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Narcissist’s Rant: I Want to Go Home

Uploaded 6/20/2020, approx. 21 minute read

I'm not quite sure why, but I've been receiving dozens, if not hundreds, of messages since the pandemic started, asking me how do I feel during this period? How am I reacting to what's happening, what's going on in my mind, etc. etc.

I strongly suspect that what these very civil and polite people are trying to ask is how does a narcissist react to all this.

The irony is that the more narcissistic the world becomes, the less comfortable the narcissist feels.

A narcissist is a predator, and of course if everyone is a predator, there's no prey left.

The competition on scarce, ever more scarce targets, ever more scarce sources of supply, and the growing self-awareness of these targets and victims and so on, makes the narcissist's life very difficult.

I started this awareness movement in 1995. I was the first to describe narcissistic abuse. I coined the phrase narcissistic abuse, and in a way I shot myself in the foot because I blew the whistle.

I told victims what to look for, how to expect, how to beware, and how to protect themselves.

It could be described as a sacrificial act, but it wasn't, of course.

Don't idealize what I've been doing. There's no need to, and I never pretended otherwise.

But the fact is that the world today, our civilization, Western and Eastern, go to China, it's the same like the United States, if not worse. Our civilization, our global civilization, is utterly, utterly grandiose, malignantly narcissistic, and beginning to be, in many important respects, psychopathic, for example, defiance, lack of impulse control, lack of long-term consideration of consequences, inability to delay gratification, etc.

Low tolerance for boredom. These are all psychopathic traits, not narcissistic ones.

So we are becoming psychopaths. I would even say that women are becoming much more narcissistic and psychopathic than men as a kind of reactive pattern because they've been, you know, enslaved and suppressed and subdued for millennia. And this is kind of their emancipation, empowerment, and liberation.

So it's an ugly world, getting uglier by the minute.

And again, paradoxically, this world is much more difficult for narcissists and psychopaths than for normal people.

Normal people can become narcissists and psychopaths. Narcissists and psychopaths have nowhere to go further. And they're hunting grounds. The hunting grounds are narrowing down.

When everyone is a psychopath, who do you abuse? Who do you victimize? Who do you steal from? Who do you rape?

I mean, when everyone is a survivor, when everyone is self-aware, when everyone is onto you as a narcissist, who do you manipulate? Who do you brainwash?

Who is there to provide you with supply? Who could you integrate in your shared fantasy?

Psychopaths and narcissists are like the famous elephant in the African joke. You know, you divide Africa in half and divide it in another half, another and another. Finally, the elephant has to stand on one leg. And many psychopaths and narcissists are standing on one leg. It's a very, very inconvenient and uncomfortable truth and uncomfortable reality.

But what is happening is narcissists and psychopaths are upping their game. They're escalating. They're transitioning from regular, run-of-the-mill, pedestrian, quotidian, routine, psychopathy and narcissism to very extreme variants, which border increasingly in the case of narcissists on psychosis and in the case of psychopaths on criminal conduct and worse, sadism.

So we are seeing an escalation, criminalization of both narcissism and psychopathy.

The narcissist I'm interviewing today from a database, they are like 10 times worse than the narcissist 20 years ago. And the damage they inflict on their so-called nearest and dearest is a hundred times worse than anything they had done 20 years ago. And it's because they have to escalate to stand out. They have to escalate to survive, to ferret out, to hunt for, to acquire, to subjugate sources of supply, intimate partners for shared fantasies, etc.

And the same with psychopaths.

I don't have a database of psychopaths, but I'm reading scholarly and other literature, anecdotal literature. I survey quite a few forums on a regular basis and things are getting considerably worse. Things are really egregious and extreme today. The run-of-the-mill psychopath, the average psychopath in the 1940s is described by Harvey Keckley in his book. He was a drunkard, unreliable type. You couldn't trust his word, liar, didn't keep his promises, caused damage.

Fast forward to the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s. There was a kind of guy who would steal money from you, con you, you know, abscond with your pension fund. I don't know, run a brokerage house in Wall Street or become the CEO, chief executive officer of some company.

It was, you know, your typical psychopath. Maybe I can hear, found psychopaths among chief executive officers of Fortune 500 companies in the 80s and 90s.

You know, there's this issue up next door to use Martha Stout's title of a famous book. It was 20 years ago.

Today's psychopaths are out of the charts. They are out of these worlds. They are much closer to serial killers than to, you know, normal psychopaths. Not in the sense that they go around shooting people, although many of them do.

Look at how the number of mass shootings, school shootings has exploded, utterly exploded. There's a mass shooting daily in the United States, actually 1.5 mass shootings daily in the United States.

There's also an indicator.

But I'm not talking about this kind of psychopath who shoots around and kills people and so on. That's still, luckily for us, a tiny minority.

But I'm talking about psychopaths whose damage, the damage they inflict on society, on people around them, on their colleagues, on their wives, on their children, is becoming irreversible, traumatic, traumatic to the extreme. Not the kind of damage that one can heal.

Psychopathy is becoming toxic and pernicious to the point that it's a public health hazard. Not very dissimilar to the SARS coronavirus too.

And so I took time off, I took a break from the world between 2001 and 2016. Not many people know that, I think, because of my YouTube channel and so on. They think that I've been out there. But for 15 years, I stayed at home. I didn't socialize. I didn't meet anyone.

The only times I went out were to shoot, participate in documentaries or to give lectures. Otherwise I stayed at home.

And so it was a monastic seclusion, which lasted for 15 years. And then for personal reasons, in 2016, I reemerged. I ended my self-imposed isolation, social distancing, seclusion, or some people say my imprisonment, my incarceration, not my penance.

Some people like to say that I've been repenting and doing my penance. That's projected nonsense. But the fact is that I've been alone.

Well, literally alone, psychodynamically alone for 15 years.

And then 2016, I reemerged into my unmitigated horror and disorientation. I found that the world that I had left behind is gone for good. I couldn't identify a single thing I saw. It was very much like a caveman or a Neanderthal would be time transported, would go through time travel or teleported, whatever you want to call it, into the future.

Imagine a caveman transported to the 20th century, 21st century, internet, television, this, that. So it was very shocking. Everything was gone. The new normal was as alien to me as the surface of Pluto.

So when I withdrew, when I started these 15 years of self-isolation, was the end of the 1990s. And I don't know how many of you remember, but it was a time of unbridled optimism in the West. Communism was a thing of the past. Capitalism was all over Europe. People were, became consumers. The internet erupted on the scene. Democracies were established all over interpersonal relationships, became much better.

There was a deep individuation rates. Younger generations were more aware of sustainable relationships. So they cohabited before they got married. They had children much later.

So everything looks fine and dandy. I felt good about the world. It looked like we finally got it right.

And now two decades later, when I emerged, everything is topsy-turvy.

Let me tell you some of the things that bothered me because you've asked.

I'm very bothered that sex had become meaningless and casual because sex is never meaningless and casual. It's a lie.

As far as the physiological background, hormonal background, mood and effect, there's no such thing as casual sex or meaningless sex.

Creating this artificial schism between what's happening in your body and your mind and how you describe it to yourself, how you lie to yourself is absolutely detrimental and could lead to serious and maybe has led to serious mental health problems.

From security today is an accomplishment. People brag about it, men and women.

I have come across many cases where people broke up because they discovered their partner is a virgin. Adultery? Are you kidding me? It's universal and fun.

Universal and fun.

The recent studies, 68% of women cheat, 75% of men cheat. And when women were asked whether they are having simultaneous sex with the husband and the lover, they said yes, but they don't tell either. They lie. They hide it from both.

And when they were asked what was the main motivation, 20 years ago, the reason for adultery was unsatisfied emotional needs in the primary relationship. The woman was neglected, abandoned, rejected, humiliated, abused.

Today, the main reason given fun. Fun. One of them said, I want to taste the whole menu. Why should I focus on one dish? I love my husband dearly, most of them say.

Well over 35% of them said that they were having great sex, satisfying sex. Diversity, entertainment, this variety, these have become the main reasons today for adultery.

It's universal. It's fun.

It's like Disneyland. And so divorce, reciprocal abuse, they're the norms.

In all types or manner of so-called relationships, I'm saying so-called relationships because I don't see any relationships.

Sorry. Last time I saw a relationship was before I entered seclusion. Now that I've exited, I have yet to see a relationship.

And I'm not talking only about romantic relationships. I'm talking about business relationships. I'm talking about author-reader relationships. I'm talking about every kind of relationship.

Institutions and public relationships, politicians and voters' relationships, all relationships are gone and doomed and dysfunctional and horrible. And they all incorporate structurally and systemically abuse. Racism is just one manifestation of this global phenomenon because we are abused as patients. We are abused as voters. We are abused as men. We are abused as women. We are abused as children. We are abused as parents. We are abused in every possible capacity and role.

Intimacy is perceived today as a threat. You know why? Because it is a threat. You get too close to someone. You're going to get burned. You get too intimate with someone. He's going to use it against you.

Any intimacy you may engage in can and will be used against you.

The new Miranda warden, courting is harassment. 19% of people under the age of 35 consider inviting a woman for a drink to be harassment, sexual harassment, actionable sexual harassment. She will be justified to report it to the police and sue him in court.

The Me Too movement, like everything else, like the anti-racism movement, like the climate change movement, like the capitalist movement, like all other movements, the Me Too movement is totally malignant, totally insane, totally narcissistic and grandiose and entitled, immature and infantile, ruining what's left, the little left of the relationship between the genders, of the connection between genders.

A majority of men report today, now after the Me Too movement, that they are afraid to make any gesture to a woman except through a dating app.

What on earth are we doing to ourselves? There are no women left, there are no men left. There's only a unisex organism, creature, being, entity, I don't know what to call it, with two types of genitalia.

Biak, it's a biak world. Women wear the beauty, the aesthetics, the light. And men were also in their own way, a form of beauty and aesthetics and light.

And we brought light to each other, we brought life to each other, we brought hope to each other.

Now what do we bring to each other? Pain and hurt and abuse and hatred. Hatred, women hate men, hate men, misandries.

And you know what? Men are beginning to hate women big time. MGTOW, red pillars, black pillars, other pillars, purple pillars, I don't know what, so many pillars.

The pillars of the community became the pillars of the community. Expertise is suspect, mocked, rejected. You're an expert, you're a professor, you're an idiot, you're a retard, you're a failure, and you don't know what you're talking about.

Why? Because I have access to Wikipedia. Who needs you?


So all the repository of human knowledge and human wisdom, which resides with old people, trained people, skilled people, educated people, is today dumped into the trash bin, the collective trash bin.

Why?

Because some obese retard has a smartphone and he knows better. End of story. You can't argue with him, you can't convince him, you can't nothing, that's it.

He has his truth, you have your truth, alternative facts. And so charitable acts are converted in the minds of this swamp of sickness, deceiving, festering, wannabe brains, brain-dead zombie users and abusers of technology.

Charitable acts are converted into vile conspiracies. Technology is a form of slavery. Irredition, knowledge, learning is derided. There is truthism. I have my facts and truth, you have your facts and truth, they're equally okay. I have read arguments about whether the battle of hastings happened in 1066. And do you know how the argument ended? When one of the conversants, one of the interlocutors, one of the correspondents said, well, you have your truth, I have my truth, I don't think it happened in 1066. That was the end of the argument.

That was the winning argument. It's malignant egalitarianism. We are all equal. We are all equal.

Nevermind. We're all similarly clever, similarly handsome, similarly beautiful, similarly accomplished. We're all the same. We are all equalitarianism. Of course we are not.

Some of us are intellectually challenged. Some of us are geniuses. Some of us are handsome. Some of us look like me. Some of us are accomplished. Some of us are losers and failures and will always be losers and failures. We are not equal. We are not equal, not as individuals.

And I have a racist surprise for blacks and others, not as collectives. Also, as collectives, we are not equal.

The other day someone wrote to me, to attack me, how did I dare to say that Africa has less infrastructure than Europe? Because 500 years ago, there was more infrastructure in Africa than in Europe. Can you believe this nonsense?

It's because everyone is smart. And a smart phone makes you smart. Because you can click, you know, enter the Wikipedia. Nevermind that the Wikipedia is a gigantic trash bin of facts. Some facts, mind you.

But there is no connection between facts and knowledge. Knowledge is organized, processed facts. Facts are raw material. Knowledge counts, not facts. Facts are really, really not very important, unless you're trying to construct a body of knowledge.

There is no knowledge online. There is no knowledge online. Only gigantic amounts of nonsense and misinformation and self-interested promotion and lies and con artistry.

And by the way, nowhere more than in the field of narcissistic abuse. Entitlement pervades everything. We're all entitled suddenly. We have a right to this and a right to that. There is even a group of really feeble-minded men who claim they have a right to sex. Can you believe this? There's a right for everything. There's a right for clean air. Why, by the way? There's a right for sex. There's a right for everything. There's a right.

And of course, rights create obligations in other people. It's entitlement. I have a right, so you owe me.

Ah, wait a minute. You don't respect my right. I will not respect your right. You don't owe me. I don't owe you.

Atomization, breakup of society. Entitlement creates alienation, destroys the possibility for cooperation, breaks us apart, atomizes us, separates us.

So you see the results.

Career, cruel, sadistic career criminals, like George Floyd, become martyrs, the harbingers and centers of human rights movements.

No, he should have never been murdered the way he was. He was murdered. And his murderer is scum, as was he. He was also scum. So one scum murdered another. The scum who murdered should be punished.

Who is doubting this? Who is disputing this?

But to convert him into a saint? I have seen the repulsive, nauseating, puke-inducing funeral of this man, where any number of narcissists leveraged his memory and the horrible way that he died to promote themselves on screen.

Law enforcement, they are the monsters. Corn artists, they rule. Actors become presidents, real-life presidents. Scammers, gurus, mystics, they rock. They rock because they take the money of the brain-dead followers to do what with? To establish palatial residences, to drive Rolls-Royce limousines, and to fuck, of course, as many young girls as they can.

End of story. There's no other motivation.

Social interactions and sexuality are vanishing.

Watch my video about youth sexlessness.

Loneliness is in vogue because it's truly not safe to be out there. And so people stay at home alone. They become paranoid. And so they begin to believe the account, the irrational. And these are considered today superior to science and rationality.

In the 18th century, in Europe, we had the movement of the enlightenment.

We thought we got rid of nonsense like God and the devil and demons and astrology and homeopathy and other rank trash. We thought we got rid of it all. We thought we replaced these things with a scientific method, with rationality, with structured thinking, with deduction and induction, with falsifiability, with philosophy. We thought we were wrong. It's all back. It's all back. And it's considered superior to science and rationality.

Books, learning. These are niche pursuits. And the people who pursue them are mocked. They are nerds. They are geeks. They are artists. They are. I don't know what you read a book. Something's wrong with you. You are learned.

You devote your life to learning. You're a nerd. You're a nerd. You'll never get laid.

What woman would be with a nerd? Clearly there's something very strange, wrong and sick about being a nerd.

So birth rates tumble. Tumble. They're under the replacement rate. We are vanishing as species long before the pandemic, long before the virus, long before nature came to punish us. Birth rates have been tumbling. The replacement rate is 2.1.

In other words, a woman should have 2.1 children to replace herself and her husband or her partner.

Women in the United States have 1.76. Many other parts of the world, the population is declining, Germany, Russia. We are vanishing as species.

Marriage and parenthood are widely shunned and frowned upon.

Why?

Because people are self-centered, egodystonic. They want a career. They want to have fun. Most of the time by cheating on their intimate partner.

And that doesn't sit well with children. Children are messy. They're noisy. They're demanding. They are not good sources of supply.

So we sit alone at home with our bowels, endless bowels of popcorn, getting more obese by the second. And only the virtual is real. Only the virtual is real. Our new reality is in there. We are in there. We are not out here. We are in there.

And you know how we call this process in psychology? Dissociation. It's a pathological process.

Spending all your life watching movies, reruns, dating apps, in screens, inside screens, which by the way, the screens are getting smaller and smaller and smaller, constricting and confining our world into smaller and smaller surfaces. That's dissociation. It's very sick.

The virtual has become real.

And if the virtual is real, then things like, for example, censorship are not such a big deal and even praised. The rabid and escalated self-promotion is touted. You have life coaches and other con artists telling you that there's a giant inside you needs to be awakened. That's all. You can make money within three weeks. They will teach you how to do that. Just give them your money first. And you do give them your money first because they tell you you're a giant. They tell you you're capable of anything. They cater. They flatter you. They cater to your narcissistic defenses, to your grandiosity.

And we are all narcissists nowadays. We are all narcissists.

Plutodemocracies. Plutodemocracies are plutocracies, the rule of the rich, masquerading and pretending to be a democracy. Plutodemocracies and authoritarian psychopaths, they govern. They govern the world. Look around you.

Duterte, Bolsonaro, Donald Trump, even Boris Johnson, not to mention Putin, Erdogan, or Ban in Hungary. These are psychopaths. These are sick people.

But in sick societies, in sick civilizations, sick people rule. Not only do they rule academia, universities, give them a stamp of approval. There's a whole school of academics and scholars who say that psychopathy is actually good. It's a next step in evolution. We need psychopaths to survive. There's high functioning psychopaths, and they're good for you. You need to put them in charge. They're great politicians. They're great generals.

Of course, anyone who says that doesn't have the first clue about psychopathy or narcissism, but then, of course, everyone can declare himself an expert on psychopathy and narcissism.

Why?

Because there's a lot of money in the field. And so everyone in his talk became an expert on narcissism overnight.

Poverty, hardship, and sickness are the norms worldwide. And all this was before nature declared war on us.

I'm not talking only about the virus. There's a huge, huge famine coming, the likes of which we have never seen since biblical times.

And so you know what? You asked me, how do I feel? Let me tell you. I count my blessings. I don't have much longer to live. This is one planet I would be delighted to check out of.

It is not my planet. I have no idea how I ended up here. I have no idea who are you. Why am I talking to you? I want to go home. Mommy, I want to go home.

This is horrible here. It's a bloody nightmare. It's not a theme park. It's a nightmare. And I can't wake up. And I couldn't wake up even before.

I found something I've written in September 16th, 2012. It's an article I published, actually. And in the end, I say, I hate this brave new world where illiteracy is 140 characters long and has a face book.

Everyone is a thousand virtual friends, but virtually no real friends. Every child has a mother and multiple fathers, but no parents.

Knowledge is a matter of opinion and opinions, a matter of fads and fashions. Our idols, sport muscles, and vocal chords, but little else besides.

The right to vote is universal, but the will to vote is not. Everyone is a right to free speech, but little of value to say. Extramarital sex is considered recreation, monogamy, a throwback.

The only ideology is self-gratification, and collectives are mere dim memories.

The only certainty is uncertainty, and the only permanent fixture is change, for change's sake.

Obsolescence is the driver of innovation, but science, art, and literature are obsolete.


As men and women, I wrote in 2012, lose their traditional roles, confusion, and intergender enmity reign.

In the unisex world, homosexuality or sexual abstinence are rational choices. As malignant, narcissistic individualism is on the rise, the species is dying out. In many countries, including major ones such as Japan, Russia, and Germany, population is declining precipitously.

More than one-third of the youth of these places opt for celibacy and singlehood.

Sperm counts have plummeted by a whopping 70%. We're in the throes of vanishing.

And then I found something I had written in 1981. I was 20 years old, and I predicted that at that time, in that article, it's called Neganthropic Agents. And I predicted in that article a pandemic that will coalesce with other social trends which are described in the article, and lead to our extinction if we are not careful.

Narcissists love to be right. And of course, I take pride in being right so often. But it's the first time I think in my life, coming back to your question, that I feel frightened and uncomfortable being right.

First time in my life, I truly, honestly, eagerly, fervently wish that I'm wrong.

So, I don't feel comfortable here. I don't feel comfortable now.

And as I told you, I want out. I want to go home.

And the only thing which holds some consolation is that shortly, I am going to go home.

Thank you for listening.

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