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Potemkin Narcissists: Fake It Till You Make It!

Uploaded 5/11/2016, approx. 5 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Clearly, there are two types of narcissists. Some narcissists end up being overachievers, pillars of the community, accomplished professionals. Other narcissists, their brethren, fade into obscurity, having done little of note with their miserable lives.

So, these are two types of narcissists. Those who derive ample narcissistic supply from mere appearances, and I call them Potemkin narcissists.

And then there are those narcissists whose narcissistic supply consists of doing substantial deeds, of acting as change agents, of making a difference, and of creating and producing things of value.

The former type, the narcissist of appearances, aim for celebrity, defined as being famous for being famous. They try to foster and propagate what I call an empty brand, name recognition without commensurate real-life accomplishments.

In contradistinction, the narcissists of substance strive for meaningful careers, significant lives, or be it all the time in the limelight. We find Potemkin narcissists with empty brands everywhere. For example, in politics, I call it the being there syndrome. It's manifested in the likes of Obama, Putin, and Sarah Palin. We find them in the media where, for example, compulsively self-promoting physicists like Michio Kaku or even Stephen Hawking are worshipped as transformative geniuses, even though in reality they are credited with a mere single esoteric and marginal contribution to physics decades ago. We find them in business, and the best example would be, of course, Donald Trump, or the infamous empty suits of yesteryear. And we, of course, find them in entertainment and show visits. Remember Paris Hilton or the Kardashians.

To create the empty brand, the narcissist cultivates a following. He cultivates a following by emphasizing his alleged distinct character traits. He overlooks behavioral modes, daring audacity, and even sometimes shallowness.

The narcissist would emphasize his shallowness in order to present his facade as proof that he is a common man, a typical member of the crowd.

Of course, everything I say applies to female narcissists as well, to women.

The narcissist transforms himself or herself into a fantastically grandiose cartoon, kind of a caricature of the unfulfilled dreams, aspirations, hopes, and wishes of his acolytes.

The Potemkin narcissist, the narcissist who emphasizes appearances over substance, accomplishes the impossible.

On the one hand, he resonates with the shortcomings, losses, and failures of his obsequious constituencies, of his rapt audiences. But at the same time, he ostentatiously flaunts his flamboyance, riches, and glamorous, meticulously documented life.

And this is a paradoxical admixture. It imbues his proponents, his fans, his followers, his adherents, and his admirers with hope.

Because they say, we are so alike, you know, this guy could have been me. If he made it, then surely can I.

TV reality show programs like The Apprentice or American Idol capture this yearning for a breakthrough, a deus ex machina, resolution and solution to the dreariness, shabbiness, and miserable hopelessness of the ever-average spectator's life.

As the late lamented guru, B.R. Grumfeld, noted, these are the very same elements that make up great fairy tales like Cinderella or Red Riding Hood.

A celebrity narcissist has a short attention span. He rapidly cycles between the idealization and the devaluation of ideas, of ventures, places, and people, including his own fans.

This renders the Potemkin narcissist unfit for teamwork, though energetic and at times manic. This kind of narcissist is indolent, lazy. He prefers the puff of least resistance, and he adheres to shoddy standards of production.

His lack of work ethic can partly be attributed to his overpowering sense of entitlement and to his magical thinking, both of which give rise to unrealistic expectations of effortless outcomes within grandiose or self-aggrandizing fantasies.

The life of the celebrity narcissist is chaotic and characterized by inconsistency and by a dire lack of long-term planning and commitment.

He is not really interested in people, except in their roles as instruments of instant gratification and of sources of narcissistic supply. Otherwise, they are of no consequence to him. They actually usually abhors and detests their dreary shabby pedestrian lives.

The celebrity narcissists' learning and affective irredition are designed solely to impress, and therefore this kind of narcissist is shallow and his knowledge is anecdotal. His actions are not geared towards creating works of lasting value, towards effecting change or making a difference. All he cares about is attention, provoking and garnering attention in copious quantities in a never-ending stream.

The celebrity narcissist is therefore not above confabulating or in plain English lying, plagiarizing, outright crime and otherwise using shortcuts to obtain his fixed narcissistic supply. He is a junkie, a drug addict.

The other strain of narcissists, their career narcissist, the narcissist of substance. Now, that's a totally different animal.

This kind of narcissist is very concerned with leaving his mark and stand on the world with his legacy. He feels a calling often of cosmic significance.

He is busy reforming his environment, transforming his milieu, making a difference and producing and creating an earthen, a body of work, an opera of standing value. His is a grandiose idé fix, which he then cathexes, invests with emotion and mental energy.

To scale these lofty, self-imputed picks, and to realize his goals, the career narcissist acts with unswerving passion and commitment.

As opposed to the celebrity narcissist, he is very stable and consistent and even I would say predictable. He plans, he inexorably and ruthlessly executes and implements his schemes, his stratagems, his conspiracies. He is a workaholic and he is in relentless pursuit of fame and celebrity and glory.

The career narcissist, the narcissist of substance, does not recoil from cutting the old corner, preferring the occasional confabulation or abscondling with the fruits of someone else's labor. And in this sense, he is similar to the celebrity narcissist.

But while these amount to the entire arsenal and the exclusive modus operandi of the celebrity narcissist, they are auxiliary and marginal as far as the career narcissist is concerned.

The career narcissist or the substance narcissist's main weapon is not inspiration, it's perspiration. It's toil and moil. It's hard work.

Career narcissist is also a natural born leader. When not a guru at the center of count, he operates as the first among equals in a team and he is capable of extended, fruitful teamwork. This is where the differences between the celebrity narcissist and the career narcissist are most pronounced.

The relationships maintained by the celebrity narcissist are manipulative, exploitative and ephemeral, passing and fleeting. The career narcissist by comparison is willing and able to negotiate, compromise, give and take, motivate others, induce loyalty, forge alliances and coalitions and benefit from these in the long term. It is this capacity to network that guarantees the career narcissist a place in common memory and an abiding reputation among his peers. This guarantees his legacy.

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Narcissist of Substance vs. Narcissist of Appearances

There are two types of narcissists: those who derive ample narcissistic supply from mere appearances and those whose narcissistic supply consists of doing substantial deeds. The former type of narcissist aims for celebrity, defined as being famous for being famous, while the latter type aims for careers in the limelight. The celebrity narcissist has a short attention span, is indolent, and prefers the path of least resistance. The career substantial narcissist is very concerned with leaving his mark and stamp of the world with his legacy, is a natural-born leader, and is willing and able to negotiate, compromise, and network.


Prosocial Narcissist: Appearances, Not Substance (Aretaic, Not Deontic)

Pro-social or communal narcissists derive their sense of grandiosity from their ostentatious morality and public displays of altruism, often leveraging their ethical behavior to gain admiration and narcissistic supply. They can contribute positively to society, but their motivations are rooted in self-image rather than genuine moral obligation, distinguishing them from those who act out of a true sense of duty. The distinction between Deontic do-gooders, who focus on moral actions, and Eretaiq do-gooders, who prioritize their perceived virtue, highlights that narcissists are primarily concerned with how they are viewed by others. Ultimately, there are two types of narcissists: the celebrity narcissist, who seeks attention through appearances, and the career narcissist, who aims to leave a lasting impact through substantial achievements.


Narcissism is Tiring Energy-depleting

Personality is a dynamic, ongoing process that is ever-evolving. The more primitive the personality, the less organized, the more disordered, the greater the amount of energy required to maintain it in a semblance of balance and function. Narcissists externalize most of the available energy in an effort to secure a narcissistic supply. The narcissist's constant fatigue and ennui, his short attention span, his tendency to devalue sources of supply, even his transformed aggression.


Narcissist's Cycles of Ups and Downs

Narcissists experience cyclical phases of euphoria and dysphoria, characterized by alternating periods of hyperactivity and lethargy, driven by external triggers rather than internal biochemical changes. These cycles, which differ from bipolar disorder, are influenced by the availability of narcissistic supply, leading to manic episodes filled with creativity and social engagement, followed by depressive phases marked by withdrawal and despair. To manage these fluctuations, narcissists engage in a process of hibernation to regenerate energy and strategize for acquiring narcissistic supply, often relying on secondary sources for validation during low periods. Ultimately, the narcissist's life is a tumultuous journey between these mini-cycles, reflecting their dependence on external validation and the instability of their self-esteem.


Narcissist's Pathological Space: His Kingdom

The pathological narcissistic space is a geographical area, group of people, or an abstract field of knowledge in which the narcissistic pathology reaches its full expression and effectiveness. It is a territorially expanded false self that is achieved via sources of narcissistic supply. The existence of the pathological narcissistic space is independent of the existence of sources of narcissistic supply. The pathological narcissistic space constantly consumes and drains narcissistic supply, and it generates negative narcissistic accumulation.


Alcohol+Covert Narcissist=Antisocial Grandiose Narcissist

Covert narcissists often use alcohol as a means to transform their self-perception from feelings of inadequacy to a grandiose sense of self, shedding their modesty and inhibitions. Alcohol alters their empathy, making them less caring towards loved ones while enhancing their connection with strangers, leading to reckless behaviors and impulsive decisions. This disinhibition can result in a dangerous shift towards psychopathic traits, as the alcohol amplifies their latent narcissism and aggression. Ultimately, the cycle of drinking leads to feelings of guilt and shame once sober, reinforcing their self-loathing and dependence on alcohol to escape their emotional turmoil.


Negative, Fake, Low-grade Narcissistic Supply

Normal individuals seek a balanced amount of attention, while narcissists are insatiable, constantly craving affirmation to sustain their self-worth. They create a false self, projecting an idealized version of themselves to elicit reactions from others, which they refer to as narcissistic supply. Even negative attention can serve as supply for narcissists, as they prioritize any form of attention over being ignored, manipulating others to maintain their focus. Ultimately, the narcissist's existence revolves around this relentless pursuit of attention, which is intertwined with their internal struggles and feelings of worthlessness.


Narcissist's Objects and Possessions

Narcissists have a complex relationship with objects and possessions, with some being accumulators who jealously guard their belongings and others being discarders who give away their possessions to sustain their sense of control. Objects provide emotional decor and elicit narcissistic supply, and the narcissist often compares people to the inanimate. Narcissists collect proofs and trophies of their sexual prowess, dramatic talent, past wealth, or intellectual achievements, and these objects operate through the mechanism of narcissistic branding. The narcissist is a pathogen who transforms his human and non-human environment alike, objectifying people and anthropomorphizing objects to optimize or maximize narcissistic supply.


Passive Aggressive Or Covert Narcissist?

Covert narcissists and passive-aggressive individuals share some traits, but there are key differences between them. Covert narcissism involves hidden grandiosity, while passive aggression is about internalizing negative emotions and expressing them indirectly. Both can be emotionally invested in failure and have a negative impact on others. However, passive-aggressive individuals focus more on frustrating and undermining others, while covert narcissists are more invested in their own grandiosity.


Why Narcissist Happy, Depressed, Remorseful? Plus Boredom

Narcissists can experience both happiness and depression simultaneously, a phenomenon termed "affective ambivalence," which is not exclusive to them but common among various personality disorders. This internal conflict arises from their chaotic internal landscape, where multiple self-states coexist, each with its own emotions and moods. The high costs associated with their happiness, such as social isolation for the schizoid narcissist or emotional dysregulation for the borderline, often lead to feelings of regret and dissatisfaction despite moments of gratification. Regret in these individuals is irrational, as it relies on a stable core identity, which they lack due to their fragmented self-states. Ultimately, their strategies for coping with these emotional complexities are sub-optimal, leading to further dysfunction and a cycle of loss and denial.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
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