Vaknin Talks

Identify LIARS, LIES in Your Life

There are 11 types of lies, including utilitarian lies, smokescreen lies, compassionate lies, ceremonial lies, compensatory lies, confabulatory lies, inferential lies, hybrid lies, and artistic lies. Gaslighting is a strategy used by psychopaths to make people doubt their own perception of reality, while confabulation is a desperate attempt to breach memory gaps and lapses. Narcissists rarely lie, but instead create a fantasy in which they are emotionally invested and which they fully believe. With the emergence of mass media and social media, lying has been legitimized as a form of art, leading to the rise of artistic lies.

DANGER! Crazymaking Drama in YOUR Relationship

Drama, crazy making, and chaos are defining features of mental health disturbances, particularly in cluster B personality disorders. The reasons behind such behavior vary depending on the disorder, but they often involve a need for attention, a sense of vulnerability, or a misapprehension of limitations. The drama and crazy making are intended to support the self-perception of the individual, whether it be grandiosity, invincibility, or a need for attention. Those in relationships with individuals with these disorders should be aware of the potential risks and dangers.

Your Unconscious, Fantasies Not Narcissist's

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of the unconscious in psychology, including different schools of thought and Freud's trilateral model of the mind. He explains that the unconscious is a language and a public dimension formed by input and feedback from others. Vaknin also discusses the role of fantasy in narcissism, with narcissists being slaves to their own fantasies and inhabiting them more than their victims. Fantasy is a language and a bridge between consciousness and the unconscious, but in narcissism, it takes elements from consciousness and renders them unconscious.

Some Giving is Wrong

Giving does not necessarily make people happy, as the style of giving is important. Ostentatious and transactional giving can create resentment in beneficiaries. True giving is hidden, unconditional, and comes from the heart, not the wallet. It is about helping others and is altruistic and empathic. All other forms of giving are manipulative and wrong and can result in adverse outcomes for the giver.

17 Ways to "Cure" Narcissism (Compilation)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses various therapies used to treat personality disorders, including behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, and cognitive behavior therapy. He also describes dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which emphasizes emotional and affect regulation, and other therapies such as cognitive behavioral analysis system of psychotherapy (CBASP), mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), pattern-focused psychotherapy, and schema therapy. Vaknin also discusses dynamic psychotherapy, psychodynamic therapy, and psychoanalytic psychotherapy, which are all forms of intensive psychotherapy based on psychoanalytic theory without the element of free association. Finally, he discusses the role of meaning in therapy and introduces three treatment modalities that leverage meaning as a healing tool: the Power Threat Meaning Framework (PTMF), Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT-BPD

How To Tell If Someone Is A Pathological Liar

Pathological lying is a compulsive behavior that is not goal-oriented and has no purpose. Pathological liars weave elaborate and extensive lies that are self-destructive and self-defeating. They are emotionally invested in the act of lying and create an environment that is conducive to their subjective well-being. Pathological lying is not a symptom of any other mental illness and is a long-term problem. There are eight types of lies, including utilitarian, smokescreen, compassionate, ceremonial, compensatory, confabulatory, inferential, and hybrid lies.

Why You Mourn Breakup with Narcissist? (Dual Mothership)

The dual mothership concept is a principle developed by Sam Vaknin to explain the prolonged grief involved in narcissistically abusive relationships. It involves the Narcissist becoming the partner's idealizing mother, offering unconditional love, and the partner becoming the Narcissist's idealizing mother, offering unconditional love. This process is known as co-idealization, and both parties experience self-love through an idealized image of themselves. When the relationship ends, there is triple mourning involving three losses: the partner's idealized self, the Narcissist as their mother, and the partner as the Narcissist's child.

Separating-Individuating From Borderline Partner

Separating and individuating from a borderline partner is different from doing so from a narcissistic partner. The borderline partner outsources their mind to their intimate partner and expects them to regulate their emotions, moods, and stabilize them. The borderline partner regards their intimate partner as both a godlike figure and an abuser, leading to ambivalence and hate-love feelings. To separate from a borderline partner, one needs to silence their voice in their mind, reclaim their authentic voice, and help the borderline partner discover their authentic self. The process involves owning up to one's contributions to the relationship, refusing to collaborate in the borderline's shared fantasy, and helping the borderline partner to love themselves, become agentic, and choose life.

From Insecure to Flat Attachment: Narcissists, Psychopaths Never Bond (Compilation)

Individuation Last Phase Of Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the process of individuation after separating from a narcissist. He explains that the narcissist is a duality, making it difficult to separate and silence the narcissist's voice in your head. The process of individuation involves silencing the narcissist's voice, embodying your authentic voice, self-mothering, self-saving, and choosing life. It is about becoming a person with personhood and defining who you are without allowing anyone else to tell you who you are.