Vaknin Talks

Love Bombing YOU Into Narcissist's Shared Fantasy (with Dr. Christine Kuperman, Circles)

Love bombing initiates the shared fantasy, a compulsive and autonomous process where narcissists idealize their partners, creating an internal representation that is often fantastical and unrealistic. This idealization serves to fulfill the narcissist's psychological needs, converting the partner into a maternal figure and testing their unconditional love through various manipulative behaviors. Narcissists may employ different strategies, such as hypersexuality or hate bombing, to lure their partners into dependency, ultimately leading to devaluation and discard once the initial idealization fades. The dynamics of narcissism are further complicated by societal trends that increasingly normalize fantasy over reality, making individuals more susceptible to narcissistic manipulation. This shift is exacerbated by the pervasive influence of social media, which fosters isolation and detachment from genuine relationships.

Posted on 1/2/2025, 24 minute read

Self-help After the Narcissist: Regaining Yourself

Recovery from narcissistic abuse involves a structured approach to regain agency, authenticity, mindfulness, and personhood. It is essential to shift from an external locus of control to an internal one, emphasizing personal autonomy and responsibility while rejecting a victim identity. The process includes silencing the internalized voice of the narcissist, focusing on the present, and nurturing self-love and self-acceptance. Ultimately, healing requires a commitment to self-awareness, setting boundaries, and fostering resilience to confront the challenges of the past and future.

Posted on 1/1/2025, 51 minute read

Zagreb Clinicians Seminar Notes and Summary (PDF LINK in Description)

The seminar covers various models of personality disorders, particularly focusing on Cluster B disorders, emphasizing the differences between categorical, dimensional, and trait domains models. It discusses the core role of pathological narcissism in these disorders, exploring psychodynamic features, trauma, and dissociation as critical factors in their development. The presentation also highlights the impact of early childhood experiences, particularly the influence of parental figures, on identity formation and the emergence of dissociative states. Finally, it outlines clinical features and traits associated with Cluster B personality disorders, including emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and the need for external validation.

Posted on 12/31/2024, 37 minute read

Narcissist's Traits: Lifelong? (Zagreb Clinicians Seminar, Part 5 of 5)

Narcissistic personality disorder is distinct from narcissistic style, with the former being a clinical diagnosis and the latter representing a range of obnoxious behaviors without pathological features. Most studies on narcissism often involve individuals with dark triad traits rather than those diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, leading to invalid conclusions about the disorder. The lecture emphasizes that narcissism is increasingly seen as a positive adaptation in modern society, driven by a need for attention in an increasingly isolated world. Ultimately, the speaker argues that narcissists are unlikely to change or heal, and society should focus on protecting itself from their behaviors rather than attempting to cure them.

Posted on 12/30/2024, 1 hour 4 minute read

Narcissist's, Borderline's Children Dystopia: Our Post-modern World (with Prabhã Calderon)

The concept of the self has evolved from a unitary, immutable entity to a more fragmented understanding, likening the self to a theater troupe with multiple responsive entities. This fragmentation is influenced by various psychological theories and highlights the importance of monitoring both internal and external environments. Individuals with borderline and narcissistic disorders struggle with identity and emotional regulation, often relying on external sources for validation and stability, which can lead to maladaptive behaviors. While therapeutic approaches can improve their quality of life, the core issues stemming from their developmental experiences remain largely unchangeable.

Posted on 12/29/2024, 55 minute read

Narcissist’s F-word Test (Obscene Self-enhancement, Signaling, 1st-person Pronouns Density)

Narcissists and psychopaths frequently use obscenities and expletives as a form of signaling to gain social approval and reinforce their self-image. This behavior serves to create a facade of bravery and defiance while also fostering a sense of commonality with their audience. The excessive use of foul language, along with a high density of first-person pronouns, reflects their need for narcissistic supply and positive reinforcement from others. Ultimately, this immature and infantile behavior is indicative of underlying narcissism or psychopathy.

Posted on 12/28/2024, 8 minute read

Dynamics, Grief in Relationships with Narcissists, Cluster B (Zagreb Seminar, Part 4 of 5)

Breaking up with a narcissist involves profound grief due to the complex emotional dynamics of the relationship, where the victim often feels a maternal attachment to the narcissist's inner child. This shared fantasy creates a bond that leads to a deep sense of loss when the relationship ends, as the victim mourns not only the narcissist but also their own identity and potential. The narcissist's behavior, characterized by idealization followed by devaluation, creates a cycle of dependency and disorientation, leaving the victim feeling bereft and confused. Ultimately, the aftermath of such relationships can lead to prolonged grief, as the victim struggles to reconcile their experiences and regain a sense of self.

Posted on 12/27/2024, 33 minute read

Can We Survive Without Fantasies, Delusions? (Verbal Conditioning)

Delusions and fantasies can entrap individuals, rendering them vulnerable to exploitation and creating significant challenges in interpersonal relationships. Confronting someone entrenched in delusion requires careful consideration, as these beliefs often serve as coping mechanisms rooted in early childhood experiences and can provide meaning and motivation in their lives. Attempting to dismantle these delusions without offering a viable alternative can lead to aggression or depression, making it crucial to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. Ultimately, the challenge lies in addressing the underlying issues while fostering a healthier reality that individuals can engage with meaningfully.

Posted on 12/26/2024, 18 minute read

Narcissist: Narcissus or Goldmund? (with Eliisa Baumann)

The formation of the false self in narcissism is a defense mechanism developed in childhood to protect against emotional pain, often stemming from dysfunctional parenting. This false self becomes a substitute for the true self, which is suppressed and cannot be revived, leading to a disconnection from reality and a reliance on internalized narratives. Narcissists live in a solipsistic world where their perception of reality is distorted, and they interact primarily with internal objects rather than external ones, making it difficult for them to accept feedback or change. Ultimately, narcissism serves as a maladaptive coping strategy that can manifest in various forms, often leading to a society that increasingly normalizes narcissistic behaviors.

Posted on 12/25/2024, 56 minute read

Gaslighting: How to Defend Yourself, Recover (with Jacqui Yates, Circles)

Narcissists create a shared fantasy that distorts reality to secure narcissistic supply, primarily attention, while psychopaths are goal-oriented and manipulate perceptions for personal gain. Gaslighting is a collaborative process where victims begin to doubt their own reality, often leading to self-gaslighting, and it can be countered by developing a circle of trust and documenting experiences. Early intervention in children with conduct disorder can be effective, but societal reluctance to diagnose such conditions often delays necessary treatment. Ultimately, narcissists and psychopaths are unlikely to change, and seeking therapy for them can lead to self-deception and further gaslighting.

Posted on 12/24/2024, 28 minute read

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