Background

Narcissism is Tiring Energy-depleting

Uploaded 9/12/2010, approx. 4 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The personality is not a static structure which immutably permeates our being.

Personality is a dynamic, ongoing process. It is a series of cognitive and emotional interactions compounded by extraneous, external input, and endogenous internal feedback.

The personality is ever-evolving, though following our formative years, all subsequent personality changes are subtle and infinitesimal.

This labyrinthine complex of reactions, behavior patterns, beliefs, and defense mechanisms consumes a lot of psychic energy. We invest a lot of energy in maintaining our personality.

And so, the more primitive the personality is, the less organized, the more disordered, the greater the amount of energy required to maintain it in a semblance of balance and function, however precarious.

The predicament of the narcissist is even more multifarious.

People suffering from this all-pervasive and pernicious condition externalize most of the available energy in an effort to secure a narcissistic supply.

These people have a fluctuating, vicissitudinal sense of self-worth. They never know what they are really worth.

In order to regulate this fluctuating sense of self-worth, they consume narcissistic supply from the outside. They seek attention, admiration, adulation, and generally, feedback.

But to secure this narcissistic supply, the provision of this supply requires investing a lot of energy in constructing and then projecting a false self.

So these people have very little energy left for the functioning of their own personality, for the daily ego functions, for the daily routine of maintaining their personality in some kind of balance.

All their energy goes outside to secure a narcissistic supply.

Normally, one's energy, as I said, is expended on the proper functioning of one's personality.

The personality disordered devote any shred of vitality to the projection and maintenance of a false self, whose sole purpose is to elicit attention, admiration, approval, acknowledgment, fear, or adulation from others.

The narcissistic supply, thus obtained, helps these unfortunates to calibrate a wildly fluctuating self-esteem, and thus, as I said, fulfills critical ego functions.

Yet the constant pursuit of this drug, this narcissistic supply, the need to stay permanently attuned to one's human environment and to manipulate it ceaselessly by projecting a false self, all these activities inevitably deplete the narcissist's vigor, his emotional exoskeleton, his emotional outside skeleton, outside scaffold, is derived and Sisyphically constructed from the outside.

This is far more demanding than the normal endoskeletons, inner scaffolding, inner skeletons that healthy people possess.

The personality of healthy people relies on an internal structure that is well balanced and well constructed, agile, flexible, adaptive, and reacts to the environment.

The personality of narcissists relies on an external scaffolding, an external structure whose maintenance requires enormous amounts of energy in securing narcissistic supply.

The narcissist is an artist with himself as his sole creation. His entire energy is committed to the theater production that is his false self.

Hence, the narcissist's constant fatigue and ennui, his short attention span, his tendency to devalue sources of supply, even his transformed aggression.

The narcissist can afford to dedicate resources only to the most promising founts of narcissistic supply. He doesn't have energy to spare. He can't dedicate energy to people who may not be or are not sources of supply.

The path of least investment or the path of least resistance, if you wish, is very tempting because it conserves energy, scares energy, which the narcissist needs to secure supply.

So, narcissist resort to criminal shortcuts, violence, cheating, con artistry, lies, and confabulations.

This is because these shortcuts ostensibly help the narcissist keep a larger share of his energy available to other ends, the ends of securing narcissistic supply.

The narcissist's elan, force of life, life force, is run down, his vitality is drenched, and his verve is exhausted by the unusual need to secure from the outside what most people effortlessly produce internally and take for granted.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Narcissist's Cycles of Ups and Downs

Narcissists experience cyclical phases of euphoria and dysphoria, characterized by alternating periods of hyperactivity and lethargy, driven by external triggers rather than internal biochemical changes. These cycles, which differ from bipolar disorder, are influenced by the availability of narcissistic supply, leading to manic episodes filled with creativity and social engagement, followed by depressive phases marked by withdrawal and despair. To manage these fluctuations, narcissists engage in a process of hibernation to regenerate energy and strategize for acquiring narcissistic supply, often relying on secondary sources for validation during low periods. Ultimately, the narcissist's life is a tumultuous journey between these mini-cycles, reflecting their dependence on external validation and the instability of their self-esteem.


Self-Aware Narcissist: Still a Narcissist

Narcissism is pervasive and defines the narcissist's waking moments, infiltrating and permeating their dreams. Narcissists only admit to a problem when they are abandoned, destitute, and devastated. Narcissistic behaviors can be modified using talk therapy and pinpointed medication conditioning, but there is a huge difference between behavior modification and a permanent alteration of a psychodynamic landscape. Narcissism may improve with age, but it is rare.


Why Narcissist Happy, Depressed, Remorseful? Plus Boredom

Narcissists can experience both happiness and depression simultaneously, a phenomenon termed "affective ambivalence," which is not exclusive to them but common among various personality disorders. This internal conflict arises from their chaotic internal landscape, where multiple self-states coexist, each with its own emotions and moods. The high costs associated with their happiness, such as social isolation for the schizoid narcissist or emotional dysregulation for the borderline, often lead to feelings of regret and dissatisfaction despite moments of gratification. Regret in these individuals is irrational, as it relies on a stable core identity, which they lack due to their fragmented self-states. Ultimately, their strategies for coping with these emotional complexities are sub-optimal, leading to further dysfunction and a cycle of loss and denial.


Depressive Narcissist

Pathological narcissism is often considered a form of depressive illness, with the life of a typical narcissist punctuated with recurrent bouts of dysphoria, sadness, hopelessness, anhedonia, loss of the ability to feel pleasure, and clinical forms of depression. Narcissists react with depression not only to life crises but to fluctuations in narcissistic supply and to the internal dynamics that these fluctuations generate. There are several types of dysphoria and depression in pathological narcissism, including loss-induced dysphoria, deficiency-induced dysphoria, self-worth dysregulation dysphoria, grandiosity gap dysphoria, and self-punishing dysphoria. Many narcissists end up delusional, schizoid, or paranoid to avoid agonizing and knowing depression.


"Near Death Experiences (NDEs)" of Narcissist, Borderline

Near-death experiences often involve a surge of gamma wave activity in the brain, suggesting a correlation with consciousness at the moment of death. This phenomenon has been observed in both humans and animals, indicating that individuals may experience vivid sensations or perceptions as they approach death. Narcissists and borderlines exist in a state akin to a near-death experience, with narcissists being disconnected from reality and trapped in an internal landscape of lost relationships, while borderlines experience depersonalization and dissociation in response to stress. Both personality types exhibit a profound emptiness and lack of identity, leading to a life experience that is fundamentally one of psychological death.


Narcissist’s 3 Depressions

Narcissists experience three types of depression, each stemming from their inability to cope with emotional realities and their dependence on external validation. Loss-induced dysphoria occurs when they lose sources of narcissistic supply, leading to a gradual decline in their sense of self. Deficiency-induced dysphoria is a more acute reaction to sudden losses of supply, prompting the narcissist to seek new sources to replenish their self-worth. Lastly, self-worth dysregulation dysphoria arises from criticism or humiliation, resulting in a crisis of identity and a profound sense of inferiority, ultimately revealing the deep-seated pain and trauma that underlie their narcissistic facade.


Shameful Core of Covert Narcissist: Inferior Vulnerability Compensated

There are two primary types of narcissists: grandiose overt narcissists, who display dominant antisocial traits, and covert vulnerable narcissists, who often present as victims and are characterized by feelings of shame and inadequacy. Shame plays a crucial role in the development of these narcissistic traits, particularly in covert narcissism, where it is linked to a deep sense of inferiority and emotional dysregulation. While grandiose narcissists may suppress shame and maintain a facade of confidence, vulnerable narcissists are more likely to experience intense feelings of shame, leading to self-loathing and maladaptive behaviors. The distinction between these two types of narcissism is essential for understanding their underlying psychological mechanisms and the impact of shame on their behaviors.


DANGER When Narcissists Switch, Align: Cope, Survive

Switching in narcissists is a complex psychological mechanism that occurs in response to narcissistic mortification, leading to a transition between different self-states. There are three types of switching: reactive, which is triggered by external humiliation; endogenous, which arises from internal processes when the narcissist cannot obtain external validation; and type switching, where the narcissist fluidly transitions between different narcissistic types. Coping strategies vary depending on the type of switching, with recommendations to either become passive and wait it out or provide minimal narcissistic supply to stabilize the narcissist. Ultimately, switching is a profound internal process for narcissists, involving self-destruction and rebirth, often accompanied by dissociation and aggression towards others.


Errors: Charlatan Self-styled "Experts" CORRECTED

Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist's grandiosity is challenged, leading to frustration and narcissistic rage, while narcissistic mortification involves public humiliation that strips the narcissist of their defenses, resulting in severe emotional dysregulation. Narcissistic collapse, on the other hand, is a prolonged failure to secure narcissistic supply, leading to a shift in narcissistic types as a desperate attempt to regain self-efficacy. Failed narcissism, distinct from collapse, refers to a child's inability to develop a false self due to trauma, which can lead to borderline personality disorder. Understanding these distinctions is crucial, as many self-proclaimed experts misinterpret or conflate these concepts, contributing to widespread misinformation.


Narcissist’s Fantastic Consciousness: Predictive, Hot, Global

Narcissists experience consciousness differently from neurotypical individuals, primarily due to their reliance on a fantasy defense mechanism that distorts their perception of reality. While healthy individuals process sensory inputs and create accurate higher-order representations of external objects, narcissists internalize these objects, perceiving them as extensions of themselves rather than separate entities. This leads to a lower level of consciousness and self-awareness, as their cognitive processes are heavily influenced by dissociation and a lack of cohesive identity. The interplay of various neurocognitive theories, such as higher-order theories, global workspace theories, and integrated information theory, highlights the unique and impaired functioning of the narcissist's mind.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy