If the narcissist is demonic and evil, guess who gets to be an angel and the reification of goodness?
The victim, of course, the victim of narcissistic abuse, the victim of the narcissist.
The victim is impeccable, immaculate, super empathic, angelic, flawless, blemishless. Victim is never responsible, never contributes to his or her own predicament.
She is 100% white and the narcissist is 100% black.
Ironically, this kind of thinking known as dichotomous thinking is a foundational pathological aspect of narcissism.
Narcissists think this way.
Dichotomous thinking is founded on a primitive, regressive, infantile defense mechanism known as splitting, black versus white, good versus evil, perfect versus imperfect, hot versus cold, splitting.
Many, many victims split, they render the narcissist irredimable and themselves the utmost form of perfection.
Not perfection in the sense that they possess all the skills and talents in the known universe.
Not this kind of perfection, but moral perfection. They should not be held accountable for anything. They are not responsible for anything. They're not blameworthy. They had nothing to do with it. It was a force of nature, a force of nature, brought on by Lucifer and his hordes.
Narcissists are fallen angels or demonic spiritual entities or the embodiment of possession.
This spiritual war, casting the relationship with the narcissist in terms of spiritual war, why do that? What does it accomplish? Except delusionality, hallucinations in a pseudo-psychotic state. It pushes the victims into the realms of insanity.
Why would victims render themselves insane in order to make sense of what had happened to them with the narcissist?
Because narcissistic abuse is highly traumatizing and because many people are weak and feebled by the relationship with the narcissist or feeble-minded to start with.
Many people are broken and damaged when they've met the narcissist. They were already vulnerable and fragile.
The damage inflicted on them, the devastation has been such that they chose to retreat from reality and to ensconce themselves in a fantasy, in delusions, even in hallucinations.
But there are additional motivations.
When you cast your relationship with a narcissist as a spiritual war, it makes you important. Your life, your existence matters.
This is self-importance as a warrior in some kind of cosmic battle. You're on the forces of good against evil. So you aggrandize yourself.
The concept of spiritual war with the narcissist is a self-aggrandizing concept. It renders your life meaningful because participating in a cosmic battle against the forces of evil has been at the core of many, many religions, Christianitynot accepted.
So this has religious overtones, and you are a kind of disciple or emissary and definitely a fighter. You're fighting for the victory, the ultimate triumph of good over evil.
That's point number one. Self-aggrandizement, grandiosity, a cognitive distortion, divorcing reality in order to feel good about yourself, to feel somehow elevated.
You have lost control. In your relationship with the narcissist, you were helpless. You are impotent. You have lost control over your life, your decisions, your choices, your friends, your abilities, your social network. Everything was taken over by the narcissist.
And finally, the narcissist has absconded with your very mind through the process of entraining.
Having lost everything, you want to reassert control. You want to regain mastery over your life.
And one way of doing this is pretending or lying to yourself or deceiving yourself into believing that you are participating in some very important cosmic event.
And that it is your choice to participate in it and that you're in control of your life now, that you have taken mastery, and now you're counterattacking. It's always good to counterattack. It feels good. It feels good because you're no longer helpless. You're no longer subject to the whims and predilections and proclivities of other people. You're in charge, at least of your own destiny.
Reasserting control is the second motivation.
The third motivation, shunning responsibility.
If you cast your relationship with the narcissist as a spiritual war and the narcissist is the prince of darkness or at the very least Darth Vader, what could you have done? You couldn't have done anything about it. This was, and there was an asymmetry of power.
So you're not responsible. You have contributed nothing to this. It's not your fault. You're not to blame. You're not guilty. You shouldn't feel ashamed.
Casting your relationship with the narcissist as a spiritual war exempts you and exonerates you. That's a great feeling.
Because until you have cast it as a spiritual war, you had knowing doubts. You questioned yourself. You felt stupid. You were doubtful about your role in all this and rightly so.
So spiritual war is a cop-out.
Oh, it wasn't a relationship with another human being, however flawed. It was a relationship with a demon.
And after all, what could we near mortals and human beings can do against the forces of darkness?
Next is the feeling that you were chosen by the narcissist.
Why were you chosen by the narcissist?
Exactly because your very being in existence, who you are, your identity, reify goodness. You are good. You are an extension of the very concept of good.
So the narcissist has chosen you because he spotted your essential goodness, because you're perfectly benign, caring, loving, super empathic, not normally empathic, but hyper-empathic, in short, you're an empath and immaculate. You're immaculate, you're flawless, you're blemishless in this sense. Flawless and blemishless in the sense that your essential goodness and your overpowering empathy are perfect.
So you are the reification of the principle of good, and the narcissist is the reification of the principle of evil and your clash was inevitable there was some inexorability it was inexorable there was some inexorability there was some momentum that could not have been stopped or interfered with.
You were the subject of a train wreck. The victim of processes much larger than you, even much larger than the narcissists, the cosmic war between good and evil, between God and Satan, whatever metaphors you want to use.
So you were chosen. It wasn't accidental or incidental. You were chosen because of your essential goodness.
That elevates you, of course. It's another form of self-aggrandizement. I'm all good. This is proof positive that I'm all good, that I'm perfectly good.
So, being chosen is a form of grandiosity, or believing that you have been chosen is a form of grandiosity.
Of course, the narcissist didn't choose you because you're empathic or caring or loving or benign or compassionate or whatever, assuming that you are. That's also debatable.
But even if you are, the narcissist hasn't chosen you for this.
Narcissists couldn't care less about you. Narcissists didn't even notice your external separate existence. Narcissists wouldn't know empathy or love if they fell on his head.
Narcissists don't do empathy. They don't do love, they don't do positive feelings. They wouldn't have, they don't understand this language.
So they didn't choose you because of these things. They chose you because you supplied sex or services or safety. You agreed to act in a maternal role or you provided supply narcissistic supply sadistic supply whatever things the narcissist chose you because what you could give him because of what you did give him and the moment you stopped giving in his mind at least it was over.
Finally, a spiritual war implies that you are as pure as a baby and this is not a metaphor or a simile there is regressive infantization here.
The narcissist is a big evil daddy, a kind of inverted parental figure and you are as pure as a driven snow, unadulterated as a child, as an infant. A lot of regression, a lot of self-infantilization.
Here's the truth about your relationship with the narcissist.
You made stupid choices.
There are two possibilities.
You made stupid choices because you're inherently, innately stupid. You're simply dumb.
Or you made stupid choices because you were at a moment in your life where you were distracted, you were damaged, you were broken, you were hurt, you were vulnerable, you were fragile, whatever.
But you made stupid choices. These choices were your choices and you're fully accountable and responsible for them.
You were vulnerable, that much is true. You've been taking advantage of very likely.
So what? This is life. This is life. This is the guiding principle of life. It's known as evolution.
It is your role to protect yourself.
Of course, abuse is not justified. Of course abuse should be penalized, socially, criminally, and so on so forth. That goes without saying.
But on the other hand, you shouldn't exempt yourself from responsibility, you shouldn't exonerate yourself in your internal court.
You have made stupid choices, you let down your guard, you absconded with your boundaries, you displayed your vulnerability, you invited abuse.
And so learn a lesson from this. Don't ever do it again.
To the narcissist, you were a service provider. End of story. Not a partner, not an intimate partner.
Narcissists don't do intimacy.
You meant nothing to the narcissist except as a service provider.
As long as you kept providing two of the four S's, sex, supply, services, safety. As long as you provided two of these four S's sex supply services safety as long as you provided two of these four you were on the job was yours the minute you stopped providing these or the minute the narcissist has devalued you because of his own internal dynamics it was over you meant nothing to narcissists because you have never existed externally, as far as a narcissist is concerned.
You were also utterly interchangeable. There's nothing about you that was unique, irreplaceable, super special, amazing.
Narcissists don't see people this way.
Narcissists ask themselves, what's in it for me?
What's in it for me?
And the things that you could supply the narcissist, the things that you did supply the narcissist with are replaceable, are interchangeable there are many competitors out there and the narcissist is not averse to placing himself up for auction.
So don't kid yourself, don't aggrandize yourself you're not chosen you are not special even you are nothing to the narcissist.
As meaningful as his internet service provided, for example.
And as he would not have hesitated to switch internet service providers with a deterioration in service, so he did not hesitate in dumping you and exchanging you for someone else.
You have to learn this hurtful and difficult lesson if you want to move on and never repeat the same mistakes again.
Casting yourself as the eternal victim and describing the relationship as a spiritual warfare, these are copouts. These are copouts and they would lead you nowhere. They would mislead you. They would guarantee that you will fall victim again to exactly the same type of person, the same circumstances.
Don't make this mistake for your own sake.