There is a clear distinction between classic borderline and psychopathic borderline, and my new suggested diagnosis, covert borderline.
Yes, yes, exactly. So, I can maybe, if you want, in two minutes, I can try to explain.
The classic borderline woman, the woman diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, BPD, this woman turns into a secondary psychopath, but only when she faces rejection and abandonment, real rejection and abandonment, perceived or anticipated. The minute she is faced with these stressors, she decompensates and she acts out, there is a self-state that comes out to protect her, and that's the secondary psychopath.
The secondary psychopaths, they have empathy, they have emotions, not like the classic Robert Hare, Harvey Clark, primary psychopath. Secondary psychopaths have empathy, they have emotions, including positive emotions, but the behaviors of the borderline woman resemble those of the primary psychopath.
Only the behaviors, not the emotional background, there's no empathy, there's no lack of empathy. Actually empathy is redirected, but it doesn't matter right now, it exists. It's just the way she acts when she's faced with rejection and humiliation and abandonment is like a primary psychopath.
She has reactants, she becomes defiant, she becomes reckless, she has no impulse control, impulsivity, she's aggressive, she's vindictive. Suddenly there's a whole panoply of antisocial conduct.
Now the psychopathic and the covert borderline, they are primary psychopaths, they're psychopaths first and foremost, and ironically they become borderline, they display borderline traits and behaviors only in intimate settings. So the classic borderline becomes a psychopath when she is rejected and abandoned.
The psychopathic borderline and the covert borderline become primary psychopaths when they are embedded in an intimate relationship, intimate settings.
So when they're in a committed relationship, covert borderlines and psychopathic borderlines tend to be emotionally dysregulated like a classic borderline. They are approach avoidant, they are mood labile, they have mood lability exactly like the borderline, the classic borderline. They are objecting constant. They idealize and devalue and they are grandiose. In short, they become full-fledged classic borderlines.
So it's a two-way street. The borderline, the classic borderline becomes secondary psychopath when she's faced with rejection, humiliation and abandonment. The covert borderline and the psychopathic borderline are actually psychopaths who become borderlines or display borderline behaviors and psychodynamics when they suddenly find themselves in intimate settings in committed relationships.
Yes, exactly. I posted a video about it yesterday.
We are beginning to believe that all grandiose narcissists are actually psychopaths, that it's another form of psychopathy. Exactly like we believe today that all borderline women are secondary psychopaths. We are beginning to believe that all grandiose narcissists are actually psychopaths and that real narcissists are compensatory. Some of them are covert and vulnerable, some of them are only compensatory. It's a growing problem.
We distinguish between two types of child grooming, internet grooming and localized grooming. Internet grooming is when a child is approached online via the internet by someone with sexual intentions and localized grooming is when the same happens but usually offline in a club, in a library, in a grocery store and on the way to school, in school. So localized grooming is grooming in physical settings by an adult and it's an exponentially growing scourge.
Yeah, there are recent studies starting in 2011, about half, half a shocking number, half of all minors between the ages of 12 and 17 are accosted online by sexual predators. One of every 10 adolescents, they sexed with these adults, they exchanged sexually exclusive material with these strangers and it is a myth that these adults pretend to be teenagers. That's absolutely untrue. The majority, the vast majority of these sexual predators present themselves as adults and express immediately the wish to have sex or to exchange sexual material. In other words, they rarely hide their identity or their intentions.
Now, in one third of these cases, about 3% of all teenagers, there is an offline meeting. The parties discuss an offline meeting and in one of 300 adolescents proceed to meet the sexual predator.
So one in 300 adolescents ends up meeting the sexual predator and these teenagers had reported that they went to the meeting with the express and premeditated intention of having sex with their interlocutors.
So it's again not true that the teenagers or adolescents go to these meetings not knowing what's going to happen. They go to these meetings to have sex and then in many, many cases, too many to countenance, these teenagers are subjected to group sex and many of them are prostituted. Although it is not presented as prostitution, it's presented as a favor.
Can you do me a favor and sleep with this guy? This guy is my friend, would you mind sleeping with him? Or you're so nice to me. I love you. Can you help me with this guy? He needs a friend for the night or this kind of thing.
But it's prostitution because the teenager is recycled among multiple sex partners, adult sex partners. And usually the gang that recycles these teenagers collects money for the services. And so this is 100% prostitution.
Now, these teenagers are given alcohol, they're given drugs, unlimited amounts, usually before the sex, to facilitate the sex, to disinhibit them, to disinhibit them, because at some point these teenagers begin to understand that something's wrong.
But I have read literature, I've read case studies and literature, and I had interviewed quite a few of these teenagers, maybe in my career, 50 or 60 of these teenagers. Sometimes immediately after the events and sometimes decades later when they came to me as clients.
And here's the thing, they deny, they deny and reframe in order to survive with a shame and with a guilt and with a self-directed anger and aggression. These people have to lie to themselves. So they deny everything. They repress everything. And above all, they reframe everything. They said it wasn't abusive. I wanted it. I wanted the sex. I loved the sex. I was the one who initiated the sex. I was the one who asked for sex.
Yeah. And I wanted multiple partners because I was discovering my sexuality and it was great fun. And it was a phase, many of them would say, it was just a phase. I, you know, it took two years and I was out of it. And now I'm a normal healthy person. And, you know, it had no effect on me. It definitely was not traumatic because I didn't experience it as a trauma, etc.
There's a lot of denial, a lot of denial and a lot of, so even if they were unconscious, owing to excess drinking, a blackout or something, they would deny that. They would say, no, I was conscious. I knew what I was doing. I wanted to sex, etc.
It's very difficult to establish the facts because there is enormous resistance and defense against the facts. And these underage outliers, because it's one of 300, these underage outliers, they have only two things in common.
Number one, they have a fervent wish to belong, to belong to and to be loved by a substitute family, a gang, a group, a boyfriend with his friends, so-called boyfriend. So they want to belong. They want to be loved. They want someone to care about them.
And this is because the real family is dysfunctional and neglectful, doesn't care about them. So this is common denominator number one. And common denominator number two, all these adolescents were diagnosed with dark triad personality, narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism, manipulativeness. And this dark triad personality becomes more pronounced and more diagnosable as these adolescents or these teenagers grow up.
And so they're dysregulated and overwhelming sexual curiosity and sexual hyperactivity and puberty aligns with these nascent disorders because psychopaths are hypersexual. Psychopathy goes hand in hand with hypersexuality. So is borderline. Borderline goes hand in hand with this inhibited sexuality and reckless sexuality.
So these adolescents, the one in 300, they have all the foundations and the rudiments and the elements of psychopathy, of borderline personality disorder, some grandiosity, potentially narcissism. And their sexuality expresses these disorders, is aligned with them.
And so the question is, which is the chicken and which is the egg?
The unspoken taboo conundrum in psychology is this. Psychopathy and borderline traits involve partly hereditary brain abnormalities. They're partly genetic and they definitely involve brain dysfunctions, brain abnormalities.
And these disorders can be diagnosed even in childhood, for example, contact disorder, which is psychopathy in children. So which preceded which? Can these disorders, can these flaws have propelled these specific children to seek or even to initiate precocious sex with like-minded predatory adults?
In other words, maybe these children, maybe these people are not lying. Maybe they were really the ones who had initiated the sex. Maybe they were really the ones who had wanted the sex because they were budding psychopaths.
Psychopaths are hyperactive, coupled with the natural curiosity of an adolescent about sexuality. This could be overwhelming and could push them to act out and to solicit sex from sexual predators.
So we don't know what preceded what. These people have been almost universally diagnosed with psychopathy and borderline later on in life. And this must have started in adolescence. So by the time they found themselves with the sexual predator being prostituted or being co-opted into group sex or whatever, by that time, they will already have been almost full-fledged psychopaths and borderline.
And so it's difficult to tell who started it all.
At some state, of course, these children learn that the love that they are offered by the predator is exploitive. It's fake. There's no love there. And they don't belong anywhere. It was all a fake facade intended to motivate them to sleep with strangers.
But at the same time, these children, these adolescents, these teenagers, these underage people, they come to realize that they can use sex to manipulate people, to manipulate adults. They can wield power over adults. They can control adults with their sexuality.
This experience of working together with sexual predators to give sexual services to strangers, many strangers, few strangers, doesn't matter, teaches them the power of sex. Suddenly they feel validated. They feel empowered.
And from that minute on and for the rest of their lives, they become promiscuous because promiscuity guarantees control, guarantees winning the power play, which is the main feature of psychopathy.
And of course, the main feature of borderline in a desperate attempt to prevent abandonment.
And so internet and localized offline grooming leading to actual sex had been associated with depression and anxiety in later life.
We have studies that show this. If you were exploited, sexually exploited as a teenager, you are much more likely to have anxiety and depression later on in life. But depression and anxiety, including social anxiety, they are frequently, duly diagnosed, connected to psychopathy and borderline personality disorder, even in psychopaths and borderlines who didn't have such experiences.
In other words, if you're a psychopath, if you have borderline personality disorder, you're very likely to have anxiety and depression, whether you've been exploited by a sexual predator or not.
So it is impossible to prove causation. We can't prove that the sexual predation, the sexual abuse, the sexual exploitation led to the anxiety and the depression, because anxiety and depression are there, whether you had this experience or not. It's a convoluted psychological landscape and it's difficult to disentangle what led to what, if at all.
Precautions may simply be an early example of acting out, borderline or psychopathic acting out.
Later, when these people become adults, they become promiscuous, even compulsively promiscuous, because this is the only technique, this is the only coping strategy they had developed to feel safe, to feel that they're in control, to feel empowered and to fend off possible threats and so on.
Yeah, finished. Could you repeat this? Could you, I'm sorry, my hearing is impaired. Could you repeat this again?
Ah, feminism. Okay, yeah. Maybe even, maybe even earlier.
It's a difficult question. No, no, I'm not saying that, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm sorry. It's not what I'm saying. I don't know where you got this from. I don't know where you got this from.
Yeah, thank you. Thank you for the chance to clarify.
I'm not against feminism and I'm definitely not a sexist. When feminism started as a suffragette movement in the 19th century, it was fully justified. Women were treated as slaves or chattel as property. They were listed in property lists. Their property belonged to the husband. They didn't have a right to vote. They couldn't work in a variety of professions. They couldn't obtain education. There was numerous clauses forbade them from obtaining education. All this was wrong, catastrophically wrong.
So the beginnings of feminism in the form of a suffragette movements all over the world, this was justified. These were justified demands for equality and access. Absolutely. Yes. Even I would say the suffragettes were much more violent than me too. I mean, much more aggressive than the current brand of feminism.
But feminism took a wrong militant, militant turn in the 1960s as it transitioned from justified demands for equality and access to misandry, men hating, the undermining of all social institutions, whether these social institutions were part of the patriarchy, male chauvinistic control, or whether these institutions were actually good for women and not part of the patriarchy.
Militant feminists were undermining all social institutions because they were established by men. That was sufficient qualification to be dismantled.
And there was a usurpation taking over of gender roles. Women aspired to be like men. And not only did they aspire to eliminate the differences, the beautiful differences, the differences that create attraction, attraction between men and women, not only did they aspire to eliminate these differences in everything, in clothing, in behavior, in foul language, in drinking, in drug abuse, in adultery, in promiscuity. Women were trying to become men. And not only were they trying to become men, but they were trying to become psychopathic men. And they're doing a good job of it. They're not very far from that.
The level of narcissism, for example, psychopathic narcissism among women, is now equal to men, which was not the case only 30 years ago. So now we have unigender. We have a single gender because men are exactly like women, women are exactly like men. They have different genitalia. So it's a single gender with two types of genitalia.
And this leads to what is called gender vertigo. We don't know how to behave anymore because there are no clear roles for men and clear roles for women. It's fuzzy, it's fluid, and it's fluid in the bad sense because women are imitating the worst aspects of masculinity. Women are actually adopting toxic masculinity while men are adopting toxic femininity. It's dizzyingly crazy.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Me too, for example. So there's this intersectional victimhood movements and agendas which were hijacked by narcissists and psychopaths. And these victimhood movements started with laudable aims with appropriate demands, but they were hijacked simply by narcissists and psychopaths, grandiose people.
And so these movements coalesced with a militant feminism that started in the 1960s.
And now we have very disturbing orientations exacerbated by this politically correct victimhood Me Too grievance movements.
Every disagreement, every argument, every conflict, every shade of opinion, every form of critical thinking is now considered abusive. It flattens speech.
We are creating flat speech. Women and men gradually began to resent each other, vilify each other, label each other.
I would even say that today there's hatred between men and women collectively, collective hatred. They hate each other.
And this, you can see, you see, yeah, exactly. You can see examples of this and it's culminated in misogynistic movements such as incels, red pillers, miktows and so on in the manosphere. It's really bad out there. And it didn't help that there were also economic trends which made matters worse.
For example, divorce. The skyrocketing rates of divorce now around 50%. Now and for the last few decades, around 50%.
So divorce, for example, this was the greatest transfer of wealth and property in human history, dwarfing the oil shock of the 70s, dwarfing anything that had ever happened in human history. This transfer of gigantic, ginormous amounts of money and property from men to women in divorce settlements. This didn't help. It left men very bitter. And it did not empower women, by the way. Single women after divorce are poorer than when they are married. The academic attainments of women now and for the last 15 years exceed women's. About two thirds of all college graduates are women. Men are not getting education, high education. And so their earning potential is much lower than women in the long run in the next few decades. So women are much more educated. It's more difficult for them to find an appropriate partner, someone to talk to after the sex, you know.
And this has led to the replacement of men by women. Women have displaced many men in middle class professions.
So now men are rebelling, they're protesting, they're pushing back.
Because men are boys be boys. They are aggressive. They are testosterone laden. They're enraged. They don't pay attention to the nuances and the subtle and fine print and fine points.
So men refuse to marry. Marriage rates collapse. Men refuse to have children. Why? Because they can have sex at the drop of a hat. Sex has been commodified. It's now emotionless, yes. Ask any young person. They will tell you, sex, it's nothing. It's a physical function. It's fun. It's just for fun. No, they're not emotionally involved. There's no intimacy here. It's five pumps and five dumps. That's all. That's what sex is. So sex is around the corner. And since sex is around the corner, why get married? Why buy the whole cow if only you want is a glass of milk?
And so this unbridled access to sex, coupled with the unfavorable matrimonial legislation which favors women, created a disincentive for men to marry and have children. They have no incentive to commit or to invest in relationships or even to have relationships.
Indeed, for the first time in human history, majorities of people, especially women, are single. Women and men pine for each other. They miss each other. There's nothing more beautiful than a couple. By the way, not only men and women, any couple, homosexual couple. There's nothing more beautiful than togetherness. Nothing more soothing and comforting and supporting and life-extending than intimacy.
And men miss women. And women miss men. Everyone is cocooned in bachelor pads or stuck in dives and single joints. And no one is getting anywhere.
And the genders miss each other. But I think it's too late. Yeah. No. No, no, no, no. I don't see any cause for optimism. I'm sorry. I have to disagree with you.
We also have a bit of an age difference. I have a perspective on you.
I don't see any reason for optimism. I think it's too late. The schism, the divide, the abyss between the genders will not heal. It's only getting worse. It's getting worse.
If you look at statistics, numerous studies, people under age 25, they date 56% less. Dating apps fill in the gap, but not efficiently. A tiny fraction of a sliver end up actually dating. And majority of youth, of the youth, people under age 35, they lead celibate lifestyles. That's a majority.
I think you may enjoy watching or benefit from watching my video about youth sexlessness, where I had summarized the 20 largest studies of youth sexuality. But you know what? The video is one hour long. Let me summarize it for you.
A video about youth sexuality. There isn't. End of story. Thank you for listening.
No youth sexuality. That's all.
Well, you know, youth, young people become adults, adults and adults.
So if you get used in your adolescence, or as a young person to not have sex, to not have relationships, because you don't know how to have relationships. If you're used just to pump and dump. And I mean, that's how your life is going to look like. Sterile, lonely, wasted, dead. Young people are dead inside. Of course I do. Of course I'm not generalizing. You can always come with an anecdote of your cousin who is not dead inside. I'm talking about youth.
The picture is not good. The incidence of anxiety went up five times. The incidence of depression went up three times. Suicide rates have climbed 50% in the last decade alone, especially among young women. It's not a good picture. None.
Teenagers are voting with their guns and nooses. They're committing suicide and pills and knives. They're killing themselves. They don't want to live in this world. Honestly I can't blame them. God knows what will happen after the pandemic.
Okay, we can always disagree, you know? I think it's good to move on to the next question.
I say what I have to say. I mean, what else can I say?
Okay, I disagree. I don't know.
I'm data driven. Not anecdote driven and not hope driven. I don't believe in hope. I believe there's nothing worse ever to have been invented than hope. Hope is a drug. Hopefulness is a drug addiction.
Okay, you wish to hope. I hope you succeed to hope in the face of all the overwhelming tsunami of data.
Okay, let's move on. Let's move on, please.
Yeah, it's a new study. It's published last July. It just supports something that Theodore Millon, many others had been saying for decades.
Einstein's quote is the father of narcissistic personality disorder. These people have been saying it for decades. Einstein's quote said it in 1974. And the humble me. I also said it in 1995, 26 years ago. I'm cited in the articles. My work is cited in the articles.
So they simply say that what we used to consider is narcissists are actually psychopaths. And that real narcissists are compensatory. And all the big names in psychology actually said the same. It's very surprising.
Yeah, compensatory. It's like, you know, they feel inadequate, they feel inferior, and they're covering up for it with a show with an act.
No, not every narcissist is a psychopath, grandiose narcissist subsection.
So yeah, it's a few narcissists, they're grandiose. And they're psychopaths probably.
Yeah, all psychopaths have grandiose. All borderlines, by the way, have grandiose as well.
Grandioseism is a trait, or maybe a cognitive deficit, depending on how you, depending on concealing.
Yeah, it's common in many disorders, even in psychosis, by the way, there's grandiose, psychotic grandiose. Psychopaths don't experience mortification like narcissists. No, no.
The narcissist's mortification is when the firewall, the fortification, the defense that he had constructed, the false self, crumbles. And the narcissist remains like a turtle without a shell, skinless, defenseless, facing himself in the mirror without the distorting effects of the false self.
The false self keeps lying to the narcissist all the time. The false self tells the narcissist you are handsome, you are irresistible, you are a genius, you are so, there's a feedback from the false self supported by well-meaning people, narcissistic supply.
So when this is taken away, narcissist faces himself in the mirror and says, I'm not a genius. I'm an idiot. And I'm not handsome. I look like was the model on a bad day.
So, and that is mortification.
Psychopaths don't have this. Psychopaths actually are affectless. They don't have affect. They don't have emotions, of course, they don't have empathy, but they don't have anything else. They're like very, very primitive, basic organisms. They have dim stirrings of disappointment, resentment, frustration, aggression when they're rejected.
Generally, the psychopaths experience only one of two binary mental states. They either feel euphoric and king of the world, a bit manic, or much more often, they feel bad, not bad, depressed, not bad, ashamed, not bad, guilty, just bad. Like they've eaten something bad, you know, like you feel bad after you ate something spoiled. They just feel bad. Biak, biak kind of feeling.
So the psychopath is in one of two states. I'm on top of the world, biak, biak, I'm on top of the world, this kind of thing. And it's very, very fundamental, very basic. It's you can't break it down to anything.
Narcissist's internal world is much richer than the psychopath.
And so psychopaths respond with reactants. They are defiant, they're angry when they're humiliated in public, but they are not mortified. They're not mortified because psychopaths are goal oriented. They want to get from A to B, nevermind who stands in the way and who said what to whom. They are just on their way to B, point B. So when they're humiliated or attacked or in sight, they shrug it off, they shrug it off, and they move on.
The mafia don'ts, the mobsters, who revenge and avenge, they do it because honor, reputation is the glue that holds everything together in crime. It's not because they take it personally. As they keep saying in the movies, I'm killing you, but it's nothing personal. It's business, you know, or you're my friend, I will kill you for free. No, not you. You're not my friend. So I will not kill you. I will not kill you. I'll keep your life.
Yeah. Absolutely. We have a few. We have a few more minutes.
I have a client in. Yeah, absolutely. Go ahead.