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Prodigy Narcissist

Uploaded 9/14/2010, approx. 3 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The prodigy, the precocious genius, feels entitled to special treatment, yet he rarely gets it.

This frustrates him and renders him even more aggressive, driven and overachieving than he is by nature.

As the famous psychoanalyst Karen Hornak pointed out, the child prodigy, the wunderkind, is dehumanized and instrumentalized. His parents love him not for what he really is, but for what they wish and imagine him to be.

They regard him as the fulfillment of their dreams and frustrated wishes.

The child becomes the vessel of his parents' discontent and lives, a tool, the magic brush with which they can transform their failures into successes, their humiliation into victory and their frustrations into happiness.

The child is taught to ignore reality and to occupy the parental fantastic space.

Such an unfortunate, talented child feels omnipotent and omniscient, perfect and brilliant, worthy of adoration and entitled to special treatment and adulation.

The faculties that are honed by constantly brushing against bruising reality are all lacking and missing.

Such a child will not develop empathy, compassion, a realistic assessment of his abilities and limitations, a realistic expectation regarding himself and others, personal boundaries. He won't be able to cope with teamwork. He won't develop social skills. He will have no perseverance in goal orientation and he will be unable to postpone gratification and to work hard to achieve it.

When such a prodigy child, a wunderkind, turns adult, he sees no reason to invest in his skills and education. He is convinced that his inherent genius should suffice if he is entitled to everything for merely existing rather than for actually doing.

In other words, a narcissist is born.

Not all precocious prodigies end up under-achieving and petulant. Many of them go on to attain great stature in their communities, in great standing in their professions.

But even then, the gap between the kind of treatment they believe that they deserve, the kind of treatment that they are getting, is unbridgeable.

This is because narcissistic prodigies often misjudge the extent and importance of their accomplishments.

And as a result, erroneously consider themselves to be indispensable and worthy of special rights, perks and privileges.

When they found out otherwise, they are devastated and furious. People are envious of the prodigy.

The genius serves as a constant reminder to others of their mediocrity, lack of creativity and mundane existence.

Naturally, they try to bring him down to their level, to cut him down to size, to reduce him to proper proportion.

The gifted person's fortiness and high-handedness only exacerbate his strained relationships.

In a way, merely by existing, the prodigy inflicts constant and repeated narcissistic injuries on the less endowed and the pedestrian.

This creates a vicious cycle.

People try to hurt and harm the over-winning and arrogant genius, and he, in turn, becomes defensive, aggressive and aloof.

This renders him even more obnoxious than before, and others resent him even more deeply and more thoroughly.

Hurt and wounded, the genius retreats into fantasies of grandeur and revenge, and the cycle goes on and on, with all breaking.

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Narcissist Father: Save Your Child

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Narcissists Hate Children and Envy Them

Narcissists hate children because they envy them. Children's feigned innocence, manipulation, and lack of empathy are disarming in their directness. Narcissists see children as both mirrors and competitors, reflecting their constant need for adulation and attention. Children are loved by mothers, which makes narcissists jealous and infuriated by their deprivation. Narcissists hate children for being them.


Narcissist's Family

Narcissists perceive new family members, including siblings, children, and even pets, as threats to their narcissistic supply. They may belittle, hurt, or humiliate them, or retreat into an imaginary world of omnipotence. Some narcissists seek to manipulate new family members to monopolize attention and vicariously obtain narcissistic supply. As siblings or offspring grow older and become critical, the narcissist devalues and discards them, feeling stifled and trapped. The family disintegrates, and the cycle begins anew with the arrival of new family members.


Narcissist: No Custody, No Children!

Parents diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder should be denied custody and granted only restricted rights of visitation and care under supervision, according to Professor Sam Vaknin. Narcissists regard children as sources of narcissistic supply and can be abusive, putting children at risk of emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Narcissistic parents can also use control mechanisms to sustain the illusion that the child is a part of them, which can be emotionally turbulent for the child. The child is the ultimate secondary source of narcissistic supply, and the narcissist's love is conditional upon the supply of narcissistic supply.


Narcissist Hates His Disabled, Sick, and Challenged Children

Narcissistic parents of disabled or sick children may view their child as an insult to their self-perceived perfection and omnipotence, leading to devaluation and humiliation of both the child and their mother. Some children may develop narcissistic tendencies themselves, while others may regress to a phase of primary narcissism. Narcissistic parents of seriously ill children may also seek attention and praise from medical personnel, but this should be distinguished from Munchausen syndrome and Munchausen syndrome by proxy, which involve inducing illness or injury in a dependent for attention and sympathy. In all cases, the child is used as a prop and may be discarded when they become autonomous or critical.


Golden Child and Scapegoat Black Sheep: Narcissistic Parent's Projected Splitting

Narcissistic parents often cultivate their children as sources of narcissistic supply, with the golden child being idolized and the scapegoat child being neglected and even abused. This discriminatory behavior is due to the narcissistic parent's projected splitting, which involves the inability to integrate contradictory qualities of the same object into a coherent picture. The narcissistic parent splits their personality into good and bad traits and projects the good aspects onto the golden child while projecting the bad aspects onto the scapegoat child. This pattern of behavior becomes lifelong and can lead to emotional incest and even outright incest.


Narcissist's Constant Midlife Crisis

The midlife crisis is a much-discussed but little understood phenomenon. There is no link between physiological and hormonal developments and the mythical midlife crisis. The narcissist is best equipped to tackle this problem as they suffer from mental progeria and are in a constant mid-life crisis. The narcissist's personality is rigid, but their life is not. It is changeable, mutable, and tumultuous. The narcissist does not go through a midlife crisis because they are forever the child, forever dreaming and fantasizing, forever enamored with themselves.


Narcissist's Cycles of Ups and Downs

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Raging Narcissist: Merely Pissed-off?

Narcissistic rage is a phenomenon that occurs when a narcissist is frustrated in their pursuit of narcissistic supply, causing narcissistic injury. The narcissist then projects a bad object onto the source of their frustration and rages against a perceived evil entity that has injured and frustrated them. Narcissistic rage is not the same as normal anger and has two forms: explosive and pernicious or passive-aggressive. People with personality disorders are in a constant state of anger, which is effectively suppressed most of the time, and they are afraid to show that they are angry to meaningful others because they are afraid to lose them.


Old-age Narcissist

Narcissists age without grace, unable to accept their fallibility and mortality. They suffer from mental progeria, aging prematurely and finding themselves in a time warp. The longer they live, the more average they become, and the wider the gulf between their pretensions and accomplishments. Few narcissists save for rainy days, and those who succeed in their vocation end up bitterly alone, having squandered the love of family, offspring, and mates.

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