♪♪♪ Awareness of sexual abuse with children is not new.
But in the 1970s, it exploded, and it also had legal ramifications, and it was the belief that childhood sexual abuse predisposes people to have certain mental health disorders.
Because he has the capability to withhold affection from you, to withhold his love, to withhold the pleasant times together, the narcissists and psychopaths, they are everywhere. They are hard to detect and harder to cope with.
My name isSam Vaknin and I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited, and a series of other books, about personality disorders.
If you have a narcissistic neighbor, a psychopathic boss, a colleague, a difficult patient, a spouse, a child, if you are divorcing a narcissist or dating one, you must watch these videos on this channel.
Narcissists are hard to detect. Narcissists are manipulative, exploitative, dangerous, subtle, pernicious, and as I said, they are everywhere.
Many narcissists and psychopaths pass off as normal people, as pillars of the community. They are not the serial blood-stained killers of the media or of horror pictures. They are and appear to be normal.
Yet deep inside, their mentality is alien. They lack empathy.
To them, other people are prey, extensions of themselves, mere functions, avatars, representations of useful functions, narcissists are out to maximize narcissistic supply, attention, adulation, admiration, or barring these, being feared or notorious.
Psychopaths are more down to earth. They want money. They seek power. They trample ruthlessly on everyone and everything in their path.
To them, you are merely an obstacle or a useful instrument, a tool.
To survive in today's world where narcissists and psychopaths have risen to the top, in almost every profession, politics, show business, law enforcement, the media, the judiciary, and the clergy.
To spot the psychopaths and the narcissists in your life, your family, workplace, the church, your congregation, your own children, to know how to cope with them and to get rid of them, before it's too late, I urge you and encourage you to watch the tutorials and videos in this channel.
They are free and they are yours and they would help you.
My name is Sam Vaknin and I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited. We are the founder of this story. We are both human. We invented most of the language in use today, including narcissistic abuse, and many other phrases, and that gave voice to victims of narcissism.
Finally, they were able to communicate using a common language, the experiences that they had with narcissism.
Now, why is that important?
Because narcissistic abuse is different to any other type of abuse, in all other types of abuse, because many people abuse, there are many abusers, and only a small minority of them are actually narcissists, and even a smaller minority, tiny, vanishingly small, are psychopaths.
So, why is it important to distinguish between narcissistic abuse and regular abuse?
Because regular abuse targets an aspect of your personality, a dimension of your being, something you do, something you don't do, but it's highly specific, it's target specific, target oriented, it's concrete.
Narcissistic abuse is total. It is the negation of your existence, the attempt to subvert, undermine your mind, and to take over your personality and your life so totally that you feel that you have vanished. It is an existential type of abuse, the only existential type of abuse.
So, there was a dire need to put into words these unequal experiences that have no parallel.
When victims of narcissistic abuse went to therapists or to other mental health professionals, when they sought help, even from family, even from good friends, they were not able to say what was happening, they were not able to describe what was happening. They were not able to convey the all-pervasiveness, the ubiquity, the depth of narcissistic abuse, how it vitiates them, how it makes them feel like they are evaporating, and so on.
So, in other words, they were dumb, dumb in the sense that they couldn't speak, they were speechless.
But the narcissist doesn't see you the way you see yourself. Narcissists don't care if they give pleasure to someone. They are auto-erotic, they are focused on themselves as the source of erotic pleasure. They must debate with other people's bodies. End of story.
Why is this no-contact rule which you have defined so important, and what does it mean in its fullness?
No-contact is not, people say, my grandmother invented no-contact, not you, because my grandmother walked out on my grandfather. What's good for your grandmother, but that's not no-contact.
No-contact is a set of 27 strategies, which altogether are intended to totally insulate you from any dimension and vector of narcissistic abuse.
Narcissistic abuse is a chimera, it's a hydra. It's like water. It will find a path of least resistance.
So if you block one area, it will come through, you block the door, it comes through the window, you block the window, it'll come from under the floor. You need to block everything.
So there's 27 strategies on how to do that, and you must implement all of them simultaneously and uncompromisingly.
It's about keeping the narcissists away from you and away from anyone who matters to you, and if there's no other choice, because for example you have children together or something, working only through intermediaries.
So he's allowed to talk only to your lawyer or to your accountant, and they have instructions on how to filter his messages. So they should get rid of all the emotional side, and so they should just convey.
So it requires training professionals around you, and it's a lot of work. No-contact is a lot of work. It's not just walking away.