Background

Narcissists Fear Therapy

Uploaded 11/15/2010, approx. 4 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

In the book describing the fabulous tales of Baron Munchausen, there is a story about how the legendary nobleman succeeded to pull himself out of the quicksand marsh by his own hair.

Well, such miracles are unlikely to recur.

Narcissists cannot cure themselves any more than Baron Munchausen pulled himself out of a swamp by his own hair.

Pathological narcissism - narcissistic personality disorder - is not merely an apparent thought process which can be controlled cognitively.

It is an all-pervasive, emotional, cognitive and behavioral impairment of the entire personality, every corner of it.

Thus, gaining insight into the disorder is not the same as healing.

It is not a question of determination or resilience, it is not a function of the time invested by the narcissist, the effort expended by him, the lengths to which he is willing to go, the depths of his commitment and his professional knowledge.

All these are very important precursors and they are good predictors of the success of an eventual therapy, however, they are not a substitute for one.

The best, really the only way, the narcissist can help himself to some extent is by resorting to a mental health professional.

Even then, sadly, the prognosis, the healing prospects, are dim.

It seems that only time can bring in a limited remission or at times an aggravation of the condition.

One way can tackle the more pernicious aspects of this disorder, it can help the patient adapt to this condition, accept it and learn to conduct a more functional and socially acceptable life.

Learning to live with one's disorder is a great achievement and the narcissist should be happy that even this modicum of success is in principle possible.

But just to get the narcissist to see a therapist is very difficult.

The therapeutic situation implies a superior/inferior relationship.

The therapist is supposed to help the narcissist and so to the narcissist, this means that he himself is not as omnipotent as he imagines himself to be.

The therapist is supposed to know more in his field than the narcissist and this presumption seems to undermine the second pillar of narcissism, omniscience, the belief that the narcissist knows all. Going to a therapy of whatever nature implies both imperfection, something is wrong and a need and narcissist regard needs as weaknesses, signs of inferiority.

The therapeutic setting where the client visits the therapist has to be punctual, has to pay for the service, implies subservience.

The process itself is also threatening.

It involves transformation, losing one's identity, in other words, one's uniqueness, one's long-cultivated defenses.

The narcissist must shed his false self and face the world naked, defenseless and to his mind pitiful.

The narcissist is inadequately equipped to deal with his old hurts, traumas and unresolved conflicts.

His true self is infantile, mentally immature, ossified, frozen, incapable of confronting the almighty superego, the narcissist's inner chastising voices.

The narcissist knows all this and he recoils. Therapy demands of him to finally place full unmitigated trust in another human being, something he has never done since the last time he had been disappointed by his parents.

Moreover, the transaction of therapy, the therapeutic alliance implicitly offered to the narcissist is the most unappealing imaginable.

He, the narcissist, is to give up decades of emotional investment in an elaborate, adaptive, and mostly functioning mental hyperstructure: the false self.

In return, the narcissist tends to become normal.

And this is another matter to the narcissist.

The narcissist does not want to be normal or average or pedestrian. He wants to be unique, special, outstanding.

Being normal to the narcissist means being average, not unique, non-existent.

Why should the narcissist commit himself to such a move when it doesn't even guarantee him happiness?

But there is a lot the narcissist can do by himself until he reaches a final decision whether to attend therapy or not, about this in our next video.

Be sure to watc

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Self-Aware Narcissist: Still a Narcissist

Narcissism is pervasive and defines the narcissist's waking moments, infiltrating and permeating their dreams. Narcissists only admit to a problem when they are abandoned, destitute, and devastated. Narcissistic behaviors can be modified using talk therapy and pinpointed medication conditioning, but there is a huge difference between behavior modification and a permanent alteration of a psychodynamic landscape. Narcissism may improve with age, but it is rare.


Narcissist: Why Self-help?

Narcissists can take steps to cope with their disorder before deciding whether to attend therapy. The first step is self-awareness, which involves admitting that something is wrong and accepting responsibility for their role in their misfortune. The second step is confronting a more realistic view of themselves, which can be achieved by people who care about the narcissist confronting them with the truth about themselves and their life. The third step is committing to a regime of therapy, which involves adopting a humble frame of mind and being constructively and productively active in their own therapy. However, few narcissists see why they should embark on this massive quest.


Repentant Narcissist, Therapist Must Accept Diagnosis ( 12 Steps Of Narcissists Anonymous)

Mental health practitioners often hesitate to label patients with conditions like narcissistic personality disorder due to the stigma associated with such diagnoses. Acceptance of one's diagnosis is crucial for growth and healing, as denial leads to unchanged behavior. Narcissists may engage in self-reflection but ultimately absolve themselves of responsibility, viewing themselves as victims rather than acknowledging their harmful actions. A proposed 12-step program for narcissists emphasizes the importance of admitting powerlessness over their condition, taking moral inventory, and making amends to foster accountability and limit the damage they inflict on others.


Narcissist: Re-Parent Yourself!

Narcissists can modify their behavior through a functional approach that involves self-acceptance, self-punishment, and self-reward. The process involves making a list of behaviors that are counterproductive and those that are constructive, suppressing the former, and promoting the latter. Narcissists should learn to trust their instincts, apply a set of immutable rules, and monitor themselves incessantly. The ultimate goal is to become one's own parent and re-parent oneself.


Narcissistic Grandiosity Bubbles

Grandiosity bubbles are a rare event in the life of a narcissist. They involve the creation of an imagined, self-aggrandizing narrative that the narcissist weaves around elements of his real life. The narcissist modifies his behavior to conform to the newly adopted roles and gradually morphs into the fabricated character he has created. The deflation of a grandiosity bubble is met with relief by the narcissist, who views it as an experiment at being someone else for a while.


Why Narcissists Love Borderline Women and Why They Hate Them Back

Narcissistic mortification is a challenge to the false self, which crumbles and is unable to maintain defenses and pretensions. Narcissists use two strategies to restore some cohesiveness to the self: deflated and inflated narcissist. Narcissists engage in mortification, a form of self-mutilation, to feel alive and free from commitment to their false self. Narcissists seek out borderline women to mortify them and experience the unresolved primary conflict with their mother.


Collapsed Narcissist in Therapy (ENGLISH responses, with Nárcisz Coach)

A narcissist is unlikely to seek therapy unless they experience a complete collapse in all areas of their life, such as relationships, career, and reputation. When they do attend therapy, it is not for healing but to be "fixed" so they can continue their narcissistic behaviors. The therapy process is confrontational and aims to dismantle the narcissistic identity rather than restore it, ultimately leading to a more functional and fulfilling life. Although the therapy is challenging and can be dangerous, it is presented as the only viable option for true change and survival.


How Narcissist Is Mortified

Narcissism can be addressed through behavior modification and treatment modalities, but pathological narcissism remains largely immutable. Mortification occurs when a narcissist's grandiose self-perception is challenged, leading to a collapse of their defenses and a confrontation with their true self. This process is exacerbated by aphantasia, which prevents narcissists from visualizing others empathetically, and the misinformation effect, which distorts their memories and self-perception based on external inputs. Ultimately, narcissists may create rich false memories to cope with the shame and humiliation of mortification, reinforcing their grandiosity and distorting their reality.


Self-handicapping Narcissist Even More Grandiose (Psychiatry and Addiction World Conference)

Self-handicapping is a strategy employed by narcissists to cope with their intense fear of failure, allowing them to create conditions that make success difficult while maintaining a sense of control over their outcomes. This behavior is not self-destructive; rather, it serves to enhance their self-perception, as they can attribute failure to their own choices while claiming superiority if they succeed despite the handicaps. Narcissists thrive in ambiguous environments where they can sustain grandiose fantasies about themselves, using self-handicapping as a means to protect their self-image from the threat of failure. Ultimately, both self-handicapping and narcissism function to shield the self from negative outcomes, often at the expense of interpersonal relationships and long-term performance.


Raging Narcissist: Merely Pissed-off?

Narcissistic rage is a phenomenon that occurs when a narcissist is frustrated in their pursuit of narcissistic supply, causing narcissistic injury. The narcissist then projects a bad object onto the source of their frustration and rages against a perceived evil entity that has injured and frustrated them. Narcissistic rage is not the same as normal anger and has two forms: explosive and pernicious or passive-aggressive. People with personality disorders are in a constant state of anger, which is effectively suppressed most of the time, and they are afraid to show that they are angry to meaningful others because they are afraid to lose them.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy