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Predator Narcissist: YOU are the Prey!

Uploaded 10/30/2014, approx. 3 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

Narcissists are cursed, or perhaps blessed, with mental x-ray vision. Narcissists see through other people's emotional shields, through their petty lives, their pitiable defenses, and their grandiose fantasies.

The narcissist knows when people deviate from the truth and exactly by how much. Narcissists intuitively grasp other people's self-interested goals and accurately predict the strategy and tactics these people will adopt in order to achieve them.

In truth, narcissists cannot stand self-important, self-inflated, pompous, vigorous, self-righteous, sanctimonious and hypocritical people. They rage at the inefficient, the lazy, the hapless and the weak.

But why?

Perhaps it is because the narcissist recognizes himself in this kind of people. He tries to break the painful reflection of his own flaws and shortcomings in theirs.

The narcissist hones in on the chinks in the laboriously constructed armors of others. He spots their Achilles' heel and attaches to it. He pricks the gas bags that most people are.

The narcissist deflates people. He forces them to confront their filletness and helplessness and mediocrity. He negates their sense of uniqueness. He reduces them to proportion, to size, and he provides them with perspective.

The narcissist does all these things cruelly and abrasively and sadistically and lethally efficiently. He has no compassion. He has no empathy. He prays on other people's vulnerabilities, however microscopic, however well-conceived, however painful. He exposes their double talk.

Then he rides the double standards. He refuses to play the games of prestige and status and hierarchy that everyone else plays. He draws people out of their shelters. He destabilizes them, deconstructs their narratives, their myths and superstitions, their hidden assumptions, their polluted language.

He is in your face and he is always there. He forces people to react and by reacting to confront their true, dilapidated selves, their dead-end careers, their mundane lives, the death of their hopes and dreams and wishes, their shattered illusions.

And all the time, the narcissist observes people with the passionate hatred of the outcast that they dispossessed in the outsider.

So, the narcissist outs the truths that people are trying so desperately to conceal, especially from themselves.

The facts denied so ugly and uncomfortable are these raw materials. Those things that never get mentioned in proper company, the politically incorrect, the personally hurtful, the dark, ignored and hidden secrets, the tumbling skeletons, the taboos, the fears, the atavistic urges, the pretensions, the social lies, the distorted narratives of life, piercing, bloodied and ruthless.

These are the narcissists' hallmarks of revenge, the settling of the scores, the levelling of the battlefield.

The narcissist lances these boils, high, the mighty, the successful and the happy people, those who possess what the narcissist believes that he deserves, entitled to and never had, the object of his green-eyed monster.

The narcissist envies and in his envy, he seeks to inconvenience people, to make them think, to reflect on their own misery and wallow in his rancid outcomes.

The narcissist coerces people to confront the zombie state, their own sadism, their unforgivable deeds and unforgettable omissions. He dredges the sewer that is other people's minds, forced into the circus, long-repressed emotions, oft-suppressed pains, their nightmares and their fears.

Yes, the narcissist is Halloween. And he pretends to do all this selflessly for their own good, tough love, as it were. Preaches, any hectors, any pours forth vitriolic diaphragms and he exposes and imposes and he rides and foams in the proverbial mouth.

And all this for the greater good. He presents himself as righteous, true, geared to help, meritorious. His motives are unassailable. He is always so chillingly risen, so algorithmically precise. He is a frozen vat. He plays the alien game of other people by their very own rules.

But he is so foreign to humanity. He is so foreign, so alien, that he is truly unbeatable.

Only they do not realize it yet. People, they don't understand.

The predator is in their midst, and there is no escape.

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The Signs of the Narcissist

Narcissists are difficult to spot, but there are subtle signs that can be picked up on, such as entitlement markers, idealization and devaluation, and a lack of empathy. Narcissists are often perceived as anti-social and are unable to secure the sympathy of others. They are also prone to projecting a false self and using primitive defense mechanisms such as splitting, projection, projective identification, and intellectualization.


Narcissist Never Sorry

Narcissists sometimes feel bad and experience depressive episodes and dysphoric moods, but they have a diminished capacity to empathize and rarely feel sorry for what they have done or for their victims. They often project their own emotions and actions onto others and attribute to others what they hate in themselves. When confronted with major crises, the narcissist experiences real excruciating pain, but this is only a fleeting moment, and they recover their former self and embark on a new hunt for narcissistic supply. They are hunters, predators, and their victims are prey.


Narcissist Grooms Sources of Narcissistic Supply: Exploits Tragedy, Crisis, and Misfortune

Narcissists are callous and ruthless enough to exploit the tragedy of others. They are obsessed with the maintenance of their delicate inner balance through the ever-increasing consumption of narcissistic supply. The narcissist regards and treats his sources of narcissistic supply as full-fledged human beings, but only as long as they can provide him with what he needs. The narcissist always evaluates the victims of tragedies to see if they can become sources of supply or can be used as props in the theater of his life.


Negative, Fake, Low-grade Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists crave attention, both positive and negative, and use it to regulate their sense of self-worth. They construct a false self and project it onto others to elicit admiration, adulation, and fear. Negative supply can become narcissistic supply when positive supply is scarce. Narcissists also crave punishment, which confirms their view of themselves as worthless and relieves them of the inner conflict they endure when they are successful.


Zombie Narcissist: Deficient Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists are constantly seeking praise, adoration, admiration, approval, applause, attention, and other forms of narcissistic supply. When they fail to obtain sufficient supply, they react much like a drug addict would. They become dysphoric, depressed, and may resort to alternative addictions. In extreme cases of deprivation, they may even entertain suicidal thoughts. Narcissists also have a sense of magical thinking, believing that they will always prevail and that good things will always happen to them, rendering them fearless and cloaked in divine and cosmic immunity.


Narcissist Re-idealizes Discarded Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists keep discarded sources of supply in reserve and seek them out when they have no other supply source. They frantically try to recycle their old sources and re-idealize them without admitting to having been mistaken in the first place. To preserve their grandiosity, they come up with a narrative that accommodates both the devaluing content and the re-idealized image of the source. If you are an old source of narcissistic supply, simply ignore the narcissist as indifference is what they cannot stand.


Recluse Narcissist

Narcissists do not have friends in the usual sense of the word, as they are only interested in securing the provision of narcissistic supply from others. They overvalue people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, but discard them nonchalantly when they are no longer able or willing to supply them. The narcissist's behavior, choices, acts, attitudes, beliefs, interests, and life are curtailed by their sensitivity to outside opinion, and they avoid situations where they are likely to encounter opposition, criticism, or competition. The fear of flying is at the heart of narcissism.


Narcissist Reacts to Criticism, Disagreement, Disapproval

Narcissists are hypervigilant and perceive every disagreement as criticism and every critical comment as complete and humiliating rejection. They react defensively, becoming indignant, aggressive, and cold. The narcissist minimizes the impact of the disagreement and criticism on himself by holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant. When the disagreement or criticism or disapproval or approbation become public, the narcissist tends to regard them as narcissistic supply.


Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.


Embarrassing Narcissist

Narcissists lack self-awareness and are only intimate with their false self, which is constructed from years of lying and deceit. Their overpowering sense of entitlement is rarely commensurate with their accomplishments in real life or with their traits. They often make inflated and inane claims about their sexual prowess, wealth, connections, history, or achievements. This failure of the reality test can have serious and irreversible consequences, as narcissists may make life and death decisions in fields they are academically unqualified for.

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