Narcissist Hates Happy People and Holidays

Uploaded 10/7/2010, approx. 3 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Holiday blues are a common occurrence, even among the mentally sound.

In the narcissist, holidays provoke a particularly virulent stream of pathological envy.

The narcissist is jealous at others for having a family, or for being able to celebrate lavishly, or for being in the right, suggestive mood.

The narcissist's cognitive dissonances crumble. He keeps telling himself, look at those inferior imitations of humans, slaves of their animated corpses, how they are wasting their time, how they are pretending to be happy.

Yet, deep inside, the narcissist knows that he is the defective one. He realizes that his inability to rejoice is a protracted and unusual punishment metered out to him by his very self.

The narcissist is sad and enraged on birthdays and holidays and special occasions. He wants to spoil it for those who can enjoy. He wants them to share his misery, to reduce them to his level of emotional abstinence and absence.

In short, the narcissist hates humans because he is unable to be one.

A long time ago, I received this letter from a narcissist. He said, I hate holidays and birthdays, including my very own birthday. It is because I hate it when people are happy. And I hate it when they are happy if I am not the cause of their happiness. I have to be the prime mover and shaker of everyone's mood. No one will tell me how I should feel. I am my own master. I feel that their happiness is false, fake, forced. I feel that they are hypocrites, dissimilating joy where there is none. I feel envious, humiliated by my envy and enraged by my humiliation. I feel that they are the recipients of a gift I will never have, the ability to enjoy life and to feel joy.

And then I do my best to destroy their mood. I bring bad news and tidings. I provoke a fight. I make a disparaging remark. I project a dire future. I soar uncertainty in the relationship.

And when the other person is sour and sad, I feel relieved and even elated. It's back to normal. My mood improves dramatically and I try to cheer her up.

Now, if she does cheer up, this time it's real. It's real because it's my doing. I control it and I control her.

Holidays reminds the narcissist of his childhood, the supportive and loving family he never had, of what could have been and never was and as he grows older, he knows never will be. He feels deprived and coupled with his rampant paranoia, he feels cheated and persecuted. He rails against the indifferent injustice of the faceless cold world.

Holidays are a conspiracy of the emotional haves against the emotional have-nots.

Birthdays are a narcissistic injury. As far as a narcissist is concerned, birthdays are an imposition, a reminder of vulnerability, a fake, fake events artificially construed.

The narcissist destroys the happiness of others in order to equalize the misery, to spread it around. He rages in order to induce rage in others. Holidays creating the narcissist an abandon of negative and holistic emotions, the only one he consciously possesses and experiences.

On holidays and on his birthday, the narcissist makes it a point to carry on with his routine. He accepts no gifts. He does not celebrate. He works till the wee hours of the night. This is his demonstrative refusal to participate. It's a rejection of the social norms. It's an in-your-face statement of withdrawal. It makes the narcissist feel unique. It makes him feel even more deprived and punished. It feeds the furnace of hatred, the bestial anger, the all-engulfing scorn that he harbors.

The narcissist wants to be drawn out of his sulking and pouting, yet he declines any such offer. He evades any such attempt. He hurts those who try to make him smile and forget.

In times like that, in holidays and birthdays, the narcissist is reminded of a fundamental truth of his voluptuous, virulent, spiteful, hissing and spitting grudge of the fact that this grudge is all he has.

Those who threaten to take this grudge away from him, with their love, their affection, with their compassion and care, those people are the mortal enemies of the narcissist indeed.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Destroy the Narcissist in Court: Divorce, Custody, and Aftermath

In summary, to effectively handle a narcissist in court during divorce and custody proceedings, it is crucial to remain calm, composed, and fact-based. Focus on exposing the narcissist's grandiosity and vulnerabilities by challenging their self-perception and accomplishments, while avoiding appearing vengeful or malicious. Provoke the narcissist indirectly by hinting at their shortcomings and mediocrity, ultimately leading them to lose control and expose their true nature. Maintain a holistic strategy that takes into account both the legal aspects and the narcissist's off-court life.

Narcissist as Eternal Child

Narcissists often refuse to grow up and remain in a state of infantilization, avoiding adult responsibilities and functions. This is because remaining a child caters to their narcissistic needs and defenses. Narcissists are often envious of children and try to emulate them, as children are forgiven for narcissistic traits and behaviors that adults are not. By remaining a child, the narcissist can indulge in these behaviors and not be punished for them.

Narcissistic Entitlement=Learned Helplessness+Grandiosity

Entitlement is a crucial pillar of narcissism, and it is one of the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Narcissists feel entitled to everything, including narcissistic supply, which they believe they are owed by the world. Entitlement is a form of learned helplessness, which is acquired through abusive parenting. Narcissists hate routine and use emotional investment prevention mechanisms to avoid getting emotionally involved and subsequently getting hurt.

Narcissist and God: Love-Hate Relationship

The narcissist has a love-hate relationship with God, who is everything the narcissist wants to be. The narcissist alternately idealizes and devalues authority figures, and God is the ultimate authority figure. The narcissist maintains a facade of love for God even when disillusionment sets in because religious authority allows the narcissist to indulge in sadistic urges and exercise their narcissistic supply. The narcissist becomes God vicariously by the proxy of their relationship with him, idealizing, devaluing, and abusing him in the classic narcissistic pattern.

How Narcissist Man Child Self Supplies

The narcissist is a ghoulish and sinister hybrid, an adult grafted onto a child. The narcissist is often described as a "man child", but he is actually neither. The narcissist juxtaposes wrongly, becoming an adult where he should have been childlike and vice versa. This misappropriation and misallocation of roles render him monstrous and freakish. The narcissist resorts to self-supply when external sources are depleted, using techniques such as reframing reality, creating an inflated self-perception, and converting negative supply to positive. Self-supply is a crucial maintenance phase in the narcissist's cycle of existence and is a mechanism of self-regulation that appears to be external regulation. It involves elements of hyper-reflexivity and magical thinking, reminiscent of certain dynamics in childhood

Narcissists Hate Children and Envy Them

Narcissists hate children because they envy them. Children's feigned innocence, manipulation, and lack of empathy are disarming in their directness. Narcissists see children as both mirrors and competitors, reflecting their constant need for adulation and attention. Children are loved by mothers, which makes narcissists jealous and infuriated by their deprivation. Narcissists hate children for being them.

Narcissist: Destructive Envy and Romantic Jealousy

Envy is a compounded emotion brought on by the realization of some lack or deficiency in oneself. Narcissists cope with their pathological envy by either subsuming the object of envy via imitation or destroying it. The most dangerous species of narcissists are those who derive contentment from their own humiliation and end up driving the objects of their own devotion and accumulation to destruction and decrepititude. Romantic jealousy is a narcissistic defense that reflects the narcissistic traits and behaviors of possessiveness, objectification, and treating the spouse as an extension of oneself.

Golden Child and Scapegoat Black Sheep: Narcissistic Parent's Projected Splitting

Narcissistic parents often cultivate their children as sources of narcissistic supply, with the golden child being idolized and the scapegoat child being neglected and even abused. This discriminatory behavior is due to the narcissistic parent's projected splitting, which involves the inability to integrate contradictory qualities of the same object into a coherent picture. The narcissistic parent splits their personality into good and bad traits and projects the good aspects onto the golden child while projecting the bad aspects onto the scapegoat child. This pattern of behavior becomes lifelong and can lead to emotional incest and even outright incest.

Why Narcissists Love Borderline Women and Why They Hate Them Back

Narcissistic mortification is a challenge to the false self, which crumbles and is unable to maintain defenses and pretensions. Narcissists use two strategies to restore some cohesiveness to the self: deflated and inflated narcissist. Narcissists engage in mortification, a form of self-mutilation, to feel alive and free from commitment to their false self. Narcissists seek out borderline women to mortify them and experience the unresolved primary conflict with their mother.

You! Be GRATEFUL, HONORED That Narcissist Lets You Serve, Witness Him (Sacrificial Entitlement)

The text discusses the concept of sacrificial entitlement in narcissists. It explains how narcissists believe they are sacrificing their divine qualities to be with their partners and expect gratitude and obedience in return. The text also delves into the narcissist's perspective on the breakup, viewing it as ingratitude from the partner. It highlights the narcissist's belief that they have given their partner everything and the partner's rejection is seen as a form of devaluation.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy