Vaknin Talks

Shared Fantasy with Narcissistic Canines and Other Narcissists (with Raquel Petersen Gesteira)

The discussion explores the complexities of personality disorders, particularly narcissism, and how they manifest in relationships, including those with pets. It highlights the transactional nature of relationships with animals, drawing parallels between human and animal behavior, and emphasizes the challenges of understanding detachment from reality in narcissistic individuals. The conversation also addresses the rise of victimhood narratives and the potential for individuals to adopt narcissistic traits as a defense mechanism in response to their experiences. Ultimately, it underscores the difficulty of treating narcissism and the misconceptions surrounding self-awareness and recovery in narcissistic individuals.

Posted on 2/17/2025, 1 hour 25 minute read

Can You Inherit Trauma? (Inter-generational Trauma Transmission)

The desire for fame has infiltrated the fields of neuroscience and epigenetics, leading to a reliance on reductionist approaches that oversimplify complex behaviors by attributing them to single genes. Claims of intergenerational trauma transmission through genetic changes, particularly via DNA methylation, are often based on flawed studies that fail to isolate environmental factors from genetic influences. While some research indicates that trauma can affect DNA and potentially be passed to offspring, the evidence is muddled by confounding variables such as parenting and environmental conditions. Ultimately, the assertion that epigenetic changes are definitive and persistent across generations lacks rigorous scientific backing and often serves to perpetuate a victimhood narrative rather than provide a clear understanding of the mechanisms involved.

Posted on 2/16/2025, 37 minute read

Dramatic-Erratic People in Your Life (Compilation)

Narcissists exhibit inconsistent behavior, often resembling multiple personalities, due to their underlying chronic depression and inability to experience genuine love or pleasure. They engage in a relentless pursuit of excitement and drama to alleviate their pervasive boredom, seeking admiration and attention that aligns with their grandiose self-image. This drama serves various psychological functions, including the need for control, the creation of a pathological narcissistic space, and the projection of internal conflicts onto others, ultimately leading to a cycle of manipulation and emotional turmoil. The interplay of drama in narcissistic and borderline personalities highlights their struggle with identity, intimacy, and the need for external validation, often resulting in destructive relationships and self-defeating behaviors.

Posted on 2/15/2025, 2 hour 57 minute read

Narcissist Proud of Being Feared, Hated

Psychopathic narcissists manipulate others by feigning victimhood and instilling fear, often preferring negative attention over the absence of any acknowledgment. They experience a collapse-averse reframing, where they derive a sense of grandiosity from being feared or hated, viewing these emotions as reliable compared to the unpredictability of love. Many narcissists, shaped by trauma and abuse, internalize a belief that they are unlovable, leading them to provoke hatred in others as a defense mechanism against disappointment. Ultimately, their need for narcissistic supply drives them to attack and devalue those around them, perpetuating a cycle of aggression and emotional turmoil.

Posted on 2/14/2025, 18 minute read

Who Has Happy Relationships with Narcissists (with Yamarie Negron, Circles)

Inverted narcissists derive their narcissistic supply vicariously through their overtly narcissistic partners, creating a dynamic where both can find satisfaction in their relationship despite their pathologies. Codependents and individuals with borderline personality disorder can also form functional relationships with narcissists, although these may not be healthy. The inability of narcissists to empathize and their tendency to view partners as mere service providers can lead to a constricted and unhealthy environment for their partners. Ultimately, maintaining a relationship with a narcissist often requires self-abandonment, as individuals may feel compelled to suppress their own identities to avoid conflict and maintain the relationship.

Posted on 2/13/2025, 26 minute read

You Outsource Your Mind to Crowdsourced Technologies (with Valentina Poletti)

Valentine's Day prompts a discussion on the impact of modern technology on human relationships, particularly through the lens of commodification and objectification of individuals, exemplified by dating apps that reduce mate selection to algorithmic processes. The rise of artificial intelligence is critiqued for promoting intellectual laziness by providing synthesized answers, which diminishes critical thinking and research efforts. A shift from valuing knowledge to prioritizing raw information has led to the proliferation of conspiracy theories and pseudo-knowledge among the untrained public. Ultimately, the lecture emphasizes that technology amplifies existing social trends, with Western societies fostering individualistic narcissism while Eastern cultures promote conformity, both resulting in a homogenized experience that masks true individuality.

Posted on 2/12/2025, 60 minute read

YOU: Plaything in Narcissist's Playground (with Brad Carr)

Narcissists thrive in group settings, where their influence is amplified by the collective psychology of their followers, allowing them to manipulate and control others more effectively. The relationship with a narcissist is inherently abusive, as they compulsively test their partners and undermine their autonomy to maintain their own fantasy. Victims often struggle with self-love and self-identity, making them vulnerable to narcissistic manipulation, and breaking the silence around their experiences is crucial for healing. Ultimately, fostering true self-love is essential for recovery, as it serves as a protective barrier against future narcissistic relationships and helps individuals reclaim their identity.

Posted on 2/11/2025, 1 hour 14 minute read

Narcissist: Stalking is not Hoovering, Humiliation Displacement

Hoovering and stalking, while seemingly similar in behavior, serve different purposes; hoovering is a narcissistic tactic aimed at re-idealizing the self through idealizing another, whereas stalking is about control and often involves manipulation through fear. Hoovering occurs without memory of past abuses, as narcissists approach relationships with a blank slate, seeking to regain narcissistic supply rather than exert control. Female covert narcissists often display a double standard in their relationships, being submissive to dominant figures while exerting dominance over those they perceive as weaker, a behavior explained by the psychological concept of displacement. This displacement allows them to redirect their pent-up negative emotions from those they cannot confront to more vulnerable targets.

Posted on 2/10/2025, 9 minute read

Can Narcissists Be LOYAL? (Loyalty vs. Fidelity)

Loyalty is a commitment that involves placing the interests of another person above one's own self-interest, and it is essential in intimate relationships and group affiliations. While loyalty requires intimacy and is tested through circumstances, it is distinct from fidelity, which is tied to truthfulness and authenticity. Narcissists can exhibit loyalty as long as it serves their need for narcissistic supply, making their loyalty transactional rather than genuine. However, loyalty that demands significant sacrifices of well-being or identity is unhealthy and often reflects codependency rather than true loyalty.

Posted on 2/9/2025, 8 minute read

High-conflict Divorce and Custody: Children Pay the Price

Divorce is often underestimated in its psychological impact, ranking as one of the most traumatic life events, particularly when it involves high conflict. This type of divorce creates cognitive dissonance in children, leading them to employ dissociative defenses as a coping mechanism, which can hinder their emotional and psychological development. The trauma associated with divorce is compounded by adverse childhood experiences, resulting in long-term effects such as emotional dysregulation and impaired cognitive functioning. Ultimately, high conflict divorce can stunt a child's growth and lead to the development of maladaptive personality traits, making it crucial for parents to consider the potential consequences before proceeding with such separations.

Posted on 2/8/2025, 26 minute read

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