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Narcissism Fridge Magnets

Uploaded 11/20/2015, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

I chose a few sentences from my book Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited, which I thought may resonate with you. You can convert them into fridge magnets, for instance.

Let's go.

Quote number one, to forgive is never to forget, but to remember is not necessarily to re-experience.

Quote number two, pathological narcissism is a lifelong pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and also the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition.

Number three, Narcissus is not in love with himself, he is in love with his own reflection.

Number four, the narcissist is an actor in a monodrama, yet he is forced to remain behind the scenes. The scenes take center stage instead.

Number five, the narcissist ages without mercy and without grace, his withered body and his overwrought mind betray him all at once.

Six, children to the narcissist are both mirrors and competitors. Children reflect authentically the narcissist's constant need for adulation and attention.

Their grandiose fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience are crass caricatures of his own internal world.

Seven, in the narcissist's surrealistic world, even language is pathologized. It mutates into a weapon of self-defense, a verbal fortification, a medium without a message, replacing words with duplicitous and ambiguous blockables.

Number eight, the narcissist's lies are not goal-oriented. This is what makes his constant dishonesty both disconcerting and incomprehensible.

The narcissist lies at the drop of a hat, needlessly and almost ceaselessly.

Nine, the narcissist holds his psychophantic acolytes in contempt. He finds his fans, admirers and followers repulsive. He holds them to be inferior precisely because they are his fans, followers and admirers.

Number 10, the narcissist is never whole without an adoring, submissive, available, self- denigrating partner.

His very sense of superiority, indeed, his grandiosity, depend on such a partner.

Number 11, the narcissist identifies being loved with being possessed, encroached upon, shackled, transformed, reduced, exploited, weakened, engulfed, digested and excreted.

Number 12, psychopathic and narcissistic abusers hate it when other people are happy.

Besieged by knowing inadequacy, the narcissistic abuser does his best to destroy everybody else's celebratory mood.

Number 13, the raging narcissist usually perceives their reaction to have been triggered by an intentional provocation with a hostile purpose.

Number 14, deep inside the narcissist hates himself. He doubts his own worth. He deplores his desperate addiction to narcissistic supply. He judges his actions and intentions harshly and sadistically.

And number 15, when narcissism fails as a defense mechanism, the narcissist develops paranoid narratives, self-directed confabulations which place him at the center of others' allegedly malign intention and conspiracies.

Magnificent, remember.

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How Narcissist Sees YOU

In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's point of view and how they perceive their significant other. The narcissist takes a snapshot of their partner and idealizes them, but as reality sets in, they begin to change the way they see their partner. The narcissist sees themselves as a victim and their partner as an abuser, constantly blaming them for things and accusing them of being manipulative. The narcissist also accuses their partner of being self-destructive and lacking self-awareness, and may plot revenge if they feel humiliated or shamed.


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Sam Vaknin discusses the grandiosity gap and hangover in narcissists, and how these vulnerabilities can be exploited to manipulate them. He explains that narcissists react with rage to any criticism or hint that they are not special or unique. He also provides strategies for dealing with narcissists, including using specific sentences to make them go away.


Expose Narcissist’s Secret Speech

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses how narcissists use code and a cipher to manipulate others, including various techniques such as counterfactuality, victim language, projection, gaslighting, and passive aggression. He advises ignoring the hidden message and not responding to the occult message when communicating with a narcissist. He also discusses the evasiveness of narcissists and psychopaths, their competitive nature, and their use of alloplastic defenses to shift blame and deny responsibility for their actions. Finally, he explains that mentally ill people cannot be reasoned with, and their speech acts and decisions need to be deconstructed.


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Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the mysterious behavior of narcissists, including devaluation, discard, and replacement. He explains that narcissists recreate the dynamics of their early childhood conflicts with their mothers through their intimate partners, aiming to achieve successful separation and individuation. The narcissist devalues and discards their partner as a way to separate from them, and this process is not the partner's fault. Vaknin also discusses how urbanization and the rise of cities have contributed to the increase in narcissism, and he predicts that the transition from cities to the metaverse will lead to a shift from narcissism to psychopathy.


YOUR Aftermath as Your Narcissist’s Fantasy , Delusion, Matrix

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Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the relationship between narcissism and paranoia, arguing that all paranoids are actually narcissists. He also talks about the Japanese concept of Mono no aware, deranking on YouTube, and how personality disorders are narratives created to disguise and defend against discontinuities in identity and memory. Narcissists and fanatical paranoids share similar characteristics, and paranoid ideation serves two purposes for the narcissist: upholding their grandiosity and fending off intimacy. The narcissist attributes their own motives and psychological processes to other people and tends to interpret other people's behavior as directed at them.


Why Narcissists Love Borderline Women and Why They Hate Them Back

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Dissociation (Amnesia) & Confabulation in Narcissism (Intl. Conf. Clinical Counseling Psychology)

Sam Vaknin, a visiting professor of psychology, discusses dissociation in narcissistic disturbances of the self at a conference in Tokyo. He explains that the narcissist's sense of self is regulated by feedback from others and that the narcissist's true self is suppressed and replaced by a false self. The false self serves as a decoy and absorbs pain, while the true self becomes dysfunctional and detached. The narcissist experiences life as a detached observer, feeling alienated and controlled by the false self.


Narcissist Can't Feel Lovable, Good, Worthy, Self-rejects

Negative identity in narcissism involves defining oneself in contrast or contradiction to others, either positively or negatively. This can lead to self-rejection, self-loathing, and the creation of a false self to compensate for the perceived inadequacy of the true self. This process is further complicated by the narcissist's autoplastic and alloplastic defenses, as well as their external and internal locus of control. Ultimately, the narcissist's pursuit of goals and accomplishments to satisfy their false self serves as a form of self-rejection, as they are constantly reminded of their inadequacy and worthlessness in comparison to the false self.

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