Vaknin Talks

Art of Delegating (Lecture in CIAPS)

Delegation, negotiation, and influence are interconnected skills that often provoke negative emotions and misinterpretations. Delegation requires trust and careful analysis of risks and benefits, while effective negotiation involves understanding both parties' interests and finding a compromise without ego-driven motives. Influence can be positive or negative, depending on the intent behind it, and it necessitates empathy, understanding, and the ability to overcome resistance. Ultimately, mastering these skills involves self-awareness, clear communication, and a focus on collaboration rather than competition.

Posted on 11/28/2024, 55 minute read

How Thinking Shapes Us: Information Processing Theory (South East European University, SEEU)

Only one in three people in industrialized societies fully transition into adulthood, while the majority remain in a state of prolonged adolescence, which poses significant societal challenges. Maturity is defined by critical life experiences, the ability to reflect on memories, openness to new experiences, emotional regulation, a sense of humor, and creativity. Information processing theory emphasizes that growth and development are mediated by the brain's ability to process stimuli, create memories, and form knowledge, rather than following rigid stages. Memory plays a crucial role in identity formation and learning, with the majority of information being forgotten shortly after exposure, highlighting the importance of memory in personal development. Overall, the lecture underscores the complexity of human development and the critical role of memory and language in shaping identity and growth.

Posted on 11/27/2024, 1 hour 23 minute read

Why Narcissists Self-Destruct, Inefficacious, Self-defeat (Dynamic Self-regulatory Processing Model)

The lecture discusses the self-destructive nature of narcissism, highlighting that most narcissists engage in irrational behaviors that ultimately lead to their downfall. They often exhibit grandiosity, entitlement, and a tendency to seek shortcuts rather than genuine achievements, which alienates them from others and undermines their relationships. Narcissists also struggle with a dissonance between their perceived superiority and underlying feelings of inferiority, leading to aggressive behaviors and a reliance on external validation. This internal conflict manifests in a cycle of self-defeat, as their maladaptive strategies prevent them from forming meaningful connections and achieving lasting success. Ultimately, the lecture posits that narcissism is a destructive force that not only harms others but also leads to the narcissist's own self-destruction.

Posted on 11/26/2024, 39 minute read

Religion of the Obsessive-compulsive: Orphaned Internal Objects

Obsessive patients create internal objects to represent their thoughts and emotions, leading to a disconnect between their internal reality and external reality, resulting in feelings of helplessness and anxiety. They externalize their intrusive thoughts, perceiving them as aggressive external objects, and engage in rituals to mitigate the anxiety associated with these thoughts, effectively transferring the aggression back onto themselves. This cycle of projection and internalization creates a perpetual state of conflict, where the patient oscillates between feeling all good and all bad, ultimately leading to emotional dysregulation. The treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorders requires addressing the core issue of aggression directly, rather than relying on rituals or magical thinking, which only perpetuate the cycle of obsession and compulsion.

Posted on 11/25/2024, 36 minute read

Narcissism: What's Left to Learn? (with Peter Kolakowski, Deutschlandfunk Kultur)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is described as an all-pervasive condition that defines the individual, leaving them with a sense of emptiness and fraudulence when faced with narcissistic mortification. This mortification occurs under specific conditions, such as public humiliation, suddenness, and the presence of valued others, leading to a brief emotional dysregulation where the narcissist becomes vulnerable. However, they quickly restore their grandiosity through either internal or external narratives, reactivating their defenses and returning to their false self. While narcissism can be seen as a positive adaptation in a narcissistic society, the majority of narcissists ultimately face negative outcomes due to their inability to connect with others and their reliance on fantasy.

Posted on 11/24/2024, 31 minute read

Attachment, Separation are Lifelong (South East European University, SEEU)

The lecture discusses the psychological processes of mentalization, internalization, and attachment, emphasizing their significance in shaping relationships throughout life. Mentalization, or the ability to understand others' minds, begins in childhood and is influenced by the quality of early maternal relationships, which can either foster or hinder the development of a coherent self and the ability to relate to others. The concept of attachment, particularly as articulated by Bowlby and Ainsworth, highlights how early experiences with caregivers create internal working models that affect adult relationships, leading to various attachment styles such as secure, avoidant, and ambivalent. Ultimately, the lecture underscores the lifelong impact of early psychological development on interpersonal dynamics and mental health.

Posted on 11/23/2024, 1 hour 8 minute read

How to Survive Dangerous Breakups with Narcissist (with The Matadoras, Lessons and Growth)

Abuse often manifests through various psychological dynamics, with abusers typically well-matched to individuals who are people pleasers or codependent. Key signs of an abusive relationship include disrespect, boundary violations, aggression, control, and unpredictability, which can create a trauma bond between the abuser and victim. Victims can begin to heal by making their experiences public, regaining reality testing, suppressing the abuser's internalized voice, and learning to love themselves again. Effective coping strategies involve focusing on body awareness, maintaining authenticity, and developing a vigilant approach to reality, while minimizing contact with the abuser and educating oneself and others about the dynamics of abuse.

Posted on 11/22/2024, 46 minute read

Borderline’s False Self Unlike Narcissist’s (see PINNED COMMENT)

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is characterized by a complex interplay between a false self and a relatively functional true self, leading to emotional dysregulation and identity disturbance. Unlike narcissistic personality disorder, where the true self is largely absent, individuals with BPD experience a competition between these two selves, resulting in feelings of emptiness and a reliance on external validation for identity formation. The false self in BPD serves to cope with internal voids and seeks external regulation, often through intimate relationships, but this reliance can lead to instability and impulsivity. Ultimately, the inability to integrate past experiences and maintain a cohesive self-narrative contributes to the ongoing struggle for identity and self-coherence in those with BPD.

Posted on 11/21/2024, 38 minute read

QUIZ 1: How Well Do You Know Narcissism? Test Yourself!

Many self-proclaimed experts on narcissism lack a solid understanding of the subject, leading to widespread misinformation. Narcissism is not definitively linked to genetics or brain abnormalities, and its prevalence in the general population is estimated to be between 1% and 3%. The distinction between narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic traits is crucial, as the former is a clinical diagnosis while the latter can exist on a spectrum. Ultimately, narcissism cannot be cured or healed, but behavior modification is possible with consistent effort and support.

Posted on 11/20/2024, 34 minute read

Do Men Prefer Blondes or Brunettes? (See PINNED COMMENT)

Men tend to prefer blondes for casual encounters and one-night stands, while they favor brunettes for long-term relationships and partnerships. This preference is influenced by stereotypes that portray blondes as less threatening, more available, and childlike, which enhances male self-confidence and attraction. Blondes are also perceived as rarer and healthier, contributing to their allure, while the perception of them as promiscuous and untrustworthy diminishes their desirability for serious commitments. Ultimately, cultural influences and evolutionary factors play significant roles in shaping these preferences.

Posted on 11/19/2024, 10 minute read

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