Background

Narcissism is Tiring Energy-depleting

Uploaded 9/12/2010, approx. 4 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The personality is not a static structure which immutably permeates our being.

Personality is a dynamic, ongoing process. It is a series of cognitive and emotional interactions compounded by extraneous, external input, and endogenous internal feedback.

The personality is ever-evolving, though following our formative years, all subsequent personality changes are subtle and infinitesimal.

This labyrinthine complex of reactions, behavior patterns, beliefs, and defense mechanisms consumes a lot of psychic energy. We invest a lot of energy in maintaining our personality.

And so, the more primitive the personality is, the less organized, the more disordered, the greater the amount of energy required to maintain it in a semblance of balance and function, however precarious.

The predicament of the narcissist is even more multifarious.

People suffering from this all-pervasive and pernicious condition externalize most of the available energy in an effort to secure a narcissistic supply.

These people have a fluctuating, vicissitudinal sense of self-worth. They never know what they are really worth.

In order to regulate this fluctuating sense of self-worth, they consume narcissistic supply from the outside. They seek attention, admiration, adulation, and generally, feedback.

But to secure this narcissistic supply, the provision of this supply requires investing a lot of energy in constructing and then projecting a false self.

So these people have very little energy left for the functioning of their own personality, for the daily ego functions, for the daily routine of maintaining their personality in some kind of balance.

All their energy goes outside to secure a narcissistic supply.

Normally, one's energy, as I said, is expended on the proper functioning of one's personality.

The personality disordered devote any shred of vitality to the projection and maintenance of a false self, whose sole purpose is to elicit attention, admiration, approval, acknowledgment, fear, or adulation from others.

The narcissistic supply, thus obtained, helps these unfortunates to calibrate a wildly fluctuating self-esteem, and thus, as I said, fulfills critical ego functions.

Yet the constant pursuit of this drug, this narcissistic supply, the need to stay permanently attuned to one's human environment and to manipulate it ceaselessly by projecting a false self, all these activities inevitably deplete the narcissist's vigor, his emotional exoskeleton, his emotional outside skeleton, outside scaffold, is derived and Sisyphically constructed from the outside.

This is far more demanding than the normal endoskeletons, inner scaffolding, inner skeletons that healthy people possess.

The personality of healthy people relies on an internal structure that is well balanced and well constructed, agile, flexible, adaptive, and reacts to the environment.

The personality of narcissists relies on an external scaffolding, an external structure whose maintenance requires enormous amounts of energy in securing narcissistic supply.

The narcissist is an artist with himself as his sole creation. His entire energy is committed to the theater production that is his false self.

Hence, the narcissist's constant fatigue and ennui, his short attention span, his tendency to devalue sources of supply, even his transformed aggression.

The narcissist can afford to dedicate resources only to the most promising founts of narcissistic supply. He doesn't have energy to spare. He can't dedicate energy to people who may not be or are not sources of supply.

The path of least investment or the path of least resistance, if you wish, is very tempting because it conserves energy, scares energy, which the narcissist needs to secure supply.

So, narcissist resort to criminal shortcuts, violence, cheating, con artistry, lies, and confabulations.

This is because these shortcuts ostensibly help the narcissist keep a larger share of his energy available to other ends, the ends of securing narcissistic supply.

The narcissist's elan, force of life, life force, is run down, his vitality is drenched, and his verve is exhausted by the unusual need to secure from the outside what most people effortlessly produce internally and take for granted.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Narcissist's Pathological Space: His Kingdom

The pathological narcissistic space is a geographical area, group of people, or an abstract field of knowledge in which the narcissistic pathology reaches its full expression and effectiveness. It is a territorially expanded false self that is achieved via sources of narcissistic supply. The existence of the pathological narcissistic space is independent of the existence of sources of narcissistic supply. The pathological narcissistic space constantly consumes and drains narcissistic supply, and it generates negative narcissistic accumulation.


Narcissist's Cycles of Ups and Downs

Narcissists experience cyclical phases of euphoria and dysphoria, characterized by alternating periods of hyperactivity and lethargy, driven by external triggers rather than internal biochemical changes. These cycles, which differ from bipolar disorder, are influenced by the availability of narcissistic supply, leading to manic episodes filled with creativity and social engagement, followed by depressive phases marked by withdrawal and despair. To manage these fluctuations, narcissists engage in a process of hibernation to regenerate energy and strategize for acquiring narcissistic supply, often relying on secondary sources for validation during low periods. Ultimately, the narcissist's life is a tumultuous journey between these mini-cycles, reflecting their dependence on external validation and the instability of their self-esteem.


Why Narcissist APPEARS So STUPID (Borderlines and Psychopaths, too!)

Narcissists, despite often possessing high intelligence, frequently exhibit profound stupidity in their interactions and decision-making due to cognitive distortions like grandiosity and a lack of empathy. This disconnect from reality impairs their ability to learn from past experiences, leading to repetitive mistakes and self-destructive behaviors. Their immaturity and reliance on external validation further contribute to their inability to navigate life effectively, making them susceptible to manipulation and poor judgment. Ultimately, their intellectual capabilities are overshadowed by their emotional and social dysfunctions, rendering them inadequate in real-life situations.


Narcissist’s Collapse, Narcissistic Supply The Nuances

Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist fails to secure adequate narcissistic supply, which can be total or partial, depending on the type and quality of supply received. Total collapse happens when there is no supply at all, while partial collapse occurs when the narcissist receives supply that is unsatisfactory or of low quality, leading to a transition between different types of narcissism. The types of narcissistic supply include primary supply, which is attention from high-grade sources, and secondary supply, which involves regular, stable sources of validation. The dynamics of narcissistic supply are complex, as the narcissist relies on both types to maintain their self-image and avoid collapse, and any failure in securing this supply can lead to significant psychological distress.


Why Narcissist Happy, Depressed, Remorseful? Plus Boredom

Narcissists can experience both happiness and depression simultaneously, a phenomenon termed "affective ambivalence," which is not exclusive to them but common among various personality disorders. This internal conflict arises from their chaotic internal landscape, where multiple self-states coexist, each with its own emotions and moods. The high costs associated with their happiness, such as social isolation for the schizoid narcissist or emotional dysregulation for the borderline, often lead to feelings of regret and dissatisfaction despite moments of gratification. Regret in these individuals is irrational, as it relies on a stable core identity, which they lack due to their fragmented self-states. Ultimately, their strategies for coping with these emotional complexities are sub-optimal, leading to further dysfunction and a cycle of loss and denial.


Collapse Variants Of Somatic Narcissism, Wounded Borderline Self Trashing

The binary system in narcissism involves the coexistence of overt and covert types, as well as somatic and cerebral states, leading to internal conflict and rapid cycling between phases. When a narcissist fails to obtain narcissistic supply, they experience a collapse that triggers a transition from one type to another, often resulting in dysphoria and a struggle to regulate their identity. This transition can manifest as a shift from cerebral to somatic narcissism, with variations such as shared fantasy or promiscuous somatic types, influenced by the individual's social sexuality. The mechanism of collapse is common across personality disorders, facilitating transitions between mutually exclusive identities, and highlighting the profound identity disturbance inherent in these conditions.


How Narcissist Experiences His Collapse (Grandiosity Bubbles and Delusional Solutions)

When a narcissist is unable to obtain narcissistic supply, they experience a phenomenon known as narcissistic collapse, leading to various internal dynamics and emotional responses. This collapse can result in a range of maladaptive solutions, including delusional narratives, antisocial behavior, and paranoid ideation, as the narcissist attempts to cope with their perceived failures and maintain a sense of self-worth. The absence of supply can trigger severe emotional dysregulation, withdrawal from reality, and even psychotic episodes, as the narcissist struggles to reconcile their grandiose self-image with the harshness of reality. Ultimately, the narcissist's reliance on external validation creates a precarious existence, where the loss of supply leads to profound feelings of emptiness and self-destruction.


Narcissist: Bumbling Fool, Incapable of Learning?

Narcissists often appear foolish due to their lack of impulse control and foresight, leading them to make self-destructive decisions that are typically associated with stupidity. Their inability to read social cues and empathize with others results in socially unacceptable behavior, making them seem clownish and out of touch. Additionally, narcissists engage in pseudo-stupidity, pretending to misunderstand situations to avoid accountability, and they react defensively to new information, perceiving it as a threat to their grandiosity. This combination of traits and behaviors can create the impression that narcissists are genuinely lacking in intelligence.


Anxiety, Depression, and Narcissism

Depression is a form of aggression that is directed at the depressed person rather than at their environment. This regime of repressed and mutated aggression is a characteristic of both narcissism and depression. Narcissism is sometimes described as a form of low-intensity depression. Depression is how this kind of patient experiences their overflowing reservoir of aggression.


Depressive Narcissist

Pathological narcissism is often considered a form of depressive illness, with the life of a typical narcissist punctuated with recurrent bouts of dysphoria, sadness, hopelessness, anhedonia, loss of the ability to feel pleasure, and clinical forms of depression. Narcissists react with depression not only to life crises but to fluctuations in narcissistic supply and to the internal dynamics that these fluctuations generate. There are several types of dysphoria and depression in pathological narcissism, including loss-induced dysphoria, deficiency-induced dysphoria, self-worth dysregulation dysphoria, grandiosity gap dysphoria, and self-punishing dysphoria. Many narcissists end up delusional, schizoid, or paranoid to avoid agonizing and knowing depression.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy