My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.
Many victims of narcissists are firmly convinced that they have been chosen by their abusers because of their capacity to empathize their innate sensitivity, their compassion and their ability to love and care. They are the only predators who leverage these human emotions to their advantage.
Classical narcissists, however, are actually repelled by such displays of contemptible, mushy, frail fears. They regard natural-born empaths as deplorable, nauseating weaklings who deserve all the abuse and ill fortune that life and the narcissists mete out to them.
Narcissists, therefore, are highly unlikely to be drawn to such displays of tenderness, understanding and sympathy. They are bound to consider them fake, manipulative ploys, whose sole purpose is either to extract something of value from the narcissist by harping on his emotional needs, or to hurt and torment the narcissist once having secured his attachment and reciprocal so-called love.
Narcissists attribute to empathic, sensitive persons their own faults, traits and motives, and this is a primitive psychological defense mechanism known as projection.
So what is the profile of the typical victim of narcissistic abuse? The shorter the log of it is, there is none.
Victims come in all shapes, sizes, professions, genders and ages. They vary in educational and professional attainment, levels of self-esteem and self-confidence, family background, personal history, socio-economic strata, political affiliations and any other parameter you can think of.
Narcissists are not choosing, and they have not predilections when it comes to sources of narcissistic supply. They check up with anyone who shows them the situation and showers them with attention.
So, as a victim, you ought to get rid of this self-defeating refrain. I attract abusers like a magnet. I am a narcissist magnet or end magnet.
Review your life in minute detail over the years and in a variety of settings, your family, your workplace, church, voluntary services.
Many people of both sexes must have found your company desirable and your personality agreeable. Were they all narcissists? Surely not. Were all those who found you sexually attractive and sought your friendship and companionship monstrous abuses?
Again, no. Were you victimized in all your relationships, whether romantic and intimate or not? There is no way you can answer any of these questions in the future.
If you chose your partner's bedding, or if you did not extricate yourself, post-paced, once you have been mistreated, it must have been your doing.
Magnets are passive. They have no judgment and cannot exert control over their destiny. They are a bad seamard.
Human beings are not inert. They are not helpless, mindless substances like magnets.
Human beings are aware of what they are doing. They can distinguish right from wrong. They can and do act upon information. They exercise judgment.
Bed relationships, however harrowing, constitute opportunities to learn lessons. And if you fail to do that, you have no one to blame, not yourself.