Background

Shape-shifting Narcissist (ENGLISH responses, with Nárcisz Coach)

Uploaded 1/21/2020, approx. 7 minute read

But to summarize the answer, there is no narcissist with a false self. There is only false self.

The false self is the narcissist.

The narcissist is a piece of fiction. It's a script. It's a movie. It's a horror movie. That's the narcissist.

He's not there.

Is that the reason why narcissists wouldn't go and seek help and go through therapy? Would it be terrifying that this false self would be identified and changed?

I don't think narcissists go deeply. I think not going to therapy is mainly a question of grandiosity, because the relationship with the therapist, by definition, is hierarchical.

The therapist knows more than you. Otherwise, what do you go through? He's an expert. So he knows more than you.

But how can he know more than you if you know everything, your mission?

The narcissist has power within the therapeutic setting. He can tell you what to do. He can end the session. He can say, you know, 50 minutes, finished. He can demand money from you. So he can make you do things you don't want to do. You don't want to pay the therapist.

But he can ask you to pay. So the therapist's therapy is a situation where you surrender control and surrender power. And this is somethinganathema to narcissists, something narcissists would never, never countenance, never consider.

So it has more to do with grandiosity than with false self. False self and all this is how we know. We understand how things are happening behind the scenes.

But as the narcissist experiences it, he immediately starts to challenge the therapist.

What do you know? Who are your clients? You're not very successful. I know more than you. I watch many videos on YouTube. I read books. Do you know?

And he mentioned some authority. He competes with narcissists. He challenges in order to, at the very minimum, equalize himself with the narcissistas far as knowledge, as far as power, as far as activities, as far as control of the process.

He wants to control the process.

So it is not possible to conduct therapy on such conditions.

Why does the victim want to help or wants to help the narcissist?

Why does the victim want to kind of take it out of the situation and still in love with the narcissist?

We just said that the narcissist does not exist. And to some extent the victim does not exist. We'll come to that in a minute.

The narcissist does not exist.

What is a narcissist?

It's a reflection. Narcissist has a false self. People see the false self.

Not the narcissist, see the false self.

And they reflect the false self to the narcissist.

Narcissist collects these reflections, puts them together in a collage, and that is the narcissist.


I suggested in my work that the narcissist doesn't have a mind, a unitary mind. He has a hive mind, like bees. He has a hive mind.

He takes reflection of feedback from him. Then he puts them all together in a collage, montage. And this is his mind. This is his soul.

So it's not unitary. It's fragmentary. And it's kaleidoscopic.

While in a healthy person, the identity, the core, is stable. In the narcissist, it's crucially dependent on feedback.

So when the feedback comes, the narcissist's core, narcissist's soul, shifts shape. It's a shape-shifter. Shapes colors, shapes angles.

Narcissist's soul or psyche all the time moves, like kaleidoscope. You can never see the same narcissist twice. Like you can never enter the same river twice.

Narcissist changes second by second, depending on feedback. Constantly monitoring, constantly sucking attention, sucking feedback, and using this input to reconstruct his self on the go. So he reconstructs his entire identity and self second by second by second by second.

And no wonder that narcissism is very energy- depleting, very exhausting process.

So I said that the narcissist is a reflection.

Now the tool we use to generate reflections is called the mirror.

So a narcissist is a hall of mirrors. It's a mirror reflecting a mirror, reflecting a mirror, reflecting a mirror, reflecting a mirror. It's a hall of mirrors.

When the victim enters this hall and in this hall of mirrors, there is nobody.

This is something victims must understand. There is no person there. There is nobody. It's an empty hall of mirrors. There are only mirrors.

Who is the narcissist? What is reflected in the mirrors?

The narcissist is the sum total of the reflection in the mirrors.

Now what happens is the victim enters the hall of mirrors, falls in love with the narcissist, enters the hall of mirrors.

What does she see? Herself. She sees herself.

The narcissist reflects to the victim herself, actually. Who does she fall in love with? Her reflection.

Not the narcissist.

Because there is no such thing. There is no narcissist. There isn't.

She falls in love with her reflection. It is the victim's only way to love herself.

She is in love with herself in the mirrors. She falls in love with her multiplication, with her amplification, with her finally.

What she considers to be her essence.

So when she enters the hall of mirrors, there is an immediate effect of extreme love.

Why extreme love?

Because it's she. She falls in love with herself.

And then it becomes literally impossible to disengage from the narcissist or to fall out of love.

Why?

Because you don't love the narcissist. You love yourself. How can you fall in love out of yourself? How can you fall out of love with yourself? How can you stop loving yourself? You can stop loving an external person, another person.

But you can never ever stop loving yourself. That's the narcissist's trick. It's magic.

The narcissist is a magician. He makes you fall in love with yourself through his hole of mirrors.

At that point, the hole of mirrors becomes...

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

How I Experience My False Self

Narcissism manifests as a false self that overtakes the individual, leading to a profound sense of emptiness and disconnection from one's true identity. This false self, initially created as a protective mechanism against trauma, ultimately consumes the individual, rendering them a mere observer of their own life. The struggle between the false self and the desire for authenticity creates a paradox where the individual seeks validation and love, yet feels fundamentally absent and incapable of genuine connection. The realization of this absence leads to a terrifying acceptance of a life lived in a shared fantasy, where true liberation seems unattainable.


Dissociation (Amnesia) & Confabulation in Narcissism (Intl. Conf. Clinical Counseling Psychology)

Dissociation in narcissistic individuals manifests as a reliance on external feedback to maintain their sense of self, leading to a fractured identity characterized by a false self that masks a vulnerable true self. This false self is a construct designed to garner admiration and validation, while the true self remains suppressed and often alienated from the narcissist's conscious experience. Narcissists frequently engage in confabulation to fill memory gaps, creating narratives that distort reality and reinforce their grandiose self-image. Their inner experience is marked by a profound disconnection from their emotions and actions, resulting in a life perceived as a detached performance rather than an authentic existence. Ultimately, the narcissist's reliance on the false self leads to a continuous cycle of emotional turmoil and a lack of genuine self-awareness.


Narcissist: Ego Outsourced, Self Faked (ENGLISH responses, with Nárcisz Coach)

The false self is the only psychodynamically active element in narcissistic individuals, functioning as a substitute for the ego, which they lack. This false self allows narcissists to interact with reality and fulfill essential ego functions, such as self-appraisal, by seeking validation from others. The original self, having been traumatized, metaphorically "dies" to escape pain, leading to the development of a grandiose false self that isolates the individual from suffering. Ultimately, this results in a profound emptiness, as the narcissist becomes a hollow facade, leaving victims with a sense of horror and disorientation upon realizing the absence of a genuine self behind the mask.


How Narcissist Mortifies Himself/Herself

Narcissists experience a schizoid phase when faced with a lack of external validation, leading them to withdraw into their minds and rely on internal objects for self-supply. During this phase, they develop an internal theater populated by voices and memories, which serve as their audience, resulting in a solipsistic existence. This self-supply can lead to self-motification, where the narcissist confronts their shame and inadequacies, but instead of fostering growth, it often results in disintegration and a confrontation with deep-seated emotional pain. The narcissist's relationship with internal objects mirrors that of external relationships, cycling through idealization, devaluation, and discard, ultimately revealing the fragility of their self-concept.


Discontinuous Narcissist: Fractured and Broken

The narcissist is a product of early abuse and trauma, leading to a world of unpredictability and arbitrary behavior. They deny their true self and nurture a false one, reinventing themselves as they see fit. The narcissist is adaptable, imitating and emulating others, and is best described as being and nothingness. Living with a narcissist is disorienting and problematic, as they have no past or future and occupy an eternal present. They do not keep agreements or adhere to laws and are inconsistent in their likes and dislikes.


Why Narcissists Love Borderline Women and Why They Hate Them Back

Narcissistic mortification is a challenge to the false self, which crumbles and is unable to maintain defenses and pretensions. Narcissists use two strategies to restore some cohesiveness to the self: deflated and inflated narcissist. Narcissists engage in mortification, a form of self-mutilation, to feel alive and free from commitment to their false self. Narcissists seek out borderline women to mortify them and experience the unresolved primary conflict with their mother.


Narcissist: Identity Thief, Carnivorous Plant

The narcissist operates like a carnivorous plant, drawing others into a shared fantasy that leads to identity theft and a blurring of personal boundaries. This symbiotic relationship allows the narcissist to absorb the essence, accomplishments, and social connections of their victim, effectively causing the victim to vanish. When the victim leaves or is discarded, the narcissist reverts to their empty state, ready to consume another identity. Ultimately, the narcissist lacks a true self, relying on the identities of others to fill their void, resembling a perpetual actor who can only exist through the roles they adopt.


Narcissist, His Body, Other Bodies (35th Psychosomatic Medicine Conference 2018 Video Presentation)

Narcissists, particularly somatic narcissists, possess a distorted self-image that often leads to body dysmorphic disorder, driving them to obsessively reshape their bodies to align with their grandiose self-perception. They manipulate their environment and relationships to secure admiration and validation, using their physicality and possessions to bolster their false self, which is an idealized version of themselves. When faced with illness or disability, narcissists react with a range of responses, including rage, paranoia, and masochism, often projecting their frustrations onto others, particularly their children, whom they view as reflections of their own perceived failures. This dynamic can perpetuate a cycle of narcissism, as children of narcissistic parents may internalize these behaviors and develop similar traits.


Narcissistic Mortification: From Shame to Healing via Trauma, Fear, and Guilt

Narcissistic mortification occurs when a narcissist is confronted with the reality of their imperfections, leading to feelings of defeat and terror as their false self crumbles. This experience is often triggered by external challenges or criticisms that clash with their idealized self-image, resulting in a disorienting realization of their limitations. The narcissist may respond to this mortification through various defense mechanisms, such as grandiosity or aggression, as they struggle to regain a sense of control and avoid facing their true self. Ultimately, mortification can serve as a potential catalyst for healing, as it forces the narcissist to confront their condition and the possibility of reintegrating with their true self.


When the Narcissist's Parents Die

The death of a narcissist's parents can be a complicated experience. The narcissist has a mixed reaction to their passing, feeling both elation and grief. The parents are often the source of the narcissist's trauma and continue to haunt them long after they die. The death of the parents also represents a loss of a reliable source of narcissistic supply, which can lead to severe depression. Additionally, the narcissist's unfinished business with their parents can lead to unresolved conflicts and pressure that deforms their personality.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy