Map Your Happiness, Past and Future Selves (EXCERPT)

Uploaded 6/16/2023, approx. 6 minute read

Okay, now I'll teach you three techniques.

Number one, talk to your past self from the point of view of an actualized dream or fantasy.

In other words, put yourself in the shoes of your future self, you've realized your dream or you've actualized your fantasy and then you're in the future, consequently, and talk to your past self from the point of view and from within the actualized dream, plan or fantasy or wish.

Say what you have to see, what you have to say to your past self and even more interestingly, see what your past self has to say to you.

That's technique number one, go wild with this.

There are no rules.

Technique number two, write a letter to your future self.

Use guided imagery, try to imagine yourself in the future and write a letter to yourself in the future.

Then reread the letter as your past self, as your present self, although there's no such thing as present self, but like your grounded self and read the letter as your future self.

You will be amazed at the different reactions.

Your past self, your present self and your future self will read the same text and will have totally different emotional reactions.

And finally, I'll teach you a third technique.

It's called map of happiness.

It's a technique that I've developed. It's proprietary and it's part of Cold Therapy.

Treatment modality that I was unable to implement because of the pandemic. I was training mental health practitioners and the pandemic put a stop to it.

The map of happiness is a simple technique, but very powerful.

Write down all the things without which you cannot be happy.

Now listen well, pay attention.

I'm not asking you to write down the things which make you happy, but write down all the things without which you can never be happy.

So let me give you an example.

I like wine. Wine makes me happy, but I can be happy without wine.

If I'm told from now on you can't drink wine anymore, I am still likely to be happy.

However, books, books make me happy.

But if I'm unable to read books, I will never be able to be happy.

So wine will not make it into the map of happiness.

I can be happy without wine. Books will make it into the map of happiness because I cannot be happy without books.

It's a list of things you cannot be happy without.

Okay, now next stage.

Find the preconditions for these things.

Let me give you an example.

Traveling and shopping.

What's the precondition for traveling and shopping?


If you don't have money, you can't travel. If you don't have money, you can't go shopping.

So money is the precondition for both.

So what you do, you eliminate traveling, you cross out traveling, you cross out shopping and you write money.

Another example.

Writing and composing music.

The common denominator, the precondition for both, creativity. Cross out writing, cross out making music, write down creativity.

Another example.

Being on your own, doing your own thing, you love it. That's your preferred state. You're happy only when you're alone. And not having a job. Being a freelance.

What is the precondition for both?

Personal, personal freedom. Cross out being alone. Cross out not having a job or being a freelance and write personal freedom.

Go down and down, level after level.

Find out the common denominators, the preconditions.

Down and down and down.

For example, money and personal freedom.

You can cross out money because money gives you personal freedom.

And so until you narrow the list down to two or three common denominators, these are the preconditions for your happiness.

Pursue them.

When you plan for the future, you can safely ignore other things. Look to the map of happiness, to these isolated two or three elements and pursue them and never ever go against them.

Because if you go against them, you will never be happy.


One last thing.

I'm now writing columns for Brussels morning in the description.

You will see a link to my author archive.

Those of you who are interested in politics, geopolitics, economics and finance.

Remember, this is the first of three videos.

This video that you're watching is for laymen.

The next video is about repetition, compulsion, heavy stuff.

And the third video would be about fantasy.

And of course, I will try to introduce some modest, because modest is my middle name.

I try to introduce some modest personal contributions to these two concepts.

Thank you for listening.

And those of you who survived, it's my permission to clink a glass of wine with moi.

Until this, sir.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Do THIS: 10A Model for a Fulfilled LIFE (by Jonah Nyoni)

In this lecture, Professor Sam Vaknin introduces the 10A model developed by Johna Nioni from Zimbabwe, which focuses on setting life goals, finding meaning, and maximizing self-efficacy and self-actualization. The 10A model includes aligning with one's purpose, accepting oneself, taking action, positive self-assertion, seeking advice, choosing positive associations, promoting oneself for the benefit of others, being accountable, adapting to change, and accelerating learning and innovation. Vaknin provides commentary on each A, relating it to current knowledge in psychology and emphasizing the importance of these principles for personal growth and success.

What Happiness is NOT and IS (with Andrei Tanase, Filmmaker)

In this lecture, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the etymology of the word "happiness" and its historical meanings. He explains that happiness was originally associated with luck, prosperity, and wealth. He outlines the three components of happiness, which include managing one's life well, contributing to something outside oneself, and conducting oneself with dignity and integrity. Vaknin emphasizes that happiness is a state of being, not gratification, and that it is internal, not external. He also delves into the concept of authenticity and the importance of being true to oneself. Additionally, he explores the idea of studying unhappiness as a means of understanding happiness, and the role of language in shaping our understanding of happiness.

Why Do You Keep Repeating The Same Mistakes Repetition Compulsion!

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concepts of fantasy, memory, and repetition compulsion in a series of three videos. He explains the differences between fantasy, daydreaming, wishful thinking, and dreams, and offers three techniques for self-reflection and planning for the future. He also delves into the role of memory in shaping identity and decision-making, particularly in individuals with certain personality disorders.

Avoid 3 Errors in Search of Meaning in Life

In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the human search for meaning and the three mistakes we make when trying to find it. He argues that we should let the path choose us, rather than trying to choose our own path, and that we already have all the answers we need, but lack the ability to identify them. He also suggests that we should focus on asking the right questions, rather than seeking the correct answers, and that relationships and love are the foundation of meaning. Finally, he quotes the Dalai Lama, who suggests that many people sacrifice their health and present happiness for the sake of money and the future, ultimately dying without having truly lived.

Free Will: Illusion or Reality?

Free will is a useful fiction that helps humans make sense of life and provides self-efficacious guidance. It is an article of faith rather than a fact or hypothesis, and has no place in modern scientific discourse. However, it is crucial for human civilization and moral responsibility. The concept of free will depends on the frame of reference and level of description, and while it may not exist from a cosmic point of view, it is a powerful organizing principle from a human perspective.

Why We Dream (International Congress on Neurology and Brain Disorders)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the functions and significance of dreams, as well as their cultural and societal roles. He also critiques the movie "Inception" and its portrayal of dreaming. Vaknin emphasizes the subjective nature of dreams, their role in processing information, and their connection to creativity and inspiration. He also challenges the idea of dream sharing and the distinction between endogenous and exogenous ideation.

Reality Or Shared Fantasy Your Choice (from Best Offer To The Matrix)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of reality and fantasy, using examples from popular movies such as The Truman Show and The Matrix. He delves into the idea of living in a dissociative state and the construction of narratives in our minds. Vaknin also explores the ethical implications of imposing happiness on others and the philosophical implications of virtual reality and simulation. He concludes by connecting these concepts to narcissism and shared fantasy in relationships.

Don't Be Ambitious, Be MOTIVATED!

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of ambition, distinguishing it from motivation. He argues that ambition is a form of externalized social control, conditioning individuals to conform to societal norms and expectations. Ambition is characterized by counterfactual thinking, compulsivity, and a focus on external validation and recognition. In contrast, motivation is an internal drive that leads to personal growth and fulfillment. Vaknin emphasizes the negative impact of ambition on individual autonomy and mental health, cautioning against its detrimental effects. He advocates for motivation over ambition as a healthier approach to achieving personal goals and fulfillment.

Narcissist’s Affair with Death Drive (Destrudo, Mortido)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of the death drive, its origins in Freud's work, and its impact on individuals, particularly those who have experienced trauma and abuse. He delves into various psychological perspectives and theories related to the death drive, emphasizing its connection to early childhood experiences and the role of the mother in shaping an individual's relationship with death.

Relationships Inauthentic, Will Always Fail (Sartre's "Being and Nothingness", SECOND LECTURE)

The text discusses Sartre's views on desire, consciousness, and freedom. Sartre introduces the concept of desire as motivated by a lack or absence, and discusses the inherent contradiction in desire. He also delves into the nature of consciousness and the limitations of freedom. The text explores Sartre's ideas on authenticity and ethics, and his belief that values are auto-generated through individual choices. The author reflects on Sartre's contributions and his impact on philosophical discourse.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy