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Narcissism is Tiring Energy-depleting

Uploaded 9/12/2010, approx. 4 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The personality is not a static structure which immutably permeates our being.

Personality is a dynamic, ongoing process. It is a series of cognitive and emotional interactions compounded by extraneous, external input, and endogenous internal feedback.

The personality is ever-evolving, though following our formative years, all subsequent personality changes are subtle and infinitesimal.

This labyrinthine complex of reactions, behavior patterns, beliefs, and defense mechanisms consumes a lot of psychic energy. We invest a lot of energy in maintaining our personality.

And so, the more primitive the personality is, the less organized, the more disordered, the greater the amount of energy required to maintain it in a semblance of balance and function, however precarious.

The predicament of the narcissist is even more multifarious.

People suffering from this all-pervasive and pernicious condition externalize most of the available energy in an effort to secure a narcissistic supply.

These people have a fluctuating, vicissitudinal sense of self-worth. They never know what they are really worth.

In order to regulate this fluctuating sense of self-worth, they consume narcissistic supply from the outside. They seek attention, admiration, adulation, and generally, feedback.

But to secure this narcissistic supply, the provision of this supply requires investing a lot of energy in constructing and then projecting a false self.

So these people have very little energy left for the functioning of their own personality, for the daily ego functions, for the daily routine of maintaining their personality in some kind of balance.

All their energy goes outside to secure a narcissistic supply.

Normally, one's energy, as I said, is expended on the proper functioning of one's personality.

The personality disordered devote any shred of vitality to the projection and maintenance of a false self, whose sole purpose is to elicit attention, admiration, approval, acknowledgment, fear, or adulation from others.

The narcissistic supply, thus obtained, helps these unfortunates to calibrate a wildly fluctuating self-esteem, and thus, as I said, fulfills critical ego functions.

Yet the constant pursuit of this drug, this narcissistic supply, the need to stay permanently attuned to one's human environment and to manipulate it ceaselessly by projecting a false self, all these activities inevitably deplete the narcissist's vigor, his emotional exoskeleton, his emotional outside skeleton, outside scaffold, is derived and Sisyphically constructed from the outside.

This is far more demanding than the normal endoskeletons, inner scaffolding, inner skeletons that healthy people possess.

The personality of healthy people relies on an internal structure that is well balanced and well constructed, agile, flexible, adaptive, and reacts to the environment.

The personality of narcissists relies on an external scaffolding, an external structure whose maintenance requires enormous amounts of energy in securing narcissistic supply.

The narcissist is an artist with himself as his sole creation. His entire energy is committed to the theater production that is his false self.

Hence, the narcissist's constant fatigue and ennui, his short attention span, his tendency to devalue sources of supply, even his transformed aggression.

The narcissist can afford to dedicate resources only to the most promising founts of narcissistic supply. He doesn't have energy to spare. He can't dedicate energy to people who may not be or are not sources of supply.

The path of least investment or the path of least resistance, if you wish, is very tempting because it conserves energy, scares energy, which the narcissist needs to secure supply.

So, narcissist resort to criminal shortcuts, violence, cheating, con artistry, lies, and confabulations.

This is because these shortcuts ostensibly help the narcissist keep a larger share of his energy available to other ends, the ends of securing narcissistic supply.

The narcissist's elan, force of life, life force, is run down, his vitality is drenched, and his verve is exhausted by the unusual need to secure from the outside what most people effortlessly produce internally and take for granted.

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Narcissist's Cycles of Ups and Downs

Narcissists experience cyclical phases of euphoria and dysphoria, characterized by alternating periods of hyperactivity and lethargy, driven by external triggers rather than internal biochemical changes. These cycles, which differ from bipolar disorder, are influenced by the availability of narcissistic supply, leading to manic episodes filled with creativity and social engagement, followed by depressive phases marked by withdrawal and despair. To manage these fluctuations, narcissists engage in a process of hibernation to regenerate energy and strategize for acquiring narcissistic supply, often relying on secondary sources for validation during low periods. Ultimately, the narcissist's life is a tumultuous journey between these mini-cycles, reflecting their dependence on external validation and the instability of their self-esteem.


Narcissist's Pathological Space: His Kingdom

The pathological narcissistic space is a geographical area, group of people, or an abstract field of knowledge in which the narcissistic pathology reaches its full expression and effectiveness. It is a territorially expanded false self that is achieved via sources of narcissistic supply. The existence of the pathological narcissistic space is independent of the existence of sources of narcissistic supply. The pathological narcissistic space constantly consumes and drains narcissistic supply, and it generates negative narcissistic accumulation.


Alcohol+Covert Narcissist=Antisocial Grandiose Narcissist

Covert narcissists often use alcohol as a means to transform their self-perception from feelings of inadequacy to a grandiose sense of self, shedding their modesty and inhibitions. Alcohol alters their empathy, making them less caring towards loved ones while enhancing their connection with strangers, leading to reckless behaviors and impulsive decisions. This disinhibition can result in a dangerous shift towards psychopathic traits, as the alcohol amplifies their latent narcissism and aggression. Ultimately, the cycle of drinking leads to feelings of guilt and shame once sober, reinforcing their self-loathing and dependence on alcohol to escape their emotional turmoil.


Satisficing Narcissists, Borderlines, And Psychopaths Reject Life

Satisficing is a concept in decision-making theory where one prefers the minimally satisfactory or barely acceptable option. It is linked to narcissistic and psychopathic behavior and was discovered by Nobel Prize-winning economist Herbert K. Simon. Satisficers have low self-esteem, external locus of control, and lack commitment, often leading to mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorders. They also engage in magical thinking and magical immunity, believing their actions or inactions have no real-life consequences for themselves or others.


Potemkin Narcissists: Fake It Till You Make It!

There are two distinct types of narcissists: Potemkin narcissists, who focus on appearances and celebrity without substantial achievements, and career narcissists, who strive for meaningful accomplishments and leave a lasting legacy. Potemkin narcissists cultivate a following through superficial traits and self-promotion, often leading chaotic lives characterized by inconsistency and a lack of genuine interest in others. In contrast, career narcissists are dedicated, hardworking individuals who seek to make a significant impact and are capable of forming meaningful relationships and alliances. While both types may engage in manipulative behaviors, the career narcissist's focus on substance and legacy sets them apart from their more superficial counterparts.


Alzheimer's Narcissist Dementias Of Absence

Dementia is a neurodegenerative disorder that leads to a gradual and irreversible decline in cognitive function, ultimately resulting in a loss of identity and self-awareness. For narcissists, this condition is particularly devastating as it dismantles their constructed self-image and exposes their vulnerabilities, leading to a profound sense of loss and grief. As their cognitive abilities deteriorate, narcissists may resort to denial and manipulation to mask their decline, but ultimately, they face an inevitable confrontation with their non-existence. The process of dementia reveals the emptiness of the narcissist's facade, resulting in explosive rage and withdrawal as they struggle to cope with their fading reality.


Narcissist’s Collapse, Narcissistic Supply The Nuances

Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist fails to secure adequate narcissistic supply, which can be total or partial, depending on the type and quality of supply received. Total collapse happens when there is no supply at all, while partial collapse occurs when the narcissist receives supply that is unsatisfactory or of low quality, leading to a transition between different types of narcissism. The types of narcissistic supply include primary supply, which is attention from high-grade sources, and secondary supply, which involves regular, stable sources of validation. The dynamics of narcissistic supply are complex, as the narcissist relies on both types to maintain their self-image and avoid collapse, and any failure in securing this supply can lead to significant psychological distress.


Narcissist's Routines

Narcissists have a series of routines that are developed through rote learning and repetitive patterns of experience. These routines are used to reduce anxiety and transform the world into a manageable and controllable one. The narcissist is a creature of habit and finds change unsettling. The narcissist's routines are often broken down when they are breached or can no longer be defended, leading to a narcissistic injury.


Why Narcissist Happy, Depressed, Remorseful? Plus Boredom

Narcissists can experience both happiness and depression simultaneously, a phenomenon termed "affective ambivalence," which is not exclusive to them but common among various personality disorders. This internal conflict arises from their chaotic internal landscape, where multiple self-states coexist, each with its own emotions and moods. The high costs associated with their happiness, such as social isolation for the schizoid narcissist or emotional dysregulation for the borderline, often lead to feelings of regret and dissatisfaction despite moments of gratification. Regret in these individuals is irrational, as it relies on a stable core identity, which they lack due to their fragmented self-states. Ultimately, their strategies for coping with these emotional complexities are sub-optimal, leading to further dysfunction and a cycle of loss and denial.


Narcissist of Substance vs. Narcissist of Appearances

There are two types of narcissists: those who derive ample narcissistic supply from mere appearances and those whose narcissistic supply consists of doing substantial deeds. The former type of narcissist aims for celebrity, defined as being famous for being famous, while the latter type aims for careers in the limelight. The celebrity narcissist has a short attention span, is indolent, and prefers the path of least resistance. The career substantial narcissist is very concerned with leaving his mark and stamp of the world with his legacy, is a natural-born leader, and is willing and able to negotiate, compromise, and network.

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