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Masochistic Personality Disorder (Masochism)

Uploaded 11/7/2012, approx. 2 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The masochist has been taught from an early age to hate herself and to consider herself unworthy of love and worthless as a person. Consequently, she is prone to self-destructive, punishing and self-defeating behaviors.

Though capable of pleasure and possessed of social skills, the masochist avoids or undermines pleasurable experiences. She does not admit to enjoying herself. She seeks suffering, pain and hurt in relationships and situations. She rejects help and resents people who offer help. She actively renders futile attempts to assist or ameliorate or mitigate or even solve their problems and predicaments.

And these self-penalizing behaviors are also self-purging. They tend to relieve the masochist with overwhelming pent-up anxiety. They are cathartic.

Masochist conduct is equally aimed at avoiding intimacy and its benefits, companionship and support, as it is at punishing herself.

And so masochists tend to choose people and circumstances that inevitably and predictably lead to failure, misdelusionment, disappointment and mistreatment.

Contrary to this, they tend to avoid relationships, interactions and circumstances and people that are likely to result in success or gratification.

They reject, disdain or even suspect people who consistently treat them well.

Masochist find caring, loving people sexually unattractive. The masochist typically adopts unrealistic goals and this way she generates underachievements, inevitably.

Masochist routinely fail at mundane tasks, even when these tasks are crucial to their own advancement and personal objectives. And even when they adequately carry out identical assignments on behalf of others.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual gives this amusing example. Helps fellow students write papers but is unable to write her own paper.

So, when the masochist fails and de-attends at self-sabotage, she reacts with rage, depression and guilt. She is likely to compensate for her undesired achievements and happiness by having an accident or by engaging in behaviors that produce abandonment, frustration, hurt, illness or even physical pain.

Some masochists make harmful self-sacrifices uncalled for by the situation and unwanted by the intended beneficiaries or recipients.

The projective identification defense mechanism is frequently explained with masochist. The masochist deliberately provokes, solicits and incites angry disparaging and rejecting responses from others in order to feel unfamiliar territory in her comfort zone.

When she is humiliated, devastated, hurt and defeated, she feels good.

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Self-destructiveness Not Masochism

Self-destructiveness and masochism are fundamentally different phenomena, with self-destructiveness being egodystonic and characterized by a rejection of life, while masochism is egosyntonic and involves a pursuit of gratification through pain. Masochism is episodic and self-limiting, allowing individuals to engage in painful experiences without it defining their entire existence, whereas self-destructiveness is systemic and pervasive, often becoming a way of life that drags others down with the individual. The self-destructive person often uses others to facilitate their own annihilation, creating a collective experience of pain, while masochism is primarily an inward-focused act that does not necessarily harm others. Ultimately, masochism and sadism are expressions of life and enjoyment, whereas self-destructiveness is a destructive force aimed at diminishing one's own existence and that of those around them.


Abuser, Sadist – or Both?

The scene in the hotel bar illustrates the dynamics of sadism, where the sadist derives pleasure from inflicting pain and humiliation on others, prioritizing this gratification over typical sexual or social rewards. Sadists often engage in behaviors that are self-destructive and counterproductive, yet they persist because the power they feel from causing distress is intoxicating and reinforces their sense of superiority. This pleasure principle, rooted in a deep-seated need for control and validation, distinguishes sadists from typical abusers, who may cause pain incidentally while pursuing other goals. Ultimately, sadism is characterized by an addiction to the emotional and psychological power gained through the suffering of others, making it a complex and often incomprehensible phenomenon.


Magnetic Narcissists: Pathological Charisma

The charismatic magnetic narcissist embodies a unique blend of three types of narcissism: post-traumatic, reactive, and societal, allowing them to connect deeply with others through shared trauma while simultaneously seeking attention and conforming to societal norms. This individual often emerges from a troubled childhood, using their charisma as a compensatory mechanism to mask feelings of absence and inferiority, thus creating an aura of authority and influence. Their ability to foster a sense of specialness in followers leads to a cult-like dynamic, where they encourage projection and the formation of a personal mythology around themselves. Ultimately, the charismatic magnetic narcissist thrives on the dependency of others for validation, making their leadership both compelling and deeply rooted in their psychological needs.


People as Fetishes, Trophies (Psychopaths, Narcissists, Serial Killers, Sexual Sadists, Pedophiles)

Souvenirs and mementos serve as memory aids for most people, but for psychopaths, serial killers, and narcissists, these objects represent a pathological need to capture and possess their victims rather than evoke memories or emotions. Their collections are driven by a disrupted sense of self and a compulsive need to prove their existence, often leading to a fixation on the victims themselves rather than the experiences associated with them. These individuals use trophies as a means to cope with overwhelming feelings of separation anxiety and to regulate their self-worth, often objectifying their victims in the process. Ultimately, the trophies serve as both triggers for repetitive behavior and as learning materials to refine their future misconduct, reflecting their internalized dynamics and struggles with reality.


Narcissist's Sadism, Masochism, and Self-Destructiveness (ENGLISH responses)

Narcissists are not masochistic because they do not love themselves, and masochism is a form of self-love. Narcissists are self-destructive, and their sadism and masochism are instrumental and functional, used to control people and obtain results. Self-destructiveness is a way for the narcissist to prove to themselves that they are alive when they cannot obtain narcissistic supply. BDSM can be a safe environment for the narcissist to transfer control and rest, knowing that nothing bad will happen.


Masochism: Borderlines, Psychopaths Self-trash

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses sexual masochism among people with borderline personality disorder and psychopathy. He explains that sexual masochism is a form of self-trashing and describes four types of sexual contexts that lead to trashing and sexual arousal. Borderlines and psychopaths engage in cheating, substance abuse, and choosing inappropriate mates as ways of self-trashing that cause sexual arousal. Self-trashing is compulsive and masochistic, while promiscuity is impulsive and empowering.


Sexual Identity Is Not Sexual Orientation

Sexual identity is different from sexual orientation. Sexual identity is how one perceives oneself sexually, while sexual orientation is about others and involves object relations. Sexual identity is formed in five stages: introjection, emulation, empathy, exploration, and sublimation. A disruption in any of these stages can lead to psychological problems and dysfunctions. Narcissists and borderlines are a perfect match because the borderline needs a partner who would at first idealize her and then discard her, and the narcissist needs to hoover and re-idealize their discarded partners.


Sadist: The Pleasure of Your Pain, the Anguish of Your Pleasure (and Narcissist)

Sadism is characterized by a pattern of cruelty and a lack of empathy, often manifesting in interpersonal contexts rather than physical violence. The sadist derives pleasure from humiliating and controlling others, often using their vulnerabilities to inflict emotional pain. While narcissists can exhibit sadistic behaviors, their motivations differ; they typically inflict pain as a means to achieve narcissistic supply rather than for the sheer enjoyment of causing suffering. The distinction lies in that true sadists find gratification in the act of inflicting pain itself, while narcissists may do so incidentally or instrumentally to maintain their sense of superiority.


Narcissism Fridge Magnets

Professor Sam Vaknin provides 15 quotes on narcissism, including the narcissist's obsession with themselves, their use of language as a weapon, and their need for adoration from a submissive partner. The narcissist is also described as holding their followers in contempt, hating themselves deep down, and developing paranoid narratives when their defense mechanisms fail. The quotes emphasize the destructive nature of narcissism and its impact on both the narcissist and those around them.


Narcissist: Irresistible Charmer

Narcissists use charm to manipulate and control others, seeking attention and admiration. They use their charisma to exert power over people and view those they charm as objects for their gratification. Pathological charm can involve sadism and is used to maintain object constancy and fend off abandonment. Narcissists react with rage and aggression when their charm fails to elicit narcissistic supply, revealing their true predatory nature.

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