Background

It Hurts to Move On, Healing is Painful

Uploaded 2/28/2023, approx. 2 minute read

Back with Sam Vaknin in his TikTok garden, the only place you never want to be, but you're still here, inexorably attracted by my Picardieous.

I am your favorite blue professor of psychology and the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism, Revisited and many other unmentionable tomes of deep erudition and insurmountable sagacity.

Yes, I love $10 words.

The only thing I love more than $10 words are $10.

This is old daddy jokes. Only old daddies can get them.

Okay, Shoshanim, Shvanpanim and baby seals. We all believeor are led to believe by the self-help industry that attending therapy or reading self-help books is going to transform your life.

And sometimes it does, but you should know the following.

Acts of self-love and healing are always painful. They always agonize it.

Getting rid of toxic but addictive people, posing discipline, goals and structure on dissolute and carefree lives, saying no to temptations and seductions, gaining insights into your shortcomings, self-inflicted wounds and failures, confronting trauma and abuse, investing hard work in introspection and therapy. These are arduous tasks. They're not pleasant. It's not a joy, right? You're going to suffer. Suffering is the coinage of healing. You're going to suffer and then you're going to heal.

There's no shortcut. There's no way around this.

You have been forewarned.

Now get to work.-

Thank you.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

How Victims Soothe Themselves After Narcissistic Abuse (NEW VIDEO + Compilation)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the topic of self-soothing for victims of narcissistic abuse. He emphasizes the fallacious narratives victims tell themselves and the need to take responsibility for their role in the abuse. He also highlights the importance of silencing negative internal voices before seeking therapy.


Caught in a Drama Triangle or Real Victim?

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the drama triangle, a social model of destructive interaction among people in conflict. He explains the roles of persecutors, victims, and rescuers, and how individuals can shift between these roles. Vaknin also delves into the concept of learned helplessness and its connection to victimhood, as well as the fundamental attribution error and the Just World Phenomenon. He emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility and avoiding perpetuating a victim mentality.


Your Threatening Love: Why You Stay, Why He Abuses You

In this video, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the mispronunciation of the word "serotonin" and the misconception of Eve giving Adam an apple. He then delves into the reasons why narcissists and psychopaths abuse their partners and why the partners stay in such relationships, exploring concepts such as core complex, sadomasochistic fit, and toxic coupling. Vaknin also touches on the psychological dynamics of aggression and violence in these relationships, and the role of mentalization in understanding and empathizing with others.


"Spiritual" Narcissist Casts Narrative Spell on YOU (with Dr. Lisa Alastuey)

Sam Vaknin discusses spiritual narcissism, where narcissists pretend to have spiritual functions, such as clergy, healers, or therapists, and claim a connection to a higher authority. He explains three types of spiritual narcissists: victim, godlike, and healer. He also delves into the role of narratives in spirituality and predicts a shift in power dynamics from men to women in the next 50 years. He advises individuals to create their own narratives and belong to themselves before affiliating with others.


Why Abuse Survivors are DISBELIEVED: Narcopath’s Double Face (Isolation, Compartmentalization)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the reasons why people disbelieve victims and survivors of abuse. He delves into the psychological defense mechanisms of compartmentalization and isolation, and their role in the behavior of narcissists and psychopaths. He also explores the concept of doublet and its connection to these defense mechanisms.


Narcissists Love Your Victimhood (Game Changers Interview 3 of 3)

Dr. Sam Vaknin discusses the challenges of educating potential victims of narcissistic abuse, emphasizing that education alone is not enough to prevent victimization. He explains that victims often have unclear personal boundaries, are people-pleasers, and have deep psychological needs that make them prone to victimhood. Vaknin suggests that it is more important to address the psychology of the victim than their cognitive capacity to recognize abuse. He also highlights the need to restore faith in the future for both victims and narcissists, as well as the elites who have lost perspective on the future.


Spiritual Self Defense And Healing In Narcissistic Abuse

The video discusses spiritual self-defense in the context of recovery from narcissistic abuse. It delves into the concept of spirituality and its role in healing, emphasizing the impact of language and narratives on the brain. The discussion covers the limitations of traditional psychotherapy and the importance of existential psychology and humanistic approaches in empowering individuals to realize their potential and achieve self-fulfillment. The speaker advocates for embracing authenticity, freedom of choice, and the responsibility that comes with it.


The Narcissist's Inner World and His Intimate Partner: New Directions

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the difference between healthy and unhealthy narcissism, the prevalence of narcissism, the emotional components of self-awareness, the role of emotions in narcissists, the types of abuse, the characteristics of narcissism, and the effectiveness of cold therapy in treating narcissism and depression. He also explains the concept of trauma bonding and the challenges in breaking free from a relationship with a narcissist.


Narcissist Needs You to Fail Him, Let Go (with Azam Ali)

In this conversation, Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of narcissistic abuse and the dynamics of narcissistic relationships. He explains the narcissist's need for existence and the victim's hunger for love and intimacy, highlighting the irreconcilable nature of these two needs. He also emphasizes the importance of insight and empathy in understanding oneself and others.


Hijacked by Narcissist’s Serpent Voice? Do THIS!

In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the process of separating from a narcissist and reclaiming one's sense of self. He emphasizes the need to identify and silence the narcissist's voice in one's mind, and to reawaken one's own authentic voice. He warns against premature therapy and the potential for internalized negative voices to collude with the narcissist's voice.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy