Narcissist: Ego Outsourced, Self Faked (ENGLISH responses, with Nárcisz Coach)

Uploaded 1/21/2020, approx. 6 minute read

I understand, as you mentioned before, that the true self is kind of tired and became fossilized, but then the false self, who is behind the mask? Who is behind that person? Who is, that reacts after?

Is it, comes by any chance from the old self, the true self, or is it every, all the time, always the false self?

Only the false. The only psychodynamically active element in the narcissistic structure is the false self. The false self fulfills some ego functions. The false self interacts with the world, with reality, like a classical ego.

So narcissists actually don't have ego, in Freud's sense.

The irony is that narcissists are the only people who don't have ego.

Ego in Freud's trilateral model was the part of the personality that is responsible to interface with reality, to provide the person with reality test.

So the ego is the one who tells the person, don't do this. It will have bad consequences.

Or yeah, go for it. You have the skills and you have the talents. You should try.

So it's the ego that keeps the contact, the interface between the person and reality.

Narcissists don't have ego.

Again, it's irony because everyone says narcissists is inflated ego. They don't have ego.

That's precisely the problem.

And what they do, they export the ego function because they don't have ego.

They have to take the ego functions from outside.

So one important ego function is to give you a realistic appraisal of who you are, what you are capable of, what you are not capable of, your limitations, your skills, your talents. That's ego function.

Narcissist is that because he doesn't have ego. He has to talk to other people to get this information.

So narcissists would ask you, am I a genius? Was I good? Am I handsome?

Narcissists constantly will seek, will seek input from other people where in healthy person, the ego is doing this from inside.

Now the fourth self fulfills certain very important ego functions.

In this sense, what happened, the child kills, commits suicide, child commits mental suicide and transfers all is inside to the outside, transfers his internal psychological processes and functions to an outside entity. And this outside entity is the fourth self.

Now, of course, there are problems with the fourth self. While the fourth self functions as a person, full fledged person, and therefore the narcissist can't stop to exist. It's a very crucial thing to understand.

The narcissist's main concern and main occupation is to not exist. The fourth self allows the narcissist to remain in a state of death, suspended death.

The reason is that the child, the original child had been severely traumatized and suffered intolerable pain. To escape the pain, the child had to kill itself, no other way to escape the pain. So the child killed himself metaphorically or symbolically and transferred his inner state, transferred his inner landscape into an external entity and that external entity cannot suffer pain. Why? Because it's perfect. It's omnipotent, it's omniscient, it's God. God cannot suffer pain.

So the fourth self is the protection of the child against additional pain. Whatever happens from that moment on, the abuse, the trauma, they don't happen to the child. The child is dead, so they cannot feel pain. Everything happens to the fourth self, but the fourth self cannot experience pain. So the child wins, wins, as the child is dead, so he cannot experience pain. And the fourth self cannot experience pain. The parent loses its power to inflict pain. That's a defense against trauma, classic defense, but against trauma.

So, but what the child learns is this, why not keep the fourth self? I mean, I started the fourth self to protect myself against the pain of my parents, but why not to keep it? It's omnipotent, it's omniscient, it's perfect, it's brilliant, it's handsome, it's genius. Why not to keep it? Let's keep it.

Also, it isolates me from pain. It protects me from hurt. It makes me impregnable, makes me invincible, makes me superior. That's when grandiosity starts.

The child at the beginning says to himself, all my peers, all other children suffer pain, suffer hurt, I don't, I'm superior in someone. That's how grandiosity starts. Then he says, wait a minute, I know everything. Of course, it's not the child, it's the fourth self speaking. I know everything, the others don't.

So again, I'm superior.

Gradually, the fourth self becomes imbued, becomes immersed in grandiosity. Grandiosity becomes a critical feature of the fourth self. And it is linked intimately to protection, to pain aversion, to avoiding pain.

So the fourth self is grandiose. It is by definition false because it's godlike. Of course, no one is godlike. And it is so effective, so efficient, allows the child to survive somehow, so well, that ultimately the child says, I don't need anything else. I just need the fourth self, I can become the fourth self. And nothing is left except the fourth self.

The narcissist is an emptiness hiding behind a false facade. The huge frustration of the victims of narcissists, intimate partners of narcissists, spouses of narcissists, children of narcissists, friends of narcissists, the huge frustration is that when you finally penetrate the fourth self, when you reach in, you reach in only to discover there is nobody there. There's nobody home.

The narcissist is a perfect simulation of a human being. But there is no human being there. It's a hologram. It's a hologram. It's a form of very deceitful, masterfully constructed artificial intelligence. There is no human being there, in any sense of the word. There's just one giant void, deep space.

And when victims, for example, realize that they are horrified, when you interact with victims of narcissists, what strikes you the most is the sense of horror at what has happened to them. The sense of dislocation, disorientation and loss of identity, loss of self-awareness, but also sense of horror. It's like having slept or having been with an illusion, hallucination, like waking up from a very bad drug trip, for those of you who have been in a drug trip. A bad drug trip feels like that because when you're in the trip, everything feels completely real, 100% real. And then you wake up and the feeling is nightmarish. You feel you've been in a nightmare.

The narcissist is a nightmare that you can never wake up from, never.

Because even if you get rid of the narcissist physically from your life, you cannot get rid of the narcissist in your head. The narcissist implants, interjects, these are voices inside your head.

And this particular brand of contamination is very difficult to be afraid of, it's not impossible.

So you can get the narcissist out of your life, but not out of your head.

And the thing is that the narcissist is a known entity. It's not an entity, it's a piece of void or emptiness inside your head that is talking.

In this particular way of looking at things, victims of narcissist experience psychosis. It's a psychotic reaction.

What is a psychotic reaction is when a known entity talks to you. I heard a voice, the voice told me something.

It's the same experience with narcissists. There's a known entity

that talks inside your head, inside your head. When this sense is bordering on psychology. ###

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Narcissists, Psychosis, Eternal Victims: Splitting the Inner Dialog

Narcissists feel like victims because of a disruption in their inner dialogue, leading to confusion between internal and external objects. This confusion is resolved through a defense mechanism called splitting, where the narcissist sees themselves as all bad and the world as all good, or vice versa. This can lead to dissociation and other mental health issues. Trauma and addiction can also be linked to this disrupted inner dialogue.

Narcissist's Psychological Defense Mechanisms

The psyche is a battlefield between instinctual urges and drives, the id, the constraints imposed by reality on the gratification of his impulses, ego, and the norms of society, the superego. Narcissism is a defense mechanism, and narcissists have a monopoly of other defense mechanisms. There are dozens of defense mechanisms, including acting out, denial, devaluation, displacement, dissociation, fantasy, idealization, isolation of affect, omnipotence, projection, projective identification, rationalization, cognitive dissonance, reaction formation, repression, splitting, sublimation, and undoing. All these defense mechanisms operate within the narcissist.

Narcissist's False Self vs. True Self: Soul-snatching

The narcissist's life is a spectacle, with free access to all, constantly on display. The narcissist flaunts a false self to solicit narcissistic supply, attention, and admiration from his audience. The false self is an adaptive reaction to pathological circumstances, but its dynamics make it predominate. The false self is far more important to the narcissist than his dilapidated, dysfunctional, shameful true self.

How Narcissist Experiences/Reacts to No Contact, Grey Rock, Mirroring, Coping, Survival Techniques

Narcissists are victims of post-traumatic conditions caused by their parents, leading to ontological insecurity, dissociation, and confabulation. They have no core identity and construct their sense of self by reflecting themselves from other people. Narcissists have empathy, but it is cold empathy, which is goal-oriented and used to find vulnerabilities to obtain goals. Narcissism becomes a religion when a child is abused by their parents, particularly their mother, and not allowed to develop their own boundaries. The false self demands human sacrifice, and the narcissist must sacrifice others to the false self to gratify and satisfy it.

YOUR LOVE, Intimacy FEARED: Narcissist’s Perfectionism, Envy

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's hatred towards others and how it is linked to perfectionism. The narcissist's fear of failure drives them to be perfect, and they believe they are infallible. The narcissist idealizes only internal objects and internalizes external objects to eliminate competition. In this section, Professor Sam Vaknin explains that the narcissist believes they are the only good object in the world and that they have internalized this object. Therefore, they do not need to envy anyone else. The narcissist becomes immune to envy and talks to their envy, telling it not to direct itself at them because they are the good object.

Why Narcissists Love Borderline Women and Why They Hate Them Back

Narcissistic mortification is a challenge to the false self, which crumbles and is unable to maintain defenses and pretensions. Narcissists use two strategies to restore some cohesiveness to the self: deflated and inflated narcissist. Narcissists engage in mortification, a form of self-mutilation, to feel alive and free from commitment to their false self. Narcissists seek out borderline women to mortify them and experience the unresolved primary conflict with their mother.

Shape-shifting Narcissist (ENGLISH responses, with Nárcisz Coach)

Narcissists do not have a false self, they are the false self. The false self is a script, a piece of fiction that the narcissist creates by collecting reflections of feedback from others and putting them together in a collage. The narcissist's identity is constantly dependent on feedback, making it a shape-shifter that changes second by second. Victims fall in love with themselves in the hall of mirrors that the narcissist creates, making it impossible to disengage from the narcissist or fall out of love because they are in love with themselves.

Narcissist: Your Pain is his Healing, Your Crucifixion - His Resurrection

Narcissists need their victims to suffer to regulate their own emotions and feel a sense of control. They keep a mental ledger of positive and negative behaviors, with negative behaviors weighing more heavily. Narcissists need counterfactual statements to maintain their delusion of being special and superior. The grandiosity gap is the major vulnerability of the narcissist, and they are often in denial about their limitations and failures.

Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind

Narcissists play the role of a good enough mother, adopting a maternal role and idealizing their victims. They regress their victims to infancy, merging and fusing with them, eliminating their individuality and appropriating their individuality. The narcissist creates an introject, an internal representation of the victim, which is muted and spews out words attributed to the introject by the narcissist. The victim has an introject of the narcissist in their head, which is fully active and talks a lot, becoming a second, harsh, sadistic inner critic. The current advice to recognize and embrace victimhood is counterproductive, as it freezes the emergent roles allocated by the narcissist, and the locus of control remains in the narcissist's hands. Victims need to extricate

Narcissist Can't Feel Lovable, Good, Worthy, Self-rejects

Negative identity in narcissism involves defining oneself in contrast or contradiction to others, either positively or negatively. This can lead to self-rejection, self-loathing, and the creation of a false self to compensate for the perceived inadequacy of the true self. This process is further complicated by the narcissist's autoplastic and alloplastic defenses, as well as their external and internal locus of control. Ultimately, the narcissist's pursuit of goals and accomplishments to satisfy their false self serves as a form of self-rejection, as they are constantly reminded of their inadequacy and worthlessness in comparison to the false self.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy