Background

Narcissist: Identity Thief, Carnivorous Plant

Uploaded 12/5/2024, approx. 4 minute read

The Narcissus can be compared to a carnivorous plant.

He opens up his petals to you, obliterates the lines of demarcation, and then consumes you succulently within.

The inner part of the carnivorous plant is the shared fantasy and you are there slowly dissolving into it until you are no more. The shared fantasy is a form of identity theft. The lines in a shared fantasy is a form of identity theft.

The lines in a shared fantasy, the lines between you and the narcissists, blur.

There's a bleeding of identities into each other.

It's a kind of pernicious symbiosis where the boundaries between host and parasite kind of disappear. They meld into each other. It's a form of merger and fusion.

During the period of the shared fantasy, the narcissist assumes your identity in many ways.

He adopts your speech patterns.

He steals your ideas.

Sometimes he or she dress as you do.

They co-opt your friends and family members. They isolate you socially so that they could acquire your social circle.

Gradually, you vanish. You are vaporized, suspended animation, while the narcissist thrives on your essence, on your past accomplishments, on your personal history, on your knowledge, on your ideas, and quite frequently, on your finances.

This is the parasitic nature of the narcissist.


But what happens when you walk away?

Or what happens when the narcissist discards you and you're no longer in his life?

Well, remember, the shared fantasy involves acting. The narcissist is an actor.

It's a kind of thespian display.

It's a theater production.

When you walk away, when you're no longer in the narcissist's life, what happens is the narcissist reverts to basic form to the period before you have entered the shared fantasy.

And then the narcissist becomes again his or her absence, his or her empty container and receptacle, ready to adopt and subsume and consume and digest and simply be filled with someone else's essence.

It's very reminiscent of vampirism, of course, which is why people keep calling the narcissists the vampire, or a demon, or what have you.

But really, it's a matter of mirroring and reflection.

The narcissists consist of an emptiness surrounded by an imitating shell, a shell of mimicry and simulacrum.

The narcissist's main activity is to resonate with others, to force them to emit all kinds of feedbacks and inputs which the narcissist then adopts, combines, and creates a hive mind on the fly.

The narcissist is an apparition, It's a simulation. It's a recombinant form of spiritual DNA, if you wish.

And so the narcissist passes through life as this kind of bot, BOT, this kind of bot that simply spots other people's weaknesses and vulnerabilities, infiltrates and invades their defenses, then consumes and digests and recombines and absorbs, whatever it is that they have to offer, becoming other people in the process.

And then when these other people are out and away, the narcissist goes back to being this very basic, primitive device that devours and consumes everyone around them, a kind of Pac-Man, if you wish.

And so narcissism is acting, exactly like the actor.

An actor, having finished a theater production, having concluded the shooting of a film, the actor devolves or re-emerges as his or her original self.

The actor had assumed someone else's character.

The actor has become a protagonist in a film or a theatre production for a while.

And then the actor goes back to being himself or herself.

The narcissist doesn't have this luxury.

The narcissist assumes other people's identities, but these are the sole identities that the narcissist possesses.

Once these people are gone and out and discarded and devalued and rendered and rendered persecutory objects and so on so forth, the narcissist buries them deep in his or her unconscious.

And then he becomes once again the black hole, the emptiness, the howling void that he or she has always been.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

How I Experience My False Self

Narcissism manifests as a false self that overtakes the individual, leading to a profound sense of emptiness and disconnection from one's true identity. This false self, initially created as a protective mechanism against trauma, ultimately consumes the individual, rendering them a mere observer of their own life. The struggle between the false self and the desire for authenticity creates a paradox where the individual seeks validation and love, yet feels fundamentally absent and incapable of genuine connection. The realization of this absence leads to a terrifying acceptance of a life lived in a shared fantasy, where true liberation seems unattainable.


No Narcissist Without YOU as Ego and Self

The narcissist internalizes their partner as an "internal object," creating an idealized version that they interact with exclusively in their mind, rather than engaging with the actual person. This internalization leads to a distorted perception of reality, where the narcissist's emotional and sexual needs are primarily directed towards themselves, often using others as mere tools for self-gratification. The shared fantasy between the narcissist and their partner serves as a battleground between the partner's true self and the narcissist's false self, complicating the dynamics of the relationship. Ultimately, the narcissist's reliance on fantasy over reality results in a profound disconnect, leaving their partners feeling dehumanized and trapped within the narcissist's constructed world.


Discontinuous Narcissist: Fractured and Broken

The narcissist is a product of early abuse and trauma, leading to a world of unpredictability and arbitrary behavior. They deny their true self and nurture a false one, reinventing themselves as they see fit. The narcissist is adaptable, imitating and emulating others, and is best described as being and nothingness. Living with a narcissist is disorienting and problematic, as they have no past or future and occupy an eternal present. They do not keep agreements or adhere to laws and are inconsistent in their likes and dislikes.


Dissociation (Amnesia) & Confabulation in Narcissism (Intl. Conf. Clinical Counseling Psychology)

Dissociation in narcissistic individuals manifests as a reliance on external feedback to maintain their sense of self, leading to a fractured identity characterized by a false self that masks a vulnerable true self. This false self is a construct designed to garner admiration and validation, while the true self remains suppressed and often alienated from the narcissist's conscious experience. Narcissists frequently engage in confabulation to fill memory gaps, creating narratives that distort reality and reinforce their grandiose self-image. Their inner experience is marked by a profound disconnection from their emotions and actions, resulting in a life perceived as a detached performance rather than an authentic existence. Ultimately, the narcissist's reliance on the false self leads to a continuous cycle of emotional turmoil and a lack of genuine self-awareness.


YOU In Mind Of Narcissist, Borderline

Narcissists experience a profound confusion between internal and external representations of people, leading them to prioritize their internal objects over the actual individuals. They engage in a process of idealization and devaluation of these internal objects, which then influences how they interact with the external world, often coercing others to conform to their internal narratives. This dynamic creates a sense of ownership and control over others, as the narcissist believes that their internal representation of a person is more real than the person themselves. Ultimately, this results in a distorted perception of relationships, where the narcissist's emotional investment lies solely in their internal constructs rather than in genuine connections with others.


Narcissist Needs You to Fail Him, Let Go (with Azam Ali)

Narcissism is fundamentally a failure to transition from self-preoccupation to other-preoccupation, resulting in individuals who lack a coherent self and rely on external validation for their sense of existence. The dynamics of narcissistic relationships involve a shared fantasy where the narcissist coerces their partner into a role that ultimately leads to devaluation and discard, as the narcissist cannot tolerate the separateness of others. This cycle is driven by the narcissist's unresolved childhood conflicts, where they seek to reenact their relationship with their mother, perpetually attempting to separate and individuate but failing to do so. The relationship is characterized by a profound lack of empathy and a need for control, leading to a toxic environment where both parties' needs become irreconcilable, resulting in a tragic interplay of dependency and denial of individuality.


Narcissist Between Shared Fantasy and Pathological Narcissistic Space

Narcissists exhibit a complex interplay of behaviors that stem from their inability to separate from a maternal figure during childhood, leading to a perpetual emotional state akin to that of a two-year-old. They oscillate between two primary states: a shared fantasy with an intimate partner, who often takes on a maternal role, and a pathological narcissistic space where they seek validation and supply from others. This dynamic creates an illusion of unpredictability, as the narcissist idealizes and subsequently devalues those around them, driven by their internalized snapshots of people that fail to align with reality. Ultimately, their transitions between these states are facilitated by strategies such as termination, deception, undermining intimacy, and creating persecutory object fantasies, reflecting their deep-seated fears of abandonment and desire for autonomy.


Shape-shifting Narcissist (ENGLISH responses, with Nárcisz Coach)

Narcissists do not have a false self, they are the false self. The false self is a script, a piece of fiction that the narcissist creates by collecting reflections of feedback from others and putting them together in a collage. The narcissist's identity is constantly dependent on feedback, making it a shape-shifter that changes second by second. Victims fall in love with themselves in the hall of mirrors that the narcissist creates, making it impossible to disengage from the narcissist or fall out of love because they are in love with themselves.


YOU: Consumed in Narcissist's Shared Fantasy

Narcissists create a shared fantasy that draws individuals into a delusional world, where they gradually sacrifice their identity, autonomy, and reality testing to conform to the narcissist's narrative. This process involves the narcissist becoming the sole arbiter of reality, effectively replacing the individual's judgment and internal voice with their own distorted perceptions. As a result, the individual becomes a mere extension of the narcissist, losing their sense of self and agency while providing emotional and psychological support to the narcissist's grandiose needs. Ultimately, this dynamic resembles a cult-like relationship, where the individual is compelled to promote and defend the narcissist while neglecting their own well-being.


From Grooming to Discard via Shared Fantasy: Cheat, Mortify, Exit

The narcissist initially presents themselves as a strict, controlling figure to potential partners, embodying a sadistic parental role that later shifts to a petulant, self-centered child. This dynamic creates a confusing cycle where the partner oscillates between feeling cherished and devalued, ultimately leading to feelings of abandonment and the partner's potential infidelity as a means of reclaiming autonomy. The relationship is characterized by a shared fantasy that both parties agree to, but as reality intrudes, the narcissist's emotional withdrawal and abusive behavior emerge, culminating in a phase of mortification for both. Ultimately, the narcissist's need for a maternal figure and constant validation drives them to seek new relationships, perpetuating a cycle of emotional manipulation and dependency.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy