We've all heard of these kind of people and I've had my share coming after me.
I could have written a 300 page book on the psychology of this particular segment of the population but I won't do this to you.
Instead, I will discuss today four and only four elements in the psychology or maybe even psychopathology of gold diggers.
Now, rough definition before we embark on our amazing journey.
Gold diggers are people, usually women but not exclusively women of course, gigalos are kind of gold diggers.
So and they are men.
So these are people who regard relationships as the surest and quickest way to money, benefits, monetary or otherwise, and the good life, luxury life, easy life, lazy life and so on and so forth.
They dismiss hard work, although gold diggers I think is a lot of hard work, but they dismiss classical accepted socially sublimated types of hard work, hard study, hard anything.
They regard other people's wallets and bank accounts as rightfully theirs directly or indirectly.
Now, only a small minority of these people are psychopaths.
In other words, even though they're gold oriented, not all of them or a small minority of them are callous and ruthless and unscrupulous and unethical and immoral and even criminalized.
The vast majority are not.
They have a peculiar way of looking at the world, which I will try to explicate in this short video.
At the basis of the foundation of it all, there is insecurity.
It's a double edged sword.
On the one hand, these people are insecure about the world.
They regard the world as a hostile, frustrating, unforgiving environment.
And on the other hand, they're insecure about themselves.
They don't trust themselves to be self efficacious, able to extract the best possible favorable outcomes from the environment, from other people.
They don't believe they could convince themselves that they're able to act in the environment and on the environment in ways which guarantee ultimate happiness, well-being, contentment, accomplishments.
So this is a double form of insecurity.
I don't trust the world and I don't trust myself to act in the world and on the world.
Insecurity is the basis of this kind of behavior.
It's as if they're trying to convert other people into the equivalent of a secure base.
It's as if they're trying to appropriate other people's accomplishments, confidence, self-confidence, assertiveness, access to contacts or to money and so on.
It's as if they're trying to live by proxy vicariously through other people, annexing other people's lives.
And this is a solution to their insecurity and in this sense, God diggers and so on and so forth, they're clingy, they're needy.
One could even venture to say that probably they're codependent, although they're not studies to substantiates.
Next point is entitlement.
These people feel entitled to the good life, entitled to luxury, entitled to glittering company, entitled to not work, entitled to not study, entitled to travel all over the world, entitled to complete and utter independence, entitled to this entitlement, which is a hallmark of narcissism, is very common among gold diggers.
And it drives them to behave in ways which are essentially extortionate.
Giving is a transaction in life, every marriage, every relationship, this is a give and take.
That's normal.
But what is abnormal with gold diggers is their tendency to externalize aggression via the act of giving and via the act of taking.
It's a kind of sublimated or passive aggression embedded, baked into, hardwired into the interactions of gold diggers.
Their entitlement is aggressive entitlement.
They go for it because they're convinced of the outcomes.
Gold diggers would try to create the maximum asymmetry and asymmetry in age.
So very young, very old, and asymmetry in beauty, very beautiful, very handsome, very ugly.
They rely on these asymmetries to impose and enforce an agenda on the other party.
If you want my youth, if you want my beauty, if you want access to my body, if you want my company, you have to pay.
And you have to pay through the nose.
Again, it's extortionate.
By doing this, the gold digger objectifies her mark or her target. She treats her partner as a kind of tool or instrument or venue or channel or conduit, anything but a human being.
As far as the gold digger is concerned, the person she's chosen to victimize in a way is actually nothing more than a walking, talking, bank account.
And so this objectification is very extreme in gold digging.
There isn't even a minimum of emotional attachment or bonding of any kind. There's no compassion. There's no empathy. There's no affection.
It's called and calculated to the extreme.
And this is, of course, psychopathic.
So we have seen by now codependent traits, narcissistic traits, codependent traits, insecurity and clinging, narcissistic traits, entitlement, aggressive entitlement, and psychopathic traits, objectification.
The whole thing is wrapped up in a philosophy and ideology of transactionalism.
Everything in life is give and take. Your role is to minimize the giving and maximize the taking. It's a zero sum game.
There are winners for every winner. There's a loser for every loser. There's a winner. There's no win-win situation.
The gold digger is after depleting the resources of her partner and moving on to the next partner. She's a scavenger or he is a scavenger in many ways.
This parasitism, this derivative life, this extreme transactionalism characterizes or separates gold digging from all other types of human interactions, which also involve, of course, implicit or explicit transactions.
Here the transaction rules. The relationship is secondary byproduct, side effect of the transaction. And the transaction is always lopsided and exploitative.
A few thoughts about gold digging.
By the way, there are gold digger forums where gold diggers teach each other all kinds of techniques which border very much on extortion and blackmail, but they are still legal.
It's emotional blackmail, basically.
So there are forums of gold diggers. There are forums of sugar babes. There are even forums of sugar daddies, believe it or not. It's a whole industry and it's pretty institutionalized.
There are even kind of schools online to teach you how to become one and their parameters, their draft agreements.
I mean, it's really impressive when you delve deep into it.
I use the words mark and target and victim because ultimately the partner of the gold digger is all three.
Even when the sugar daddy believes that he has got the upper hand, that he is getting the better end of the stick, that the deal is tilted in his favor, that's self-deception.
Ultimately, the gold digger gets to keep her youth, her sexuality and the targets money.
Not a bad business.
So good luck if you choose this career and drop me a note. Tell me how it went.