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Narcissist and God: Love-Hate Relationship

Uploaded 7/28/2010, approx. 4 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The narcissist has a love-hate relationship with God. God is everything the narcissist ever wants to be. He is omnipotent, or powerful, omniscient, or knowing, omnipresent, everywhere. God is admired, much discussed, and awe-inspiring. God is the narcissist's wet dream, his ultimate grandiose fantasy.

But God comes handy in other ways as well.

Let us rewind.

The narcissist alternately idealizes and then devalues authority figures.

What greater authority figure is there than God.

In the idealization phase, the narcissist strives to emulate, to imitate authority figures. He admires them. He copies their behavior, often ludicrously. He defends them. They cannot go wrong or be wrong.

The narcissist regards these authority figures as bigger than life, infallible, perfect, whole, brilliant.

But as the narcissist's unrealistic and inflated expectations are inevitably frustrated by reality, he begins to devalue his former idols.

Now, they are merely human. They are small, fragile, error-prone, fusillanimous, mean, dumb, mediocre.

The narcissist goes through the same cycle in his relationship with God, quintessential authority figure.

But often, even when devaluation, disillusionment, and iconoclastic despair set in, the narcissist continues to pretend to love God and to follow him.

The narcissist maintains this deception because his continued adherence to God and his commandments and his continued proximity to God confer on the narcissist authority.

Priests, leaders of congregations and parishes, preachers, evangelists, cultists, politicians, and intellectuals all derive authority from their allegedly privileged relationship with God.

Religious authority allows the narcissist to indulge his sadistic urges and to exercise his misogynism, for instance, freely and openly. Such a narcissist is likely to taunt and torment his followers, hector and chastise them, humiliate and berate them for their sins, abuse them spiritually or even sexually.

The narcissist, whose source of authority is religious, is looking for obedient and unquestioning slaves upon whom to exercise his capricious and wicked mastery in the name of God.

The narcissist transforms even the most innocuous and pure religious sentiments into a cultish ritual, in a virulent hierarchy.

The narcissist, the so-called religious narcissist, preys on the gullible. His flock become his hostages.

Religious authority also secures the narcissist's narcissistic supply. He craves attention, adulation, adulation, admiration, adoration, affirmation, applause.

His co-religionists, members of his congregation, his parish, his constituency, his audience are transformed into a loyal and stable source of this narcissistic supply.

They obey his commands given in the name of God. They heed his admonitions. They follow his creed. They admire his personality. They applaud his personal traits, unblemished and impeccable. They satisfy his needs, sometimes even his carnal desires. They revere and idolize him because he's close to God.

Being a part of a bigger thing is very gratifying, narcissistically. Being a particle of God, being immersed in his grandeur, experiencing his power and blessings firsthand, communing with him, all sources of unending narcissistic supply.

It is to be omnipotent, omniscient and grand by proxy vicariously.

The narcissist becomes God by observing his commandments, by following his instructions, by loving him, by obeying him, by succumbing to him, by merging with him, by communicating with him, or even by defying him.

Even heretic narcissists, the arrived narcissistic supply from God because the bigger the narcissist's enemy, the more grandiosely important the narcissist feels.

Like everything else in the narcissist's life, he mutates God into a kind of inverted narcissist. God becomes his dominant source of narcissistic supply.

The narcissist forms a personal relationship with this overwhelming and overpowering entity in order to overwhelm and overpower others.

Narcissist becomes God vicariously by the proxy of his relationship with him.

He idealizes God. He then devalues God. He then abuses God.

This is the classic narcissistic pattern and even God himself cannot escape it and is not exempt.

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Old-age Narcissist

Narcissists age without grace, unable to accept their fallibility and mortality. They suffer from mental progeria, aging prematurely and finding themselves in a time warp. The longer they live, the more average they become, and the wider the gulf between their pretensions and accomplishments. Few narcissists save for rainy days, and those who succeed in their vocation end up bitterly alone, having squandered the love of family, offspring, and mates.


Narcissist Hates Happy People and Holidays

Holidays and birthdays are a difficult time for narcissists, as they provoke a stream of pathological envy. The narcissist is jealous of others for having a family, being able to celebrate lavishly, or being in the right mood. They hate humans because they are unable to be one and want to spoil it for those who can enjoy. Holidays remind the narcissist of their childhood, the supportive and loving family they never had, and what could have been.


Fanatic Narcissist and Group Affiliation: Church, Community, Team, Collective

Narcissists are prone to magical thinking and believe they are chosen or destined for greatness. They believe they have a direct line to God and that their life is micromanaged by God himself. Narcissism and religion go well together as religion allows the narcissist to feel unique and God-chosen. The narcissist likes to belong to groups or frameworks of religions and derives easy and constantly available narcissistic supply from these affiliations.


Narcissist as Eternal Child

Narcissists often refuse to grow up and remain in a state of infantilization, avoiding adult responsibilities and functions. This is because remaining a child caters to their narcissistic needs and defenses. Narcissists are often envious of children and try to emulate them, as children are forgiven for narcissistic traits and behaviors that adults are not. By remaining a child, the narcissist can indulge in these behaviors and not be punished for them.


Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.


Gullible Narcissist Victimized and Abused

Narcissists are more gullible than the average person because they live in a fantasy world of their own making, where they are at the center of the universe. They are prone to magical thinking and believe they are immune to the consequences of their actions. Narcissists feel entitled to everything and are easily duped, cheated, and deceived. They attract abuse and are often targeted by stalkers and persecutors, usually mentally ill people who develop a fixation on the narcissist.


You! Be GRATEFUL, HONORED That Narcissist Lets You Serve, Witness Him (Sacrificial Entitlement)

Narcissists possess a sense of sacrificial entitlement, believing that their mere existence bestows a privilege upon others to be in their presence. They view themselves as godlike figures, deserving of admiration and special treatment without the need for personal investment or commitment. This mindset combines grandiosity with victimhood, as they perceive their relationships as sacrifices made for the benefit of others, while simultaneously demanding gratitude and obedience in return. Ultimately, when relationships end, narcissists often interpret this as a profound act of ingratitude, failing to recognize the harm they have caused to their partners.


Why Narcissist Devalues YOU (Hint: Wants YOU "Dead")

Narcissists devalue their partners as a form of self-defense and control. There are two types of devaluation: preemptive and reactive. Preemptive devaluation occurs when a narcissist is in a transitional state between overt and covert narcissism, and they devalue potential sources of supply to prevent the overt side from using them against the covert side. Reactive devaluation is a response to a perceived threat to the narcissist's grandiosity or control. Both types of devaluation are harmful to the victim and serve to maintain the narcissist's sense of power and control.


When the Narcissist's Parents Die

The death of a narcissist's parents can be a complicated experience. The narcissist has a mixed reaction to their passing, feeling both elation and grief. The parents are often the source of the narcissist's trauma and continue to haunt them long after they die. The death of the parents also represents a loss of a reliable source of narcissistic supply, which can lead to severe depression. Additionally, the narcissist's unfinished business with their parents can lead to unresolved conflicts and pressure that deforms their personality.


Narcissist Re-idealizes Discarded Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists maintain discarded sources of supply in a mental reserve and may seek them out when other options are unavailable, attempting to recycle these sources for validation. To reconnect with a devalued source, they must re-idealize it without admitting past mistakes, creating a narrative that reconciles their previous devaluation with the new idealized view. Old sources of supply should remain indifferent to the narcissist's attempts to reconnect, as this indifference is intolerable to them and deprives them of the attention they crave. Ultimately, narcissists view everyone as potential sources of supply, even enemies, as any emotional response, positive or negative, serves to validate their existence.

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