Gullible Narcissist Victimized and Abused

Uploaded 9/3/2010, approx. 6 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin. I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The irony is that narcissists, who invariably consider themselves worldly, discerning, knowledgeable, shrewd, iridite, astute, and generally street-smart and clever, narcissists are actually more gullible than the average person.

This gullibility is because they are fake. Narcissists are false, their self is false, their life is a confabulation and a sham, their reality test is long gone.

Narcissists live in a fantasy land, all of their own making, in which they are at the center of the universe, admired, feared, held in awe and respected for their omnipotence and omniscience.

None of this, of course, is real. Narcissists are prone to magical thinking. They hold themselves immune to the consequences of their actions or their inaction.

Therefore, they consider themselves to be beyond punishment and the laws of men.

Narcissists are easily persuaded to assume unreasonable risks and expect miracles to happen.

They often find themselves on the receiving end of investments camps, for instance.

Narcissists feel entitled to everything, to money, to power, to honors, incommensurate with their accomplishments or toys, to love, to perfection, to beauty. The world or God or the nation or society or their families, co-workers, employers, even neighbors owe them the trouble-free exalted and luxurious existence.

They are rudely shocked when they are penalized for their misconduct or when their fantasies remain just fantasies.

The narcissist believes that he is destined to greatness or at least that he is entitled to the easy life.

He wakes up every morning fully ready for a fortuitous stroke of luck.

That explains the narcissist's reckless behaviors and his lazed lack of self-discipline. It also explains why the narcissist is so easily duped, cheated and deceived.

By playing on the narcissist's grandiosity and paranoia, it is possible to deceive and manipulate the narcissist effortlessly.

Just offer the narcissist's narcissistic supply, give him admiration, a modicum of affirmation, some dollop of adulation, and he is all yours.

Harp on the narcissist's insecurities and his persecutory delusions and he is likely to trust you and only you and cling for you for their life.

Narcissists therefore attract abuse. They are haughty, exploitive, demanding, sensitive and quarrelsome. They tend to draw hatred and ill-will.

They tend to provoke anger, sorely lacking in interpersonal skills, devoid of empathy and steeped in irksome grandiose fantasies.

Narcissists invariably fail to mitigate the irritation and revolt that they induce in others.

Successful narcissists are frequently targeted by stalkers and persecutors, usually mentally ill people who develop a fixation of a sexual and emotional nature on the narcissist.

When they are rebuffed, these kind of people become vindictive and even violent.

Less prominent narcissists end up sharing life with co-dependence and inverted narcissists, equally clinging and needing.

The narcissist's situation is exacerbated by the fact that often the narcissist himself is an abuser.

Like the boy who cried wolf, people do not believe that the perpetrator of egregious deeds can himself fall prey to maltreatment.

Abusers are not supposed to be victims of abuse, although often they are.

People tend to ignore and discard the narcissist's cries for help and disbelieve his protestations even when he is truly a victim.

The narcissist reacts to abuse as does any other victim.

Traumatized, he goes through the phases of denial, helplessness, rage, depression and finally acceptance.

But the narcissist's reactions are amplified by his shattered sense of omnipotence.

The abuse proves to him that he is not all powerful and not all knowing.

Abuse breeds humiliation and humiliation is difficult for the narcissist more than to other people.

As far as the narcissist is concerned, helplessness is a novel and unwelcome experience.

The narcissistic defense mechanisms and their behavior are manifestations.

If you use rage, idealization, devaluation, exploitation, all these defenses are useless when confronted with a determined, vindictive or delusional stalker or with a con artist or with a scammer, that the narcissist is flattered by the attention he receives from the abuser, renders him even more vulnerable to the abuser's manipulation.

The narcissist can also not come to terms with his need for help or acknowledge that wrongful behavior on his part may have contributed somehow to the situation, may have exacerbated it.

His self-image is as an infallible, mighty, all-knowing person, far superior to others. And this self-image is like chains. He's shackled. It won't let him admit to shortfalls or mistakes.

As the abuse progresses, the narcissist feels increasingly cornered. His conflicting emotional needs to preserve the integrity of his grandiose self, even as he seeks much-needed support, places an unbearable strain on the precarious balance of his immature personality.

I repeat, for the one hand, he feels that he is all-powerful, he is a grandiose false self. On the other hand, he is helpless, he needs help, and finally he asks for help.

This contradiction creates a enormous inner tension, destructive, explosive.

The compensating leads to acting out. The narcissist disintegrates, the defense mechanisms disintegrate. He lashes out, he acts out, and if the abuse is protracted, the narcissist withdraws from any interpersonal and social contact. It can even reach the situation of psychosis or psychotic micro-evicence.

Abusive acts in themselves are rarely dangerous, but not so the reactions to abuse.

Above all, the overwhelming sense of violation and humiliation.

So, narcissist reactions put his personality, his defense mechanism, his integrity as a person, as a self, put all these at risk.

And the gullible narcissist is therefore in the throes of disintegrating, of being transformed.

Few narcissists come out of this tunnel and see the light. The vast majority of them remain buried deep within.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

How Narcissist's Victims Deceive Themselves

Narcissists cannot be cured and are a threat to those around them. Victims of narcissists often confuse shame with guilt and attribute remorsefulness to the narcissist when they are actually feeling shame for failing. Narcissists are attracted to vulnerable people who offer them a secure source of narcissistic supply. Healing is dependent on a sense of security in a relationship, but the narcissist is not interested in healing and would rather invest their energy in obtaining narcissistic supply. Narcissists lack empathy and cannot understand others, making them a danger to those around them.

Narcissist: Your Pain is his Healing, Your Crucifixion - His Resurrection

Narcissists need their victims to suffer to regulate their own emotions and feel a sense of control. They keep a mental ledger of positive and negative behaviors, with negative behaviors weighing more heavily. Narcissists need counterfactual statements to maintain their delusion of being special and superior. The grandiosity gap is the major vulnerability of the narcissist, and they are often in denial about their limitations and failures.

Narcissist Never Sorry

Narcissists sometimes feel bad and experience depressive episodes and dysphoric moods, but they have a diminished capacity to empathize and rarely feel sorry for what they have done or for their victims. They often project their own emotions and actions onto others and attribute to others what they hate in themselves. When confronted with major crises, the narcissist experiences real excruciating pain, but this is only a fleeting moment, and they recover their former self and embark on a new hunt for narcissistic supply. They are hunters, predators, and their victims are prey.

Narcissist in Court and Litigation

Narcissists are skilled at distorting reality and presenting plausible alternative scenarios, making it difficult to expose their lies in court. However, it is possible to break a narcissist by finding their weak spots and using them to inflict pain. The narcissist is likely to react with rage to any statement that contradicts their inflated perception of themselves or suggests they are not special. They feel entitled to be treated differently from others and cannot tolerate criticism or being told they are not as intelligent or successful as they think they are.

Narcissist Grooms Sources of Narcissistic Supply: Exploits Tragedy, Crisis, and Misfortune

Narcissists are callous and ruthless enough to exploit the tragedy of others. They are obsessed with the maintenance of their delicate inner balance through the ever-increasing consumption of narcissistic supply. The narcissist regards and treats his sources of narcissistic supply as full-fledged human beings, but only as long as they can provide him with what he needs. The narcissist always evaluates the victims of tragedies to see if they can become sources of supply or can be used as props in the theater of his life.

Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.

Can You Love the Narcissist and Rescue Him?

Victims of narcissists often resort to fantasies and self-delusions to cope with their pain, believing that they can rescue the narcissist from their misery and misfortune. However, loving a narcissist is difficult, and any attempt to relate to them emotionally is doomed to failure. Narcissists are addicts in pursuit of gratification through the drug known as narcissistic supply, and they hone in on potential suppliers like cruise missiles. Victims of narcissists can become bitter and self-centered, lacking in empathy, and become more like the narcissist over time.

Narcissist's Routines

Narcissists have a series of routines that are developed through rote learning and repetitive patterns of experience. These routines are used to reduce anxiety and transform the world into a manageable and controllable one. The narcissist is a creature of habit and finds change unsettling. The narcissist's routines are often broken down when they are breached or can no longer be defended, leading to a narcissistic injury.

Remain Friends with the Narcissist?

Narcissists are only friendly when they need something from you, such as narcissistic supply, help, support, votes, money, or sex. They also become friendly when they feel threatened and want to smother the threat with pleasantries. Narcissists are also over-friendly when they have just been infused with an overdose of narcissistic supply. Some people prefer to live with narcissists because they have been conditioned to treat narcissistic abuse as background noise and are compensated for the abuse by the thrills provided by living with a narcissist. However, inverted narcissists are typically unhappy and in need of help, which suggests that they are victims who experience the Stockholm Syndrome.

Narcissists Have Emotions

Narcissists do have emotions, but they tend to repress them so deeply that they play no conscious role in their lives or conduct. The narcissist's positive emotions come bundled with very negative ones, and they become phobic of feeling anything lest it be accompanied by negative emotions. The narcissist is reduced to experiencing down-steerings in their soul that they identify to themselves and to others as emotions. Narcissists are not envious of others for having emotions, they disdain feelings and sentimental people because they find them to be weak and vulnerable.

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