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Predator Narcissist: YOU are the Prey!

Uploaded 10/30/2014, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Narcissists are cursed, or perhaps blessed, with mental x-ray vision. Narcissists see through other people's emotional shields, through their petty lives, their pitiable defenses, and their grandiose fantasies.

The narcissist knows when people deviate from the truth and exactly by how much. Narcissists intuitively grasp other people's self-interested goals and accurately predict the strategy and tactics these people will adopt in order to achieve them.

In truth, narcissists cannot stand self-important, self-inflated, pompous, vigorous, self-righteous, sanctimonious and hypocritical people. They rage at the inefficient, the lazy, the hapless and the weak.

But why?

Perhaps it is because the narcissist recognizes himself in this kind of people. He tries to break the painful reflection of his own flaws and shortcomings in theirs.

The narcissist hones in on the chinks in the laboriously constructed armors of others. He spots their Achilles' heel and attaches to it. He pricks the gas bags that most people are.

The narcissist deflates people. He forces them to confront their filletness and helplessness and mediocrity. He negates their sense of uniqueness. He reduces them to proportion, to size, and he provides them with perspective.

The narcissist does all these things cruelly and abrasively and sadistically and lethally efficiently. He has no compassion. He has no empathy. He prays on other people's vulnerabilities, however microscopic, however well-conceived, however painful. He exposes their double talk.

Then he rides the double standards. He refuses to play the games of prestige and status and hierarchy that everyone else plays. He draws people out of their shelters. He destabilizes them, deconstructs their narratives, their myths and superstitions, their hidden assumptions, their polluted language.

He is in your face and he is always there. He forces people to react and by reacting to confront their true, dilapidated selves, their dead-end careers, their mundane lives, the death of their hopes and dreams and wishes, their shattered illusions.

And all the time, the narcissist observes people with the passionate hatred of the outcast that they dispossessed in the outsider.

So, the narcissist outs the truths that people are trying so desperately to conceal, especially from themselves.

The facts denied so ugly and uncomfortable are these raw materials. Those things that never get mentioned in proper company, the politically incorrect, the personally hurtful, the dark, ignored and hidden secrets, the tumbling skeletons, the taboos, the fears, the atavistic urges, the pretensions, the social lies, the distorted narratives of life, piercing, bloodied and ruthless.

These are the narcissists' hallmarks of revenge, the settling of the scores, the levelling of the battlefield.

The narcissist lances these boils, high, the mighty, the successful and the happy people, those who possess what the narcissist believes that he deserves, entitled to and never had, the object of his green-eyed monster.

The narcissist envies and in his envy, he seeks to inconvenience people, to make them think, to reflect on their own misery and wallow in his rancid outcomes.

The narcissist coerces people to confront the zombie state, their own sadism, their unforgivable deeds and unforgettable omissions. He dredges the sewer that is other people's minds, forced into the circus, long-repressed emotions, oft-suppressed pains, their nightmares and their fears.

Yes, the narcissist is Halloween. And he pretends to do all this selflessly for their own good, tough love, as it were. Preaches, any hectors, any pours forth vitriolic diaphragms and he exposes and imposes and he rides and foams in the proverbial mouth.

And all this for the greater good. He presents himself as righteous, true, geared to help, meritorious. His motives are unassailable. He is always so chillingly risen, so algorithmically precise. He is a frozen vat. He plays the alien game of other people by their very own rules.

But he is so foreign to humanity. He is so foreign, so alien, that he is truly unbeatable.

Only they do not realize it yet. People, they don't understand.

The predator is in their midst, and there is no escape.

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Narcissist Re-idealizes Discarded Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists maintain discarded sources of supply in a mental reserve and may seek them out when other options are unavailable, attempting to recycle these sources for validation. To reconnect with a devalued source, they must re-idealize it without admitting past mistakes, creating a narrative that reconciles their previous devaluation with the new idealized view. Old sources of supply should remain indifferent to the narcissist's attempts to reconnect, as this indifference is intolerable to them and deprives them of the attention they crave. Ultimately, narcissists view everyone as potential sources of supply, even enemies, as any emotional response, positive or negative, serves to validate their existence.


Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.


Narcissist’s Never Give, Always Take Delusion: Effort Reward Imbalance, Overcommitment

Narcissists possess an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement, believing they deserve recognition and rewards regardless of their actual contributions. They experience a constant effort-reward imbalance, where they perceive their minimal efforts as significant and expect disproportionate rewards, leading to feelings of resentment and anger when these expectations are unmet. This imbalance affects their relationships, as they often attract partners who overcommit and feel undervalued, creating a cycle of frustration and emotional distress. Ultimately, the narcissist's inability to engage in healthy emotional communication exacerbates the instability in their relationships, leaving their partners feeling trapped and unappreciated.


Narcissist as the Center of the World: Referential Delusions and Ideas of Reference

The narcissist is the center of the world and derives their sense of being and self-worth from the outside. They must delude themselves into believing that they are persistently the focus and object of the attentions, intentions, plans, feelings, and stratagems of everyone around them. This constant obsession with one's locus leads to referential ideation, ideas of reference. The narcissist becomes paranoid and would rather be the object of often imaginary and always self-inflicted derision, scorn, and vile than to be ignored.


Narcissistic Entitlement=Learned Helplessness+Grandiosity

Entitlement is a crucial pillar of narcissism, and it is one of the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Narcissists feel entitled to everything, including narcissistic supply, which they believe they are owed by the world. Entitlement is a form of learned helplessness, which is acquired through abusive parenting. Narcissists hate routine and use emotional investment prevention mechanisms to avoid getting emotionally involved and subsequently getting hurt.


Narcissist Hates His Fans, Followers, and Admirers

Narcissists depend on their followers for narcissistic supply but resent their addictive dependence and hold their followers in contempt. They see themselves as beyond human comprehension and refuse to grant anyone special privileges. The narcissist demands complete obedience from their followers and punishes those who stray. Cult leaders are often narcissists who failed to become famous and impress the world with their uniqueness, and they resent their followers for witnessing their fraudulence and failure.


Negative, Fake, Low-grade Narcissistic Supply

Normal individuals seek a balanced amount of attention, while narcissists are insatiable, constantly craving affirmation to sustain their self-worth. They create a false self, projecting an idealized version of themselves to elicit reactions from others, which they refer to as narcissistic supply. Even negative attention can serve as supply for narcissists, as they prioritize any form of attention over being ignored, manipulating others to maintain their focus. Ultimately, the narcissist's existence revolves around this relentless pursuit of attention, which is intertwined with their internal struggles and feelings of worthlessness.


Narcissist's Routines

Narcissists have a series of routines that are developed through rote learning and repetitive patterns of experience. These routines are used to reduce anxiety and transform the world into a manageable and controllable one. The narcissist is a creature of habit and finds change unsettling. The narcissist's routines are often broken down when they are breached or can no longer be defended, leading to a narcissistic injury.


Issues in Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists devalue their sources of narcissistic supply because they resent their dependency on them, viewing their qualities as both necessary for supply and contemptible. This devaluation allows narcissists to reassert their superiority and control, as they perceive intimacy and dependency as threats to their uniqueness. They also experience boredom with their sources over time, leading to a cycle of seeking new supply when the current one becomes predictable. Ultimately, narcissists view all relationships as transactional, where any form of attention, whether positive or negative, serves to fulfill their need for validation and existence.


Narcissist Imagines Himself Through YOUR Gaze (Attributional Delusions)

Narcissists derive their self-worth from the perceived admiration of others, a phenomenon known as narcissistic supply, and they often construct narratives about what others think of them. They react more strongly to their assumptions about others' perceptions than to the actual feedback they receive, leading them to believe they are either geniuses or irresistibly attractive based on these imagined thoughts. This self-idealization allows narcissists to become their own love objects, redirecting their desires towards themselves, which is more akin to infatuation than genuine self-love. Additionally, narcissists can shift between cerebral and somatic identities, but their constant need for external validation remains a defining characteristic of their behavior.

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