Narcissist Hates His Fans, Followers, and Admirers

Uploaded 7/27/2013, approx. 2 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The narcissist depends for narcissistic supply on his coterie of fans, followers, and admirers, but he resents this addictive dependence, and he resents himself for being so frail and impotent.

It negates his self-delusional grandiose fantasy of omnipotence.

To compensate for this shameful neediness, the narcissist holds his psychophantic acolytes in contempt. He finds his fans, admirers, and followers repulsive, and he holds them to be inferior to him.

He sees himself reflected in their presumptuousness and in their sense of entitlement, and he resents this constant and tawdry reminder of who he really is.

Fans often claim to possess inside information about their idol, and to have special rights to privilege access simply because of by virtue of their unbridled adulation and time-tested loyalty.

But the narcissist, not being a mere mortal, believes himself to be beyond human comprehension, and refuses to render anyone special by granting him or her concessions tonight to others.

Being special is the exclusive prerogative of the narcissist.

His followers conduct implies a certain egalitarian camaraderie, which the narcissist finds abhorrent, humiliating, and infuriating.

No one can be the narcissist's real and true friend because no one is equal to him.

Groupies and hangers-on somehow fancy themselves entitled to the narcissist's favor and lodges his time, attention, and other resources.

They convince themselves that they are exempt from the narcissist's rage and wrath, and immune to his vagaries and abuse.

This self-imputed and self-conferred status irritates the narcissist no end, as he challenges and encroaches on his tending as the only source of preferential treatment and the sole decision-maker when it comes to the allocation of his precious and cosmically significant wherewithal.

The narcissist is a guru, at the center of a cult, and like other gurus he demands complete obedience from his flock, his spouse, his offspring, other family members, friends, and colleagues.

If he is entitled to adulation and special treatment by his followers, he punishes the wayward and the straying lambs.

He enforces discipline, adherence to his teachings, and common goals.

The less accomplished he really is, the more stringent his mastery and the more pervasive the brainwashing.

Cult leaders are narcissists who failed in their mission to be someone, become famous and to impress the world with their uniqueness, talents, traits, and skills.

Such disgruntled narcissists withdraw into a zone of comfort known as the pathological narcissistic space, and this zone assumes the whole marks of a cult.

But even as cult leaders, even as gurus, even as the center of attention, they realize deep inside their fraudulence and their failure, and they resent everyone around them, and especially their friends and their admirers and their followers, for witnessing this painful truth.

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Narcissist Hates Happy People and Holidays

Holidays and birthdays are a difficult time for narcissists, as they provoke a stream of pathological envy. The narcissist is jealous of others for having a family, being able to celebrate lavishly, or being in the right mood. They hate humans because they are unable to be one and want to spoil it for those who can enjoy. Holidays remind the narcissist of their childhood, the supportive and loving family they never had, and what could have been.

Narcissist Has No Friends

Narcissists treat their friends like Watson and Hastings, who are obsequious and unthreatening, and provide them with an adulating gallery. Narcissists cannot empathize or love, and therefore have no real friends. They are interested in securing narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources. The narcissist overvalues people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, and devalues them when no longer able to supply him, ultimately leading to the alienation and distancing of people.

Communal, Prosocial Narcissist as Compulsive Giver

Compulsive givers are a type of narcissist who feel superior to those they give to, and feel exploited when they have to pay for the needs of others. They are people pleasers and co-dependents who force themselves on others and have unrealistic expectations of gratitude. They have alloplastic defenses with an external locus of control, meaning they rely on others to regulate their self-worth and blame the world for their failures. They keep a mental ledger of what they give and receive and use false asceticism and fake modesty to prove their nearest and dearest are ingrates.

Narcissistic Boss or Employer: Coping and Survival Tactics

Narcissistic bosses or employers view their staff as sources of narcissistic supply and nothing else. They expect their employees to serve as an audience, adulate, and affirm their grandiose self-image. Any hint of equality, disagreement, or criticism threatens the narcissist profoundly. Narcissists feel suffocated by intimacy or routine and forever shift the blame, pass the buck, and engage in cognitive dissonance. Manipulating the narcissist is the only way an employee can survive in such a workplace.

Old-age Narcissist

Narcissists age without grace, unable to accept their fallibility and mortality. They suffer from mental progeria, aging prematurely and finding themselves in a time warp. The longer they live, the more average they become, and the wider the gulf between their pretensions and accomplishments. Few narcissists save for rainy days, and those who succeed in their vocation end up bitterly alone, having squandered the love of family, offspring, and mates.

Negative, Fake, Low-grade Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists crave attention, both positive and negative, and use it to regulate their sense of self-worth. They construct a false self and project it onto others to elicit admiration, adulation, and fear. Negative supply can become narcissistic supply when positive supply is scarce. Narcissists also crave punishment, which confirms their view of themselves as worthless and relieves them of the inner conflict they endure when they are successful.

Recluse Narcissist

Narcissists do not have friends in the usual sense of the word, as they are only interested in securing the provision of narcissistic supply from others. They overvalue people when they are judged to be potential sources of supply, but discard them nonchalantly when they are no longer able or willing to supply them. The narcissist's behavior, choices, acts, attitudes, beliefs, interests, and life are curtailed by their sensitivity to outside opinion, and they avoid situations where they are likely to encounter opposition, criticism, or competition. The fear of flying is at the heart of narcissism.

Narcissistic Humiliation and Injury

Narcissists react to humiliation in the same way as normal people, only more so. They are regularly and strongly humiliated by things that normally do not constitute a humiliation. The emotional life of the narcissist is tinted by ubiquitous and recurrent insults, humiliations, and slights. The narcissist is constantly on the defensive, constantly being targeted, and is a kind of paranoid.

Narcissist's Cult

Narcissists are like cult leaders who demand complete obedience and adulation from their followers. They impose a shared psychosis on their members, control every aspect of their lives, and punish severely those who fail to conform to their wishes. Narcissists act in a patronizing and condescending manner, criticize often, and expect constant attention and admiration. They are inflexible, intolerant of criticism, and demand complete trust and control over decision-making. Narcissists are always on the lookout for new recruits and feel entitled to special amenities and benefits not accorded to others.

Narcissist Re-idealizes Discarded Sources of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists keep discarded sources of supply in reserve and seek them out when they have no other supply source. They frantically try to recycle their old sources and re-idealize them without admitting to having been mistaken in the first place. To preserve their grandiosity, they come up with a narrative that accommodates both the devaluing content and the re-idealized image of the source. If you are an old source of narcissistic supply, simply ignore the narcissist as indifference is what they cannot stand.

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