Background

Narcissist: Identity Thief, Carnivorous Plant

Uploaded 12/5/2024, approx. 4 minute read

The Narcissus can be compared to a carnivorous plant.

He opens up his petals to you, obliterates the lines of demarcation, and then consumes you succulently within.

The inner part of the carnivorous plant is the shared fantasy and you are there slowly dissolving into it until you are no more. The shared fantasy is a form of identity theft. The lines in a shared fantasy is a form of identity theft.

The lines in a shared fantasy, the lines between you and the narcissists, blur.

There's a bleeding of identities into each other.

It's a kind of pernicious symbiosis where the boundaries between host and parasite kind of disappear. They meld into each other. It's a form of merger and fusion.

During the period of the shared fantasy, the narcissist assumes your identity in many ways.

He adopts your speech patterns.

He steals your ideas.

Sometimes he or she dress as you do.

They co-opt your friends and family members. They isolate you socially so that they could acquire your social circle.

Gradually, you vanish. You are vaporized, suspended animation, while the narcissist thrives on your essence, on your past accomplishments, on your personal history, on your knowledge, on your ideas, and quite frequently, on your finances.

This is the parasitic nature of the narcissist.


But what happens when you walk away?

Or what happens when the narcissist discards you and you're no longer in his life?

Well, remember, the shared fantasy involves acting. The narcissist is an actor.

It's a kind of thespian display.

It's a theater production.

When you walk away, when you're no longer in the narcissist's life, what happens is the narcissist reverts to basic form to the period before you have entered the shared fantasy.

And then the narcissist becomes again his or her absence, his or her empty container and receptacle, ready to adopt and subsume and consume and digest and simply be filled with someone else's essence.

It's very reminiscent of vampirism, of course, which is why people keep calling the narcissists the vampire, or a demon, or what have you.

But really, it's a matter of mirroring and reflection.

The narcissists consist of an emptiness surrounded by an imitating shell, a shell of mimicry and simulacrum.

The narcissist's main activity is to resonate with others, to force them to emit all kinds of feedbacks and inputs which the narcissist then adopts, combines, and creates a hive mind on the fly.

The narcissist is an apparition, It's a simulation. It's a recombinant form of spiritual DNA, if you wish.

And so the narcissist passes through life as this kind of bot, BOT, this kind of bot that simply spots other people's weaknesses and vulnerabilities, infiltrates and invades their defenses, then consumes and digests and recombines and absorbs, whatever it is that they have to offer, becoming other people in the process.

And then when these other people are out and away, the narcissist goes back to being this very basic, primitive device that devours and consumes everyone around them, a kind of Pac-Man, if you wish.

And so narcissism is acting, exactly like the actor.

An actor, having finished a theater production, having concluded the shooting of a film, the actor devolves or re-emerges as his or her original self.

The actor had assumed someone else's character.

The actor has become a protagonist in a film or a theatre production for a while.

And then the actor goes back to being himself or herself.

The narcissist doesn't have this luxury.

The narcissist assumes other people's identities, but these are the sole identities that the narcissist possesses.

Once these people are gone and out and discarded and devalued and rendered and rendered persecutory objects and so on so forth, the narcissist buries them deep in his or her unconscious.

And then he becomes once again the black hole, the emptiness, the howling void that he or she has always been.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

No Narcissist Without YOU as Ego and Self

The narcissist internalizes their partner as an "internal object," creating an idealized version that they interact with exclusively in their mind, rather than engaging with the actual person. This internalization leads to a distorted perception of reality, where the narcissist's emotional and sexual needs are primarily directed towards themselves, often using others as mere tools for self-gratification. The shared fantasy between the narcissist and their partner serves as a battleground between the partner's true self and the narcissist's false self, complicating the dynamics of the relationship. Ultimately, the narcissist's reliance on fantasy over reality results in a profound disconnect, leaving their partners feeling dehumanized and trapped within the narcissist's constructed world.


Narcissist Devalues, Discards What He Craves Most: Shared Fantasy as Reaction Formation

The shared fantasy of a narcissist is a reaction formation, where the individual devalues and discards what they most desire due to early conditioning that equated love with performance. As a child, the narcissist learns to suppress their individuality and desires to gain conditional love from parental figures, leading to a lifelong pattern of self-neglect and self-loathing. This defense mechanism manifests as a compensatory behavior, where the narcissist demands attention and validation to mask their internal emptiness and self-rejection. Ultimately, reaction formation becomes a pervasive trait that influences interpersonal relationships and societal interactions, often unraveling under stress or genuine affection, resulting in narcissistic abuse.


YOU: Consumed in Narcissist's Shared Fantasy

Narcissists create a shared fantasy that draws individuals into a delusional world, where they gradually sacrifice their identity, autonomy, and reality testing to conform to the narcissist's narrative. This process involves the narcissist becoming the sole arbiter of reality, effectively replacing the individual's judgment and internal voice with their own distorted perceptions. As a result, the individual becomes a mere extension of the narcissist, losing their sense of self and agency while providing emotional and psychological support to the narcissist's grandiose needs. Ultimately, this dynamic resembles a cult-like relationship, where the individual is compelled to promote and defend the narcissist while neglecting their own well-being.


How I Experience My False Self

Narcissism manifests as a false self that overtakes the individual, leading to a profound sense of emptiness and disconnection from one's true identity. This false self, initially created as a protective mechanism against trauma, ultimately consumes the individual, rendering them a mere observer of their own life. The struggle between the false self and the desire for authenticity creates a paradox where the individual seeks validation and love, yet feels fundamentally absent and incapable of genuine connection. The realization of this absence leads to a terrifying acceptance of a life lived in a shared fantasy, where true liberation seems unattainable.


How Narcissist Experiences/Reacts to No Contact, Grey Rock, Mirroring, Coping, Survival Techniques

Narcissists are victims of post-traumatic conditions caused by their parents, leading to ontological insecurity, dissociation, and confabulation. They have no core identity and construct their sense of self by reflecting themselves from other people. Narcissists have empathy, but it is cold empathy, which is goal-oriented and used to find vulnerabilities to obtain goals. Narcissism becomes a religion when a child is abused by their parents, particularly their mother, and not allowed to develop their own boundaries. The false self demands human sacrifice, and the narcissist must sacrifice others to the false self to gratify and satisfy it.


Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind

Narcissists play the role of a good enough mother, adopting a maternal role and idealizing their victims. They regress their victims to infancy, merging and fusing with them, eliminating their individuality and appropriating their individuality. The narcissist creates an introject, an internal representation of the victim, which is muted and spews out words attributed to the introject by the narcissist. The victim has an introject of the narcissist in their head, which is fully active and talks a lot, becoming a second, harsh, sadistic inner critic. The current advice to recognize and embrace victimhood is counterproductive, as it freezes the emergent roles allocated by the narcissist, and the locus of control remains in the narcissist's hands. Victims need to extricate


Your Role in Narcissist’s Shared Fantasy is Why He Hates You (hint: you make him feel himself – and human)

In summary, the narcissist's intimate partner plays a crucial role in the shared fantasy by fulfilling the roles of admirer, playmate, and mother. This allows the narcissist to experience maximal grandiosity and feel safe enough to separate and individuate. However, the intimate partner's presence also leads to the narcissist's self-hatred and inability to maintain meaningful communication with both the outside world and himself. The intimate partner ultimately becomes a threat to the narcissist, as they make the narcissist feel human, which is something the narcissist does not want to be.


Narcissist Needs You to Fail Him, Let Go (with Azam Ali)

Narcissism is fundamentally a failure to transition from self-preoccupation to other-preoccupation, resulting in individuals who lack a coherent self and rely on external validation for their sense of existence. The dynamics of narcissistic relationships involve a shared fantasy where the narcissist coerces their partner into a role that ultimately leads to devaluation and discard, as the narcissist cannot tolerate the separateness of others. This cycle is driven by the narcissist's unresolved childhood conflicts, where they seek to reenact their relationship with their mother, perpetually attempting to separate and individuate but failing to do so. The relationship is characterized by a profound lack of empathy and a need for control, leading to a toxic environment where both parties' needs become irreconcilable, resulting in a tragic interplay of dependency and denial of individuality.


Narcissist, His Body, Other Bodies (35th Psychosomatic Medicine Conference 2018 Video Presentation)

Narcissists, particularly somatic narcissists, possess a distorted self-image that often leads to body dysmorphic disorder, driving them to obsessively reshape their bodies to align with their grandiose self-perception. They manipulate their environment and relationships to secure admiration and validation, using their physicality and possessions to bolster their false self, which is an idealized version of themselves. When faced with illness or disability, narcissists react with a range of responses, including rage, paranoia, and masochism, often projecting their frustrations onto others, particularly their children, whom they view as reflections of their own perceived failures. This dynamic can perpetuate a cycle of narcissism, as children of narcissistic parents may internalize these behaviors and develop similar traits.


Narcissist’s Grim Fairy Tale

Narcissism is characterized by a shared fantasy that serves as a defense mechanism against painful realities, often infantilizing both the narcissist and their partner. This shared fantasy mirrors the structure of fairy tales, which provide moral lessons and magical elements, allowing the narcissist to project their internal dynamics onto the external world. The narcissist's desire for separation and individuation is reflected in their need to maintain this fantasy, which ultimately leads to the devaluation and discarding of their partner as they seek to escape the complexities of adult life. Fairy tales, as therapeutic tools, can help individuals navigate their psychological struggles, but for the narcissist, the shared fantasy becomes a prison that hinders true growth and connection.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy