Narcissism Fridge Magnets

Uploaded 11/20/2015, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

I chose a few sentences from my book Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited, which I thought may resonate with you. You can convert them into fridge magnets, for instance.

Let's go.

Quote number one, to forgive is never to forget, but to remember is not necessarily to re-experience.

Quote number two, pathological narcissism is a lifelong pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and also the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition.

Number three, Narcissus is not in love with himself, he is in love with his own reflection.

Number four, the narcissist is an actor in a monodrama, yet he is forced to remain behind the scenes. The scenes take center stage instead.

Number five, the narcissist ages without mercy and without grace, his withered body and his overwrought mind betray him all at once.

Six, children to the narcissist are both mirrors and competitors. Children reflect authentically the narcissist's constant need for adulation and attention.

Their grandiose fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience are crass caricatures of his own internal world.

Seven, in the narcissist's surrealistic world, even language is pathologized. It mutates into a weapon of self-defense, a verbal fortification, a medium without a message, replacing words with duplicitous and ambiguous blockables.

Number eight, the narcissist's lies are not goal-oriented. This is what makes his constant dishonesty both disconcerting and incomprehensible.

The narcissist lies at the drop of a hat, needlessly and almost ceaselessly.

Nine, the narcissist holds his psychophantic acolytes in contempt. He finds his fans, admirers and followers repulsive. He holds them to be inferior precisely because they are his fans, followers and admirers.

Number 10, the narcissist is never whole without an adoring, submissive, available, self- denigrating partner.

His very sense of superiority, indeed, his grandiosity, depend on such a partner.

Number 11, the narcissist identifies being loved with being possessed, encroached upon, shackled, transformed, reduced, exploited, weakened, engulfed, digested and excreted.

Number 12, psychopathic and narcissistic abusers hate it when other people are happy.

Besieged by knowing inadequacy, the narcissistic abuser does his best to destroy everybody else's celebratory mood.

Number 13, the raging narcissist usually perceives their reaction to have been triggered by an intentional provocation with a hostile purpose.

Number 14, deep inside the narcissist hates himself. He doubts his own worth. He deplores his desperate addiction to narcissistic supply. He judges his actions and intentions harshly and sadistically.

And number 15, when narcissism fails as a defense mechanism, the narcissist develops paranoid narratives, self-directed confabulations which place him at the center of others' allegedly malign intention and conspiracies.

Magnificent, remember.

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YOUR LOVE, Intimacy FEARED: Narcissist’s Perfectionism, Envy

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's hatred towards others and how it is linked to perfectionism. The narcissist's fear of failure drives them to be perfect, and they believe they are infallible. The narcissist idealizes only internal objects and internalizes external objects to eliminate competition. In this section, Professor Sam Vaknin explains that the narcissist believes they are the only good object in the world and that they have internalized this object. Therefore, they do not need to envy anyone else. The narcissist becomes immune to envy and talks to their envy, telling it not to direct itself at them because they are the good object.

How Narcissist Sees YOU

In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's point of view and how they perceive their significant other. The narcissist takes a snapshot of their partner and idealizes them, but as reality sets in, they begin to change the way they see their partner. The narcissist sees themselves as a victim and their partner as an abuser, constantly blaming them for things and accusing them of being manipulative. The narcissist also accuses their partner of being self-destructive and lacking self-awareness, and may plot revenge if they feel humiliated or shamed.

Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind

Narcissists play the role of a good enough mother, adopting a maternal role and idealizing their victims. They regress their victims to infancy, merging and fusing with them, eliminating their individuality and appropriating their individuality. The narcissist creates an introject, an internal representation of the victim, which is muted and spews out words attributed to the introject by the narcissist. The victim has an introject of the narcissist in their head, which is fully active and talks a lot, becoming a second, harsh, sadistic inner critic. The current advice to recognize and embrace victimhood is counterproductive, as it freezes the emergent roles allocated by the narcissist, and the locus of control remains in the narcissist's hands. Victims need to extricate

Narcissist's Routines

Narcissists have a series of routines that are developed through rote learning and repetitive patterns of experience. These routines are used to reduce anxiety and transform the world into a manageable and controllable one. The narcissist is a creature of habit and finds change unsettling. The narcissist's routines are often broken down when they are breached or can no longer be defended, leading to a narcissistic injury.

Narcissistic Supply Deficiency Coping Strategies

Sam Vaknin explains that the grandiosity gap between a narcissist's self-image and reality is grating on their nerves. As a result, the narcissist resorts to self-delusion, which can lead to various solutions. These include the delusional narrative solution, the antisocial solution, the paranoid schizoid solution, the paranoid aggressive or explosive solution, and the masochistic avoidance solution. Ultimately, the narcissist's pronounced and public misery and self-pity are compensatory and reinforce their self-esteem against overwhelming convictions of worthlessness.

How Narcissist Experiences/Reacts to No Contact, Grey Rock, Mirroring, Coping, Survival Techniques

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How Narcissist Falls Apart (Compilation)

The transcript is a compilation of various lectures and discussions by Professor Sam Vaknin, an expert on narcissism. He delves into the behaviors and reactions of narcissists when they are deprived of narcissistic supply, comparing their withdrawal symptoms to those of drug addicts. Vaknin explains that narcissists consume admiration and attention to sustain their self-esteem, and when these are lacking, they experience a state he terms "narcissistic deficiency dysphoria," which can lead to depression, mood swings, and aggressive behavior. He also discusses how narcissists may resort to delusional narratives, antisocial behavior, or paranoid ideation as coping mechanisms. Additionally, Vaknin touches on the concept of "collapsed narcissists" and "collapsed histrionics," who are individuals that have failed to maintain their narcissistic or histrionic facades and have retreated into more covert or self-destructive behaviors. He emphasizes the importance of understanding these dynamics for both therapeutic interventions and personal interactions with individuals exhibiting such traits.

womanmotherNarcissist's Partner: Admire Me, Play with Me, Mother Me

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the three stages of a narcissist's interaction with women: admirer, playmate, and mother. Narcissists are incapable of adult intimacy with women and instead seek a mother figure, as their only experience of intimacy with a woman was with their own mother. When women refuse to adopt the role of a mother, narcissists resent them and may push them away. Narcissists are more focused on possession and control than romantic jealousy, reacting like a child when their partner shows interest in other men.

How Narcissist Experiences His Collapse (Grandiosity Bubbles and Delusional Solutions)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the collapse of narcissists when they are unable to obtain supply. He explains the internal dynamics and various solutions narcissists adopt in response to this deficiency, such as delusional narratives, antisocial behavior, paranoid schizoid tendencies, and masochistic avoidance. The narcissist's withdrawal symptoms are compared to those of a drug addict, and the role of magical thinking in their behavior is explored.

Why Narcissist Rewrites History (Recency Bias)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the cognitive distortion of grandiosity in narcissists, which leads them to believe they are god-like entities. He explains how grandiosity is a way for narcissists to falsify reality and compensate for their fragile state of mind. Vaknin also delves into other cognitive biases such as recency bias, anchoring effect, recency illusion, and serial position effect, and how they manifest in narcissistic behavior. He emphasizes that narcissists' distorted perception of reality and time leads to a false self-narrative, making it impossible to expect veracity from them.

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