How One Becomes a Narcissist - and How to Fight It! (Compilation)

Sam Vaknin explains that there are two types of narcissism, healthy narcissism, or primary narcissism, and pathological narcissism, or secondary narcissism.

Healthy narcissism is the natural self-esteem and self-confidence that allows individuals, especially children, to explore the world and develop a sense of self-worth.

Pathological narcissism, on the other hand, arises from childhood abuse and trauma, leading some individuals to develop narcissistic traits as a coping mechanism.

Childhood abuse and trauma can force children to find ways to avoid the painand this can lead to different outcomes.

Outcome number one, identifying with the abuser, becoming codependents. Outcome number two, becoming the abuser themselves, turning into narcissists.

And outcome number three, attempting to become the abuser, but failing, leading to borderline personality traits.

It's important to note that only a small percentage of children exposed to abuse and trauma develop these pathologies, while most become relatively healthy adults with some emotional challenges.

Abuse is not limited to physical or verbal abuse. It can also include spoiling, pampering, idolizing, and using the child as a means of gratification.

The common thread in all forms of abuse is the prevention of the child from developing their own identity and boundaries.

In the case of pathological narcissism, the child creates a false self as a coping mechanism. This false self is a perfect, godlike figure that contrasts with the child's own feelings of helplessness and vulnerability. The child may even develop a private religion, worshiping and sacrificing to this invented God.

As adults, individuals with pathological narcissism are in a post-traumatic state, and they often exhibit arrested development, getting stuck at a certain mental age, usually around four to six years old.

Therapy for narcissists can be challenging because they need to be treated as the age they are mentally, not as adults.

Additionally, understanding that narcissism is a post-traumatic condition rather than a personality disorder can guide treatment approaches.

In summary, Sam Vaknin's explanation emphasizes the origins of pathological narcissism in childhood trauma, and the importance of recognizing it as a post-traumatic condition rather than a personality disorder.

Understanding this perspective can inform more effective therapeutic approaches.

First of all, it's important to realize that everyone is a narcissist in the sense that everyone has something called healthy narcissism. It's also called primary narcissism.

This is the kind of narcissism that babies have. This is the kind of narcissism that allows you as a child to venture out into the world and explore it because it takes some grandiosity to assume that you as a baby can take on the world. This is the kind of narcissism that underlies a well-regulated, internally regulated sense of self-worth, this is a pristine sense of confidence. This is the kind of narcissism that allows you to ignore certain challenges and certain threats and just venture out there into your thing. This is the kind of narcissism that allows you to stand up to bullies and enemies, etc. So this is healthy narcissism. Everyone has it.

Every single person on earth has it.

Then there is the pathological kind, also known as secondary narcissism. The pathological kind is when there's a confluence of circumstances.

The first and most important is trauma, childhood abuse and trauma. When the child is abused and traumatized, it does something to the child's mind and that something is reversible because the mind is a brain is neuroplastic. It can be reprogrammed and deprogrammed via, for example, therapy or even via self-work or self-analysis.

So there is hope, but still it does something to the mind.

And children, having been subjected to trauma and abuse, they are forced to find a solution somehow to avoid the pain and the hurt of being traumatized and abused.

So one solution is to identify with the abuser and they become co-dependencecodependents.

Another solution is to become the abuser, to abuse and then they become narcissists.

And another solution is to try to become the abuser and to fail and then they become border lines.

This is the etiology. These are the paths, psychodynamic, psychological development paths that lead to these pathologies.

It's very important to emphasize that only a tiny percentage of children exposed to abuse and trauma develop these pathologies. The vast majority go on to be relatively healthy adults or have problems, some problems with depression and anxiety and so on.

It's also equally important to answer, to explain or to expound on the term abuse or on the concept of trauma.

Abuse is not only when you beat up your child, is not only when you have incest with your child, is not only when you verbally and psychologically torment and taunt your child or you humiliate your child. These are classic forms of abuse and actually they are the minority.

There are other forms of abuse which we tend to overlook or reframe or not treat as abuse or even condone.

For example, when you spoil your child, when you pamper your child, when you idolize your child, when you place your child on a pedestal or the pedestal on your child, when you treat your child as an instrument of gratification, as the tool which will help you, you as a parent realize your fantasies and wishes, when you parentyify your child, when you force your child to act as a parent to you, all these are forms of abuse.

So the only thing that's common to all forms of abuse, classic and those that I've just mentioned, the only thing that's common to all of them is that the child is not allowed to separate from the parent. Child is not allowed to separate and to become an individual because the child is not allowed to develop boundaries and to set boundaries, to insist, to enforce them.

The parent insists to invade the child, to assimilate the child, to treat the child as an extension, to merge and fuse with the child in a variety of ways, socially acceptable ways like spoiling or pampering or idolizing and socially unacceptable ways like incest.

There's absolutely no psychodynamic difference between incest and idolizing. In both these cases, the child becomes part of the parent, is not allowed to separate from the parent.

In the second case of incest, it's physically, bodily and in the case of pampering or spoiling or idolizing or using the child as instrument of gratification, it's psychologically.

But in both cases, the child is not his or her own person. No personality is allowed to develop.

So one of the solutions that children choose when they are exposed to these implicit or explicit messages, "Don't leave me, you are part of me. You will never be your own person." When they are faced with this kind of messaging, one of the solutions is known as pathological narcissism.

And what the child does in pathological narcissism, he invents an imaginary friend called the false self. And this imaginary friend is everything the child is not.

The child is helpless. This imaginary friend is omnipotent. The child cannot predict the behavior of the parents. The parents is unpredictable, capricious, arbitrary. The false self is omniscient, knows everything. The child is helpless, cannot cope with the abuse and the trauma, has no effective means and tools of managing the abuse of trauma, let alone eliminating it. The false self is all powerful.

So if you put all these attributes together, perfection, brilliance, omnipotence, omniscience, if you put all these together, you get the attributes of God.

So the false self is a God.

What happens to a child who is exposed to trauma and abuse when and if he chooses the narcissistic solution?

Is that the child develops a private religion. He invents a God and then he worships this God. And then he sacrifices to this God. He makes a human sacrifice. He sacrifices himself because it's the only human he has access to. So he makes a human sacrifice. It's a recreation of primitive proto-religions.

Absolutely. It's like exactly what Jung said. Jung called it the collective unconscious. It's like the child recreates the history of the race, the history of the species in his attitude, in his attempts to cope.

So when the child grows up, there are essentially two serious problems.

One, the child, when he becomes an adult, the child is in a post-traumatic state.

Narcissism is a post-traumatic condition. Not in my view, at least. I'm trying to reconceive of it as a post-traumatic condition, not a personality disorder.

Interesting. Okay. Okay. So it's a post-traumatic condition.

And the second problem, arrested development. The child never becomes another, at least not mentally. He gets stuck at some stage of development, usually six years old, six to nine. Nine is a very, very well-developed, mentally well-developed narcissist.

Most narcissists are four to six years old.

And here's the problem. And here's why we keep failing in therapy when we are trying to treat narcissists. We keep failing in therapy because we relate to narcissists. We try to negotiate with narcissists. We try to talk rhythm. We try to rationalize. We treat the narcissist that comes into the clinic, into the office. We treat the narcissist as an adult, but the narcissist is not another.

It's a four year old. It's a six year old.

And of course, all the all-embracing therapies fail with narcissists, which is they're not adults.

That's first thing.

The second thing we treat narcissism as an all pervasive problem of the personality is a multidimensional cancerous process which affects every dimension of personality and every dimension of functioning.

Consequently, we trot out, we roll out systemic solutions. We try to cope with the problem systemically.

It's a little like treating common cold as though it were cancer.

But narcissism is a post-traumatic condition. We do know that trauma affects all dimensions of functionality, including for example, interpersonal relationships and all cognitive dimensions and all emotional dimensions. We know this, but we equally know the trauma is totally reversible and that it can be cured and healed totally.

So you have been abused, untreated, harassed and stopped. You feel that you feel prey to a narcissist or a psychopath, but you must move on from victim to survivor. No one will do it for you. No one can do it for you. Not your therapist, not your best friend, not your nearest family.

Only you can choose survival over victimhood.

There are a few steps to this.

The first one is abandon the narcissist.

The narcissist initiates his own abandonment because of his fear of it. He is so terrified of losing his sources of supply and of being emotionally hurt that he would rather control, master or direct the potentially destabilizing situation by causing, precipitating and engendering his own abandonment.

Remember, the personality of the narcissist has a known level of organization. It's chaotic. It is precariously balanced. Being abandoned could cause a narcissistic injury so great that the whole edifice of the narcissist can come crumbling down.

Narcissists usually entertain suicidal ideation in such cases, but if the narcissist had initiated and directed his own abandonment, if it is perceived by him as a goal that he had set to himself, he can and does avoid all these unforward consequences.

The next one is moving on.

To preserve one's mental health, one must abandon the narcissist. I have said that, but one must also move on. Moving on is a process, not a decision, nor is it an event.

First, one has to acknowledge and accept painful reality. Such acceptance is a volcanic, shattering, agonizing series of living thoughts and strong, intrusive resistances.

Once the battle is won, and fresh, and painless, harsh, agonizing realities have been assimilated, one can move on to the learning phase.

What is a learning phase? We label everything around us and everyone around us. We educate ourselves. We compare experiences. We digest. We have insights.

Then we decide, and then we act.

And this is what it means to move on.

Having gathered sufficient emotional sustenance, knowledge, support, confidence, we face the battle pins of our relationships, fortifiedand nurtured.

This stage characterizes those who do not mourn, but fight, do not grieve, but replenish their self-esteem, do not hide, but seek, do not freeze, but move on.

Move on. Move on.

This is your model. This is your mantra. This is the key word.

But of course, abandoning anyone, and especially the narcissism. Forces want to go through a phase of grieving for a moment, having been betrayed, having been abused.

Inevitably, we grieve. We grieve for the imagery that of the traitor and the abuser. The image was so fleeting and so wrong. We mourn the damage that be beat to us. We experience the fear of never being able to love or to trust again.

And we grieve this loss of innocence.

In one stroke, we had lost someone we had trusted, even love. We had lost our trust in and love himself. And we had lost the trust and love that we had felt.

Can anything be worse?

The emotional process of grieving has many pages.

First, we have found a short, inert, immobile. We play dead to avoid our inner monsters. We are ossified in our pain, cast in the mold of our reticence of fears.

Then we feel enraged, indignant, rebellious, and hateful. And then we accept. And then we cry.

And then some of us learn to forgive and to pity.

And this is what we call healing.

All stages are absolutely necessary and good for you. It is bad not to rage back, not to shame those who had shamed us, to deny, to turn, to evade.

But it is equally bad to get fixated on our rage.

Permanent grieving is a perpetuation of our abuse by other needs.

By endlessly recreating our harrowing experiences, we unwillingly collaborate with our abusers to perpetuate their evil deeds.

It is by moving on that we defeat our abuser, minimizing him and his importance in our lives. It is by loving and by trusting anew that we are known that which was done to us.

To forgive is never to forget, but to remember is not necessarily to re-experience.

Forgiving is an important capability. It does more for the forgiver than for the forgiven.

But it should not be a universal, indiscriminate behavior. It is absolutely legitimate to not forgive sometimes.

It depends of course on the severity or duration of what had been done to me.

In general, it is unwise counter-depressive to apply to life universal and immutable principle.

Life is too chaotic to succumb to rigid edicts and rules. Sentences which start with "I never or I always are not very credible or clever" and they often lead to self-defeating, self-restricting and even self-destructive behavior.

Conflicts are important and integral part of life. One should never seek them out but when confronted with a conflict one should not avoid it.

It is through conflicts and through adversity as much as through care and love that we grow.

Even relationships are dynamic. We must assess our friendships, partnerships, even our marriages periodically.

In, by itself, a common past is insufficient to sustain a healthy nourishing, supportive, caring and compassionate relationship.

Common memories are unnecessary but not a sufficient condition. We must gain and regain our friendships, our love, our relationships on a daily basis. Human relationships are a constant test of allegiance and empathy.

But can you remain friends with the narcissists? Can't you not civilize them and remain on friendly terms with your narcissistic acts?

Well, never forget the narcissists, at least the full-fledged ones, are nice and friendly only when they want something for you.

Narcissistic supply, help, support, votes, money or sex. They prepare the ground, manipulate you and then come out with a small favor they need or ask you blatantly and surreptitiously for narcissistic supply.

Sentences such as "What did you think about my performance?" or "Do you think that I really deserve the normal price?"

Narcissists are nice and friendly only when they feel threatened and they want to neutral the threat by smothering it with oozing pleasantries.

Narcissists are nice and friendly when they have just been infused with an overdose of narcissistic supply and they feel magnanimous and they feel magnificent and ideal and perfect.

The showman, the limiting, is a way of flaunting one's impeccable divine credentials. It is an act of brandiosity. It is an act of humiliating giving.

You are an irrelevant prop in this spectacle, a mere receptacle of the narcissist overflowing, self-contented of an infatuation with his false self.

But all this beneficence is transient. The petrol victims often tend to thank the narcissist for little graces.

And this is the Stockholm Syndrome. Hostages tend to emotionally identify with their captors rather than with the beliefs.

We are grateful to our abusers and tormentors for seizing, even for a moment, their hideous activities and for allowing us to catch our breath before the next blow descends.

Some people say that they prefer to live with narcissists, to cater to their needs and to succumb to their needs because this is the way they had been conditioned in early childhood.

It is only with narcissists that such people feel alive, stimulated and excited. The world glows in technicolor 3D in the presence of a narcissist and decays into sepia colors in the absence of a narcissist.

I see nothing inherently wrong with such an approach.

The test is this. In someone where the constant thinks you mediate an abuse vermin using archaic Chinese, would you have felt you mediated in a beat? Probably not.

You don't understand archaic Chinese. He can't get to you.

Some people have been conditioned by the narcissistic primary objects in their lives, parents, caregivers, to treat narcissistic abuse as if it were uttered in archaic Chinese to turn a death here.

The technique is effective in that it allows the inverted process, the codependent narcissists, the covert narcissists, the narcissists willing, to experience only the good aspects of living with the narcissist and ignore the bad ones.

It's the narcissist's sparkling intelligence, the constant drama and excitement, the lack of intimacy and emotional attachment which some people prefer.

Every now and then the narcissist breaks into abuse in archaic Chinese.

So what? Who understands archaic Chinese anyway?

Says the inverted narcissist to herself. And she survives.

Even so, I have one negative doubt. If the relationship with the narcissist is so rewarding, why are inverted narcissists so usually unhappy, so egodystonic, uncomfortable with who they are and what they do, so in need of help, professional or otherwise.

Aren't they victims who simply experience the Stockholm sinner, identifying with their kidnapper rather than with the police? Aren't they victims who deny their own moments? Aren't they victims who fail to make the transition to survivors? Don't fall into this trap.

Move on.

Cycles of overvaluation, also known as idealization, followed by devaluation, characterize many personality disorders. Such cycles are even more typical and more prevalent in borderline personality disorder than in narcissistic one.

Such cycles between overvaluation and devaluation reflect the need to be protected against the winds, needs and choices of other people, shielded from the hurt that they can inflict on the narcissist.

The ultimate and only emotional need of the narcissist is to be the subject of attention and thus to support his volatile self-esteem and to regulate his precarious sense of self-worth.

The narcissist is dependent on others for the performance of critical ego functions. While healthier people overcome disappointment or disillusionment with relative ease, to the narcissist they are the difference between being and nothingness.

The equality and reliability of narcissistic supply are therefore of paramount importance to the narcissist.

The more the narcissist convinces himself that his sources are perfect, grand, comprehensive, authoritative, omniscient, omnipotent, beautiful, powerful, rich, brilliant and so on and so forth, the better he feels.

If you have such sources of narcissistic supply, you yourself must be special, unique and deserving.

The narcissist has to idealize his supply sources in order to highly value the supply that he derives from them.

This leads to what we call overvaluation.

The narcissist forms a fantastic picture of his sources of narcissistic supply.

And of course the fall and the disappointment are inevitable. Disillusionment sets in.

The slightest criticism, disagreement or differences of opinion are interpreted by the narcissist as an all-out assault against the foundations of his existence.

The previous appraisal is sharply reversed. The same people are judged to be stupid, who were previously deemed to possess genius, for instance.

And this is the devaluation part of the cycle. It's very painful both the narcissist and to the person devalued for very different reasons.

The narcissist mourns the loss, the demise of a promising investment opportunity, otherwise a promising source of narcissistic supply.

The investment opportunity, the source of supply mourns the loss of the narcissist and what he had thought to have been special, relationship.

But what is the mechanism behind this rapid cycling? What drives the narcissist to such extremes? Why didn't the narcissist develop a better, more efficient coping technique? Why doesn't he develop a better reality test? Why doesn't he stay on the middle ground?

Well, the answer is that the overvaluation devaluation mechanism is the most efficient one available to the narcissist.

To understand why, one needs to take stock of the narcissist energy or rather lack of energy.

The narcissist's personality is precariously balanced and it requires inordinate amounts of energy to maintain.

So overwhelmingly dependent the narcissist is on his environment for mental sustenance that the narcissist must optimize, rather maximize, the use of scarce resources at his disposal.

Not one aorta of effort, not one touch of time and emotion must be wasted lest the narcissist finds his emotional balance severely upset.

The narcissist attains this goal by sudden and violent shifts between fickle or attention.

This is a highly efficacious mechanism of allocation of resources and constant pursuit of the highest available emotional needs.

So how does it go?

After the narcissist emits a narcissistic signal within what I call the narcissistic minicycle, the narcissist receives a host of narcissistic stimuli responses to his signal.

Narcissistic stimuli are simply messages from people who are willing to provide the narcissist with narcissistic supply.

But near readiness and willingness to provide narcissistic supply is not enough, not sufficient.

The narcissist now faces the daunting task of evaluating the potential content, quality and extent of narcissistic supply from each and every one of his potential collaborators.

He does this by rating each of the potential sources of supply.

The stimulus with the highest rating is naturally selected. It represents the best value for money, the most cost-reward efficient proposition.

The narcissist then proceeds to immediately overvalue and idealize the source it has selected. It is the narcissistic equivalent of getting emotionally involved.

The narcissist bonds with the new source. If the narcissist feels attractive, interested, curious, magically rewarded, reawakened, healthier people recognize this phenomenon. It is called infatuation.

To remove doubt, the source of narcissistic supply chosen this way does not have to be to be human. The narcissist is equally interested and infatuated with inanimate objects.

For example, a status symbol. He forms attachment and bonds with groups of people, nation, church, the army, the police, and even with abstract notions, history, destiny, mission.

And then, having idealized the source of supply that he had selected, a process of quality commences.

The narcissist knows how to charm, how to simulate emotions, how to flatten.

Many narcissists are gifted actors having acted the role of their false self for so long. The narcissist winds the targeted supply source with a primary or secondary and dimes it.

The narcissist complements the sweet talks. He is intensely present, deeply interested. He is laser focused on the target.

The narcissist is genuine and keen, though selfish, immersion in the other.

The narcissist overt high regard for the source of supply, the result of idealization.

The narcissist is almost submissiveness. These are alluring, they are tempting, they are very attractive.

It is not impossible to resist a narcissist on the prowl.

At this stage, the narcissist's energies are all focused and dedicated to the task concentrated upon the source of supply he had identified.

During this phase of narcissistic courting or narcissistic pursuit, the narcissist is full of vitality, of dreams and hopes and plans and vision. He is manic. His energy is not dissipated.

The narcissist resembles a laser beam. He attempts and in many cases succeeds to achieve the impossible.

For instance, the narcissist targeted the publishing of the magazine as his future source of supply by publishing his work, he produces incredible amounts of material in a short period of time. It becomes prolific.

If he targets a potential mate, he flots her with attention, gifts and inventive gestures. If he focuses on a group of people that he wishes to impress and belong to, he identifies with their goals and beliefs to the point of ridicule and discomfort.

The narcissist has the frightening capacity to turn himself into a weapon, focus, powerful and lethal. The narcissist lavishes all his sizable energies, capabilities, talents, charms and emotions on the newly selected source of supply.

And this has a great effect on the intended source and on the narcissist.

This also serves to maximize the narcissist's return in the short run.

Once the target, the source of supply, is captured, preyed upon and depleted, the reverse process called devaluation sets in.

The narcissist, instantaneously and startingly abruptly, loses all interest in his former and now useless or judge to be useless source of narcissistic supply. He dumps and discards it.

The narcissist becomes bored, lazy, slow, devoid of energy, passive aggressive, absolutely uninteresting. The narcissist conserves his energies in preparation for the attack on and the siege upon the next selected source of supply.

These tectonic shifts between idealization and devaluation are hard to contemplate and still harder to believe in.

The narcissist has no genuine interest, loss or obvious. He likes only that which yields the most narcissistic supply at any given moment.

The narcissist can be a gifted artist for as long as his art rewards him with fame and adulation.

But once public interest wanes or once criticism mounts or once boredom sets in, the narcissist in a typical act of cognitive dissonance immediately ceases to create, loses interest in his art and does not miss his old vocation for a split second.

The narcissist is likely to turn around and criticize his erstwhile career even as he pursues another totally unrelated one.

And the narcissist has no genuine emotions. He can be madly in love with a woman, secondary source of narcissistic supply, because she's famous or wealthy or a native and can help him obtain legal residence for marriage or because she comes from the right family or because she's unique in a manner positively reflecting on the narcissist's perceived uniqueness or because she had witnessed past successes with the narcissist or merely because she admires him. All these are good reasons to hone in and hone in a specific woman.

Yet this apparent love, even obsession, dissipates immediately when her usefulness runs its course or when a better qualified source of supply presents herself.

The overvaluation and devaluation cycles are mere reflections and derivatives of these ups and downs of the narcissist's pools of energy and flows of supply.

Efficient, in other words, abrupt energy shifts are more typical of automata, of machines.

Human beings are not like that, but then the narcissist likes to brag of his inhumanity and machine-like qualities. He is right.

Navigating the human condition. Exploring psychosis, narcissism, and nothingness.

Within the realm of human existence, individuals navigate various paths in their pursuit of meaning and self-understanding.

Three distinct ways of being emerge as responses to the inherent complexities of life.

Psychosis, narcissism, and nothingness. These divergent approaches reflect the diverse strategies individuals employ to grapple with the unpredictability, insignificance, and existential challenges that define human existence.

Psychosis, as a state of severe mental disturbance, offers a retreat from reality into a realm of delusions and distorted perceptions. In this altered state of consciousness, individuals construct elaborate narratives that shield them from the harshness of existence.

Psychosis provides solace in its ability to shape an alternative reality that aligns with personal desires and beliefs.

However, this detachment from reality carries the risk of disconnecting individuals from the shared human experience and fostering isolation.

In contrast, narcissism presents a distinct response to the profound uncertainties of life. Rooted in an excessive preoccupation with self-importance, narcissism fosters a grandiose sense of self that seeks validation and admiration from others.

The narcissist, fueled by an insatiable desire for attention and recognition, navigates life as a self-appointed deity. This distorted self-perception intertwines with religion, allowing the narcissist to exploit spiritual frameworks for personal gain and self-aggrandizement.

However, the narcissistic path perpetuates a cycle of delusion, manipulation, and the subjugation of others to serve their insatiable ego.

Amidst these divergent paths, an alternative way of being emerges.

Nothingness.

Embracing nothingness involves confronting the arbitrary and fleeting nature of existence, relinquishing attachments to external constructs, and accepting the inherent meaninglessness of life.

By detaching from the illusions of significance and surrendering to the unpredictability of reality, individuals embark on a transformative journey towards genuine liberation.

This path demands resilience, introspection, and an unwavering commitment to embracing the present moment, free from the constraints of self-deception.

In this essay, we delve into the three ways of being.

Psychosis, narcissism, and nothingness, and their implications for human existence.

By examining the intricacies of these approaches, we aim to shed light on the diverse strategies individuals employ to grapple with the complexities of life.

Through this exploration, we gain insight into the human condition, the quest for meaning, and the potential for profound transformation.

Existence presents us with three potential ways of coping, as articulated by Sam Vaknin.

The first is psychosis, the second is narcissism, and the third is what Jordan Peterson mistakenly labels nihilism.

However, the term nihilism is inadequate to capture Peterson's intended meaning. Instead, he was referring to nothingness, psychosis, and narcissism.

Psychosis occurs when we generate internal constructs, and mistakenly perceive them as external entities. We invent the concept of a higher power, and delude ourselves into believing in its existence.

Similarly, we create and sacrifice for nation-states, adopting beliefs and values that we defend with bloodshed. We plant flags on desolate islands, resulting in the loss of countless lives.

Psychosis arises when we blur the lines between our internal world and external reality, mistaking our thoughts and creations for tangible entities.

It represents an extreme form of magical thinking and identity diffusion, where one's sense of self encompasses the entire world, akin to a baby unable to differentiate itself from its surroundings.

The psychotic individual lacks introspection, and instead, externalizes and objectifies themselves, observing their own being from a detached perspective.

Engaging in faith, defending one's country, or sacrificing for personal beliefs, involves the same confusion of internal constructs with external reality.

A higher power in the nation-state are not tangible entities, but mere inventions. A flag is nothing more than a piece of fabric, and beliefs and values are subjective constructs that depend on culture, time period, and society.

Anything that relies on external factors for its existence cannot be considered real.

Individuals or collectives invent beliefs and values, treating them as though they possess an independent existence.

It is undeniable that fictitious characters like a higher power exert a significant influence on human affairs. Countless individuals have died in the name of faith and a higher power.

Practiced faith, therefore, possesses a certain reality in terms of its observable effects.

Psychosis occurs when internal constructs, such as fictitious characters, belief systems and value systems, assume an external and objective existence within our minds, subsequently influencing our thoughts and behaviors.

This definition aptly characterizes psychosis, and the majority of humanity adheres to this coping mechanism.

Facing existence without any of these coping mechanisms would likely lead to madness.

To believe in a higher power or substitute one's mental illness with a delusional disorder is to avoid confronting the stark reality of the universe, which is cold, impersonal, and overwhelming.

Instead of succumbing to the madness of staring into the void, people choose alternative forms of madness.

They believe in ancient or recently invented constructs, be it love, relationships, friendships, patriotism, flags, or football clubs. These are all fictions, narratives, or movies, but they serve as preferable alternatives to many.

Psychosis does not necessarily entail a belief in a higher power or practiced faith. It can manifest in secular faiths, ideologies, or belief systems, including those espoused by Jordan Peterson. It encompasses any system of thought, intellectual pursuit, or fiction that individuals perceive as having a separate, objective existence, counter to the facts.

These constructs ultimately shape one's life, decisions, choices, moods, emotions, and interpersonal relationships.

Hence, psychosis represents an entirely irrational solution.

The majority of humanity falls into the categories previously described. Feeble-minded, weakened character, anxious, phobic, or average individuals who lack the tools to confront the reality of their existence in a universe that remains indifferent to their presence.

Consequently, they invariably choose psychosis as their coping mechanism.

It is crucial to note that psychosis does not necessarily involve a belief in a higher power or practiced faith, but can manifest in various forms, such as secular faiths, ideologies, or intellectual pursuits.

These delusions acquire an independent, objective existence in individuals' minds, significantly influencing their lives.

Another group of people choose the second solution.

Narcissism.

Psychosis is the belief that perhaps I alone am without meaning.

However, when I integrate myself into something larger than myself, I find meaning through this sense of belonging and integration.

By becoming part of a higher power, I acquire its meaning, purpose, plan, and goals.

Through faith and belief, I become an agent of the higher power.

Similarly, when I become a part of a nation-state, assuming the role of a citizen, the state grants me significance and meaning.

Psychosis entails the conflation and confusion of one's inner world, inner landscape, and psychodynamics, with an external entity that surpasses oneself.

It is a codependent solution.

The second group of people opts for a narcissistic solution.

They assert that the source of meaning resides within themselves. They believe, "I determine what is meaningful. I am the meaning. I am the significance. I am the source of everything that makes sense."

This perspective reflects a Cartesian approach.

I think, "Therefore I am, it is the only certainty in the universe, and since meaning and significance rely on certainty, deriving meaning from anything shifting, kaleidoscopic, or inherently meaningless becomes impossible. As the only certainty is one's own existence, the individual becomes the meaning and significance.

Without them, the entire universe would be meaningless. Their mere existence bestows meaning upon it.

This is narcissism. One could even argue that narcissism is a variant of existentialism, as it attempts to merge the two.

It strives to create a fusion of psychotic narcissism, by combining narcissism with practiced faith.

However, this synthesis did not prove successful for Nietzsche personally, or for subsequent followers.

Although Nietzsche came closer to the mark than other existentialists, there is an entire school of existentialist psychology that leverages and builds upon these insights.

To summarize, psychosis involves inventing something external that provides meaning and significance. What is invented becomes separate and distinct from the individual, assuming an independent existence.

Narcissism, on the other hand, does not externalize internal objects. The narcissist becomes the object themselves.

They are the source of meaning. They invent a false self, akin to a higher power, but ultimately merge with it. The narcissist becomes their own higher power.

And narcissism can be seen as a private faith.

This then, is the second solution.

And the third solution is only for the strong-minded, not for the faint of heart. It requires an immense amount of strength to accept that one is nothing. The universe is devoid of meaning, and the world holds no significance. It originated from nowhere, and is heading towards no destination. There is no overarching purpose, plan, or cause and effect.

Embracing this nothingness, accepting one's own insignificance within it, demands extraordinary resources of resilience and fortitude.

Only a very select few individuals have attained this enlightened state.

For accepting this nothingness is to achieve enlightenment.

Some people mistakenly believe that accepting nothingness means suppressing the ego.

However, narcissists have no ego. If one seeks to suppress the ego, they actually become narcissistic.

Narcissism is the only category of individuals who lack an ego.

Many so-called gurus, mystics, and con artists, especially in the realm of Indian spirituality, exhibit narcissistic traits.

The act of merely suppressing the ego is insufficient. One must also suppress the world and their existence within it. One must cease to be.

Nothingness is a solution that involves suspending and ultimately eradicating one's being and existence.

It is anti-existentialism, distinct from nihilism, as Jordan Peterson repeatedly mislabels it.

It is closer to the concept of nirvana in Eastern mysticism or religions, where one dissolves and ceases to exist in any form.

However, this solution is weak. It is the solution adopted by devout individuals who disappear and reappear, integrating themselves into a supreme power.

In programs like the 12 Steps for Alcoholics and Others, the first step is to accept the existence of a higher power. It is a means of suspending oneself, but also accepting the authority of a higher power.

Yet, this is a cop-out. A narcissistic cop-out.

By becoming a part of God, one transitions from being finite and mortal, to being infinite, omnipotent and omniscient. It is a profoundly narcissistic perspective.

In this sense, many faiths are grandiose and narcissistic, proclaiming that God is everywhere, inside oneself.

Nothingness, on the other hand, is the solution for the strong-minded.

Those who can confront the emptiness without resorting to destruction, nihilism or anarchism.

Not being is not about destruction. It is not about negating existence. To destroy is still an existential act.

Rather, not being entails the acceptance of a meaningless, arbitrary and capricious nothingness that constitutes the universe.

However, the very demand to accept this contradiction is outrageous and contradictory in itself. By asking one to accept, I presuppose the existence of an individual who can accept.

Thus, only the strongest, most resilient and truly enlightened individuals can accept that they are not even in a position to accept nothingness.

Narcissism, then, represents the second solution.

To summarize, psychosis involves externalizing an internal object and believing in its existence outside oneself.

Then, there is narcissism, which is a solution for those who perceive themselves as the source of meaning and significance.

And finally, there is the solution of nothingness, which requires an exceptional strength of mind to accept.

And there is the notion of vanishing, disappearance or nothingness, a solution only accessible to those who possess strength, enlightenment and resilience.

These individuals must accept that they lack the capacity to make any decisions, including the decision to embrace nothingness. They understand that they are not decision-makers, but rather recipients of decisions.

This role is entirely passive, not fatalistic, but elevated to a state of nothingness.

It is crucial to acknowledge that there has always been an intrinsic connection between narcissism and suffering.

Peterson and others have followed in the footsteps of Dostoevsky and existentialists by discussing suffering and angst.

While Peterson employs the devoutly-laden terms suffering, narcissists experience epiphany without enduring any genuine suffering.

One might question this assertion, arguing that narcissistic injury and mortification involve suffering.

However, injuries and wounds, be they psychological or physical, do not constitute suffering.

For instance, an amputee soldier might be the happiest person on earth, having contributed to a victorious battle. Similarly, a mother who sacrifices her child for the nation may feel immense pride.

Injuries and wounds may cause distress, but they do not encompass true suffering.

Even losing a child, as painful as it is, is a profound loss, rather than suffering.

Suffering, in its profound sense, is exclusively a human experience. It emerges through empathy and emotions.

Suffering is the inevitable result of emotions coupled with empathy. One cannot experience suffering without possessing both empathy and emotions.

Two suffer is to introspectively label the experience of empathy and emotions. When empathy is present, one is inundated with pain.

Having empathy opens a gateway to the pain of others, inevitably leading to being overwhelmed.

Of course, individuals have defense mechanisms to cope with this flood of pain. Everyone employs such defenses to avoid being consumed by the endless screams, tremendous agony, and hurt.

It is not possible to absorb all the information from the environment, or to absorb all the pain.

Although individuals may filter out around 95% of environmental information and pain, empathy serves as a gateway to the pain of others.

However, pain alone would be meaningless without emotions. Pain triggers emotional responses within oneself. This is why we use the term "trigger" as triggers activate emotions.

Some argue that emotions are merely empathic reactions. In other words, all emotions are empathic reactions that arise when we integrate into the intersubjective web of pain.

This integration with the network of pain is what we identify as emotions.

Love serves as an attempt to counteract this pain. However, love would not exist without the presence of pain.

To counter something, one must first experience it. Love becomes a desperate endeavor to counter the pain of loneliness, hatred, or any other emotion, all interconnected with empathy and pain.

Narcissists exhibit a form of cognitive and reflexive empathy, known as cold empathy. This type of empathy is rather animalistic, akin to that of tigers or lions.

One might not be surprised to discover that viruses possess cold empathy with the cells they invade. Cold empathy has no connection to emotional empathy. Narcissists lack emotional empathy and do not experience the pain of others.

They do not resonate with the network of pain described in Eastern practices as "Indra's net".

In this metaphorical net, picking up one bead causes all the other beads to coalesce and merge.

Narcissists and psychopaths are mere observers within this net, not actual beads.

Therefore, they remain unaffected by the ripple effects of others' existence. They do not experience existence itself.

Healthy individuals, on the other hand, perceive existence through the lens of others.

This collective perception explains why people struggle with their mental well-being during periods of social distancing, self-isolation, or solitary confinement in prisons.

Complete isolation from others, such as in deprivation tanks, leads to a sense of ceasing to exist. Our very existence relies on the kaleidoscope of reflections that emerge from our interactions with others.

In this sense, we possess a shared consciousness, a hive mind.

The distinction between a narcissist and a mentally healthy individual lies in the presence of a core within the latter. This core integrates the various inputs into a coherent experience of existence.

In contrast, the narcissist remains fragmented, akin to shards of glass or a hall of mirrors.

Narcissists and psychopaths do not truly exist, and if one does not exist, it follows that suffering is absent as well.

When one lacks existence and does not suffer, it raises questions about their humanity.

It comes as no surprise, therefore, that narcissists regard themselves not as humans, but as a higher power.

Paranoid can be viewed as a manifestation of narcissism.

The narcissist perceives a larger enemy as a confirmation of their importance and significance.

In their distorted world, even a higher power becomes an object of their inverted narcissism.

The narcissist forms a personal relationship with a higher power, believing that their proximity to this overpowering entity elevates their own status.

They see themselves as an extension of a higher power, a divine presence on Earth.

This delusion of grandeur fuels their sense of self-importance.

Narcissists often exhibit magical thinking.

Considering themselves chosen or destined for greatness, they believe they have a direct connection to a higher power, even perceiving divine intervention in their lives.

This belief in a special bond with a higher power feeds their narcissistic supply, as they feel unique and favored.

They see themselves as the center of the divine's attention and care.

Practiced faith provides a framework for the narcissist to enhance their grandiosity.

Belonging to a devout institution allows them to feel exceptional, as part of a collective identity.

The narcissist derives narcissistic supply from the admiration, attention and adulation of fellow members.

They leverage the power of the group, considering themselves the most devout and radical adherent. Their affiliation with the group is primarily a means of self-aggrandizement.

The narcissist's relationship with the divine mirrors their relationship with other authority figures.

They go through cycles of idealization and devaluation, often feeling disappointed when their idols prove fallible.

In extreme cases, they may even wish to destroy the group as a form of punishment for failing to meet their emotional needs.

The narcissist's loyalty to the group is secondary to their own survival and self-interest.

The narcissist's perception of themselves as a microcosm of the group leads them to assume roles and positions typically reserved for collective entities.

They believe they embody the values, history and purpose of the group. Their identity becomes intertwined with the group, blurring the boundaries between self and collective.

They may claim to represent and radiate the group's essence, whether it be a nation, a race or a faith ideology.

However, the narcissist's attachment to reality is tenuous. They can easily detach themselves from it and enter a state of nothingness.

In this state, they recognize the futility of seeking meaning or significance in external constructs.

The narcissist is uniquely positioned to embrace nothingness, as they are already detached from reality and devoid of true empathy or emotional connection.

Choosing nothingness is an act of surrender and acceptance. It is a recognition of the arbitrary nature of reality and the inherent meaninglessness of existence.

This path requires immense strength and resilience, as it entails facing the finite and insignificant nature of one's own life.

It is a test of humanity to survive without deceiving oneself or clinging to false beliefs.

The adoption of rules, commandments and value systems can be seen as a form of self-deception. These constructs offer temporary solace and happiness, but ultimately lead to disillusionment and disappointment.

Delusions have expiration dates, as cult members often discover when they confront reality.

Embracing nothingness requires breaking free from the chains of delusion and accepting the unpredictable and arbitrary nature of reality.

In the end, the choice between psychosis, narcissism and nothingness is a profound crossroads.

The path of nothingness challenges our very existence and demands resilience in the face of the inherent meaninglessness of life.

Perhaps in this journey towards enlightenment, we will transition from narcissism to true liberation, freeing ourselves from the illusions and delusions that bind us.

Only by embracing nothingness can we truly discover the essence of freedom.

Paranoid can be seen as a manifestation of narcissism, where the narcissist perceives a larger enemy as an affirmation of their importance and significance.

This distorted worldview extends to their relationship with a higher power, whom they view as a personal source of supply.

However, religion serves as a framework that enhances their grandiosity, providing a sense of belonging and a platform for self-aggrandizement.

Narcissists exhibit magical thinking, believing they are chosen or destined for greatness.

They establish a direct line to a higher power and perceive divine intervention in their lives.

This connection serves as a constant source of narcissistic supply, reinforcing their uniqueness and entitlement.

Belonging to a practiced faith institution allows narcissists to feel exceptional within the collective identity. They derive narcissistic supply from the admiration and attention of fellow members.

The group becomes a means to amplify their grandiosity, and their loyalty to the group is secondary to their own self-interest.

Narcissists view themselves as a microcosm of the group, embodying its values, historyand purpose.

They assume roles and positions, usually reserved for collective entities.

Their identity becomes intertwined with the group, blurring the boundaries between self and collective. Their self-worth relies heavily on their affiliation with the group.

Despite their attachment to the group, narcissists have a fragile connection to reality. They can easily detach themselves and embrace a state of nothingness.

This state involves accepting the arbitrary and meaningless nature of reality, freeing oneself from the need for external constructs and false beliefs.

Choosing nothingness requires immense strength and resilience. It involves confronting the finite and insignificant nature of one's own existence.

By relinquishing self-deception and accepting the unpredictable nature of reality, individuals can embark on a path of true liberation.

In conclusion, the paradox of narcissism lies in its propensity for both self-aggrandizement and detachment from reality.

Narcissists perceive themselves as divine and seek validation from external sources, including devout institutions.

However, the path to true liberation lies in embracing nothingness, accepting the arbitrary nature of existence, and freeing oneself from the illusions and delusions that bind us.

It is through this journey that individuals can discover the nature of freedom and find solace in the inherent meaninglessness of life.

In the journey of self-discovery, we have explored three distinct ways of being.

Psychosis, narcissism, and nothingness. Each path presents its own set of illusions and coping mechanisms, shaping our perception of reality.

As we conclude this exploration, I invite you to consider the path of nothingness, a choice that offers liberation from the confines of constructed narratives and self-centeredness.

Psychosis, with its detachment from reality, provides a temporary escape from life's uncertainties.

However, it risks isolating us from the shared human experience and blurring the boundaries between truth and imagination.

Narcissism, on the other hand, tempts us with the allure of grandiosity and belonging, but at the cost of exploiting others and distorting our perception of reality.

Amidst these paths, nothingness offers solace and acceptance.

Embracing nothingness means acknowledging the transient nature of our existence and surrendering the illusions of control and certainty.

It is not nihilism or despair, but a liberation from the burdens of constructing narratives and seeking external validation.

In the void of nothingness, we find freedom. We can embrace the simplicity of being, unencumbered by the constant pursuit of significance.

By relinquishing the need for grandiose delusions, we tap into our innate capacity for empathy, compassion and connection.

Choosing nothingness leads us on a path of self-awareness, confronting our fears and insecurities, without the need for false narratives.

Embracing nothingness does not negate life's wonders and joys. Instead, it allows us to fully appreciate the beauty and transient nature of every experience.

It sets us free to engage authentically with the world, unburdened by self-centeredness and fabricated meanings.

The choice is yours to make in this vast universe. Will you succumb to illusions or seek validation through narcissism? Or will you embrace the liberation of nothingness?

Remember that true meaning is found in accepting our insignificance and connecting with the shared human experience.

Choose nothingness. Embark on a journey of self-discovery that transcends ego and gain a deeper understanding of what it means to be human.

So you have been abused, mutated, harassed and stalked. You feel that you feel prey to a narcissist or a psychopath.

But you must move on from victim to survivor. No one will do it for you. No one can do it for you. Not your therapist, not your best friend, not your nearest family.

Only you can choose survival over victimhood.

There are a few steps to this.

The first one is abandon the narcissist.

The narcissist initiates his own abandonment because of his fear of it. He is so terrified of losing his sources of supply and of being emotionally hurt that he would rather control, muster or direct the potentially destabilizing situation by causing, precipitating and engendering his own abandonment.

Remember, the personality of the narcissist has a lower level of organization. It's chaotic. It is precariously balanced. Being abandoned could cause a narcissistic injury so grave that the whole edifice of the narcissist can come crumbling down.

Narcissists usually entertain suicidal ideation in such cases.

But if the narcissist had initiated and directed his own abandonment, if it is perceived by him as a grown that he had said to himself, he can endow it all these unforward consequences.

Next one is moving on.

To preserve one's mental health, one must abandon the narcissist.

I have said that one must also move on. Moving on is a process, not a decision, nor is it an event.

First, one has to acknowledge and accept painful reality. Such acceptance is a volcanic, shattering, agonizing series of nibbling thoughts and strong intrusive resistances.

Once the battle is won, fresh and harsh, agonizing realities are assimilated.

One can move on to the learning phase.

What is a learning phase?

We label everything around us and everyone around us. We educate ourselves. We prepare experiences. We digest. We have insights. Then we decide. And then we act.

And this is what it means to move on.

Having gathered sufficient emotional sustenance, knowledge, support, consciousness, we face the battle pins of our relationships, fortifying and nurturing.

This stage characterizes those who do not mourn but fight, who want grave but replenish the self-esteem, who do not hide but seek, who do not freeze but move on.

Move on. Move on. This is your model. This is your mantra. This is the key word.

But of course, abandoning anyone, and especially the narcissism. Forces want to go through a phase of grieving for a moment.

Having been betrayed. Having been abused. Inevitably, we grieve. We grieve for the image we had of the traitor and the abuser. The image was so fleeting and so wrong. We mourn the damage that began to us.

We experience the fear of never being able to love or to trust again. And we grieve this loss of innocence.

In one stroke, we had lost someone we had trusted, even love. We had lost our trust in love themselves. And we had lost the trust and love that we had felt.

Can anything be worse?

The emotional process of grieving has many phases.

First, we have done found a short, inert, immobile. We play dead to avoid our inner monsters. We are ossified in our pain, cast in the mold of our reticence and fears.

Then we feel enraged, indignant, rebellious, and hateful. And then we accept. And then we cry. And then some of us learn to forgive and to pity.

And this is what we call healing.

All stages are absolutely necessary and good for you. It is bad not to rage back, not to shame those who had shamed us, to deny, to tend, to evade. But it is equally bad to get fixated on our rage.

Permanent grieving is a perpetuation of our abuse by other needs.

By endlessly recreating our harrowing experiences, we unwillingly collaborate with our abusers to perpetuate their evil deeds.

It is by moving on that we defeat our abuser, minimizing him and his importance in our lives. It is by loving and by trusting anew that we are all that which was done to us.

Forgive is never to forget, but to remember is not necessarily to re-experience.

Forgiving is an important capability. It does more for the forgiver than for the forgiven.

But it should not be a universal indiscriminate beginning. It is absolutely legitimate to not forgive sometimes.

It depends, of course, on the severity or duration of what had been done to you. In general, it is unwise counterproductive to apply to life universal and immutable principles.

Life is too chaotic to succumb to rigid edicts and rules. Sentences which start with "I never or I always" are not very credible or clever, and they often lead to self-defeating, self-restricting, and even self-destructive behaviors.

Conflicts are an important and integral part of life. One should never seek them out, but when confronted with a conflict, one should not avoid it.

It is through conflicts and through adversity as much as through care and love that we grow.

Human relationships are dynamic. We must assess our friendships, partnerships, even our marriages periodically.

In, by itself, a common past is insufficient to sustain a healthy nourishing, supportive, caring, and compassionate relationship.

Common memories are unnecessary but not a sufficient condition. We must gain and regain our friendships, our love, our relationships on a daily basis.

Human relationships are constant tests for religions and empathy.

But can you remain friends with the masses? Can't you actively remain on friendly terms with your narcissistic ex?

Well, never forget the narcissists. At least the full-fledged ones are nice and friendly only when they want something for you.

Narcissistic supply, help, support, votes, money, or sex. They prepare the ground, manipulate you, and then come out with a small favor they need or ask you blatantly and surreptitiously for narcissistic supply.

Sentences such as "What did you think about my performance?", or "Do you think that I really deserve the normal price?"

Narcissists are nice and friendly only when they feel threatened and they want to neutral the threat by smothering it with oozing pleasantries.

Narcissists are nice and friendly when they have just been infused with an overdose of narcissistic supply and they feel magnanimous and they feel magnificent and ideal and perfect.

The show magnanimity is a way of loathing one's impeccable divine credentials. It is an act of brandiosity. It is an act of humiliating giving. You are an irrelevant prop in this spectacle and the receptacle of the narcissist overflowing, self-contented infatuation with his false self.

But all these beneficence is transient. Perpetual victims often tend to thank the narcissist for little graces.

And this is the Stockholm Syndrome. Hostages tend to emotionally identify with their captors rather than with the beliefs. We are grateful to our abusers and tormentors for seizing, even for a moment, their hideous activities and for allowing us to catch our breath before the next blow he sends.

Some people say that they prefer to live with narcissists, to cater to their needs and to succumb to their needs because this is the way they had been petitioned in early childhood.

It is only with narcissists that such people feel alive, stimulating and excited. The world glows in technicolor 3D in the presence of a narcissist and decays into sepia colors in the absence of a narcissist.

I see nothing inherently wrong with such an approach.

The test is this. If someone were to constantly humiliate an abuser verbally using arcade Chinese, would you have felt humiliated in a beat? Probably not. You don't understand arcade Chinese. He can't get to you.

Some people have been conditioned by the narcissistic primary objects in their lives, parents, caregivers, to treat narcissistic abuse as if it were uttered in arcade Chinese to turn a death arrow.

The technique is effective in that it allows the inverter problem, codependent narcissists, the covert narcissists, the narcissists willing late to experience only the good aspects of living with the narcissist and ignore the bad ones.

It's the narcissist's sparkling intelligence, the constant drama and excitement, the lack of intimacy and emotional attachment which some people prefer.

Every now and then the narcissist breaks into abuse in arcade Chinese.

So what? Who understands arcade Chinese anyway?

Says the inverted narcissist to herself and she survives.

Even so, I have one nagging doubt.

If the relationship with the narcissist is so rewarding, why are inverted narcissists so usually unhappy, so egodystonic and comfortable with who they are and what they do?

So in need of help, professional or otherwise. Aren't they victims who simply experience the Stockholm syndrome, identifying with their kidnapper rather than with the police? Aren't they victims who deny their own torment? Aren't they victims who fail to make the transition to survivors? Don't fall into this trap. Move on.

Nurturing Self-Love. The pillars of personal empowerment. Self-love is an essential aspect of personal well-being and fulfillment. It involves having a healthy regard for oneself, accepting one's strengths and weaknesses, and pursuing happiness and favorable outcomes in life.

Sam Vakten, a prominent writer and expert on narcissism, delves into the concept of self-love and presents a comprehensive framework comprising four pillars that are crucial for its development.

These pillars, namely self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-trust and self-efficacy, provide individuals with the necessary foundation to cultivate a deep and genuine love for themselves.

In his writings, Vakten emphasizes the significance of self-awareness as the first pillar of self-love. This entails having an intimate and realistic understanding of oneself, devoid of delusions or distorted perceptions. It involves recognizing one's strengths, weaknesses, talents, limitations and shortcomings.

Vakten highlights the importance of being compassionate towards oneself in this process, rejecting critical and negative internalized voices that do not align with genuine self-awareness.

By embracing a compassionate self-awareness, individuals can lay the groundwork for a more authentic and realistic perception of themselves.

The second pillar, self-acceptance, builds upon self-awareness. Once individuals have gained insight into their true selves, they may encounter feelings of disappointment, self-rejection, or even self-hatred.

Bakten emphasizes the need for individuals to accept their core identity, embracing who they truly are, and separating it from external influences and societal expectations.

Self-acceptance is an unconditional and compassionate embrace of one's personality, character, relationships, experiences, and circumstances.

By acknowledging and embracing their core identity, individuals can foster a sense of self-love that is grounded in authenticity and self-validation.

Self-trust forms the third pillar of self-love, and it addresses the issue of individuals doubting their own intentions, decision-making abilities, and capacity to have their best interests at heart.

Many people struggle with trust due to past experiences of making wrong choices or feeling driven towards "self-destruction."

Bakten encourages individuals to develop a belief in their ability to set rational and beneficial goals, as well as the capacity to realize them.

By recognizing their track record of setting and achieving goals, individuals can regain confidence, self-esteem, and ultimately trust in themselves.

Self-trust is crucial in enabling individuals to navigate life with a sense of empowerment and autonomy.

Lastly, self-efficacy serves as the fourth pillar of self-love. It involves the belief that individuals are capable of setting realistic goals and achieving outcomes that align with those goals.

Bakten highlights the importance of reflecting on past experiences to realize that individuals possess the ability to set and accomplish goals, even in the face of adversity.

By recognizing their inherent self-efficacy, individuals can develop a sense of empowerment and self-confidence, trusting in their own capabilities to navigate life successfully.

Sam Bakten's insights on self-love offer a comprehensive framework consisting of four pillars.

Self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-trust, and self-efficacy. These pillars provide individuals with the necessary tools to develop a genuine and healthy love for themselves.

By cultivating self-awareness, embracing their core identity, trusting their intentions and abilities, and recognizing their capacity to set and achieve goals, individuals can foster a deep sense of self-love that guides them towards personal growth, happiness, and a fulfilling life.

Self-love is the practice of regarding oneself in a healthy and realistic manner, without falling into extremes of either inflated self-importance or self-deprecation.

This essay explores the importance of self-love and outlines three tests to determine if one possesses healthy self-love.

Firstly, having a realistic view of oneself is crucial.

A narcissistic individual sees themselves in a grandiose and exaggerated manner, lacking the ability to accurately assess their own abilities and limitations. They believe they are perfect, brilliant, and all-powerful.

On the other hand, some individuals see themselves as untalented, stupid, dangerous, or crazy, perceiving themselves in an inferior life.

Both of these extremes are pathological and do not reflect a healthy self-image.

It is essential to perceive oneself as one truly is, without overestimating or underestimating one's qualities and flaws.

The second test of healthy self-love involves pursuing happiness.

Surprisingly, many people do not actively seek their own happiness. Instead, they engage in behaviors that make them miserable or self-destructive. They sabotage their own lives and fail to prioritize their well-being.

To foster self-love, individuals must strive for their own happiness and engage in actions that yield positive outcomes, both in the short and long term.

The third test of healthy self-love is the pursuit of favorable outcomes.

This test focuses on whether individuals consistently act in ways that generate optimal results for themselves.

Unfortunately, some individuals engage in self-sabotaging behavior, working diligently on projects only to destroy them at the last minute, or investing time and effort in relationships, only to engage in senseless arguments that lead to their demise.

Such self-destructive actions undermine their own well-being.

Genuine self-love involves behaving in a manner that consistently generates positive outcomes and supports personal growth and fulfillment.

In summary, self-love entails regarding oneself in a realistic and balanced manner, avoiding extremes of narcissism or self-deprecation.

Three tests can determine if one possesses healthy self-love, having a realistic view of oneself, pursuing happiness, and seeking favorable outcomes.

By practicing self-love, individuals can foster a positive self-image, prioritize their well-being, and create a foundation for personal growth and fulfillment.

The importance of self-love and its four conditions are discussed.

The author emphasizes that it is crucial to satisfy all four conditions for healthy self-love, as neglecting any of them can lead to negative consequences.

We begin by addressing the need for self-love and its impact on one's life.

Without self-love, individuals become increasingly unhappy and ineffective, experiencing a decline in their overall well-being.

It is stated that self-love is essential for living life in a proper and fulfilling manner.

Furthermore, we highlight the connection between self-love and being loved by others.

The author argues that in order to receive love from others, one must first love themselves.

If individuals lack self-love, they inadvertently communicate this to others through their behavior, choices, and language.

Consequently, this raises doubts in the minds of others about why they should love someone who does not love themselves.

It is viewed as risky and unwise to invest love in someone who does not possess self-love.

We also explore the developmental aspect of self-love.

It suggests that the first love human's experience is self-love, followed by love for others.

The author emphasizes that loving oneself is crucial, as it serves as a foundation for learning how to love others.

Failure to cultivate self-love hinders one's ability to truly love and connect with others.

Moreover, we highlights the adverse effects of lacking self-love.

Living in a loveless environment, characterized by a lack of love from oneself and others, is described as a sad and potentially fatal existence.

Studies have shown that individuals who lack love and meaningful relationships, experience negative health outcomes, including a higher risk of suicide and premature death.

In summary, we stress the significance of self-love and the four conditions required to achieve it.

It emphasizes the role of self-love in leading a fulfilling life and forming meaningful connections with others.

Moreover, it highlights the negative consequences that arise from a lack of self-love, both in terms of personal well-being and overall survival.

The first condition for self-love discussed is self-awareness, which encompasses several components.

Self-awareness begins with intimacy with oneself, which involves being honest and not diluting oneself.

It requires avoiding living in a fantasy or relying on defense mechanisms that distort self-knowledge.

Genuine self-awareness means truly knowing who you are.

The second aspect of self-awareness is detailed knowledge.

This means that no parts of oneself are repressed, suppressed, forgotten or dissociated.

It involves having full access to 100% of one's mind, life, motivations, wishes, fears, emotions, feelings and sensations. Detailed knowledge is interconnected with intimacy.

Compassion is the third condition for self-awareness.

It emphasizes the importance of having a compassionate self-awareness rather than a sadistic or critical one.

Negative internalized voices from the past, such as those of abusive parents, teachers or peers, should not be mistaken as genuine self-awareness.

True self-awareness treats oneself gently, tenderly and with empathy.

We emphasize that self-awareness must also be accompanied by a realistic assessment of oneself.

Loving oneself requires knowing oneself as one truly is, including both positive and negative aspects, skills, talents, limitations, shortcomings, and the ability to make a realistic evaluation.

This includes conducting an SWOT, analysis, which stands for strengths, weaknesses, others, their roles and input in one's life, and threats.

Realistic appraisal of challenges.

We highlighted the importance of self-awareness as the first pillar for developing self-love. It involves intimate, detailed and compassionate knowledge of oneself. Coupled with a realistic assessment of one's strengths, weaknesses, and the influence of others.

By cultivating self-awareness, individuals lay the foundation for nurturing a healthy sense of self-love.

Now the second pillar of self-love is disgust, which is self-acceptance.

The author explains that self-awareness is a prerequisite for self-acceptance, as one cannot accept oneself without being aware of who they truly are.

However, self-awareness can sometimes lead to self-rejection, particularly when individuals do not like what they have learned about themselves.

We highlight the importance of self-acceptance as an unconditional form of love. It emphasizes that self-acceptance should not be conditional based on certain criteria or achievements.

Conditional love can be destructive and push individuals further away from themselves.

Unconditional self-acceptance is compared to the love a mother should provide to a child, which is not based on performance or external factors.

Self-acceptance also involves embracing one's core identity. The author distinguishes between core identity and peripheral identity.

Core identity is described as the unchanging part of oneself, while peripheral identity is reactive and influenced by external factors.

When individuals interact with others, they often initially engage with their peripheral identities.

Intimacy allows individuals to move closer to their core identity, where they can either accept or reject it.

We emphasize the need to accept and physically embrace one's core identity. It compares this process to clinging to a rock in a stormy sea, where the core identity serves as a stable anchor amidst changing circumstances.

Accepting one's personality, character, relationships, experiences, and life circumstances is essential in developing self-love.

In conclusion, self-acceptance is a vital component of self-love. It requires self-awareness and an unconditional form of love.

Embracing one's core identity, which remains constant amidst changing external factors, is crucial for developing self-acceptance. By accepting and embracing oneself, individuals can strengthen their self-love and find stability amidst life's challenges.

The third pillar of self-love is disgust, which is self-trust.

The author explains that many individuals lack self-trust due to past experiences where they have made wrong choices or faced failures. This leads them to believe that they do not have their own best interests in mind, and that they are self-destructive.

We emphasize the need for individuals to have conviction and trust in themselves. Self-trust involves believing that one is pursuing their own best interests, and that they have their own back.

However, negative experiences and self-perception can undermine self-trust.

Individuals may feel that they are driven towards self-sabotage, and that an alien force within them pushes them to make wrong choices and end up in undesirable situations.

We further explore the phenomenon of external locus of control, where individuals believe that their lives are not under their own control, but determined by external factors or other people.

This lack of self-trust leads individuals to invest their energy in others, rather than themselves. They become overly focused on external influences, and lose sight of their own needs, wishes, and dreams. This can result in a loss of identity and a sense of dependency on others.

The author emphasizes that self-trust is critical for developing self-love. It requires individuals to believe that they have control over their own lives, and that they are not excessively dependent on external factors.

While everyone has some level of dependence and external control, it is important to maintain a sense of autonomy and protect one's core identity.

This pillar raises the issue of sacrificing oneself in pursuit of fulfilling needs, wishes, and fantasies. It warns that if individuals lose sight of their own existence and well-being in the process, even when these desires are realized, they may feel empty and unfulfilled because they have sacrificed their own sense of self.

In conclusion, self-trust is an essential pillar for cultivating self-love. It involves believing in one's own best interests, and having confidence in one's ability to make choices and navigate life.

Overcoming external locus of control, and maintaining a sense of autonomy, are crucial in building self-trust, and preserving one's core identity.

The final pillar of self-love is self-efficacy. Self-efficacy refers to the belief that one is capable of setting and achieving rational, realistic, and beneficial goals. It involves having confidence in one's ability to pursue and realize these goals, connecting them to positive outcomes in reality.

The author explains that developing self-efficacy involves reflecting on one's past experiences, and realizing that they have consistently set and achieved goals throughout their life.

Setting goals, even simple ones, is an inherent part of survival. And everyone possesses self-efficacy to some extent.

Recognizing this ability to manipulate and navigate the environment instills a sense of empowerment, self-confidence, and trust in oneself.

This healthy narcissism allows individuals to believe in their own capabilities and efficiency.

We explore the question of why self-love is necessary.

Some argue that with enough life experience, self-love is not essential, as one can rely on their knowledge and practicality to achieve goals.

However, the author points out that experience often comes too late in life, and the lessons learned from it may not be applicable to future situations due to age, lost opportunities, or changing circumstances.

On the other hand, self-love is depicted as a stable and reliable guide, like a rock. It serves as a loyal and trustworthy friend that is always concerned with one's well-being and happiness.

Self-love acts as a compass, preventing reckless and self-destructive behavior, and guiding individuals to make wise choices that align with their boundaries and values.

In conclusion, self-efficacy and self-love are the final pillars of self-love.

Believing in one's ability to set and achieve goals and trusting oneself are essential for a fulfilling and proper life.

While experience can be valuable, it often falls short in providing guidance for future endeavors.

Self-love, however, remains constant and serves as a reliable guide in navigating life's complexities and making choices that lead to personal growth, contentment, and overall well-being.

Sam Vaknin's exploration of self-love has shed light on the importance of cultivating a healthy and genuine relationship with oneself.

Through his four pillars of self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-trust, and self-efficacy, Vaknin has provided individuals with a comprehensive framework for developing self-love.

Self-awareness acts as the foundation for self-love, enabling individuals to gain an intimate and realistic understanding of themselves.

By embracing a compassionate self-awareness, individuals can navigate through life with a clearer perception of their strengths, weaknesses, and limitations.

This understanding forms the basis for self-acceptance, the pillar that encourages individuals to embrace their core identity and separate it from external influences.

Self-acceptance empowers individuals to love themselves unconditionally, fostering a sense of authenticity and self-validation.

The pillar of self-trust addresses the doubts and insecurities that can hinder self-love. By recognizing their track record of setting and achieving goals, individuals can regain confidence and trust in their ability to make sound decisions.

Self-trust is vital in allowing individuals to embrace their autonomy and navigate life with a sense of empowerment.

Lastly, self-efficacy reinforces self-love by instilling a belief in one's capacity to set and achieve realistic goals.

By reflecting on past experiences of goal-setting and accomplishment, individuals can recognize their inherent ability to shape their lives and pursue their desires.

Self-efficacy empowers individuals to approach life with a sense of purpose, resilience, and confidence.

In summary, Sam Vaknin's insights on self-love provide a roadmap for individuals seeking to cultivate a healthy and authentic relationship with themselves. By embracing self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-trust and self-efficacy, individuals can develop a deep sense of self-love that serves as a guiding compass in life.

This self-love allows for personal growth, fulfillment, and the ability to make choices that align with one's true desires and values.

Ultimately, self-love is not a selfish or narcissistic pursuit. It is a fundamental aspect of overall well-being that positively impacts every area of life. It enables individuals to form healthier relationships, make better choices, and live authentically.

By embracing the pillars of self-love outlined by Sam Vaknin, individuals can embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and personal empowerment.

Sam Vaknin once stated that the proof of one's strength and resilience as well as their only hope for contentment is if they stop fighting. He argues that it is the fight that drives people to pathologies, and the need to constantly change and prove oneself to others can lead to a sense of grandiosity and a loss of true meaning in life.

Vaknin encourages individuals to let go of the struggle and forget about what they can do with their lives and just live life. He suggests that being is a huge accomplishment and that just existing is enough.

He warns against overthinking and overanalyzing and developing the delusion that one is in control or can make a change.

According to Vaknin, it is important to recognize one's insignificance, and to get on with it, he acknowledges that life may be meaningless, but encourages individuals to embrace the nothingness and find peace in the present moment.

While Vaknin's words may be seen as pessimistic to some, they can also be interpreted as a call to let go of societal pressures and live authentically in the present moment.

The idea that one's strength and resilience come from surrendering to the present moment rather than constantly fighting and striving for change can be a liberating concept.

Ultimately, it is up to each individual to find their own path to contentment and meaning in life.

The Old Testament God is a malignant narcissist. There is no question about it from the clinical from point of view of clinical psychology. He is entitled, he is vindictive, he is dystonic, he is defiant, he is malevolent on many occasions, and he is grandiose. He demands to be worshipped and he penalizes to death, lethargly and mortally, if you fail to worship him. It's a malignant narcissist bordering on an extreme psychopathy.

God the Father is absent in the New Testament, but his alleged son self-proclaimed son is all the above and like most other self-styled prophets of religion is also psychotic. I've made a video about it, Psychotic Grandiosity. I encourage you to watch it.

So we have two points of view, two variants, two aspects of God.

One of them in the Old Testament is a purebred, classic case of malignant narcissism bordering on psychopathy, reactance, defiance, grandiosity, vindictiveness, entitlement and lack of empathy. And then we have this son, self-proclaimed mind you, Jewish carpenter who decided that he is the son of God. So we have this person who is all the above and also clearly suffers from extreme delusional disorders and psychotic disorder. He is a very sick man.

And so we have the creators, the creator, the creators, the entities who made all this happen are mentally ill. It seems the mental illness is a precondition in the figment of creativity and creation. We are the figments of mentally ill minds, unusual minds, not human minds. We can't perhaps even grasp these minds, but mind is a kind of metaphor. Whatever these minds or mind life or whatever are, they're mentally ill. And if they had created us in their own image, we are mentally ill by definition.

Mental illness therefore is not an aberration. It's the normal state. It's the baseline.

And we spend our lives struggling against our innate mental illness.

Evil is an attribute of God. Satan is God in the same way that Dr. Jekyll is Mr. Hyde. Satan is an aspect of God, a dimension of God, an attribute of God. Evil is a trait of God. It's like God has multiple personality, several self-states, very much like a borderline. God has borderline personalities.

The Gnostics realized this and they suggested two gods, Demiurge, which was essentially a malevolent entity, responsible for creation. And one of the issues is God. God is everywhere. And if it includes everything, then evil must also be a part of it, as Spinoza alluded to.

So what are the scriptures?

The scriptures are chronicles of God's struggles with his own imperfections and character with his evil side via the agency of the flawed creation.

So God is in a constant struggle, inner struggle. He realizes that he's imperfect, that he's flawed, and very often malicious, evil. And he's fighting this. He's fighting this via his creation.

He actually made creation as an aid, as a tool, as an instrument to fight his evil side by granting us the ability to tell right from wrong. Actually not granting, we took it from the tree of knowledge.

But okay, by endowing us with the ability, the potential to tell right from wrong and then with the choice, with the free will, he actually made us the agents of his inner struggle with evil. He gave us the tools to help him to win this war against evil.

Humans are products of God's own dissociation, carriers of his broken memories, repositories of his dissociative states. They are figments of his mental illness, and they, only they, can act against evil as his agents.

This is why God endowed humans with intelligence, sentience, consciousness.

The task of humans is to help God to heal by reintegrating themselves with him, by bringing God back to full awareness and enlighten them, by embracing their own nothingness.

People need to embrace their own nothingness because if you are something, you are outside God. God includes everything.

To become a being, you must become a nothing. To become a part of God, to heal God, you must mend the vessels as the Kabbalah was it. You must disappear in order to reappear as God.

It's not that God is inside you, it's that you are inside God. The relationship is reciprocal, and in many respects it's true that you are God.

Your mental illness is God's mental illness. You heal a little, God heals a little.

It's not that you have to heal so that you can walk with God. It's that God has to heal so that he can walk with you, and when he walks with you, that is redemption, that is enlightenment, that is healing.

This message from Sam Vaknin is by far the most impactful message that I have received from YouTube.

In this video, I will quote Sam directly and then build out passages that ring of the same meaning.

Give it up. The proof of your strength and your resilience and your only hope for contentment.

Happiness is too much to ask.

Is if you stop fighting?

It is the fight that drives you to pathologies.

The fight pathologizes you. Everyone is encouraging you to fight. Everyone is encouraging you to change. Everyone tells you that if you don't change, and if you don't fight, it's your fault. Give it up. Forget all this. Forget what you can do with life. Just live life. Just be.

End of story. Being is a huge accomplishment. Just existing is a huge accomplishment.

Stop catering to your grandiosity. Stop believing that you can have an impact. And that there are solutions. And that even there are problems. There is so much to do in a typical day. Just get up and do it. Don't overthink. Don't overanalyze. Don't develop the delusion that you're in control. That you can make a change. That things can get better, or worse, or anything. It's beyond you.

You are insignificant. Your life is meaningless. It's all nothingness. Get on with it.

Let's hear this message in a formal essay.

In a world that relentlessly urges us to fight, to change, and to strive for more.

Sam Vaknin offers a profound philosophical perspective, rooted in the essence of nothingness.

This essay explores Vaknin's philosophy, drawing upon his unique insights, and intertwining them with the poetic style of modern spiritual teachers.

Sam is not one to fluff you up like a spiritual teacher does. That's what makes him so authentic.

But Sam's message can be addressed like it's from a spiritual teacher.

Why not try it out?

Sam's message delves into the transformative power of surrender, the beauty of existing, and the liberation found in embracing the insignificance of our individual lives, within the vast expanse of nothingness.

Vaknin's philosophy challenges the societal narrative that constantly drives us to fight against ourselves, against others, and against circumstances. He invites us to relinquish the burdensome battle, and instead, surrender to the present moment.

In this surrender lies the realization that contentment, rather than unattainable happiness, can be found by simply ceasing our resistance, and embracing the inherent emptiness of existence.

He emphasizes that our perpetual fight against life pathologizes us. The relentless pursuit of change, improvement, and impact can lead to a distorted perception of self, and an incessant dissatisfaction with our current state.

In a very literal sense, the fight will lead you to having very nasty autoimmune diseases.

By encouraging us to abandon this ceaseless struggle, Vaknin calls us to free ourselves from the self-inflicted wounds of grandiosity, the delusion of control, and the constant need to be accepted by others.

In the realm of nothingness, Vaknin finds solace in the sheer act of being.

He reminds us that the mere existence of consciousness is an astonishing accomplishment. Most can't do it.

To awaken to the present moment, to embrace the here and now, is to connect with the profound beauty of our own existence.

By releasing the weight of expectation and surrendering to the simplicity of being, we uncover a newfound sense of freedom and inner peace.

Vaknin's philosophy implores us to acknowledge our insignificance in the grand scheme of things. Rather than perceiving this as a nihilistic notion, it becomes a gateway to liberation.

By recognizing the vastness of the universe and our minuscule place within it, we release ourselves from the burden of self-importance.

In the acceptance of our own insignificance, we discover the humility that allows us to fully engage with the world around us.

In a world that relentlessly pursues meaning, Vaknin urges us to embrace the inherent meaninglessness of life.

He challenges the notion that there are problems to solve, or solutions to be found. Instead, he invites us to accept that life's events unfold beyond our control.

By surrendering to the ebb and flow of existence, we liberate ourselves from the constant search for purpose, finding solace in the simplicity of experiencing each moment as it arises.

Sam Vaknin's philosophy of nothingness presents a profound invitation to release ourselves from the shackles of perpetual struggle and the illusions of grandiosity.

Through his thought-provoking insights and poetic wisdom, he guides us toward a path of liberation and contentment.

By surrendering to the present moment, embracing our insignificance and acknowledging the inherent meaninglessness of life, we discover the extraordinary beauty and tranquility that lie within the depths of nothingness.

In this surrender, we find the true essence of our being and a profound sense of peace that transcends the limitations of our individual lives.

In the gentle embrace of surrender, we discover the profound wisdom that lies within the essence of being.

These timeless teachings invite you to release the burdensome fight against life and surrender to the transformative power of nothingness. Let go of the relentless pursuit of change and the illusions of control. Instead, immerse yourself in the simplicity of existence.

Finding liberation in the insignificance of your individual life amidst the vast expanse of nothingness. The proof of your strength and resilience, your path towards contentment, lies not in ceaseless struggle, but in the release of fighting against life's unfolding.

It is the very act of fighting that drives you towards pathologies, confining you to the limitations of your mind. Society encourages you to perpetually change, to believe that without relentless effort, fault lies within you. Give it up, relinquish these burdens, forget what can be done with life and simply live life. Be without the need to resist or control.

This surrender is your path to freedom.

In the quiet space of nothingness, you will discover the immense significance of being. The beauty of existence lies not in the grandiose achievements or the pursuit of external validation, but in the sheer act of being present in this moment.

The simple existence of consciousness is a monumental accomplishment that calls for reverence and awe.

Embrace the present moment, for it is within this space that you will uncover the profound liberation and inner peace that arises from the pure essence of your being.

Release the illusion of grandiosity, for it is in the recognition of your own insignificance that true liberation awaits.

Within the vast expanse of the universe, your individual life is but a fleeting speck.

Embrace the humility that comes from acknowledging your place within this grand tapestry of existence.

In embracing your insignificance, you open yourself to the interconnectedness of all beings and the harmonious flow of life.

It is within this humility that you discover the profound beauty and wisdom that lie beyond the confines of your former self.

In the ceaseless search for meaning, you are called to embrace the inherent meaninglessness of life.

Let go of the constant need to analyze, solve and change. Surrender to the flow of existence, trusting in the wisdom of the unfolding present moment.

Release the delusion that you are in control, for the truth is that life dances beyond your grasp.

Embrace the profound peace that arises when you surrender to the simplicity of experiencing each moment as it arises, without attachment or resistance.

It is within this surrender to meaninglessness that you find liberation and true contentment.

In the depths of surrender and the embrace of nothingness, you find the keys to liberation and inner peace.

Release the fight against life, relinquish the illusions of grandiosity and control. Instead, surrender to the essence of being, recognizing the profound significance of simply existing.

Embrace your insignificance within the vastness of the universe and find solace in the inherent meaninglessness of life.

In this surrender, you discover the profound beauty that lies beyond the confines of thought and you awaken to the richness and tranquility that reside within the present moment.

In this exploration of Sam Vaknin's concept of nothingness, we delve into a thought provoking perspective on the human experience and the search for meaning.

Vaknin presents nothingness as a potential solution to the shortcomings of psychotic and narcissistic narratives that have shaped societies throughout history.

He challenges conventional notions of identity, boundaries and societal constructs, urging individuals to embrace a state of being that is separate from external influences.

As we navigate through Vaknin's reflections, we uncover the essence of nothingness and its implications for personal fulfillment and the pursuit of genuine selfhood.

By understanding this concept, we may gain insights into a path that transcends material pursuits and societal pressures, leading us to a deeper sense of purpose and inner peace.

Sam Vaknin explores the concept of nothingness as a solution for the strong. He suggests that only a select few individuals who are exceptionally strong, resilient and enlightened can truly accept and embrace nothingness.

According to Jewish mysticism, there are believed to be only 36 such individuals in the world.

Vaknin emphasizes the importance of understanding healthy psychological boundaries, which define the separation between oneself and the world. This concept is more significant than wealth, fame or social status. He encourages individuals to be true to themselves and become nothing socialists. When they find fulfillment and wholeness as individuals, he highlights the failure of various ideologies and narratives, including practiced faiths, communism, Nazism, capitalism, liberal democracy, and even science.

Vaknin argues that science, despite its worship of reason, ultimately fails to provide answers to our mortality and the inevitability of death.

He proposes three ways of coping with existence, psychosis, narcissism, and what he believes Jordan Peterson incorrectly labels as nihilism, which Vaknin refers to as nothingness.

Psychosis, according to Vaknin, involves creating internal objects and mistaking them for external realities. This includes inventing higher powers, fighting for nations, and defending beliefs and values. Vaknin contends that these constructs are mere inventions, devoid of inherent existence.

He challenges the notion that a higher power, nation-states, flags, beliefs and values are objectively real, asserting that they are subjective and culturally constructed.

Vaknin concludes that the majority of humanity adheres to the psychosis solution, while he posits that embracing nothingness could provide an alternative path for the strong and enlightened individuals who can accept its significance.

Sam Vaknin discusses the second solution to coping with existence, which he identifies as narcissism.

In contrast to psychosis, where individuals merge themselves with something greater, narcissism asserts that the source of meaning lies within oneself.

Psychosis involves conflating ones in our world and psychodynamics with an external entity, such as a higher power or the nation-state, to gain significance and purpose. It is a codependent solution that relies on merging and assimilating with something larger than oneself.

On the other hand, narcissists believe that they are the source of meaning and significance. They adopt a Cartesian approach, asserting their existence through their thoughts. I think, therefore I am.

As the only certainty in the universe, narcissists consider themselves to be the center of meaning and significance. They do not project or externalize a separate entity like a higher power, but rather become their own higher power.

Narcissism is seen as a private faith, where individuals merge with their own false selves and consider themselves the ultimate source of meaning.

Vaknin acknowledges that he has explored narcissism in other videos, suggesting that this second solution represents a distinct way of approaching and understanding the concept.

Sam Vaknin describes the third solution to coping with existence as nothingness, which is only for the strong-minded and not the faint-hearted.

Embracing nothingness means accepting that the universe and the world are meaningless and insignificant. There is no inherent goal, plan, cause, or effect.

To accept one's nothingness within nothingness requires immense strength and resilience.

Vaknin clarifies that nothingness is not about suppressing the ego, as narcissists lack an ego. Instead, it involves suppressing both oneself and the world.

Nothingness is an anti-existential state that is closer to concepts like nirvana in eastern mysticism. It is a process of disappearing and not reappearing in any other form.

Vaknin emphasizes that nothingness is not about destruction, nihilism, or anarchism. It is not about being a nobody or justifying laziness. Instead, it revolves around recognizing healthy psychological boundaries, realizing where the self ends and the world begins. Boundaries involve ceasing to exist and acknowledging one's limited and finite nature.

Healthy boundaries are linked to nothingness or the state of not being.

Vaknin believes that only a small number of individuals, possibly 36 according to Jewish mysticism, can truly accept and embrace nothingness. It is an incredibly challenging concept that requires a high level of strength, resilience, and enlightenment.

Sam Vaknin explores different narratives of identity and their shortcomings.

In the psychotic solution, the identity is diffused and destroyed. In the narcissistic solution, the identity becomes false and infinite.

However, in the narrative of nothingness, the identity is suspended and distinct from the world.

Vaknin emphasizes the importance of boundaries that define where one ends and the world begins. He suggests that a suspended identity, like a globule of tranquility, is the closest one can get to true enlightenment, similar to nirvana.

This narrative is not about eliminating or destroying the ego, as often interpreted in Indian mystical traditions. Instead, it focuses on crystallizing a well-defined boundary identity that is divorced from the world while respecting and empathizing with other objects.

Vaknin critiques the psychotic narrative, exemplified by defending and sacrificing for internal objects turned external, such as the nation-state, or a higher power.

He also highlights the narcissistic phase, where the self becomes inflated and more important than collectives or family.

He argues that both psychotic and narcissistic narratives have failed, including practiced faiths, communism, Nazism, capitalism, liberal democracy, and even science.

According to Vaknin, science itself can be seen as a psychotic narrative, as it worships reason and goes through paradigm shifts that do not fundamentally change its essence.

He suggests that the elites who propagated these narratives have betrayed society.

Sam Vaknin discusses the shift from a narcissistic narrative to a potential narrative of nothingness.

He observes that society is becoming more self-centered and narcissistic, aided by technological advancements like social media.

However, Vaknin clarifies that nothingness is not about becoming a nobody or relinquishing personal life.

Nothingness entails giving up pretensions, ambition, and the pursuit of other people's values. It involves rejecting narcissism, grandiosity, and constant comparison with others.

In the social context, nothingness is asserting oneself as an individual and separating from societal biases and prejudices. It is about becoming one's authentic self, free from external influences and conformities.

Vaknin emphasizes the importance of creating supportive social networks based on love, empathy, involvement, and kindness. He suggests that finding meaning and structuring one's life are more significant than wealth, fame, or social position.

The focus should be on personal happiness and discovering that nothingness brings more fulfillment than the pursuit of external achievements.

Vaknin clarifies that choosing nothingness does not mean abdicating responsibilities or disappearing from the world.

Rather, it means prioritizing internal focus over external validation. It involves being self-contained and self-sufficient while still being open to helping others.

Nothingness is not a withdrawal from the world, but rather allowing the world to withdraw from oneself.

Sam Vaknin's exploration of nothingness offers a unique perspective on the human quest for meaning and self-realization.

By challenging the dominant narratives of psychosis and narcissism, Vaknin invites us to contemplate a different approach to existence, one that transcends the limitations of external validation and societal constructs.

Embracing nothingness is not about becoming a nobody or withdrawing from the world, but rather about finding a balance between the self and the world.

Recognizing healthy boundaries and nurturing a sense of individuality.

Vaknin's message reminds us that true happiness and fulfillment lie not in external achievements or social status, but in discovering our authentic selves and connecting with others on a genuine and empathetic level.

By rejecting pretensions and external expectations, we can uncover a deeper sense of purpose and find tranquility in the realization that we are enough as we are.

While the path to nothingness may require great strength, resilience, and enlightenment, it holds the promise of liberation from societal pressures and the freedom to live authentically.

By choosing nothingness, we shift our focus from external validation to internal growth and self-sufficiency.

In doing so, we create the opportunity to build supportive relationships, find meaning in our lives, and contribute to the well-being of others.

Ultimately, Vaknin's exploration encourages us to question prevailing narratives and forge our own path towards self-discovery and inner peace.

By embracing the concept of nothingness, we may embark on a journey of profound transformation, where we can truly be ourselves and find contentment in the simplicity of existence.

In a world consumed by the pursuit of external validation and material success, there exists a profound alternative, a path towards nothingness.

It is not a path of insignificance or withdrawal, but a gateway to uncovering your true self, untethered from societal pressures and the need for constant affirmation.

Embracing nothingness invites you to challenge the prevailing narratives that define your worth and identity. It is an invitation to let go of the illusions of grandiosity, comparisons, and the relentless pursuit of external achievements.

Instead, it beckons you to delve deep within, exploring the boundless depths of your own being.

In the realm of nothingness, you release the shackles of conformity and cease to define yourself solely through the lens of others.

It is a realm where pretensions crumble, allowing your authentic self to rise, unburdened by the weight of external expectations.

You discover the power of healthy boundaries, understanding where you end and the world begins, enabling you to forge genuine connections with others based on empathy and mutual respect.

Within nothingness, you find solace in simplicity, recognizing that the accumulation of wealth, fame, or social status does not define your true worth. Instead, your fulfillment arises from nurturing meaningful relationships, cultivating inner peace, and discovering the profound beauty of existence in its simplest form.

It takes great strength and resilience to embrace nothingness. The journey requires a willingness to let go of the ego-driven desires that keep you trapped in a cycle of perpetual dissatisfaction.

But in this surrender, you will find liberation, a freedom that allows you to craft your own narrative, unencumbered by the expectations and judgments of others.

It is a realm where pretensions crumble, allowing your authentic self to rise, unburdened by the weight of external expectations.

You discover the power of healthy boundaries, understanding where you end and the world begins, enabling you to forge genuine connections with others based on empathy and mutual respect.

Within nothingness, you find solace in simplicity, recognizing that the accumulation of wealth, fame, or social status does not define your true worth. Instead, your fulfillment arises from nurturing meaningful relationships, cultivating inner peace, and discovering the profound beauty of existence in its simplest form.

It takes great strength and resilience to embrace nothingness. Thejourney requires a willingness to let go of the ego-driven desires that keep you trapped in a cycle of perpetual dissatisfaction.

But in this surrender, you will find liberation, a freedom that allows you to craft your own narrative, unencumbered by the expectations and judgments of others.

It is a realm where pretensions crumble, allowing your authentic self to rise, unburdened by the weight of external expectations.

You discover the power of healthy boundaries, understanding where you end and the world begins, enabling you to forge genuine connections with others based on empathy and mutual respect.

Within nothingness, you find solace in simplicity, recognizing that the accumulation of wealth, fame, or social status does not define your true worth. Instead, your fulfillment arises from nurturing meaningful relationships, cultivating inner peace, and discovering the profound beauty of existence in its simplest form.

It takes great strength and resilience to embrace nothingness. The journey requires a willingness to let go of the ego-driven desires that keep you trapped in a cycle of perpetual dissatisfaction.

But in this surrender, you will find liberation, a freedom that allows you to craft your own narrative, unencumbered by the expectations and judgments of others.

It is a realm where pretensions crumble, allowing your authentic self to rise, unburdened by the weight of external expectations.

You discover the power of healthy boundaries, understanding where you end andthe world begins, enabling you to forge genuinea struggle within ourselves. By recognizing and addressing these internal struggles, we can embark on a journey towards personal growth and healing.

The role of humanity.

According to Vaknin, humans are products of their own experiences, carrying the weight of their past. He suggests that our task is to reconcile our broken memories, and integrate them into our sense of self.

Through embracing our own vulnerabilities, and acknowledging our interconnectedness, we contribute to the collective healing and growth of humanity.

Implications for spiritual healing.

Vaknin asserts that personal healing and spiritual transformation involve a process of shedding preconceived notions, and embracing the unknown.

By recognizing the imperfections within ourselves and the world, we open the door to a deeper understanding of existence.

This journey of self-discovery leads to a state of enlightenment and spiritual wholeness.

Critiques and alternative perspectives.

While Vaknin's perspective offers a unique lens through which to view our existence, it is subject to critiques and alternative viewpoints.

Some argue that personal responsibility and free will play significant roles in confronting and overcoming evil. Others propose alternative theories, suggesting that evil serves a purpose in moral growth, or the development of the human soul.

Sam Vaknin's message of embracing nothingness as a path to spiritual transformation challenges conventional views on the nature of existence and evil.

By exploring these concepts and their implications for personal growth and healing, Vaknin invites us to question our assumptions and embark on a journey of self-discovery.

While subject to debate, his ideas offer a fresh perspective on the complexities of our existence and the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment.

Many of you have written to ask me, "What do I mean when I use the word nothingness in my previous video?"

Just to recap, in two sentences, in my previous video I said that reality is so harsh, so difficult to accept, so nightmarish, so intimidating, so disorienting and dislocating, that people react in one of three ways.

They develop functional effective psychosis, in other words they invent all kinds of things, and then they project their own inventions, their own pieces of fiction, their own narratives, scripts, movies, they project them outside, and they attribute to these figments of their imagination and mind, they attribute to these figments an objective reality.

So they invent God, then they project God outside, and then they say, "Well, you see, God exists, he's outside. Of course, it's a piece of fiction, it's a figment of the imagination and the human collective mind.

That is not to say that these fictitious characters, these fictitious narratives, don't have power, they're very powerful, they affect our lives, our moods, our emotions, our cognitions, they affect history, they alter the course of human affairs. So they're very powerful. God is by far the most powerful non-entity, but it's not an entity, not in the ontological sense, it's an epistemological entity, it's a figment of the mind.

So technically this is psychosis, because in psychosis people confuse internal objects with external objects.

And then there's narcissism, that's the second solution.

The second solution is to say, "I am the source of all meaning, I am the one who navigates my own life, I'm in full control, I have an effect, God, I'm God-like, I have all the attributes of God, I'm omniscient, I'm omnipotent, I'm perfect, I'm brilliant, not to mention of course, handsome, and so on and so forth.

So this is the narcissistic solution.

Viktor Frankl, logotherapy, it's a kind of proto-narcissistic solution, therapy of meaning.

But today there's an avalanche of life coaches, philosophers, public intellectuals, wannabe psychologists, real psychologists, people with academic degrees of zero, zero, knowledge, people with a lot of knowledge, no academic degrees. I mean gurus, mystics, yogis, you name it. There's a proliferation of people who are going to tell you how to become narcissists, and they're going to do it in 12 steps or 10 steps or five steps, but it will always lead ultimately to a narcissistic solution.

The focus is on you, you are the beginning and the end, you are the alpha and the omega, you are the prima causa and the rheum movies, you are everything, you are the universe, you are the world.

We can find echoes of this even in the Talmud and other writings, ancient writings, in the Vedic writings and so on.

Narcissism is not a new thing, it's a solution to life's tribulations, vicissitudes, vagaries and exigencies, which leads me to nothingness.

Nothingness is the third solution.

Again, unfortunately, I'm not the one who had invented it.

Nothingness underlies major religions such as Islam, the very word Islam means to submit. Nothingness underlies most eastern mystical traditions and most eastern religions, including the Kabbalah in many respects. Nothingness underlies a lot of thinking in many parts of the world and actually 80% of humanity adhere to one variant of nothingness or another.

Enlightenment in the West meant taking control over nature, overpowering nature, making nature subservient, using nature as a reservoir, a repository for the benefit of mankind.

So this was the western version of enlightenment. The eastern version of enlightenment was disappearing, vanishing, not being, the art of not being.

And so nothingness is nothing new.

But the tidal wave that tsunami of narcissism in the West requires a rephrasing and reframing of nothingness in western terms so that we can counter the pernicious toxic effect of all these aforementioned coaches and public intellectuals and so on.

Because all they do is teach you how to be narcissist. Simple.

If I had to distill and summarize most of the books I've read written by these luminaries, it's let me show you how to become a better functioning, a high functioning narcissist. Let me show you how to dominate and overpower others. Let me show you how to become a top lobster.

So let me show you how to become a nobody, a nothing, which essentially is what you have already. You just have to acknowledge it.

So let's go.

Embrace nothingness and antidote to narcissism.

First of all, everything I'm about to say is backed by hard data, by sometimes centuries of statistics from all over the world. It's not confined to the West.

And these statistics show the following consistently and over centuries or even millennia when we try to extrapolate or interpolate statistics backwards.

Number one, accept that you are special only to yourself. Unique only as a statistic. There's never been a combination of genes such as yours, your phenotype and genotype are unique, but unique in the sense that they're non-recipitable, perhaps luckily for the world.

But accept that you're special only to yourself. Indistinguishable socially from billions of others. You are a speck of dust. No one can tell you apart from almost anyone else.

Today, the homogenizing forces of mass media, social media, international transport, all these forces crash and mold you into a replica, into a simulacrum, into a copy of the next guy or the next girl. You dress the same. You talk the same. You think the same. You are nothing but a clone, very often an unthinking clone.

Number two, accept that you are here today, gone tomorrow. The source of the problem with this pandemic, for example, is the absolute refusal to accept death, the rejection of death.

I am so precious and cosmically significant. How could I die? I should never die. I should sacrifice the economy. I should sacrifice civil liberties. I should sacrifice human liberties. I should, hell, I should sacrifice medicine itself, medical knowledge, just to preserve this treasure that I am.

So death used to be a part of life. Death used to be in some places the destination of life. People accepted the death sentence that is life.

We need to restore this. You need to accept that you are ephemeral. You are utterly forgettable. You need to embrace the fact, to grasp the fact that your life is random, utterly random, arbitrary, and to borrow from a much bigger mind than mine, nasty, brutish and short.

Your life has no meaning. No meaning. It's meaningless. It's utterly insignificant. No one will remember you, not even your great-grandchildren.

Do you remember your great-great-grandparents' names? Names. Do you know anything about them?

You will be gone. You will be erased. You will be deleted. You will become ultimately the nobody that you are, the speck of dust. You will return to dust as the ancient wise text keeps reminding you.

You are nothing. You are nothing but a machine which converts food to other less savory products. That's your main function.

And to propagate your genes, if a woman deems you worthy.

And in 60% of cases, women do not deem you worthy. 60% of all men do not propagate.

Chances are that you will die childless if you are a man, or hated by your offspring if you are of either gender.

Women are better off. 70% of them have children, at least one.

Number three. Surrender. Surrender and submit. Accept. Embrace. Just be.

Just be. Resistance is futile. Change is an illusion. There is nothing you can do about your essential nothingness, about your innate character, temperament, personality. Call it whatever you want. Nothing you can do about this. It's 50% nature. 50% nature.

Your genes have determined you long before you have emerged from your mother's equally meaningless body. You are nothing. You were born nothing. You will die nothing. And you will do nothing in between.

The sooner you accept this, the happier you will be.

Succumb to your social station. Don't reach. Don't overreach. Accept your future, which would look exactly like your past. And even worse than your present, by all measures.

The people you care about don't care about you. If they care about you, they care about themselves in you. The people you care about is a social fiction, a figment, a structure, a socially acceptable sublimated interaction.

But you know what? The people you care about? They are also nobodies. They are also random mutations in a giant sea and swamp of genes.

The selfish gene. You have come from nowhere and you're going nowhere. You are an assemblage of unicellular mechanisms. You are nothing but an agglomeration of amoeba in bacteria. Nothing more. You think you are.

Because people are telling you that you are.

If you pay $20 to buy their books, they will tell you anything you want to hear. Anything you want to hear.

Not every problem has a solution. Your problem has no solution, statistically speaking.

And not everything you regard as a problem is a problem. Actually in reality, there are very, very, very few problems.

Reality is just what it is. Simply what it is. That's it. It's not problematic. It's not non-problematic. It's not promising. It's not fulfilling. It's not delivering. It's nothing.

Reality is simply is.

Number four. If you insist on protesting futilely, because protest is futile, but if you insist on protesting futilely, do it by withdrawing. Do it by disengaging. In passivity, there is safety and the chance for change.

Gandhi said it, not me. The systems set up by the elites want you to fight. They encourage you to fight. They want you to fight because it guarantees that you will keep losing. They want to make you a loser. They want to convert you into a loser. The more you fight, the more of a loser you are.

Life is stronger than you. The power structures are stronger than you. The establishment is bigger than you. They're all overwhelming and overpowering. They're going to consume you and they're going to spit you out the writhing shell that you are, emptiness encased in protoplasm. They're going to do this to you.

Fighting, protesting, resisting all these foster mental illness.

And the mentally ill are submissive.

And that's precisely the way the rich and the powerful like it. They want you to be dysfunctional and defective and hopeless and broken and damaged.

Because that way they can control you. That way they can leverage your infirmity and disability to their benefit.

Don't give them this pleasure. Go away. Disconnect. Don't play the game. Overturn the chessboard. Walk away. Tell them to f off.

Because you are on their turf. You are in their territory. You are playing games subject to rules that they had written.

You can, you never play your game. Your own game. You're playing their game.

And you know what? There's no way you cannot end them. There's no way you can change them. There's no way you can delete them.

They are here to stay. They have been here for hundreds of years, for thousands of years. And they will be here for hundreds of years. Thousands of years.

The very same families. The very same people. They get intermarried. They interbreed. They preserve power in clans and tribes.

And there's no way for you to break in. And there's no way for you to break out. As long as you adhere to their rules, their games. And their rules and their games include all the advice you get from coaches and public intellectuals and professors of this discipline, of that discipline, of yogis, of this discipline and so on.

All these people have invested interest in the power structure. If you want to sell books, you need publishing houses. It means you like money. It means you have what to do with money. It means you want money. And if you want money, it means you're part of the establishment, part of the power structure.

Don't let these people deceive you. They are not your friends. They are out to take everything you have, however minimal it is. They are out to leave you destitute.

Number four.

You cannot alter yourself to be better.

You cannot change yourself in any meaningful way.

I'm going to repeat this. It must enter your fixed counts. It must penetrate whatever it is you have that passes for a break.

And many of you are brain dead. But still, let's try. Even if you electrocute a frog, it jumps. Maybe you will jump. Listen to this well again.

You cannot better yourself. You cannot alter yourself in any meaningful way. You are who you are, fundamentally, profoundly.

And in most cases, who you are is an unendowed zero and loser.

The overwhelming vast majority of the teeming, unwashed masses are exactly this, teeming and unwashed.

Not everyone can be a winner, never mind how he changes his posture. Not everyone can be a hero, except that you're a zero, except that you're a loser, and except above all that you will always be a zero and a loser.

This is the way of the world. This is the way you will remain to the day you die, statistically alone and impoverished. This is life. This is the hand you've been dealt. This is reality. This is the universe. You don't like it. You know what to do.

But you have to cover you for that.

So I'm relaxed. You're not going to do it.

You're not going to do it.

Number five.

If you were born to poor and uneducated parents, you and your children, and your children's children will end up even poorer and with irrelevant education that they can do nothing with. Fact. It's a fact.

In the last 20 years, for the first time in American history, the younger generations earn less than their ancestors and progenitors and parents. People are becoming more poor, not less poor. Every generation is poorer than the previous one.

Income inequality has exploded. Exploded.

The hundred richest people on earth have as much money and property as the lowest, the poorest, three and a half billion people. One hundred people. That's one hundred. One hundred. You can count them. They have more money and wealth than the poorest three and a half billion on earth.

That's how bad the situation is. Your chances to break out of poverty, out of the circumstances into which you had been born via education and so on. That's a myth. That's a fairy tale for the feeble-minded. That is a tool, an instrument of manipulation by the elites. They're lying to you. There's no way out. You're trapped. You're trapped in your birthplace, in your birth circumstances, and you will never, ever break out. Ever.

So what? What's the solution? How to make headway in life? How to end up being top dominant lobster?

Well, the only two ways, the only two ways to progress, the only two ways to make headway, are to be born to the right parents, but maybe you got that part too late, or to marry the right spouse.

Listen well. There is no other way. Nevermind how many books you read, how many authors you make rich by stupidly giving them your money. Nevermind which guru you adulate. Nevermind which god you worship. Nevermind which amount of education you acquire. Nevermind where you move to. Nevermind what you do. You will never, ever change or get better or progress.

Accept.

If you marry the right girl or guy, women know this. They look for rich guys. They look for alpha males. They look for successful men. Well, not alpha males, but successful men who will provide them.

Women know this. They've known this all along, since the dawn of history, probably before when we were all chimpanzees.

Get born to the right parents.

If you believe in Indian nonsense, next incarnation in your karma, choose the right parents.

Social mobility is a myth. Hundreds of studies, including most recently Piketty's and others, hundreds of studies, proved conclusively that there is no such thing as social mobility, especially not in countries that profess social mobility as a founding myth, as an ethos.

Social mobility among industrialized nations is lowest in the United States, and highest, by the way, in Sweden, a socialist country. There's no such thing as social mobility. I told you, you will never end up richer, more powerful, more educated, better off than your parents. Actually, statistically, less so.

You will never be accepted by the elite, by the upper classes, if you were not born into them. You will always be an outlier, an outsider, an outcast. You will always be shunned, ridiculed, mocked, excommunicated, trampled on, reduced to rubble if you attempt to raise your head. Raise your head, you'll be decapitated.

There is no such thing as social mobility, except your caste, your station in life. This is where you are stuck, making the best of it.

You want to progress, you want to be top dog, you should emerge from the right hole, or penetrate the right hole, and these are the only two ways to improve your life.

Now to the crux of the matter.

Anyone, repeat, anyone, who tells you that he has a solution, a cure, a system, a therapy, a cause, framework, a religion, a god, love, empathy, or rules for life. Anyone who tells you any of these things is a glorified con artist, probably a psychopathic narcissist. And anyone who tells you this is out for your money and adulation.

He seeks either narcissistic supply or power or money, and the power that money gives, or sex, which is all about power, to quote Oscar Wilde. These are power hungry, money hungry, sex hungry people.

They want your subservient admiration, and of course they want everything you have, and they're going to take it from you. They're going to take it from you, because they're merciless and ruthless and callous, and they're very, very sick people.

Adhering to a delusion, to a confabulation, to a fairy tale, to a fantasy, or to an outright lie, can be comforting.

You know, when you are inside the narrative, you think you found the way, you found the cure, you found the magic, you found the philosopher's stone. Now you can convert your leaden, leaden, dreary life into gold, you say to yourself, I found the rules to transform myself and my life. I found the creed, I found the system, I found the therapy, I found the method, I found, I found, I found, there's nothing to be found.

It's all delusions, confabulations, fairy tales, fantasies, and outright lies.

And the people who propagate them, and the people who perpetrate them, and the people who promulgate them, they are scammers. They are cheating you, they are deceiving you, they're lying to you, and they know they are doing this. And they are laughing all the way to the bank, having taken money from you, the brain dead, the comatose, the zombies, losers, the zombie losers of this world.

What you're doing is replacing a manageable problem, how to embrace life and accept it as it is, with an even bigger one.

Why?

Because not everything that is true works, I admit, and not everything that works is true.

But you should always prefer what's true to what's working.

If you have two pieces of information, two beliefs, two ideas, two people, one of them contains and bodies, reifies the truth, and one of them tells you, suspend your judgment, trust me, close your eyes, blindly follow, and you will feel much better.

Choose the truth. The truth is hard, but it's hopeless. Truth will never give you hope.

Why?

Because the world is hopeless and meaningless. Leads nowhere, comes from nowhere, will end in nothing.

The alternative, the lies, the delusions, the rules for a meaningful life, the restoration of order, whatever that is, all this nonsense, the yogis and the mystics and the hodgepodge of Eastern ideologies and mythologies and religions and religion in general, and the nonsensical belief in the objective existence of a supreme being or superpower or a higher power, which you we had invented 4000 years ago, I hope this, all this self-deception, it does one thing, it gives you hope.

And listen, listen well, it's counterintuitive, but nothing is more harmful to your health than hope.

Not cigarettes, not SARS, COVID, nothing, nothing is more dangerous to your life, well-being and health, mental and physical than hope.

It's the greatest toxic, venomous poison ever invented by the human mind, because hope brings forth expectations and expectations invariably result in frustration. Frustration leads to depression and other forms of mental illness.

Hope is a counterfactual poison, it's not real. Reality is hopeless. Your only hope is to accept hopelessness as the only outlet. Your only hope is to just stop it, have no expectations, see no future, strive towards nothing, just be your compulsive need to believe in something, to believe in someone, to follow someone, to trust something, a God, a guru, a belief, all these lead you to either subservience, abject subjugation, or to dysfunction, physical and mental.

And in many cases, perhaps in most cases, hope following someone, having a God, having a guru in most cases, leads you ultimately to both subservience and subjugation and mental and physical illness.

Number eight, your children, again associated erroneously with hope, there's nothing more hopeless than children. Your children will grow up, statistically hating you.

I repeat, most children hate their parents, so they will grow up to hate you. Most of them will be depressed and anxious at some point, miserable, mentally ill, diseased, and they will act immorally. They will be broken and damaged long before they reach their 40th year. And they will find no solace and no secure and no support and no help and no hope in their own lives.

Their lives will resemble in every element, your life, aimless, empty, hopeless, meaningless, random.

So just number nine, focus on experiencing your life, focus on living, focus on existence itself.

Don't worry so much. Don't overthink. Don't overanalyze.

Statistically speaking, you are probably way too stupid to think or to analyze. You're not doing it well. You are getting the wrong results. You are inputting the wrong data. You're processing everything wrongly because the vast majority of humanity are seriously, seriously dim-witted and feeble-minded. You are good at, very good at, eating, drinking, making love sometimes, having fun, watching the sunrise and the sunset, butterflies flapping their wings. Your children howling at the yard. Sports. Sports is good for you.

That's it. Don't reach above that. You are not qualified. You're not trained. You don't have the traits. You don't have the intelligence. You don't have the intellect. You don't have anything it takes.

I'm not saying, I'm not generalizing. There are the zero, zero, zero, one percent who are the exception to this rule.

But why gamble? Why speculate that you belong in this group? It's narcissistic. It's grandiose. In all likelihood, you don't belong in this group.

Watch the flowers bloom. There's no bigger source of happiness. Trust me.

And finally, number 10, embracing, embracing nothingness as an antidote to narcissism.

Number 10, live and let live. Let live.

Do not moralize. Do not motivate. Do not hackter. Do not educate. Do not punish, argue, debate, convince, cajole, position yourself, compare, repair, reach out, converse, expect, hope, demand, or befriend.

Just go away. Just be.

And let others be. They have the same right to their insignificant existence as you do to yours. And their lives are as empty, meaningless, and random as yours.

You have no privileged position, no superior status. And to think that you can acquire one just by buying a book or following some rules or listening to some mystic or some guru or some public intellectual is grandiose.

It's also counterfactual. It's not going to work. You're just going to waste whatever little money you have. Spend it or nothing.

And five years later or 10 years later or if you're a really complete idiot 20 years later, you will you will discover that everything I'm saying is true.

That you're a loser. That you are nobody. That you're indistinguishable from a billion others. And that your best bet for happiness is just to accept this.