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Embarrassing Narcissist

Uploaded 9/23/2010, approx. 3 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The narcissist is convinced that he possesses an unerring sense of rhythm until his wife tells him that he has none.

He thinks that his comments, observations and insights are original and pithy until he discovers that he is numbingly verbose, repetitive and coarse.

He attributes to himself a great sense of humor until he rereads some of his writings and finds how convoluted and dull his pitiful efforts at being witty are.

In his mind, the narcissist poses arabesque and lucid and incisive, but he often learns that it is not.

This utter lack of self-awareness is typical of the narcissist. He is intimate only with his false self, and the false self is constructed meticulously from years of lying and deceit.

The narcissist's true self is stashed, dilapidated and dysfunctional in the furthest recesses of the narcissist mind. The false self is omnipotent, all-powerful, omniscient, all-knowing, omnipresent, everywhere, creative, genius, irresistible, perfect, brilliant and glowing.

But this is the false self.

The narcissist often is none of these things.

Adcombustible paranoia to the narcissist divorced from himself and his constant and recurrent failure to assess reality fairly is more understandable.

The narcissist's overpowering sense of entitlement is rarely commensurate with his accomplishments in his real life or with his traits.

And when the world fails to comply with the narcissist's demands and to support his grandiose fantasies, the narcissist suspects a plot against him by his inferiors.

The narcissist rarely admits to a weakness, an ignorance or an efficiency. He filters out information to the contrary. It's a cognitive impairment with serious consequences.

Narcissists are likely to unflinchingly make inflated and inane claims about their sexual prowess, their wealth, their connections, their history or their achievements. All these confabulations are embarrassing to the narcissist's nearest, dearest, colleagues, friends, neighbors and even to onlookers.

The narcissist's tales are so pathetically absurd that he often catches people off guard.

Unbeknownst to the narcissist, he is derided and he is mockingly imitated. He fast makes a nuisance and an imposition of himself in every company.

But the narcissist's failure of the reality test can have more serious and irreversible consequences than public mockery.

Narcissists are academically unqualified to make life and death decisions, often insist on rendering. A narcissist would treat someone medically. He would interfere in engineering decisions. He would commit errors based on his inflated sense of self and grandiose fantasies, which may cost lives.

Narcissists pretend to be economists, engineers or medical doctors when they are not.

But they are not con-artists in the classic premeditated sense. They, for instance, don't do it usually for money. They firmly believe that though self-taught, self-educated and auto-deducts, they are more qualified than even the properly accredited sort.

Narcissists believe in magic and in fantasy. They are no longer with us in effect.

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Faces of Narcissist's Aggression

Narcissists possess a grandiose sense of self-importance and believe in their unique mission, often viewing their lives as significant narratives meant for future documentation. They expect others to recognize their entitlement and comply with their needs, leading to frustration and aggression when the world does not accommodate them. This aggression can manifest in various forms, including passive-aggressive comments disguised as helpful advice, which serve to inflict emotional harm. Ultimately, narcissists harbor deep-seated hostility and resentment, making their interactions potentially harmful to those around them.


Narcissist's Vulnerability: Grandiosity Hangover

Narcissists often engage in shared delusions and collective denial, clinging to an inflated sense of self and past moments of perceived superiority. Their vulnerabilities, particularly the grandiosity hangover and grandiosity gap, can be exploited, especially when they face authority or feel their self-worth is threatened. Any challenge to their perceived uniqueness or entitlement can provoke intense rage, leading them to react aggressively in an attempt to restore their grandiose self-image. Confronting a narcissist with questions or statements that undermine their self-perception can effectively deter their behavior.


Narcissist: Your Pain is his Healing, Your Crucifixion - His Resurrection

Narcissists need their victims to suffer to regulate their own emotions and feel a sense of control. They keep a mental ledger of positive and negative behaviors, with negative behaviors weighing more heavily. Narcissists need counterfactual statements to maintain their delusion of being special and superior. The grandiosity gap is the major vulnerability of the narcissist, and they are often in denial about their limitations and failures.


Narcissist's Constant Midlife Crisis

Narcissists experience a perpetual state akin to a midlife crisis due to their constant disconnection from reality and their grandiose aspirations. Unlike healthy adults who confront the gap between their dreams and reality, narcissists thrive on unpredictability and excitement, often engaging in cycles of idealization and devaluation. Their coping mechanisms, such as cognitive dissonance and abrupt changes in behavior, allow them to navigate their ongoing crises without the same level of disillusionment faced by others. Ultimately, the narcissist's refusal to accept reality and their relentless pursuit of fantasy prevent them from undergoing a traditional midlife crisis.


Narcissistic Supply Deficiency Coping Strategies

Sam Vaknin explains that the grandiosity gap between a narcissist's self-image and reality is grating on their nerves. As a result, the narcissist resorts to self-delusion, which can lead to various solutions. These include the delusional narrative solution, the antisocial solution, the paranoid schizoid solution, the paranoid aggressive or explosive solution, and the masochistic avoidance solution. Ultimately, the narcissist's pronounced and public misery and self-pity are compensatory and reinforce their self-esteem against overwhelming convictions of worthlessness.


Narcissist: My Gut Instinct Rules, My Intuition is FACT!

Narcissists perceive their intuition as an objective truth, believing it to be a reflection of reality rather than an internal process. They view themselves as infallible and omniscient, leading to a rejection of external knowledge and a lack of curiosity about others. This results in a distorted understanding of reality, where they internalize external objects and externalize their internal processes, creating a self-contained narrative. Consequently, they engage in confabulation and confirmation bias, rearranging information to fit their grandiose self-image. Ultimately, narcissists are unable to learn from others or reality, as they see themselves as the sole source of knowledge and truth.


Narcissist's Routines

Narcissists have a series of routines that are developed through rote learning and repetitive patterns of experience. These routines are used to reduce anxiety and transform the world into a manageable and controllable one. The narcissist is a creature of habit and finds change unsettling. The narcissist's routines are often broken down when they are breached or can no longer be defended, leading to a narcissistic injury.


Old-age Narcissist

Narcissists age without grace, unable to accept their fallibility and mortality. They suffer from mental progeria, aging prematurely and finding themselves in a time warp. The longer they live, the more average they become, and the wider the gulf between their pretensions and accomplishments. Few narcissists save for rainy days, and those who succeed in their vocation end up bitterly alone, having squandered the love of family, offspring, and mates.


Narcissist's Cognitive Deficits

Narcissists lack empathy and are unable to relate to others, instead withdrawing into a universe populated by avatars. They are incapable of holding an external dialogue and all their dialogues are completely internal. The narcissist attributes their failures and mistakes to circumstances and external causes, while regarding their successes and achievements as proofs of their own omnipotence and omniscience. The narcissist pays a dear price for these distortions of perception, developing paranoid ideation and fading the reality test.


20 Ways to Provoke the Narcissist to Meltdown, Tantrum, Apoplexy

Narcissists possess an inflated self-perception, viewing themselves as unique and superior, which makes them highly sensitive to any perceived threats to their grandiosity. Statements that imply autonomy, equality, or criticism can provoke intense rage or injury, as they challenge the narcissist's belief in their omnipotence and uniqueness. Even innocuous phrases, such as offering help or expressing agreement, can be interpreted as insults, leading to defensive or aggressive reactions. Engaging with a narcissist requires caution, as any challenge to their self-image can result in severe emotional backlash.

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