My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Cold Therapy. I am the author of Cold Therapy. I am the author of Cold Therapy. I am the author of Cold Therapy. I am the author of Cold Therapy. I am the author of Cold Therapy. I am the author of Cold Therapy.
I am the author of Cold Therapy.
I am the author of Cold Therapy. I am the author of Cold Therapy. I am the author of Cold Therapy. I am the author of Cold Therapy. I am the author of Cold Therapy.
I am the author of Cold Therapy.
Go and search for it because it is relevant to trauma.
Okay Shambalim, now if you ask me what is Shambalim, what is Shambalim, what is Shambalim, she should have a sufficient amount of autonomy, independence and agency to be able to function as a separate entity even in an intimate relationship. She has her own life, her own life, and her own life.
So no margin, no fusion. She should not be dependent, in the sense that if she is left alone, she is perfectly okay with her own company, and she is self-sufficient in every possible way.
I think this is a general recipe for good life, for what is called the ancient Greek. It is a good life recipe, and it applies also to parenting.
Parenting, today we believe that parenting is done through a process called modeling.
You show the child how to hear a good person. The child emulates. You serve as a model for the child.
So you just need to be a good enough person for the child to become a good enough person. You are the model.
And just release the time you just described, so she should be secure enough to let the child become an individual, which is the most difficult thing for a model.
Can you describe in more detail the process and outcome of eye object identification? For example, is there still a paradigm and an imaginary frame? Does the individual still become a narcissist with the same means as a conventional model?
All women, and all the hormones of men, women, competing, we know that the subject is too busy. They are timing.
Even if we were to think that this is at the core of gender dysphoria, we would never have a fraction of what is happening today.
What is happening today is a social phenomenon.
Now why is it bad? Who cares? You choose how to dress, you choose to be a woman one day, men one day.
The problem is that most social institutions, not all, most social institutions, are constructed of this difference.
Is it a good thing? Let me go. I'm not expressing anything in fact in gender. Maybe the idea is to base institutions of gender, or bad, or reactionary. It should be dispensable. We should be in institutions which are gender neutral.
Maybe we should do this, but we don't have them yet.
Because we don't have them yet.
If people were to choose gender just because they read an article about the television show, which is the factor of contagion, then we're in serious trouble, institutionally. And we're in serious trouble as far as relationships, for example. Marriage, family, community, and so on. All of this is based on gender.
It's not the same. It's not to say, for example, the same-sex marriage is a problem. It's not a problem.
If the institution is preserved, these people have a biological identity that corresponds to the gender identity. They are homosexuals, biologically formed. So it's okay. It's one on one. It's biology, gender institution.
Nothing is broken. That's why it was easy for the Supreme Court to accept same-sex marriage.
It's still the paradigm that there is a correspondence between biology and gender institution.
So same-sex marriage is not disruptive. It's perfectly okay.
Not so. Not so.
A mass hysteria of transgender conversions.
Because that's the serious problem.
Because in this case, there is a correspondence between biology, gender, and institution.
And we have constructed all civilization based on this correspondence.
There have been periods in history where homosexuality was utterly common.
Actually, in ancient Greece, every youth has gone through homosexual experience.
At the end of his study, it was his. It was already made.
Every youth went through this. The mentor, what today would be called a professor, had sex with a student.
That was an initiation, but not to mention the army, where homosexuality was encouraged in order to create cohesion of fighting units, military units.
Homosexuality is a very long history. It's biologically determined. It corresponds to the gender perception.
And therefore, it was wrong.
You want to extend to homosexuals all the right.
It's not the right to marry. It is not disruptive of anything. Society is intact.
The transgender hysteria or psychosis is certainly the foundation of civilization.
It's a problem. It's a very serious problem.
And it also draws well to the authentic forces.
Because there are a few people who really feel that they are not their assigned gender.
They are societal. This is totally psychologically determined.
But they are still real. And these people are drowning in the victimhood movement of transgender.
In the spectacle of transgender. In the hysteria and psychosis of transgender.
In the politicization of transgender.
These authentic, few individuals who really have gender dysphoria, for whatever reason.
Probably psychological, but doesn't at least real. They are drowning. They are hijacked. And in my view, they are abused by the utter case of transgenderism as the human right.
I think they are abused. I think they are leveraged.
And so this leads us back to British Columbia studies where they have shown, they have demonstrated that many victimhood movements are hijacked by narcissists and cyclists.
It's a non-systemistic phenomenon.
As you can see, I'm pretty liberal. I've tried not to have any biases and so on.
I do agree with sex and gender. I'm not related. I'm not related, absolutely.
There are societies where gender is chosen. There's nothing to listen to.
But the transgender psychosis is bad in every way that I can say.
Thank you for that, for the hearing.
The parental aid being interjected is a benign entity. It's an entity that guides you, provides you with the ambitions, tells you what you're doing wrong and what you're doing right, etc.
It's a friend. It's a friend. It's a good friend.
And like every good friend, it is basically honest and not afraid to tell you when you're doing something wrong.
It's an advisor. It's a lifelong advisor. It's a guide. It's a compass.
So it's a good voice. It's a good set of interjects.
When the mother is a dead mother, the mother interject, of course, is a dysfunctional interject, or an interject that causes dysfunction in the child.
Because the interject is likely to encompass absence, depression, harsh criticism, sadistic outbursts, and so on and so forth.
The mother interject becomes an internal enemy, currently. We call it, much later in life, the secretary object.
This is the first secretary object upon which the template, the template on which the narcissist constructs the secretary objects later in life.
Later, when the narcissist has intimate apartments, he confronts them into the secretary objects, and of course resembles the template, the mother interject.
That's why the narcissist tries to convert all his intimate apartments into mothers.
The only template he has is this.
So this is the mother interject.
The child then creates, probably between 18 months and 36 months, there's a debate.
Some scholars, like my great father, think that it ends in 24 months.
John Gaget thinks it's 36 months.
Albert Baldua, for example, thinks he's lost much longer.
So there's a big debate, never mind.
Around the age of two to three years old, the child creates a false set.
A false set is a goal, rather known as a ritual, is a goal, and it is as powerful as the mother interject.
It holds the mother interject in check. It controls her, prevents her from attacking internally the child.
The child, the child according to the mother, is a bad object. The child is deficient, not worthy of love, unloveable.
Failure, a loser, ugly, stupid. The child is a recipient of condition of love, love conditioned upon performance. The child is instrumentalized, sometimes normalized, identified, etc.
So the child is the repository of bad qualities, a hopeless case, so to speak.
Because of the process of splitting, I'm not going to repeat them all in three days.
Because of the process of splitting, the child is all bad.
His mother has to be all good.
He's terrified if mother is bad.
It's a terrifying fault.
When the child is all bad, mother is all good.
This is the child. He's all bad.
Next stage is the child mergers, becomes one with a false set.
It becomes one with a false set.
When you're doing this, the child introduces a bad object into the false set, thereby rendering the false self less than divine, and of course not omnipotent.
So the merger or the fusion weakens the false self, weakens it to the point that it can no longer counteract the mother introjecting.
At that point the child is faced with a choice.
The child can subject itself to the mother introjecting, perpetually.
Some children maintain this choice and become borderline. Some children even allow the mother to dominate the false self so they become codependents or people pleasers and so on.
Now the narcissistic child, as another is looking, the narcissistic child extricates itself from the false self, detaches itself from the false self, thereby restoring the false self's divinity or god-like powers, because not the bad object is again outside the false self, and the false self is not restored to its former grace and stature.
The false self can again constrain the mother introjecting.
There is industrial peace on this level. There are no internal attacks, no internal conflicts, no internal dissonance, no internal conflict here.
But the child now becomes all bad.
There is even a catch-22.
The more defined the false self, the more perfect, the more good, the more everything.
The worse of the child, because it's the result of splitting, splitting defense.
So if the false self is 7, the child is 3, but if the false self is 10, the child is 0.
The more the child idealizes, or actually clinically affects, the more the child affects and idealizes the false self, the more the child has to denigrate itself, render itself as a bad object.
Think of it as two baskets.
In one basket does everything that is bad, and in the other basket does everything that is good, is splitting.
So if the false self is all good, 100% good, then the child must be 100% bad.
This, of course, is intolerable to the child.
So if there is serious dramatic consequences, the child's next move is to try to find a mother's substitute.
Someone asked me yesterday, can a good neighbor be a mother's substitute? Can a grandmother be a mother's substitute?
A grandmother might, you know, make the cut.
A grandmother might make it.
Who could be? A grandmother would be.
But neighbor's teacher is not, because intimacy is required.
Intimacy, love, and definitely a sexual dimension, as Freud and many others have looked at longer before.
There is a sexual dimension, a relationship between a child and a parent.
So this is absent of both religions, absent of teachers, of neighbors, and so forth.
They can't fulfill the role of a mother in their family.
So the child has to wait throughout the life of the child.
Until the child is capable of finding an intimate partner to replace the mother into children, the child experiences dissonance, anxiety, and depression.
Indeed, the vast majority of God's cities and the history of anxiety disorders, depressive disorder, previous to their adulthood, in adolescence and so on.
The overwhelming possibility of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder have had a history of anxiety disorders and depressive disorders throughout childhood and adolescence, with only finding an intimate partner.
Depression and depression and anxiety actually then vanish in many, many narcissists.
The minute they start to live individually or so-called intimate relationships with insignificant others.
So I'm not saying significant others, but insignificant others, and pseudo intimate relationships.
The minute, in other words, they're able to replace the father into children, most narcissists can no longer be diagnosed with anxiety disorders or depressive disorder.
This is a very telling fact.
It means that up until the stage that the narcissist is able to find an intimate partner, the narcissist is dissonant.
After this phase, once the narcissist finds a substitute mother in an intimate partner, the narcissist becomes consular, which is why many, many scholars have made the mistake of saying that narcissists are her people lucky, that they are egosyntotic, that they love themselves, because they are consular.
The minute they have the mother in tragedy, they no longer have an internal conflict.
They lose their anxiety, they lose their depression.
But again, I repeat, the vast majority of children who would become narcissists have an animatic history, an history of anxiety and depression.
That's a fact.
By the way, another surprising fact.
It's a sign of us, a history of anxiety.
That's a new discovery.
Okay, I really like being with you.
I will never release you.
I will never find you.
I'm a good mother in tragedy.
We are about to begin with cold terror.
We're not cold, not cold terror.
We're about to begin to learn about cold terror.
And so, this is crucial.
That's why I dedicated scarce moments to this, because what cold terror really does, it eliminates the false self by collaborating with the punitive, by collaborating with the punitive mother in tragedy.
To be clear, this is an exceedingly risky strategy.
Many would say a method, but risky that evoking or reviving the mother in tragedy, and empowering the mother in tragedy, at the expense of the false self, of course, causes the child to remain, because the child exists, even if you're a mightier, to have this life moment, causes the child to remain defenseless.
So, the child is forced to interact with the mother in tragedy.
The child, for example, for the first time, again, experiences the profound shame that Masterson and others describe.
So, there's a feeling of profound shame.
The child feels threatened, existentially threatened, by the mother in tragedy.