria sets in, kind of depression.

The narcissist then appears to be down, depressed, his movements slow down, his sleep patterns are disordered, he either sleeps too much or becomes insomnia. His eating patterns change, he begins to gorge on food or avoid it altogether.

When narcissistic supply is insufficient or deficient, the narcissist is constantly dysphoric, he is said, he is unhedonically, finds no pleasure in any, including these former pursuits of his and interests.

He is subjected to violent mood swings, mainly rage attacks, and all his visible and painful efforts at self control discernibly fail.

The narcissist may compulsively or ritually resort to an alternative addiction, alcohol, drugs, reckless driving, pathological gambling, or show populism. These are all substitutes for love, hand substitutes for narcissistic supply.

And this gradual disintegration is the narcissist's futile effort both to escape his predicament, the lack of narcissistic supply, and to sublimate his aggressive urges.

His whole behavior seems constrained, artificial, and effortful. The narcissist gradually turns more and more mechanical, robotic, detached, and unreal.

He can constantly wander or become obsessive and repetitive. His speech may falter or become slurred. He appears to be far away, in a world of his own making, of his narcissistic fantasies, where narcissistic supply is aplenty.

When he cannot secure supply in the real world, the narcissist retreats into a fantasy world. He withdraws from his painful existence, where others fail to appreciate his greatness, his special skills, his talents, his potential, his achievements.

The narcissist thus ceases to bestow himself upon a cruel universe, punishing the universe for its shortcomings, its inability to realize how unique the narcissist is.

When narcissism thus fades as a defense mechanism, the narcissist develops paranoid persecutory delusions, self-directed confabulations which place him at the centers of other people's allegedly malign attention.

The narcissist becomes his own audience, self-sufficient as his own, sometimes exclusive source of narcissistic supply.

And so, the narcissist withdraws from the world, becomes a hermit, goes into a schizoid mode. He isolates himself, a monk in the kingdom of his own pain, agony, and hurt. He minimizes his social interactions and uses messengers and couriers to communicate with the outside.

To avoid of energy, the narcissist can no longer pretend to succumb to social conventions. His former compliance gives way to open withdrawal, a rebellion of sorts, although no defiance.

Smiles are transformed to frowns, courtesy becomes rudeness, emphasized etiquette is used as a weapon, an outlet of aggression, an act for violence.

The narcissist, blinded by pain, seeks to restore his balance, to take another sip of the narcissistic nectar that is narcissistic supply.

And in this quest, the narcissist turns both to and upon those nearest to him. His real attitude emerges.

For him, his nearest and dearest are nothing but instruments, tools, one-dimensional, venues of gratification, sources of supply, pimps of such supply, catering to his narcissistic lust.

Having faith to procure for him his drug, narcissistic supply, the narcissist regards friends, colleagues, and even family members as dysfunctional, frustrating objects.

In his wrath and rage, he tries to mend them by forcing them to perform again, to function, to obtain for him narcissistic supply.

It rarely works, because this is coupled with merciless self-flagellation, a deservedly self-inflicted punishment.

Also, at least, the narcissist fails. In extreme cases of deprivation, when the narcissist has absolutely no access to any form of narcissistic supply, the narcissist entertains suicidal thoughts and ideation, and this is how deeply he loathes his self and his dependence on narcissistic supply.

Throughout this extremely agonizing anguish process, the narcissist is beset by a pervading sense of malignant nostalgia, harking back to a past which never existed, of course, except in the narcissist's thwarted, fantastic grandiosity.

But he harks back to a past where narcissistic supply was everywhere.

The longer the lack of narcissistic supply, the more the narcissist glorifies, rewrites, misses, and mourns this absolutely imaginary past.

This nostalgia serves to enhance other negative feelings amounting to clinical depression.

The narcissist proceeds to develop paranoia. He concocts a prosecuting and persecuting world, incorporating in it his life's events and his social milieu.

And this gives meaning, this paranoia, this conspiracy theory, gives meaning to what is erroneously perceived by the narcissist to be a sudden shift from oversupply to no supply.

These theories of conspiracy, or conspiracies, account for the decrease in narcissistic supply.

The narcissist says, I'm not getting supply because people are against me.

The narcissist is then frightened, in pain, in despair, embarks upon an orgy of self-destruction, intended to generate alternative supply sources, attention with any cost, the cost of being feared, the cost of becoming infamous, notorious, the cost of ruining himself.

The narcissist is poised to commit the ultimate narcissistic act, self-destruction, in the service of self-aggrandizement.

When deprived of narcissistic supply, both primary and secondary, the narcissist feels a nod, hollowed out, mentally disemboweled, disintegrating like a cloud of molecules.

And this is an overpowering sense of self-evaporation. These atoms of terrified anguish, helplessly, inexorably melting into the big room, becoming invisible.

Without narcissistic supply, the narcissist crumbles like the zombies of the vampires one sees in horror movies.

It is a terrifying sight to behold, and the narcissist will do anything to avoid it.

Think about the narcissist as a drug addict. His withdrawal symptoms are identical. Delusions, physiological effects, irritability, emotional lability.

In the absence of regular narcissistic supply, narcissists often experience brief, decompensatory psychotic episodes. It's that bad.

This also happens while in therapy or following a life crisis accompanied by a major narcissistic injury.

These psychotic episodes may be closely allied to another feature of narcissism, magical thinking.

Narcissists are like children in this sense.

Many, for instance, fully believe in two things, that whatever happens, they will prevail, and that good things will always happen to them.

It's kind of magical cloak immunity. It is more than mere belief in the case of the narcissist.

Narcissists just know it to be true, the same way one knows about gravity, directly, immediately, assuredly.

The narcissist believes that no matter what he does, he will always be forgiven, always prevail and triumph, always come on top.

The narcissist is therefore fearless in a manner perceived by others to be both admirable and callously insane.

He attributes to himself divine and cosmic immunity. He cloaks himself in it, renders him invisible to his enemies and to the powers of evil.

Of course, it's a childish, phantasmagory, but to the narcissist it's very real.

The narcissist knows with religious certainty that good things will always happen to him.

With equal certitude, the more self-aware narcissist knows that he will squander his good fortune time and again, and that's a painful experience best avoided.

So, no matter what serendipity or fortuity, what lucky circumstance, what blessing the narcissist receives, he always strives with blind fury to deflect them, to deform them and to ruin his own chances.

The narcissist is his own biggest enemy, and that is the cosmic joke, the irony of it all, while looking outside in feet of paranoia, the real danger lurks inside.

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How Narcissist Experiences His Collapse (Grandiosity Bubbles and Delusional Solutions)

When a narcissist is unable to obtain narcissistic supply, they experience a phenomenon known as narcissistic collapse, leading to various internal dynamics and emotional responses. This collapse can result in a range of maladaptive solutions, including delusional narratives, antisocial behavior, and paranoid ideation, as the narcissist attempts to cope with their perceived failures and maintain a sense of self-worth. The absence of supply can trigger severe emotional dysregulation, withdrawal from reality, and even psychotic episodes, as the narcissist struggles to reconcile their grandiose self-image with the harshness of reality. Ultimately, the narcissist's reliance on external validation creates a precarious existence, where the loss of supply leads to profound feelings of emptiness and self-destruction.


Collapsed Narcissist, Collapsed Histrionic

Narcissists and histrionics rely on a constant supply of admiration and validation, akin to an addiction, and when this supply is insufficient, they can collapse into a state of dysfunction. This collapse can manifest in various forms, including self-destructive behaviors, aggression, or withdrawal, as they struggle to cope with their feelings of inadequacy and trauma. Both types may develop delusional narratives or engage in antisocial behaviors as a means of compensating for their low self-esteem and perceived rejection. Ultimately, when their psychological defenses fail, they may act out destructively, causing harm to themselves and those around them.


How Narcissist Falls Apart (Compilation)

When a narcissist fails to secure sufficient narcissistic supply, they experience a profound emotional collapse similar to that of a drug addict undergoing withdrawal. This leads to a state of dysphoria characterized by depression, disordered sleep and eating patterns, and violent mood swings, often resulting in compulsive behaviors or alternative addictions. The narcissist may retreat into a fantasy world where they can maintain their grandiose self-image, developing paranoid delusions about others conspiring against them, which further isolates them from reality. Ultimately, the lack of supply can lead to self-destructive behaviors and suicidal ideation, as the narcissist grapples with their deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and loathing.


Why Narcissist APPEARS So STUPID (Borderlines and Psychopaths, too!)

Narcissists, despite often possessing high intelligence, frequently exhibit profound stupidity in their interactions and decision-making due to cognitive distortions like grandiosity and a lack of empathy. This disconnect from reality impairs their ability to learn from past experiences, leading to repetitive mistakes and self-destructive behaviors. Their immaturity and reliance on external validation further contribute to their inability to navigate life effectively, making them susceptible to manipulation and poor judgment. Ultimately, their intellectual capabilities are overshadowed by their emotional and social dysfunctions, rendering them inadequate in real-life situations.


Narcissist's Constant Midlife Crisis

Narcissists experience a perpetual state akin to a midlife crisis due to their constant disconnection from reality and their grandiose aspirations. Unlike healthy adults who confront the gap between their dreams and reality, narcissists thrive on unpredictability and excitement, often engaging in cycles of idealization and devaluation. Their coping mechanisms, such as cognitive dissonance and abrupt changes in behavior, allow them to navigate their ongoing crises without the same level of disillusionment faced by others. Ultimately, the narcissist's refusal to accept reality and their relentless pursuit of fantasy prevent them from undergoing a traditional midlife crisis.


Narcissistic Defences and Personality

Narcissistic personalities are prone to depression, anxiety, shame, self-destructiveness, or rage when their habitual gratifications are threatened. Narcissism is an evolved version of the psychological defense mechanism known as splitting, where the narcissist either idealizes or devalues objects. The narcissist is obsessed with securing a reliable and continuous source of admiration, adulation, affirmation, and attention, and will become an evil person if they cannot secure positive supply. Narcissistic personalities slide the meanings of events to place themselves in a better light and maintain logical consistency while minimizing evil or weakness and exaggerating innocence or control.


Why Narcissist Never Listens to YOU? (Hint: Because he CAN’T: Attentional Narrowing)

Narcissists exhibit attentional narrowing, which leads to memory gaps and a lack of awareness of their surroundings, primarily because they are hyper-focused on obtaining narcissistic supply and maintaining their grandiosity. This hyper-focus results in a dissociation from the environment, making them appear unresponsive or inattentive to others, as their cognitive resources are consumed by their internal needs. The phenomenon is similar to conditions like ADHD and borderline personality disorder, where individuals also struggle with attention and emotional regulation, but in narcissism, it is driven by a need to avoid confronting negative emotions and maintaining a facade of superiority. Ultimately, this attentional narrowing serves as a defense mechanism, allowing narcissists to escape the reality that challenges their self-perception and reinforces their delusions of grandeur.


No Narcissistic Supply Self Supply Or Forced Supply

Narcissists rely on a flow of narcissistic supply to maintain their self-image and emotional stability, often seeking intimate partners to help regulate this supply. When they face a depletion of supply due to disillusionment or external circumstances, they may resort to various coping mechanisms, including delusional narratives, antisocial behavior, or paranoid ideation. These strategies can lead to a complete withdrawal from reality or aggressive outbursts, as the narcissist struggles to reconcile their grandiose self-perception with the absence of validation. Ultimately, the lack of supply can push narcissists toward self-destructive behaviors or personality disorders, blurring the lines between different psychological conditions.


Narcissist as Spoiled Brat

Narcissists require attention and narcissistic supply, and when they cannot obtain it, they may experience decompensation, which can lead to acting out in various ways. Narcissists may resort to several adaptive solutions, including delusional narratives, antisocial behavior, passive-aggressive behavior, paranoid narratives, and masochistic avoidance. These behaviors are all self-generated sources of narcissistic supply. Masochistic narcissists may direct their fury inwards, punishing themselves for their failure to elicit supply, and this behavior has the added benefit of forcing those closest to them to pay attention to them.


Narcissist's Cycles of Ups and Downs

Narcissists experience cyclical phases of euphoria and dysphoria, characterized by alternating periods of hyperactivity and lethargy, driven by external triggers rather than internal biochemical changes. These cycles, which differ from bipolar disorder, are influenced by the availability of narcissistic supply, leading to manic episodes filled with creativity and social engagement, followed by depressive phases marked by withdrawal and despair. To manage these fluctuations, narcissists engage in a process of hibernation to regenerate energy and strategize for acquiring narcissistic supply, often relying on secondary sources for validation during low periods. Ultimately, the narcissist's life is a tumultuous journey between these mini-cycles, reflecting their dependence on external validation and the instability of their self-esteem.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
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