Background

Narcissist's Credo And My Minnie Relationship

Uploaded 8/23/2020, approx. 6 minute read

I must tell you, a relationship is never an easy thing.

Many and I, a long time ago, have been having the most god-awful fights. She called me an ugly mug, and I called her a Java Queen. Can you imagine? To this very day, I'm not sure how our relationship survived. It was so fluid.

Anyhow, one day, I ate Minnie's request. I wrote for her, what makes a narcissist think? What are the narcissist's beliefs, tenets and credo? How the narcissist expects other people to behave to make him happy? And we've never had a fight since.

So, here we go. I wrote to Minnie. I'm a child, a tyrant, an emperor. I'm infantile, petulant, moody, but I'm also divine, and I'm delusional. I bring fantasy into your life. I bring color. I bring thrills and excitement and risk and the unexpected and the unpredictable. I make your heart thump. I'm a wunderkind, a boastful genius. What do I want from you? I just want to play. Nothing else.

Did you hear this? Nothing else. I just want to have fun. That's all. I want us to share the fantasy.

Here, here, in front of thousands of people, I renounce reality. I renounce the truth. Let the games begin.

Or, as my fellow narcissists used to say, the game is afoot. And what is my game?

You're asking. What is my game? My game is afoot.

You are my vastly inferior slave to serve me as I please. And you're also my admiring, awestruck disciple.

You must accept me as I am. You must. Otherwise, it's not going to work. You're expected to fully forgive and love me unconditionally.

You heard? Unconditionally. Forgive. Love. Unconditionally. And regardless of my conduct or my misconduct, what I do or don't do, action or inaction, omission or commission.

Even when I inevitably and repeatedly hurt you badly, time and again, you still must forgive me. And you still must love me unconditionally as a mother would do.

So here's the thing. I'm immutable. I cannot be changed. I'm set in stone. I'm a rock. I'm a force of nature. I'm an element. I'm a quark. I'm also opinionated. And of course, my opinion is always right.

They're founded on research. They're rational and reasoned. No one else's opinions come close to mine. Everyone else is an idiot anyhow.

So I'm opinionated. I'm opinionated because I'm superior and I'm superior because I'm intelligent.

Only eight other people in the world have a hundred ninety IQ. Who should I look up to? I'm obstinate. I'm obstinate because I know best and I never make mistakes.

Well, I make mistakes. I'm not an idiot. I know I make mistakes.

But overall, I guide in the right direction. I get it right. I'm grandiose. But I'm grandiose on good grounds. I'm entitled to be grandiose. It's justified. It's rational. It's true. It's reality tested.

High grandiosity. It's not a cognitive deficit. It's not a cognitive deficit. Don't listen to this idiot Wachman with his stupid recasting of narcissism as a pathology. Narcissism is not a pathology.

It makes me superior. I'm the next stage in evolution. I'm superhuman. I am labile. I'm dysregulated.

That has to do with my upbringing. Years of trauma and abuse in early childhood. Not my fault. Of course, it's never my fault.

And I'm depressive. I'm depressive because I can't stand the world. I can't stand people's stupidity. I can't stand how dumb people are. How brain-dead. I can't stand their foibles. The nonsense. Conspiracy theories. I can't stand any of this.

I just want to withdraw. You shouldn't try to change me all the time. You shouldn't try to fix me.

You shouldn't try to bargain with me.

First of all, you're not my equal. And you don't have this power.

It's a mistake. It just provokes me, aggravates, irritates me. And you know, you can play only with me. Only with me unless I let you play with others.

And I have no intention to let you play with others as long as you're my playmate.

But when you're no longer my playmate, when you're just my servant, my service provider, to use a politically correct phrase, it's okay then. You can play with others. Do anything you want to do. Touch lips. Give them your job. I'm entitled to take anything I want from you. I can do to you and I can do with you, you. Anything I wish. I own you. I can break you if I want to. You have no right to protest, to decline, to resist my demands, to go cold on me. You're my property, my chateau. You hang in my larder, your piece of cutlery, to dispose of and do with, as I please, that you have a personality, that you have a physique, a physiognomy, that you have a body. Who doesn't? Cows have bodies and pigs have personalities. We are not of the same species.

You must obey my wishes, unthinkingly and promptly, because of my superiority. You must never disagree with me. You're not qualified. You're not qualified. You're not necessary. Knowledge, background, training.

And if your agony pleases me, you must deliver it to me. You must allow me to hurt you. You must allow me to observe your pain and anguish. It's delectable if I'm a sadist. When I'm a sadist. And you have no right. No right whatsoever. Let this part be very clear.

You have no right whatsoever to expect or to demand anything from me.

You play hot and cold with me? No deal. If I give you anything, it's because I choose to give you. I give only what I decide to give. Usually only as little of my time, my attention, my knowledge and money as is absolutely necessary.

I want to keep you hooked. I want to keep you around as my playmate, as long as it lasts.

So there's a maintenance dose. I sustain you somehow, on your toes, walking on eggshells in the kitchen. That's the maximum I'm willing to do. Anything above that? I can find a replacement. I can find a substitute. You're interchangeable. You're fungible. Don't overestimate yourself. Don't overvalue your contribution.

It would be wrong of you. You'll pay the price.

Only I decide which game we play. And my decision-making process is not transparent. It's based on how capriciously, arbitrarily bored I am.

Maybe how thrilled I am. Maybe how aroused I am.

Whatever I am determines the game we play at any given period, at any given time.

And external things and internal things are processed by me to settle on the game that I choose. And you have to adapt. You have to shape shift. You have to transform.

You can't be rigid. You have to hang in there by your handle.

You see? You're shocked. If you're fit to play my game, I play with you. If you're not fit to play my game, I lose all interest in you. All.

There are many monks and cops where you come from. If you refuse to play my game exactly how and exactly when I want it. Precisely. If you make any demands whatsoever.

Modifications. If you tinker. If you suggest. If you give advice. If you try to help. Whatever. I walk. I walk away. Before you know it.

And I look for a new playmate. More obsequious. Playmate who will acquiesce.

So many, it's simple really. And it works. It works. It works for both of us.

It works for both of us. I can make you what? You can make my heart race. The caffeine. Caffeine, probably. I've had no reason to regret any of this over the decades of my life.

And you know what? When I compare myself to the overwhelming vast majority of humanity, I'm in good shape. I'm in good place. I'm in really really good place.

And I've spent the time allotted to me on this earth precisely as I had always wanted to.

My way. My way. Or the highway.

And now a little liquidity is all I ask.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

How Narcissist Perceives Narcissistic Abuse (with Charles Bowes-Taylor)

Sam Vaknin, a professor of psychology and author of books on narcissism, discusses his work and the development of the field. He suggests that narcissism is a form of religion and that narcissists try to convert non-narcissists to their religion. Narcissistic traits, style, personality, and disorder are distinguished by quantitative differences that become qualitative. The guest describes her experience of being hoovered by her narcissistic ex-partner and how it triggered both good and bad memories. In this conversation, Sam Vaknin discusses the nature of narcissists and their relationships with others.


YOUR Aftermath as Your Narcissist’s Fantasy , Delusion, Matrix

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the delusional nature of narcissism and its impact on victims. He explains how narcissists create a delusional universe and how victims can become enmeshed in shared psychosis. He also delves into the stages of grief and denial that victims may experience after leaving a narcissistic relationship.


Tragic History of the Narcissist You Shared Your Life With (with Moshe Fabrikant)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses narcissism as a crucial phase in child development and its impact on adult behavior. He explains that narcissists are stuck in a fantasy world and are incapable of genuine care or love. He also delves into the impact of narcissists on relationships and the world, suggesting that they cause a significant amount of evil.


YOUR LOVE, Intimacy FEARED: Narcissist’s Perfectionism, Envy

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's hatred towards others and how it is linked to perfectionism. The narcissist's fear of failure drives them to be perfect, and they believe they are infallible. The narcissist idealizes only internal objects and internalizes external objects to eliminate competition. In this section, Professor Sam Vaknin explains that the narcissist believes they are the only good object in the world and that they have internalized this object. Therefore, they do not need to envy anyone else. The narcissist becomes immune to envy and talks to their envy, telling it not to direct itself at them because they are the good object.


How Narcissist Sees YOU

In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's point of view and how they perceive their significant other. The narcissist takes a snapshot of their partner and idealizes them, but as reality sets in, they begin to change the way they see their partner. The narcissist sees themselves as a victim and their partner as an abuser, constantly blaming them for things and accusing them of being manipulative. The narcissist also accuses their partner of being self-destructive and lacking self-awareness, and may plot revenge if they feel humiliated or shamed.


Masochistic Covert Antinarcissist

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses anti-narcissism and its connection to sexual self-trashing and masochism. He explains that anti-narcissism is a form of narcissism where emotional and cognitive resources are externalized, and the individual invests in self-generated narcissistic supply. He delves into the concept of masochism and its role in the grandiosity of the anti-narcissistic covert narcissist, as well as the transition of narcissists to the masochistic position.


Narcissist Needs You to Fail Him, Let Go (with Azam Ali)

In this conversation, Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of narcissistic abuse and the dynamics of narcissistic relationships. He explains the narcissist's need for existence and the victim's hunger for love and intimacy, highlighting the irreconcilable nature of these two needs. He also emphasizes the importance of insight and empathy in understanding oneself and others.


8 Things You are Getting WRONG about Your Narcissist (EXCERPT)

Professor Sam Vaknin debunks eight myths about narcissism, including that narcissists do have emotions, empathy, and dread abandonment. He also explains that grandiosity is about being unique, not necessarily the best, and that some narcissists are pro-social. Vaknin also discusses the problem of misattribution error and how people often misattribute motivations to others. He provides examples of why people may stay in toxic relationships, persevere with old decisions, or opt for lifelong celibacy. Finally, he advises people to try to understand why they are being lied to and create a safe environment for people with cluster B personality disorders to tell the truth.


"Spiritual" Narcissist Casts Narrative Spell on YOU (with Dr. Lisa Alastuey)

Sam Vaknin discusses spiritual narcissism, where narcissists pretend to have spiritual functions, such as clergy, healers, or therapists, and claim a connection to a higher authority. He explains three types of spiritual narcissists: victim, godlike, and healer. He also delves into the role of narratives in spirituality and predicts a shift in power dynamics from men to women in the next 50 years. He advises individuals to create their own narratives and belong to themselves before affiliating with others.


Narcissist: YOU His Dream, HE Your Nightmare (EXCERPT, Seminar, April 12, 2022, Budapest)

Professor Sam Vaknin is giving a six-hour seminar in Budapest on April 12th, 2022, which is free of charge. The seminar is divided into four modules, each with two parts, and will cover hundreds of aspects of the relationship with a narcissist. One of the things he discusses is the discrepancy between how the narcissist sees themselves and how their partner perceives them. The narcissist regards themselves as a dream come true, but this is because they first idealize their partner, who becomes the source and regulator of their sense of self-worth.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2023, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2023
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy