Background

Discontinuous Narcissist: Fractured and Broken

Uploaded 3/14/2013, approx. 2 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The narcissist was conditioned from an early age of abuse and trauma to expect the unexpected.

His was a world in motion where sometimes sadistically capricious caretakers, parents, peers, teachers, often engaged in arbitrary behavior.

The narcissist was trained to deny his true self and nurture a false one.

Having invented himself, the narcissist sees no problem in reinventing that which he had designed in the first place.

The narcissist is his own creator, his own God, hence his grandiosity.

Moreover, the narcissist is a man for all seasons, forever adaptable, constantly imitating and emulating, a human sponge, a zen, a perfect mirror, a non-entity that is at the same time all entities combine.

The narcissist is best described by Heidegger's phrase, being and nothingness.

Into this reflective vacuum, this sucking black hole, the narcissist attracts the sources of his narcissistic supply, you.

To an observer, the narcissist appears to be fractured, broken, discontinuous.

Autological narcissism has been compared to dissociative identity disorder, also known as multiple personality disorder.

By definition, the narcissist has at least two selves.

His personality is very primitive and disorganized and even chaotic.

Living with a narcissist is an negotiating experience not only because of what he is, but because of what he is not.

He is not a fully formed human being, but a dizzyingly kaleidoscopic gallery of mercurial images.

These images melt into each other seamlessly. And this is incredibly disorienting.

It is also exceedingly problematic.

Promises made by the narcissist are easily disowned by him. His plans are ephemeral, his emotional ties a simulacrum.

Most narcissists have one island of stability in their lives, a spouse, family, their career, a hobby, their religion, country, idol, whatever, founded by the turbulent currents of a disheveled existence.

Thus, to invest in a narcissist is purposeless, futile and meaningless.

To the narcissist, every day is a new beginning, a hunt, a new cycle of idealization and evaluation and a newly invented self.

There is no accumulation of credits or goodwill because the narcissist has no past and no future.

He occupies an eternal and timeless present. The narcissist is a fossil, caught in the frozen lava of a volcanic childhood.

The narcissist does not keep agreements, does not adhere to laws, regards consistency and predictability as demeaning traits of weaklings.

The narcissist hates one food one day and devours it passionately the next. He hates you one day and devours you passionately the next.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Narcissist Between Shared Fantasy and Pathological Narcissistic Space

Narcissists appear unpredictable and complex, but they are actually simple, with the emotional age of a two-year-old. They are trapped between their need for a maternal figure in a shared fantasy and their desire to explore the world through a pathological narcissistic space. When they become disillusioned with either space, they transition between them using four strategies: termination, deception, undermining intimacy, and persecretory object fantasies. This constant movement between the two spaces creates the impression of unpredictability and capriciousness in the narcissist's behavior.


How Narcissist Experiences/Reacts to No Contact, Grey Rock, Mirroring, Coping, Survival Techniques

Narcissists are victims of post-traumatic conditions caused by their parents, leading to ontological insecurity, dissociation, and confabulation. They have no core identity and construct their sense of self by reflecting themselves from other people. Narcissists have empathy, but it is cold empathy, which is goal-oriented and used to find vulnerabilities to obtain goals. Narcissism becomes a religion when a child is abused by their parents, particularly their mother, and not allowed to develop their own boundaries. The false self demands human sacrifice, and the narcissist must sacrifice others to the false self to gratify and satisfy it.


When Hoovering Fails, Narcissist Fakes

The text discusses the narcissist's reaction when someone refuses to conform to their idealized image. When rejected, the narcissist experiences cognitive dissonance and resolves it by rewriting history and reality. They re-idealize the rejected person and then devalue them if they persist in rejecting the narcissist. The narcissist's internal representation of the rejected person persists in their mind, and they dedicate their life to forcing others to conform to this idealized image.


WARNING: Don’t Join Narcissist’s Death Cult (Narcissist Forgets, Recalls You DAILY)

Narcissists view others as external objects, separate and threatening due to their autonomy and agency. The narcissist dissociates from the external object and interacts with an internal representation of it. When the external object asserts independence, the narcissist feels threatened and may seek to eliminate it. The narcissist's interactions are driven by a desire to take over and destroy the other person, reflecting a focus on death and a lack of empathy.


Do Narcissists Truly Hate?

Narcissists are often adult versions of abused children who fear intimacy and seek to provoke hatred in parents, caregivers, and authority figures. They act out antisocially and seek to destroy the source of frustration. The narcissist's hatred is not a stable experiential state, but rather a transformation of resentment and an aggressive reaction to frustration. The narcissist is heavily dependent on other people for the regulation of their sense of self-worth, and they resent this dependence.


Narcissist in Court and Litigation

Narcissists are skilled at distorting reality and presenting plausible alternative scenarios, making it difficult to expose their lies in court. However, it is possible to break a narcissist by finding their weak spots and using them to inflict pain. The narcissist is likely to react with rage to any statement that contradicts their inflated perception of themselves or suggests they are not special. They feel entitled to be treated differently from others and cannot tolerate criticism or being told they are not as intelligent or successful as they think they are.


Narcissism: Not Self-love!

The narcissist lacks the ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy and empathize with others, as they have a false self that devours their true self. They love the image they project onto others and expect others to reflect this image. The narcissist's feeling of entitlement is not grounded in reality and can easily lead to aggression. The narcissist lacks self-knowledge and lives in an invented world of their own design, making it difficult for them to connect with others and experience mature love.


Narcissist: Life as a Film

The narcissist experiences life as a nightmare due to the divergent functionality of the false self and the true self. The true self is the original personality that was suppressed and supplanted by the false self, which is incapable of feeling or experiencing. The narcissist dissociates and cuts off parts of their life and portions of their experiences, leading to detachment and estrangement from themselves. The narcissist lives vicariously through the good offices of the false self, sacrificing their own life to please and appease their master.


Why Narcissist Can't Get You Out of His Mind? (Introject Constancy)

Narcissists use splitting as a defense mechanism, which involves seeing themselves as all good and others as all bad. They idealize their partner, but then need to discard them to separate from their original mother. To do this, they devalue their partner by taking the idealized snapshot of them and imbuing it with negative qualities. However, they cannot get rid of the internal object, causing them to devalue and discard their partner in reality. This is due to introject constancy, where the narcissist creates internal objects that are constant and reliable, unlike external objects.


Narcissist's Cognitive Deficits

Narcissists lack empathy and are unable to relate to others, instead withdrawing into a universe populated by avatars. They are incapable of holding an external dialogue and all their dialogues are completely internal. The narcissist attributes their failures and mistakes to circumstances and external causes, while regarding their successes and achievements as proofs of their own omnipotence and omniscience. The narcissist pays a dear price for these distortions of perception, developing paranoid ideation and fading the reality test.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy