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Vaknin Talks

Full transcripts of Sam Vaknin's videos

No Emotions, please: Alexithymia and Anankastia (Rigid Perfectionism)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of Alexithymia, a condition characterized by the inability to recognize and express emotions in oneself and others. He proposes a new perspective on Alexithymia, linking it to Anancastia, a trait domain related to rule-based perfectionism. Vaknin suggests that Alexithymia is a form of perfectionism and emotional blindness, and he explores its potential connections to narcissistic personality disorder and other mental health issues. He also delves into the impacts of Alexithymia on relationships and presents various psychological models and theories related to the condition. Vaknin emphasizes the importance of emotions in interpersonal relationships and discusses the potential psychodynamic and cognitive behavioral roots of Alexithymia. He also highlights the connection between Alexithymia and narcissism, suggesting that they share common elements such as anhedonia and a limited ability to experience positive emotions.


Why Narcissist Desires YOU, Why YOU Fall for It (Conation, Doxastic Voluntarism, Base Rate Fallacy)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the psychological mechanism of conation and its role in the narcissist's unwavering conviction in the shared fantasy. Conation is the driving force behind the narcissist's belief in the shared fantasy and the idealized version of their partner. The lecture delves into the base rate fallacy, implicit bias, and the influence of conation on the narcissist's behavior. It also explores the connection between conation and the narcissist's pursuit of the shared fantasy, as well as the impact of doxastic attitudes and doxastic voluntarism on the dynamics of the shared fantasy.


Why Do We Keep Fighting Wars (Compilation)

Sam Vaknin discusses the psychology of war, emphasizing that war brings out both the best and worst in humanity, often seen as the epitome of masculinity. War leads to negative identity formation, where each side dehumanizes the other, casting the conflict as a morality play. War is also seen as a game, with veterans from opposing sides often friendly post-conflict, suggesting a role-playing element. Winning a war is seen as validation and proof of divine blessing. War mediates the tension between individual and collective through the concept of self-sacrifice. Vaknin also touches on the psychological effects of witnessing war from a distance, which can lead to a sense of vicarious gratification and virtue signaling, as well as the intense trauma experienced by those in close proximity to war. He notes that politicians view war as an inevitable tool, while the general populace often finds war entertaining despite underlying anxiety. Human psychology predisposes us to aggression, and war caters to deep psychological needs, leading to innovation and new social orders. Repeated exposure to violence can result in desensitization, dehumanization, and a post-traumatic state. Vaknin concludes that war, like climate change, is an inherent human phenomenon that we should accept and adapt to rather than futilely attempt to eliminate.


"I Miss ME!": Self-estrangement in Narcissistically Abusive Relationships

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of self-estrangement and self-alienation in the context of narcissistic abuse. He explains how the narcissist manipulates the victim's mind, leading to a feeling of being unrecognizable to oneself. The victim's internal voice becomes dominated by the narcissist's introject, leading to a sense of emptiness and dissociation from one's true self. This process involves a complex interplay of defense mechanisms, emotional dysregulation, and the impact of early attachment trauma. The victim's symptoms are seen as a compromise formation and a resistance to change, requiring a focus on emotional closeness, experiencing, and anxiety regulation in treatment.


Talking to Narcissistic Abuse Victim, Coach (with Michelle Ecret)

In the lecture, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses his personal journey of awakening from a narcissistic relationship and the process of healing and recovery. He explains the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, the role of fantasy in the narcissistic relationship, and the psychological traits and behaviors of narcissists. He also addresses the concept of conscious awareness in narcissists and clarifies the distinction between attachment styles and narcissistic personality disorder. Throughout the conversation, he provides insights and explanations based on his expertise in the field of narcissism and abuse.


Pathological Narcissism: Does It Exist? (with Kelly Brogan, MD)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of narcissism, distinguishing between the clinical entity and its role as an explanatory principle in modern society. He emphasizes that narcissism is a defense mechanism resulting from early childhood experiences, particularly with the mother, and that it is a lifelong automatic process. Vaknin explains that narcissists lack a functional self and are unable to perceive others as separate, leading to a disruption in forming a functioning self. He also addresses the different trajectories of narcissism based on childhood experiences and the fluidity of narcissistic behaviors. Additionally, he delves into the relational consequences of narcissism, particularly in romantic relationships, and the subconscious intention of individuals with narcissistic patterns.


So, What Is Narcissistic Abuse, After All? (with Kelly Brogan, MD)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of the shared fantasy in narcissistic relationships, where the narcissist seeks to separate and become an individual by luring an intimate partner into a fantasy. He explains that the shared fantasy is about separation, not merging, and that the narcissist seeks to convert the partner into a maternal figure. Vaknin, who has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, emphasizes the need for professional help in overcoming the aftermath of such relationships and highlights the profound grief and disorientation experienced by victims. He also provides red flags for identifying narcissistic patterns in relationships and offers his YouTube channel as a resource for further information and support.


Inside Mind of Murderous Narcissist (with Isla Traquair)

In this lecture, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the mind of a sexually sadistic killer, explaining that killing is the ultimate intimacy for this type of murderer. He describes the killer's experience during the act of killing, the aftermath, and the psychological dynamics involved. He also delves into the different types of killers, such as psychopaths, narcissists, and impulse killers, and how their behaviors and motivations differ. Additionally, he touches on the concept of victimhood and its role in contemporary society.


How Your Childhood Effs Your Adulthood ( Adverse Childhood Experiences ( ACEs))

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the impact of adverse childhood experiences on adulthood. He explains that childhood largely determines adulthood and attachment styles are almost cast in stone. He emphasizes that childhood experiences have a direct impact on adulthood and discusses the mental health consequences of an unhappy childhood, including the development of narcissism, fear of abandonment, perfectionism, emotional instability, and difficulty expressing emotions. He also highlights the challenges in setting boundaries, overthinking, self-loathing, and passive aggression as outcomes of adverse childhood experiences.


Is It YOUR Fantasy - or Theirs (Narcissists, Psychopaths, Borderlines)?

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of the shared fantasy in relationships, particularly in the context of narcissism and psychopathy. He explains that while the psychopath customizes the fantasy to fit the partner, the narcissist coerces the partner to fit the fantasy. Vaknin emphasizes the differences in motivations, goals, and outcomes between the psychopath's, narcissist's, and borderline's fantasies, highlighting the manipulative and exploitative nature of these dynamics. He also delves into the psychological underpinnings of these behaviors, linking them to a quest for unconditional love and entitlement.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
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