Background

Lovebombing: Infatuated with Your Idealized Image (EXCERPT)

Uploaded 6/11/2022, approx. 1 minute read

You fall in love with yourself.

When you fall in love with a narcissist, you are actually falling in love with your idealized self.

For many people, this is the first time they experience self-love. They are able to experience self-love for the first time through the agency of the narcissist, because the narcissist projects onto them a version of themselves to which finally they are capable of loving.

And this is the whole of mirrors.

The narcissist does not exist. The narcissism is not about existence, it's about absence. The narcissist is an entity of absence. So he's not there. There's nobody there. There's nobody home but you. You're talking to yourself. You're looking at yourself. You're falling in love with yourself.

And it is possible to say goodbye to someone you love with all the heartbreak.

How do you say goodbye to yourself? And that's why people stay. They stay because the narcissist had made them infatuated with themselves through his eyes.

And he's a master at this.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Signs Narcissist About to Discard, Devalue You

In a narcissist's mind, the sequence of idealization, discard, and devaluation is reversed compared to their behavior in reality. They idealize their partner, then emotionally discard them in their mind, and finally devalue them to justify the discard. However, in reality, they must devalue their partner before discarding them to keep them around for the devaluation process. This discrepancy occurs because the narcissist needs their partner to be present during the devaluation phase, which wouldn't be possible if they discarded them immediately after idealization.


When YOU Discard the Narcissist FIRST

The text discusses the consequences of discarding a narcissist before they have a chance to devalue and discard you. It explains the potential outcomes of this action, such as narcissistic injury or mortification, and the subsequent behaviors of the narcissist, including seeking revenge or finding a replacement. The text also delves into the narcissist's internal processes and their need to complete the stages of grief and mourning for the disrupted shared fantasy.


How Narcissist Steals Your Unconscious, Lures YOU into His Nightmare World

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses how narcissists lure their victims into their surreal and nightmarish world. He compares the experience of being with a narcissist to various literary and philosophical examples, such as Alice in Wonderland and Lacan's mirror stage. Narcissists create a dreamlike state for their victims, causing them to lose their sense of self and reality. The narcissist's world is one of infinite emptiness, where victims become trapped in a maze of mirrors, unable to find their way out.


7 Phases of Shared Fantasy: Narcissist Needs YOU to Make Him Great Again

Professor Sam Vaknin's conceptual framework for understanding narcissists' interpersonal relationships is based on the idea of a shared fantasy. The process begins with co-idealization, where the narcissist idealizes their partner and themselves. This is followed by dual mothership, where the narcissist and their partner take on maternal roles for each other. The narcissist then mentally discards their partner, leading to devaluation and splitting. Finally, the narcissist may attempt to re-idealize their partner to resolve anxiety caused by the devalued internal representation of their partner.


YOUR LOVE, Intimacy FEARED: Narcissist’s Perfectionism, Envy

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's hatred towards others and how it is linked to perfectionism. The narcissist's fear of failure drives them to be perfect, and they believe they are infallible. The narcissist idealizes only internal objects and internalizes external objects to eliminate competition. In this section, Professor Sam Vaknin explains that the narcissist believes they are the only good object in the world and that they have internalized this object. Therefore, they do not need to envy anyone else. The narcissist becomes immune to envy and talks to their envy, telling it not to direct itself at them because they are the good object.


SECRET Reason Narcissist Devalues, Discards YOU

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the mysterious behavior of narcissists, including devaluation, discard, and replacement. He explains that narcissists recreate the dynamics of their early childhood conflicts with their mothers through their intimate partners, aiming to achieve successful separation and individuation. The narcissist devalues and discards their partner as a way to separate from them, and this process is not the partner's fault. Vaknin also discusses how urbanization and the rise of cities have contributed to the increase in narcissism, and he predicts that the transition from cities to the metaverse will lead to a shift from narcissism to psychopathy.


How Narcissist Sees YOU

In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's point of view and how they perceive their significant other. The narcissist takes a snapshot of their partner and idealizes them, but as reality sets in, they begin to change the way they see their partner. The narcissist sees themselves as a victim and their partner as an abuser, constantly blaming them for things and accusing them of being manipulative. The narcissist also accuses their partner of being self-destructive and lacking self-awareness, and may plot revenge if they feel humiliated or shamed.


How Narcissist Betrays YOU to Become Himself (Compilation)

Professor Sam Vaknin explains the narcissist's shared fantasy, which is a space where they can re-experience their childhood trauma safely. The shared fantasy has multiple stages, including co-idealization, dual mothership, mental discard, and devaluation. The narcissist's pursuit of betrayal in their relationships is not the same as a cuckold's motivation, as the narcissist seeks to recreate the betrayal they experienced in childhood. The narcissist's only meaningful relationships are within a shared fantastic space, which is highly addictive and generates stalking behaviors and virulent hatred. The narcissist uses a variant of this strategy in all intimate settings, for example, in friendships or interpersonal relations.


Loving the Narcissist: Shared Fantasy to Discard

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the phases of a narcissist's relationships, including the shared fantasy, interstitial, and anti-fantasy phases. He explains the narcissist's behavior and the impact on their partners, focusing on topics such as cognitive dissonance, cheating, and the narcissist's emotional detachment. He also delves into the concept of object constancy and the narcissist's use of defense mechanisms.


Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind

Narcissists play the role of a good enough mother, adopting a maternal role and idealizing their victims. They regress their victims to infancy, merging and fusing with them, eliminating their individuality and appropriating their individuality. The narcissist creates an introject, an internal representation of the victim, which is muted and spews out words attributed to the introject by the narcissist. The victim has an introject of the narcissist in their head, which is fully active and talks a lot, becoming a second, harsh, sadistic inner critic. The current advice to recognize and embrace victimhood is counterproductive, as it freezes the emergent roles allocated by the narcissist, and the locus of control remains in the narcissist's hands. Victims need to extricate

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2023, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy