The most important thing to know when you are in a relationship with the narcissist is that there is nothing you can do.
No behavior will be ever right.
No decision, no choice, no support, no love, no advice. There is nothing you can do because the narcissist's behavior is determined from the inside, not from the outside.
You are not at fault, you are not guilty, you are not to blame and you are not responsible because you are not relevant to the narcissist.
As far as the narcissist is concerned, you are a function, you are interchangeable, you are fungible, you are just the latest in line.
You are like a commodity, like a grain of rice. You are supposed to provide sex, services and supply, statistic and narcissistic and safety. These are the four S's.
Any two of these four and you're in as the narcissist partner.
So the narcissist tries to convert you into an object and one of the ways to do that is to take away your independence, autonomy, agency, free thinking.
Another way is to isolate you from your support network, from family, from friends, to render you financially dependent or emotionally dependent or otherwise dependent on him.
He replaces your reality testing.
You begin to doubt your own judgment. You begin to doubt your own perception of what is real and what is not.
The narcissist is terrified that you should abandon him.
So he is trying to convert you into an internal object rather than an external one.
He treats you as an extension of himself, another arm, another leg.
Narcissistic abuse is the most horrific form of abuse because it's not about taking something away from you. It's about engaging you. It's about making you disappear.
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