My Name is Sam Vaknin: Narcissists, Psychopaths, Abuse

Uploaded 8/23/2023, approx. 5 minute read

♪♪♪ Awareness of sexual abuse with children is not new.

But in the 1970s, it exploded, and it also had legal ramifications, and it was the belief that childhood sexual abuse predisposes people to have certain mental health disorders.

Because he has the capability to withhold affection from you, to withhold his love, to withhold the pleasant times together, the narcissists and psychopaths, they are everywhere. They are hard to detect and harder to cope with.

My name isSam Vaknin and I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited, and a series of other books, about personality disorders.

If you have a narcissistic neighbor, a psychopathic boss, a colleague, a difficult patient, a spouse, a child, if you are divorcing a narcissist or dating one, you must watch these videos on this channel.

Narcissists are hard to detect. Narcissists are manipulative, exploitative, dangerous, subtle, pernicious, and as I said, they are everywhere.

Many narcissists and psychopaths pass off as normal people, as pillars of the community. They are not the serial blood-stained killers of the media or of horror pictures. They are and appear to be normal.

Yet deep inside, their mentality is alien. They lack empathy.

To them, other people are prey, extensions of themselves, mere functions, avatars, representations of useful functions, narcissists are out to maximize narcissistic supply, attention, adulation, admiration, or barring these, being feared or notorious.

Psychopaths are more down to earth. They want money. They seek power. They trample ruthlessly on everyone and everything in their path.

To them, you are merely an obstacle or a useful instrument, a tool.

To survive in today's world where narcissists and psychopaths have risen to the top, in almost every profession, politics, show business, law enforcement, the media, the judiciary, and the clergy.

To spot the psychopaths and the narcissists in your life, your family, workplace, the church, your congregation, your own children, to know how to cope with them and to get rid of them, before it's too late, I urge you and encourage you to watch the tutorials and videos in this channel.

They are free and they are yours and they would help you.

Thank you.

My name is Sam Vaknin and I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited. We are the founder of this story. We are both human. We invented most of the language in use today, including narcissistic abuse, and many other phrases, and that gave voice to victims of narcissism.

Finally, they were able to communicate using a common language, the experiences that they had with narcissism.

Now, why is that important?

Because narcissistic abuse is different to any other type of abuse, in all other types of abuse, because many people abuse, there are many abusers, and only a small minority of them are actually narcissists, and even a smaller minority, tiny, vanishingly small, are psychopaths.

So, why is it important to distinguish between narcissistic abuse and regular abuse?

Because regular abuse targets an aspect of your personality, a dimension of your being, something you do, something you don't do, but it's highly specific, it's target specific, target oriented, it's concrete.

Narcissistic abuse is total. It is the negation of your existence, the attempt to subvert, undermine your mind, and to take over your personality and your life so totally that you feel that you have vanished. It is an existential type of abuse, the only existential type of abuse.

So, there was a dire need to put into words these unequal experiences that have no parallel.

When victims of narcissistic abuse went to therapists or to other mental health professionals, when they sought help, even from family, even from good friends, they were not able to say what was happening, they were not able to describe what was happening. They were not able to convey the all-pervasiveness, the ubiquity, the depth of narcissistic abuse, how it vitiates them, how it makes them feel like they are evaporating, and so on.

So, in other words, they were dumb, dumb in the sense that they couldn't speak, they were speechless.

But the narcissist doesn't see you the way you see yourself. Narcissists don't care if they give pleasure to someone. They are auto-erotic, they are focused on themselves as the source of erotic pleasure. They must debate with other people's bodies. End of story.

Why is this no-contact rule which you have defined so important, and what does it mean in its fullness?

No-contact is not, people say, my grandmother invented no-contact, not you, because my grandmother walked out on my grandfather. What's good for your grandmother, but that's not no-contact.

No-contact is a set of 27 strategies, which altogether are intended to totally insulate you from any dimension and vector of narcissistic abuse.

Narcissistic abuse is a chimera, it's a hydra. It's like water. It will find a path of least resistance.

So if you block one area, it will come through, you block the door, it comes through the window, you block the window, it'll come from under the floor. You need to block everything.

So there's 27 strategies on how to do that, and you must implement all of them simultaneously and uncompromisingly.

It's about keeping the narcissists away from you and away from anyone who matters to you, and if there's no other choice, because for example you have children together or something, working only through intermediaries.

So he's allowed to talk only to your lawyer or to your accountant, and they have instructions on how to filter his messages. So they should get rid of all the emotional side, and so they should just convey.

So it requires training professionals around you, and it's a lot of work. No-contact is a lot of work. It's not just walking away.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Manipulate the Narcissist and Live to Tell About It? (Lecture in Budapest)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the manipulation of narcissists, the prevalence of narcissistic traits in society, and the impact of aggression on children. He emphasizes that the only effective way to deal with a narcissist is to go no contact, as staying in contact can lead to adopting narcissistic behaviors oneself. He notes that narcissism is on a spectrum, with healthy narcissism at one end and narcissistic personality disorder at the other. Vaknin also observes that narcissism and psychopathy are becoming more socially accepted and even encouraged in certain contexts. He mentions that narcissists can recognize each other but not psychopaths, and that psychopaths prey on narcissists. Lastly, he discusses the impact of aggression on children, stating that witnessing or experiencing physical or sexual aggression can lead to destructive or self-destructive behavior, while verbal aggression tends to perpetuate verbal abuse within the family structure.

Collapsed Covert Narcissist: Dissonances, Indifference, No Boundaries

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses his upcoming controversial claim that all narcissists oscillate between being overt and covert in reaction to changing life circumstances and extreme narcissistic injury. He also delves into the behaviors of covert narcissists and the collapsed state of narcissism. Vaknin emphasizes the importance of recognizing the signs of a collapsed narcissist and the rationality of walking away from relationships with narcissists. He also discusses the concept of "no contact" as a strategy for dealing with narcissistic abuse.

The Narcissist's Inner World and His Intimate Partner: New Directions

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the difference between healthy and unhealthy narcissism, the prevalence of narcissism, the emotional components of self-awareness, the role of emotions in narcissists, the types of abuse, the characteristics of narcissism, and the effectiveness of cold therapy in treating narcissism and depression. He also explains the concept of trauma bonding and the challenges in breaking free from a relationship with a narcissist.

How Narcissist Dupes, Lures YOU Into Shared Fantasy

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of narcissists and psychopaths as being void of true emotions and empathy, and how they use mimicry and effective computing to deceive and manipulate others. He explains how their behavior is a form of aggressive mimicry, and how they present themselves as harmless or symbiotic when they are actually parasitic. He also touches on the evolutionary advantages of mimicry in these individuals.

UP TO YOU How People Treat You: Change Your Messaging, Signaling

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the behavior of narcissists and psychopaths, emphasizing their inability to internalize moral reasoning and their lack of capacity for love. He explains that people's treatment of us is influenced by the information we transmit about ourselves and encourages us to cultivate dignity and self-respect. Vaknin advises against seeking validation by altering ourselves and instead advocates for authenticity and self-assertion as a means to change how others treat us. He concludes by emphasizing that we have the power to transform our lives by changing the way we present ourselves to the world.

Narcissistic Abuse and Victim Aggression (Interview in Bronson Men)

Sam Vaknin discusses pathological narcissism and how it is caused by a fixation that occurs when one does not progress beyond a certain emotional age due to getting the wrong signals and input from their maternal figure. Narcissistic abuse is different from other forms of abuse as it aims to deanimate the victim and reduce them to a manipulable object. Vaknin also shares his views on victimhood movements and the confusion between sexual identity, sexual orientation, and gender roles.

How I Experience My Narcissism: Aware, Not Healed

Sam Vaknin discusses his experience with narcissism, how it has affected his life, and how it has become a part of his identity. He explains that narcissism is a personality disorder that defines the narcissist's waking moments and nocturnal dreams. Despite his self-awareness, Vaknin admits that he is powerless to change his narcissism. The narcissist experiences their life as a long, unpredictable, terrifying, and saddening nightmare.

New Light on Victims of Narcissistic Abuse (With Macy Nelson)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the dynamics of narcissistic abuse and cluster B personality disorders. He emphasizes the prevalence of victimhood as a proxy for identity politics and the need for self-accountability. Vaknin delves into the psychological defenses of victims and abusers, the cycle of idealization and devaluation, and the challenges of forgiveness and self-forgiveness. He also highlights the inherent inability of cluster B personalities to experience empathy and emotional resonance.

Victim: Don't Become Your Abuser!

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the dangers of embracing victimhood after experiencing narcissistic abuse. He explains that there are three categories of victims: those affected by the narcissist's instability, those misled by the narcissist's emotional signals, and those intentionally targeted by the narcissist. Vaknin warns that adopting a perpetual victim mentality can lead to narcissistic behaviors, splitting the world into good and evil, and becoming emotionally dependent on the victim identity. He urges individuals to reflect on their own contributions to their situations and avoid falling into the trap of perpetual victimhood.

Cold Empathy Garners Narcissistic Supply (Edwin Rutsch and Sam Vaknin)

Sam Vaknin and a guest discuss the relationship between empathy and narcissism, with Sam suggesting that narcissists have "cold empathy" due to childhood trauma and abuse. They also discuss how society is becoming more narcissistic as a reaction to being overwhelmed with pain and an overload of pain in the media. Sam shares his personal experience of growing up in an abusive household and developing a delusional private world as a defense mechanism. He also discusses how empathic reflection and mirroring can provoke new ideas and enhance empathy, even in individuals who lack warm empathy.

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