Narcissists and psychopaths make use of two techniques of mind control.
The psychopath leverages these techniques knowingly, deliberately, intentionally, he is goal-oriented.
The narcissist uses these techniques unconsciously. That's just the way he is. That's how he operates.
And so these techniques are entraining and projective identification.
I have discussed entraining in many videos on my YouTube channel.
To summarize, entraining is the repetition of musical notes or words in a way that synchronizes the brainwaves of the listener with the brainwaves of the emitter of the signal.
So when the abuser verbally abuses his victim, when he repeats the same refrains, the same phrases, the same words, the same exhortations, the same criticisms, the same threats, this constitutes entraining because it synchronizes the victim's brainwaves with the abuser's brainwaves, rendering them a hive mind, a single mind, the ultimate in mind control.
The second mechanism is a lot more complicated and a lot more nuanced and a lot more difficult to explain. It's known as projective identification.
And the problem in projective identification is the identification part of it.
The victim identifies herself with the narcissist's projected parts.
Now let's first explain projection.
Projection is when you have traits or emotions that you disown, that you reject, that you're not comfortable with, that you're ashamed of.
And then what you do, you take these traits and you take these emotions and you misattribute them to other people.
You say, "I'm not weak, he is weak. I am not abusive, she is being abusive." That is projection.
Now projective identification involves projection.
The narcissist projects the traits and emotions that he rejects in himself or herself and misattributes these traits and emotions to the victim.
Now of course, whenever I say he, it's a she, half of all narcissists are women.
And then the projection having been completed, the victim becomes the parts that the narcissist had rejected.
The narcissist misattributes traits and behaviors to the victim and the victim owns them. He identifies with them. He accepts them as his own.
The victim becomes what the narcissist wants him to become. The victim becomes the part of the narcissist that the narcissist had rejected.
The traits and emotions and cognitions that the narcissist is ashamed of, that the narcissist rejects, that the narcissist renounces these parts are owned by the victim.
The victim is molded by the narcissist's projection.
Hence the word identification.
And then the victim begins to behave accordingly. He begins to conform to the parts of the narcissist that had been projected onto her.
The victim becomes the shadow of the narcissist, the rejected parts of the narcissist.
The traits and behaviors and emotions and cognitions that the narcissist cannot countenance now become the victims.
And so projective identification is a defense mechanism of the narcissist, but it ends up modifying the victim's behavior.
The victim becomes an extension of the part of the narcissist which the narcissist disowns, denies, represses, rejects, hates and is ashamed of.
Consequently, of course, the narcissist rejects, renounces and hates the victim because she now represents the part of him that he wouldn't like to acknowledge.
She's a constant reminder of who the narcissist truly is and her behaviors having been modified by the narcissist validate and conform the narcissist's expectations of the victim, but at the same time constantly trigger the narcissist by reminding him who he really is.
Self-awareness is knowing who you are. It is not the same as authenticity. Authenticity is being who you are, acting who you are.
And yet in conditions of fear and terror and uncertainty, it is very difficult to be authentic. Fear precludes authenticity and so does pervasive uncertainty.
Where in the world where there is a war between the genders, between straight and LGBTQ, between minorities and majorities, between self-proclaimed victims and their putative abusers.
So what to do?
Stay at home, stay celibate, stay single. Do not expose yourself to this crossfire.
The world is not safe right now.
It is time actually to be both self-aware and authentic and self-sufficient. It is time to stand back and review your priorities and your necessities and your needs.
And then to make a decision as to which level of risk you are ready to assume.
Because today to engage with other people is to risk your freedom and very often your very life.