Background

My Name is Sam Vaknin: Narcissists, Psychopaths, Abuse

Uploaded 8/23/2023, approx. 5 minute read

♪♪♪ Awareness of sexual abuse with children is not new.

But in the 1970s, it exploded, and it also had legal ramifications, and it was the belief that childhood sexual abuse predisposes people to have certain mental health disorders.

Because he has the capability to withhold affection from you, to withhold his love, to withhold the pleasant times together, the narcissists and psychopaths, they are everywhere. They are hard to detect and harder to cope with.

My name isSam Vaknin and I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited, and a series of other books, about personality disorders.

If you have a narcissistic neighbor, a psychopathic boss, a colleague, a difficult patient, a spouse, a child, if you are divorcing a narcissist or dating one, you must watch these videos on this channel.

Narcissists are hard to detect. Narcissists are manipulative, exploitative, dangerous, subtle, pernicious, and as I said, they are everywhere.

Many narcissists and psychopaths pass off as normal people, as pillars of the community. They are not the serial blood-stained killers of the media or of horror pictures. They are and appear to be normal.

Yet deep inside, their mentality is alien. They lack empathy.

To them, other people are prey, extensions of themselves, mere functions, avatars, representations of useful functions, narcissists are out to maximize narcissistic supply, attention, adulation, admiration, or barring these, being feared or notorious.

Psychopaths are more down to earth. They want money. They seek power. They trample ruthlessly on everyone and everything in their path.

To them, you are merely an obstacle or a useful instrument, a tool.

To survive in today's world where narcissists and psychopaths have risen to the top, in almost every profession, politics, show business, law enforcement, the media, the judiciary, and the clergy.

To spot the psychopaths and the narcissists in your life, your family, workplace, the church, your congregation, your own children, to know how to cope with them and to get rid of them, before it's too late, I urge you and encourage you to watch the tutorials and videos in this channel.

They are free and they are yours and they would help you.

Thank you.


My name is Sam Vaknin and I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited. We are the founder of this story. We are both human. We invented most of the language in use today, including narcissistic abuse, and many other phrases, and that gave voice to victims of narcissism.

Finally, they were able to communicate using a common language, the experiences that they had with narcissism.

Now, why is that important?

Because narcissistic abuse is different to any other type of abuse, in all other types of abuse, because many people abuse, there are many abusers, and only a small minority of them are actually narcissists, and even a smaller minority, tiny, vanishingly small, are psychopaths.

So, why is it important to distinguish between narcissistic abuse and regular abuse?

Because regular abuse targets an aspect of your personality, a dimension of your being, something you do, something you don't do, but it's highly specific, it's target specific, target oriented, it's concrete.

Narcissistic abuse is total. It is the negation of your existence, the attempt to subvert, undermine your mind, and to take over your personality and your life so totally that you feel that you have vanished. It is an existential type of abuse, the only existential type of abuse.

So, there was a dire need to put into words these unequal experiences that have no parallel.

When victims of narcissistic abuse went to therapists or to other mental health professionals, when they sought help, even from family, even from good friends, they were not able to say what was happening, they were not able to describe what was happening. They were not able to convey the all-pervasiveness, the ubiquity, the depth of narcissistic abuse, how it vitiates them, how it makes them feel like they are evaporating, and so on.

So, in other words, they were dumb, dumb in the sense that they couldn't speak, they were speechless.

But the narcissist doesn't see you the way you see yourself. Narcissists don't care if they give pleasure to someone. They are auto-erotic, they are focused on themselves as the source of erotic pleasure. They must debate with other people's bodies. End of story.

Why is this no-contact rule which you have defined so important, and what does it mean in its fullness?

No-contact is not, people say, my grandmother invented no-contact, not you, because my grandmother walked out on my grandfather. What's good for your grandmother, but that's not no-contact.

No-contact is a set of 27 strategies, which altogether are intended to totally insulate you from any dimension and vector of narcissistic abuse.

Narcissistic abuse is a chimera, it's a hydra. It's like water. It will find a path of least resistance.

So if you block one area, it will come through, you block the door, it comes through the window, you block the window, it'll come from under the floor. You need to block everything.

So there's 27 strategies on how to do that, and you must implement all of them simultaneously and uncompromisingly.

It's about keeping the narcissists away from you and away from anyone who matters to you, and if there's no other choice, because for example you have children together or something, working only through intermediaries.

So he's allowed to talk only to your lawyer or to your accountant, and they have instructions on how to filter his messages. So they should get rid of all the emotional side, and so they should just convey.

So it requires training professionals around you, and it's a lot of work. No-contact is a lot of work. It's not just walking away.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Signs You are Victim of Narcissistic Abuse, Not Common Abuse (Stress, Depression Management Webinar)

Narcissistic abuse is a subtype of abusive behavior that is pervasive, sophisticated, and can be practiced either covertly or overtly. Victims of narcissistic abuse often experience depression, anxiety, disorientation, and dissociative symptoms. This type of abuse can lead to complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) and even elements of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The way individuals process and react to trauma can lead to either regression into infantile behaviors or personal growth and maturation, depending on their emotional regulation and maturity.


Two Faces Of Narcissistic Abuse Disrespect From Shared Fantasy To Bargaining

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, including the two phases of the shared fantasy and bargaining phase. He explains how narcissists use stickiness to create a shared fantasy with their targets and then extract adulation, abuse, sex, and services. Vaknin also highlights the differences between narcissists and psychopaths and concludes that narcissistic abuse is a choice and a stupid one at that.


Narcissist's Reactions to Abandonment, Separation, and Divorce

Narcissistic abusers often resort to self-delusion when faced with the dissolution of a meaningful relationship. They may adopt a masochistic avoidance solution, punishing themselves for their failure, or construct a delusional narrative in which they are the hero. Some may become antisocial psychopaths, while others develop persecutory delusions and withdraw completely from social contact, becoming schizoids. Finally, some abusers resort to an aggressive stance, becoming verbally, psychologically, and sometimes physically abusive towards loved ones.


Coping Styles: Narcissist Abuses "Loved" Ones Despite Abandonment Anxiety

Narcissists abuse their loved ones to decrease their abandonment anxiety, restore their sense of grandiosity, and test their partner's loyalty. Abuse also serves as a form of behavior modification, as it signals to the partner that they need to modify their behavior to avoid abuse. Coping styles for dealing with abuse include submissiveness, conflicting, mirroring, collusion, and displacement, but some of these styles can be harmful and should be avoided.


Narcissist Needs to Break Your Spirit (Narcabuse TV on IGTV)

In 1995, a lack of literature on narcissistic personality disorder prompted the creation of new terminology to describe the condition and its effects, leading to the widespread use of terms like "narcissistic abuse." The speaker emphasizes that while many people today use the term "narcissism," its meaning has become diluted and often misapplied, reducing it to a pejorative label rather than a clinical diagnosis. The discussion highlights the complexities of narcissistic and psychopathic behaviors, including the dynamics of relationships where one party seeks to control or manipulate the other, often leading to emotional and psychological harm. Ultimately, the only effective way to escape such toxic relationships is through "no contact," which involves severing ties completely to regain autonomy and mental health.


Hijacked by Narcissist’s Serpent Voice? Do THIS!

The lecture discusses the profound psychological impact of being in a relationship with a narcissist, emphasizing that victims often lose their sense of self and autonomy as the narcissist's internal voice takes over their minds. Healing is not simply about physical separation; it requires a deep psychological reinvention and the identification of the narcissist's voice as distinct from one's own. Victims must recognize that their thoughts and actions may be influenced by the narcissist's internalized voice, which distorts their reality and self-perception. To recover, individuals need to silence this active voice, reactivate their authentic self, and engage in a process of self-discovery and individuation.


Social Distancing: Isolation with the Narcissist

Social isolation with a narcissist can create a dynamic similar to a hostage situation, leading to trauma bonding where the victim attempts to appease the abuser to avoid conflict. The narcissist, feeling a loss of control due to external circumstances like a pandemic, displaces this need for control onto their partner, resulting in increased paranoia and aggression. As the victim is cut off from support networks, they must adopt a "background noise" strategy, responding minimally to the narcissist's demands while avoiding any actions that could provoke further aggression. However, this strategy has limitations, and prolonged isolation may lead to escalating domestic violence and further psychological harm to both the victim and any children involved.


PORTUGUESE SUBTITLES: Narcissists, Narcissistic Abuse Snippets (NarcisismocomMirna)

Narcissists and psychopaths are likened to domestic terrorists, necessitating security measures in the fight against narcissism. Childhood experiences of boundary violations, such as idolization and conditional love, hinder the development of individuality and can lead to abusive dynamics. Narcissists employ mind control techniques like entraining and projective identification, manipulating victims into adopting their rejected traits, which perpetuates a cycle of abuse and victimhood. Healing from such relationships requires acknowledging grief, moving on, and recognizing the dual loss of idealized self and the narcissist's perceived love, leading to prolonged mourning.


Big Bang of Narcissism (Game Changers Interview 1 of 3)

Narcissistic abuse is a unique form of abuse that targets all dimensions of a victim's existence simultaneously, aiming to eliminate their autonomy and recreate them as controllable extensions of the abuser. The rise of narcissism in society is linked to population growth and a consumer culture that objectifies individuals, making it difficult for people to feel unique or valued. Political leaders often reflect the narcissistic tendencies of the electorate, as the prevalence of pathological narcissism has increased significantly, particularly among younger generations. Social media has the potential to raise awareness about narcissism and empower victims by providing them with connections and references, which can help combat the isolation that facilitates such abuse.


Narcissistic, Psychopathic, Or Borderline Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is characterized by its all-pervasive nature, aiming to negate the victim's identity and convert them into an idealized object within the narcissist's shared fantasy, with recovery requiring separation and individuation. Psychopathic abuse, in contrast, is domain-specific and driven by power, focusing on control and manipulation for specific goals, with recovery centered on restoring a sense of justice, which varies individually. Borderline abuse is driven by anxiety and the need for external regulation, with recovery achieved through mirroring the borderline's behavior to disrupt the cycle of dependency. Each type of abuse necessitates a distinct approach to healing, reflecting the unique dynamics and motivations behind the abusive behaviors.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy