Prodigy Narcissist

Uploaded 9/14/2010, approx. 3 minute read

I am Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

The prodigy, the precocious genius, feels entitled to special treatment, yet he rarely gets it.

This frustrates him and renders him even more aggressive, driven and overachieving than he is by nature.

As the famous psychoanalyst Karen Hornak pointed out, the child prodigy, the wunderkind, is dehumanized and instrumentalized. His parents love him not for what he really is, but for what they wish and imagine him to be.

They regard him as the fulfillment of their dreams and frustrated wishes.

The child becomes the vessel of his parents' discontent and lives, a tool, the magic brush with which they can transform their failures into successes, their humiliation into victory and their frustrations into happiness.

The child is taught to ignore reality and to occupy the parental fantastic space.

Such an unfortunate, talented child feels omnipotent and omniscient, perfect and brilliant, worthy of adoration and entitled to special treatment and adulation.

The faculties that are honed by constantly brushing against bruising reality are all lacking and missing.

Such a child will not develop empathy, compassion, a realistic assessment of his abilities and limitations, a realistic expectation regarding himself and others, personal boundaries. He won't be able to cope with teamwork. He won't develop social skills. He will have no perseverance in goal orientation and he will be unable to postpone gratification and to work hard to achieve it.

When such a prodigy child, a wunderkind, turns adult, he sees no reason to invest in his skills and education. He is convinced that his inherent genius should suffice if he is entitled to everything for merely existing rather than for actually doing.

In other words, a narcissist is born.

Not all precocious prodigies end up under-achieving and petulant. Many of them go on to attain great stature in their communities, in great standing in their professions.

But even then, the gap between the kind of treatment they believe that they deserve, the kind of treatment that they are getting, is unbridgeable.

This is because narcissistic prodigies often misjudge the extent and importance of their accomplishments.

And as a result, erroneously consider themselves to be indispensable and worthy of special rights, perks and privileges.

When they found out otherwise, they are devastated and furious. People are envious of the prodigy.

The genius serves as a constant reminder to others of their mediocrity, lack of creativity and mundane existence.

Naturally, they try to bring him down to their level, to cut him down to size, to reduce him to proper proportion.

The gifted person's fortiness and high-handedness only exacerbate his strained relationships.

In a way, merely by existing, the prodigy inflicts constant and repeated narcissistic injuries on the less endowed and the pedestrian.

This creates a vicious cycle.

People try to hurt and harm the over-winning and arrogant genius, and he, in turn, becomes defensive, aggressive and aloof.

This renders him even more obnoxious than before, and others resent him even more deeply and more thoroughly.

Hurt and wounded, the genius retreats into fantasies of grandeur and revenge, and the cycle goes on and on, with all breaking.

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Narcissist Father: Save Your Child

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Narcissists Hate Children and Envy Them

Narcissists hate children because they envy them. Children's feigned innocence, manipulation, and lack of empathy are disarming in their directness. Narcissists see children as both mirrors and competitors, reflecting their constant need for adulation and attention. Children are loved by mothers, which makes narcissists jealous and infuriated by their deprivation. Narcissists hate children for being them.

Destroy the Narcissist in Court: Divorce, Custody, and Aftermath

In summary, to effectively handle a narcissist in court during divorce and custody proceedings, it is crucial to remain calm, composed, and fact-based. Focus on exposing the narcissist's grandiosity and vulnerabilities by challenging their self-perception and accomplishments, while avoiding appearing vengeful or malicious. Provoke the narcissist indirectly by hinting at their shortcomings and mediocrity, ultimately leading them to lose control and expose their true nature. Maintain a holistic strategy that takes into account both the legal aspects and the narcissist's off-court life.

Narcissist: No Custody, No Children!

Parents diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder should be denied custody and granted only restricted rights of visitation and care under supervision, according to Professor Sam Vaknin. Narcissists regard children as sources of narcissistic supply and can be abusive, putting children at risk of emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Narcissistic parents can also use control mechanisms to sustain the illusion that the child is a part of them, which can be emotionally turbulent for the child. The child is the ultimate secondary source of narcissistic supply, and the narcissist's love is conditional upon the supply of narcissistic supply.

Narcissist Hates Happy People and Holidays

Holidays and birthdays are a difficult time for narcissists, as they provoke a stream of pathological envy. The narcissist is jealous of others for having a family, being able to celebrate lavishly, or being in the right mood. They hate humans because they are unable to be one and want to spoil it for those who can enjoy. Holidays remind the narcissist of their childhood, the supportive and loving family they never had, and what could have been.

Golden Child and Scapegoat Black Sheep: Narcissistic Parent's Projected Splitting

Narcissistic parents often cultivate their children as sources of narcissistic supply, with the golden child being idolized and the scapegoat child being neglected and even abused. This discriminatory behavior is due to the narcissistic parent's projected splitting, which involves the inability to integrate contradictory qualities of the same object into a coherent picture. The narcissistic parent splits their personality into good and bad traits and projects the good aspects onto the golden child while projecting the bad aspects onto the scapegoat child. This pattern of behavior becomes lifelong and can lead to emotional incest and even outright incest.

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Narcissistic mothers can have a significant impact on their adult daughters' relationships, with children of narcissistic parents being ill-adapted and prone to deploying psychological defense mechanisms. They can become co-dependent, needy, demanding, and submissive, fearing abandonment and displaying immature behaviors. Some children of narcissistic parents become inverted narcissists, craving relationships with narcissists, while others become counterdependent or even narcissists themselves. Narcissistic mothers micromanage their child's life and encourage dependent and infantile behaviors, emotionally blackmailing them and threatening to disinherit them if they do not comply with their wishes.

Narcissist's Family

Narcissists perceive new family members, including siblings, children, and even pets, as threats to their narcissistic supply. They may belittle, hurt, or humiliate them, or retreat into an imaginary world of omnipotence. Some narcissists seek to manipulate new family members to monopolize attention and vicariously obtain narcissistic supply. As siblings or offspring grow older and become critical, the narcissist devalues and discards them, feeling stifled and trapped. The family disintegrates, and the cycle begins anew with the arrival of new family members.

Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind

Narcissists play the role of a good enough mother, adopting a maternal role and idealizing their victims. They regress their victims to infancy, merging and fusing with them, eliminating their individuality and appropriating their individuality. The narcissist creates an introject, an internal representation of the victim, which is muted and spews out words attributed to the introject by the narcissist. The victim has an introject of the narcissist in their head, which is fully active and talks a lot, becoming a second, harsh, sadistic inner critic. The current advice to recognize and embrace victimhood is counterproductive, as it freezes the emergent roles allocated by the narcissist, and the locus of control remains in the narcissist's hands. Victims need to extricate

Giving Narcissist Second Chance

Narcissists do not provide closure in relationships and will stalk, cajole, beg, promise, persuade, and ultimately succeed in doing the impossible to get you back. The narcissist will cast all interactions with you in terms of conflicts or competitions to be won. If you have resumed contact because you are manifestly dependent on the narcissist financially or emotionally, the narcissist will pounce on your frailty and exploit your fragility to the maximum. Ultimately, the narcissist will write the inevitable cycle of idealization and devaluation.

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