Background

Hugging: Super Therapy (TalkTV with Trisha Goddard)

Uploaded 10/30/2024, approx. 8 minute read

shared more hugs and kisses with the public in his visit to Australia and Samoa than his mother did in 70 years to the delight of the recipients.

And then today come reports in the press about how King Charles, in the middle of his cancer treatment, found that traveling and meeting people and touching people more therapeutic because it's a mind, body, soul sort of response rather than being sort of locked away.


Let's talk about the science of touch. Research demonstrating the need for human touch is absolutely vast. From a developmental standpoint, infants literally cannot survive without human touch. Skin to skin contact is vital.

So for those of us that think, oh, this is a touchy-feely subject with no substance, think again.

Sam Vaknin, world-renowned and highly esteemed psychologist, is kind enough to join me for the last time to talk about the power of touch. Sam, thank you so, so much. I mean, when we bring up holding and touching, if we do it and do it at all, we probably don't think about it at all.

But I know during COVID, for instance, and with a lot of people who have mental illness or who are isolated and never get to touch another human being for months, for weeks, we know it has a very detrimental effect, right?

Right, actually.

Good to see you again, Tricia.

In a famous set of experiments with baby rhesus monkeys, known as the Harlow experiments, monkeys, baby monkeys, preferred touch to food. They starved themselves just in order to be able to touch a mock mother.

So skin to skin contact also has a neuroscientific foundation. We have special neuroreceptors in the skin. They are known as C-tactile afference. And these special neuroreceptors are built to detecthuggingand very soft, pleasant, affective touch.

So clearly we are wired for touch. We are wired for, more precisely, for hugging.

But here's something very interesting. Skin-to-skin contact is crucial for well-being and even for survival. However, any skin would do, even your own skin, we discovered that self-hugging has the exact same impact as being hugged by someone else.


And these impacts can be divided into two broad categories.

The first one is physiological impacts, and the second one is psychosocial impacts.

And I'll start with the physiological one.

The minute you're hugged, even by your own self, this triggers a cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters and neuropeptides and every substance known to the body.

Oxytocin and endorphins and serotonin and dopamine and everything simply pours forth within the body.

And all these molecules actually have a single task, and that is to enhance your well-being, to reduce stress, to counter pain, to alter your mood so that you feel much better, to comfort you, a soothing function, and so on.

So the minute you're hugged, even by your own self, you release molecules into the blood and into the brain that change you completely, make you feel a lot better. It also affects your heart and your immune system for the better.

So, we could generalize and say that hugging and touch are undervalued and underutilized therapies. It's the most powerful therapy we have.

I could compare a single hug to 45 minutes of therapy in terms of efficacy.

Yes, really.

Wow.

In terms of efficacy.


What happens to people, I was going to say, what happens to people who, I know with a mental health service that we worked at, we kind of disguised it to get around a stigma as a beauty salon. And people could have massages. And we found that for many mental health service users that just going for a massage with no stigma attached once a week did more than medication on its own could ever do.

I fully concur. I think that's exactly the case.

Actually, we are beginning to introduce hugging into therapy.

In humanistic psychotherapy, this has been used for a long time.

But now, one of the standards of treating borderline personality disorder is to hug the afflicted individual.

Hugging seems to have a major beneficial effect in the case of borderline, which is a very severe mental health disorder.

And so these are the physiological effects.


And then we have psychosocial effects.

And the psychosocial effects are also multifarious, multiplied.

So hugging is a form of connection. Hugging is a form of emoting. Hugging is a social signal. Hugging enhances intimacy and trust.

Hugging, therefore, could be construed or described as a psychosocial, context-dependent language in various cultures, in various societies, various periods in history.

Hugging played a variety of roles. To this very day, in some specific cultures and societies, hugging is an integral part of human interaction, even the most superficial human interaction.

If you go to Italy, you're likely to be hugged by the waiter in a restaurant. Hugging is all the rage.

So it's really a good thing.

Hugging has no negative impacts, no side effects, no adverse outcomes. It's easy to administer. It costs you nothing. It's cost free.

And it has amazing effects, body and soul, body and body and mind.

Well, I hope that encourages a lot of people because, I mean, fathers hugging their sons, I mean, now there's kind of a push, isn't there, to do that.

But obviously, you know, within some cultures, like I'm going to stick my neck out here and say, you know, the old-fashioned upper, you know, stiff upper lip, where it's not deemed okay for a man to hug another man, they need to get over that, right?

Yes.

This is very counterproductive in terms of mental health, overall well-being, and from the medical point of view, survival is predicated on touch.

Touch is a way to affirm the external and separate existence of other people, which restores a sense of safety.

Take, for example, oxytocin. Oxytocin is released initially in the contact between baby and mother.

So whenever oxytocin is released, when we are hugged much later in life, it recreates the experience of being hugged and coddled and caressed by mother itself. It's a recreation of the maternal secure base.

You feel contained. You feel safe. You feel warm. You feel fuzzy. It's a wonderful feeling.

And so this is just one example.

Endorphins are used to reduce, essentially to reduce pain and restore an overall sense of well-being.

Pain is not only physical. We have proven in the past decade that heartbreak following a breakup is the exact equivalent of a heart attack in physiological terms. There's a release of the same molecules, a change in all the functions of the body, and so on.

So physical pain and mental pain are one and the same.

Once you are hugged and endorphins reduce pain, also mental pain, also physical pain.

If you've just gone through a period of stress and tension and anxiety, you've had a misadventure or a mishap. You have lost a loved one. Something really bad happened and so on and so forth.

A single hug, even from a stranger. And most importantly, even from your own self, a single hug would go a long way towards restoring you.

Thank you so much, Sam. I send hugs, virtual hugs, which I know aren't the same to you.

Sam Vaknin, now that's what he's been an absolute joy. I've been very privileged to have him contribute to this show over the hours.

My husband keeps telling me how many hours I've done. I'm going to read his text in a minute along with everybody else's text right after this break. I'm going to do.

You know.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Victim's Cruel Choice: Fantasy, No Reality (with Therapist Michele Paradise) (Starts 17:42)

The lecture discusses the complexities of narcissism, particularly focusing on the dynamics of narcissistic relationships and the impact on victims. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing the signs of narcissism, such as boundary violations and manipulative behaviors, and the necessity of going no contact for one's mental health and identity preservation. The speaker highlights the shared vulnerabilities between narcissists and their victims, suggesting that both parties leverage each other's wounds, leading to a toxic cycle. Ultimately, the lecture conveys hope for recovery and healing after experiencing narcissistic abuse, underscoring that life can improve post-relationship with a narcissist.


How Narcissist Is Mortified

Narcissistic behavior can be modified through treatment, but pathological narcissism is unchangeable. Narcissists have empathic aphantasia, meaning they cannot visualize other people in an empathic way. The misinformation effect is a bigger problem for narcissists than for normal people because they have severe problems with their memory and are dissociative. The longer the delay between the presentation of the original event and the post-event information, the more likely it is that individuals will incorporate the misinformation into the new memory.


When Love Resembles Hate: Self-deception, Ambivalence, Dissonances

Love and hatred are fundamentally intertwined emotions, often perceived as opposites but actually representing two sides of the same coin. Both emotions create attachment and meaning in life, leading to ambivalence where individuals can simultaneously love and hate the same person or situation. This ambivalence generates various forms of dissonance, including cognitive, volitional, emotional, axiological, deontic, and attitudinal dissonance, which can result in anxiety and confusion. The inability to reconcile these conflicting feelings may indicate underlying mental health issues or dysfunctional relational patterns.


Narcissists Hate Therapists

Narcissists regard therapy as a competitive sport and often try to prove themselves equal to the psychotherapist in knowledge, experience, or social status. They use professional psychological lingo and terms to level the playing field and create a shared psychosis between themselves and the therapist. Narcissists have a dilapidated and dysfunctional true self overtaken and suppressed by a false self, and therapy aims to create the conditions for the true self to resume its growth. Change is brought about only through incredible powers of torsion and wreckage, and it takes nothing less than a real crisis.


Shy/Quiet Borderline “Diagnosis”, Reality vs. Phantasy/Fantasy

The concept of a "shy or quiet borderline" is rejected as nonsensical, as all individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder experience periods of both introversion and acting out. Personal anecdotes are deemed irrelevant in the context of scientific discussion, which relies on population-wide studies rather than individual experiences. The distinction between narcissistic and borderline fantasies is highlighted, with narcissists relying on a distorted self-perception and borderlines depending on external validation from intimate partners for emotional regulation. Both disorders exhibit impaired reality testing, but their psychological processes and dependencies differ significantly. Ultimately, the complexities of the human mind and the nuances of these personality disorders remain a vast area for exploration and understanding.


Words which Describe the Narcissist (ADD YOUR OWN!)

The text is a list of adjectives describing different types of personalities, ranging from social and gregarious to unfriendly and abusive. The author encourages readers to add their own words to the list and mentions the possibility of creating a video compilation of the contributions.


Danger Of Old Leaders ( Cognitive Decline, Cognitive Reserve)

Global political leadership is increasingly dominated by older individuals, many of whom exhibit significant cognitive decline, raising concerns about their ability to make sound decisions. Cognitive reserve, which refers to the brain's capacity to maintain function despite age-related changes, varies among individuals and is influenced by factors such as education and life experiences. However, cognitive decline is inevitable with age, affecting memory, decision-making, and emotional regulation, which can lead to dangerous outcomes in leadership. The prevalence of cognitive impairment among older politicians suggests a pressing need for mental health screenings and age restrictions in political offices to ensure effective governance.


Feminism: From Equity to Psychopathy

Third and fourth wave feminism has led to three dead-end solutions: standardization, emasculation, and masculinization. These solutions have resulted in a gender war and a decline in relationships, marriage, and childbirth rates. The focus on career and casual sex has left both men and women ill-equipped for long-term committed relationships and traditional gender roles. The current state of feminism does not offer viable solutions for a healthy balance between men and women in society.


Flying Monkeys of Narcissist Zero: Language of Narcissistic Abuse

Professor Sam Vaknin insists on being credited for his work because he values history and memory. He claims to have coined a significant amount of language related to narcissism and narcissistic abuse, and he believes it's important to recognize paternity, provenance, and intellectual lineage. He argues that plagiarism is intellectual murder and that people deserve credit for their work. He sees the lack of recognition as a threat to civilization, as it sacrifices time and memory for instant gratification.


Masochistic Covert Antinarcissist

Anti-narcissism is a form of narcissism characterized by the externalization of emotional and cognitive resources, leading individuals to appear altruistic while actually seeking self-degradation and failure. This concept, introduced by Francis Pash, suggests that anti-narcissists invest in self-trashing behaviors, often linked to masochism, as a means of achieving a sense of calm and merging with their empty core. Unlike typical narcissists who seek grandiosity, anti-narcissists derive a sense of identity from their defeats and failures, often rejecting intimacy and success in favor of self-destructive patterns. The interplay between masochism and narcissism reveals a complex dynamic where self-inflicted suffering serves as a strategy for obtaining narcissistic supply, ultimately reinforcing their sense of worthlessness while paradoxically providing a form of self-affirmation.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy