Where Have All the Wo/Men Gone?

What is the psychological background to all this?

I have described until now the social movement, the social anthropological background to these developments, these unfortunate developments. What's the psychological background?

Women were told that they should become agentic. They should assume agency. They should become self-efficacious. They should make decisions. They should have choices. And they should make choices.

Now, of course, this is a very laudable message. It's correct. It's true. And both men and women should support it and help to realize it. Women should have decision-making powers equal to men, and women should make choices as much and as many as men. No question about it. Women are equal to men as human beings, as persons, and they should be treated equally in every possible way.

But women fed by militant radical feminist writings, the academic establishment, women went astray. They misconstrued agency.

Women today identify agency with the freedom to act, with free will, with unbridled choice. But that's not agency. That's defiance. That's reactance. That's psychopathy. Psychopaths value their freedom to act. Psychopaths value unconstrained choice. Psychopaths value the unbridled exercise of free will above all else.

And this proclivity is known as reactance or defiance, and it involves contumaciousness, the hatred of authority, propriety, rules of conduct, and social mores.

When psychopaths are forced to choose between self-efficacious, disciplined, restrained, or self-defeating, or even self-destructive, in your face, my way or the highway behaviors, psychopaths always choose the latter.

So, if a psychopath has a choice between restrained, disciplined behavior, which leads to outcomes, favorable outcomes, good outcomes, long-term outcomes, when he has this as one option, and the other option is in your face, defiance, I'm going to do whatever I want to do, my way or the highway, psychopaths always choose the second option, even if it means self-defeat and self-destruction.

And this is what women are doing today. Women are confused. They misconstrue decision-making power and choice-making. They misconstrue this as total free will, unbridled choice, no restraint. I can do anything I want. It's my way or the highway. Women are becoming, and had become, psychopathic.

Ironically, as the word implies, reactance is determined exogenously from the outside. It amounts to a panicky loss of control over impulses and urges, anxieties and feared threats.

The psychopath is incapable of learning or modifying himself or his behaviors. The psychopath perceives any attempt to tell him what to do, any law, any regulation, any rule, any modification, any process of learning, the psychopath perceives this as restrictive impositions on his liberty.

And the same goes for any form of analysis, advice, love, insight or intimacy. They are all perceived by the psychopath as intrusive, invading, disrespectful. They constitute threats, not potentials for growth or happiness.

The psychopath's mantra is, I just want to be left alone. I need no one. In my dealings with people, I am strong, proud, agentic, self-efficacious and self-sufficient. I'm not meek. I'm not a victim to be pitied. I make my life. I make my choice.

But this is, of course, fantasy. Because reality always constrains you, even when you're a psychopath or maybe especially when you're a psychopath. It's a fantasy.

So women had gravitated. They went through a series of phases.

First, they had adopted a masculine identity that is documented in numerous studies. Women describe themselves today in masculine terms. So first, they became men.

Then they became narcissistic, especially women who had perceived themselves as victims of trauma by men, women who perceived themselves as having been traumatized by men, as victims of men.

So they became narcissistic and a bit borderline, the compensating, acting out. And then they became psychopathic. And the psychopath has this grandiose fantasy that his choice is his and only his, and it's unlimited. He's willing to pay the price.

But fantasy tends to metastasize. Fantasy co-ops and hijacks every resource available to the individual.

Emotions affect cognitions, memories, psychosexuality, even one's identity. It's all hijacked by fantasy. It's a form of cancer. It's mental cancer. Fantasy is addictive. Fantasy is anxiolytic. It reduces anxiety. Fantasy is safe. It buttresses the fantasts, the person who fantasizes, buttresses his or her grandiosity. It leads to self-idealization, which psychopaths and narcissists often engage in.

Actually, each of these dimensions of personality and functioning is mediated via the fantasy, colored by the fantasy, distorted by the fantasy.

And gradually, the more you spend time in fantasy, all direct contact, all direct interface, all direct communication with your inner experience, your psychological work, all of these are lost. You are cut off from everything that's happening inside you, from your internal processes. Your emotions are amputated. Your cognitions are distorted via cognitive filters, deficits, and biases.

And so, the more you spend time in fantasy, the more you become a robotic zombie. This robotic zombie emerges from within the fantastic space regulated by the narrative of the fantasy. And the emotional investment, the cathexis in fantasy is total. It comes at the expense of the person's reality testing.

We can easily spot the captives of fantasy because they avoid reality and they opt for substitutive action. They self-report these victims of fantasy, self-report emotions, hopes, wishes, and dreams, but these self-reports starkly contradict the actions of these individuals.

The individual says one thing but acts completely differently. Such a person may say, for example, I crave intimacy, sex, and love in a committed relationship, but the very same person chooses mostly objectifying sex with strangers as a dominant practice. His intimate liaisons dissolve and devolve into sexlessness, cheating, and dissolution.

Such a person who claims that he wants, he craves intimacy and sex and love in a committed relationship. Such a person also selects only inappropriate and incompatible and therefore temporary mates, mates who do not constitute a threat to the integrity and longevity of the fantasy by diverging from it, by undermining the idealized largely imagined snapshot.

Now these are all processes common to narcissists and psychopaths, and they can be spotted in agentic, liberated, emancipated Western women and more and more women around the world, because they now occupy a psychopathic, fantastic space where they are making the choices.

They are in control. They do everything. They pick up men. They make money. They don't need anyone. They're self-contained and self-sufficient. They are totally agentic. They have total agency, self-autonomy, and independence, and to some extent this is both true and welcome.

It's the way it should be, but they've gone too far.

Their brand of autonomy is malignant now, is psychopathic, and so they've lost everything.

They lost themselves as women, and they've lost men. Men don't want this. Men don't want them.

Men are gone. It's a men-less world, and the few men out there are predators or losers.

This is the choice a typical woman faces today, between predators and losers. The good ones, the men of yesteryear, they are gone. They don't want anything to do with modern women, because modern women are not women. They're men. Not only are they men, but they're psychopathic men, and no one wants this, not even men.

Very often when you read literature, and definitely testimonials and anecdotal descriptions by feminist writers, there is a great confusion and conflation of psychosexuality and sexualization.

Psychosexuality is the sum total of an individual's sexual orientation, heterosexual, bisexual, bisexual, gay, whatever. Number one is sexual orientation.

Sexual preferences, conventional sex, kink, BDSM, group sex, exhibitionism, etc., and sexual practices and choices.

So psychosexuality is sexual orientation plus sexual preferences plus sexual practices and choices. With few exceptions, like pedophilia, psychosexuality is always healthy and always functional, but when you read feminist writings, especially militant radical feminist writings from the 1960s onwards, 1970s onwards, and when you read texts in psychology, paparists, books, influenced by feminism, there is clearly a total confusion between psychosexuality and sexualization.

Psychosexuality is always healthy and functional.

Sexualization is never either healthy or functional. Never. Sexualization is pathological. It involves the use of sex acts to express and amplify underlying mental health issues and pathologies. It involves the misattribution of sexual content and sexual motivation to the wrong people in the wrong settings and circumstances.

Rape is an extreme example of sexualization. Self-trashing is another.

Sexualization often co-occurs with egregious and self-destructive substance abuse.

There are many ways to sexualize. I'll mention just two.

Number one, numbing emotions and disinhibiting oneself by consuming alcohol.

This leads to multiple cognitive and axiological dissonances, to anxiety, and to the activation of mostly infantile, regressive, primitive defense mechanisms. That's an example of sexualization.

Number two is sexual self-objectification.

Self-trashing is distinct from healthy or healthier promiscuity. Self-objectification, the outcomes are lifelong anxiety and depression and the abuse of alcohol and drugs to quell the underlying egodystony.

These two forms, alcohol, disinhibited sex and self-trashing, these are examples of sexualization.

One of the most disconcerting and at times infuriating aspects of mentally ill people, especially people with cluster B personality disorders, is that they mistake their sexualization for their psychosexuality. They identify their sexual acts as indicative of and comprising their psychosexuality when it's utterly untrue.

People with borderline personality disorder, for example, they sexualize.

They almost never have sex, actually. Same with histrionics, psychopaths, narcissists, schizoids, paranoid, schizotypals. These people don't have sex, not in the meaningful sense, not in the psychosexual sense.

Now, in borderline personality disorder, but not only in borderline personality disorder, also in secondary psychopathy, in narcissistic pathologies, there is an issue called identity disturbance.

I have transitioned now to cluster B personality disorders because I believe that the collective behavior of what we call agentic, emancipated, liberated, western women, the collective behavior, is essentially borderline.

I think what had happened is that women at first were exposed to the thrill and the discovery of agency, empowerment, validation, and that was very intoxicating. They had the pill so that they could have recreational sex. They felt free to pick up partners the way men used to.

So women were kind of intoxicated by their own newfound powers, and they became very narcissistic, and then they became psychopathic.

So I'm talking about Cluster B patients now, because I believe everything I say applies to the vast majority of modern, liberated, emancipated, agentic western women, because these women essentially had developed a collective pathology, and they are trying to cope with this pathology by drinking, doing drugs, becoming workaholics. In other words, via addictions. They're trying to cope with it via addictions, but it's not working.

It's not working. The numbers are terrifying. The explosion in suicide rates, depression, anxiety, they're terrifying numbers. It's not working. Something is not working.

The modern woman is not happy, profoundly unhappy, on the verge of suicide constantly.

Why? Because she doesn't have men. She doesn't have love. She doesn't have intimacy.

It's an old fashioned message, also happens to be true. Some cliches are true.

And so it behooves us to study borderline type disorders, borderline personality features, because the majority of women today would qualify somehow as borderline in one way or another, and they are definitely secondary psychopaths.

Now, is this a sweeping generalization? Not really, according to studies. According to recent studies, the answer is not really.

Yes, most women today display clear borderline psychopathic and narcissistic features. I refer you to my video on hookups, where I cite 91 studies in the past 20 years, including studies published last year and this year.

And these studies show conclusively that narcissistic psychopathic grandiose behaviors had become the norm among young women. They're normative. This is the dominant practice and the dominant psychological landscape.

We have engendered a mass pathology, mass psychopathology, the likes of which the world had never seen.

And so back to borderline personality, which I claim to be the typifying feature of the modern woman.

One of the main issues in borderline personality disorder is identity disturbance. Cluster B patients do not have a stable, immutable core or self. Instead, these patients are ensembles, collections, compilations of often contradictory, partly dissociated self-states. These self-states are also known as sub-personalities or pseudo-identities.

So cluster B patients don't have a core, don't have a unitary self, which is essentially unchangeable, resilient, and not amenable to environmental pressures and stressors. But Cluster B patients don't have this. They have a library of self-states. And these self-states are partly oblivious to each other, a process which we call partial dissociation.

The discrete personas, these discrete self-states, they assume control in response to environmental, exogenous, and internal process skews, endogenous skews.

Consequently, it is impossible to predict the behaviors, the choices, or the decisions of these individuals. No rules, no heuristics apply to all the self-states.

There's always been an exception. The borderline patient professes to have one set of beliefs, some values, some boundaries one day, and the next day totally contravene them with insouciance or gusto the next morning. So the evening before, the borderline patient will say that she believes in something or that she has values of this and this kind or that she has boundaries. This is something she will never do. And the next morning she's going to do it. The next morning she's going to believe in something completely, diametrically opposed, contradict herself, and not realize that she's contradicting herself.

And to paper over these gaping chasms, over these fissures, over these breaks, discontinuities, the borderline rationalizes her mutually exclusive actions by constantly hairsplitting, nitpicking, generating an endless stream of exceptions and excuses to justify her incredible behavioral summersaults.

Alcoholics and junkies are infamous for these types of verbal contortions, verbal exercises, and Cluster B patients are the same.

I think women, modern women, are engaged in exactly this type of exercise, hair splitting, nitpicking, generating an endless stream of exceptions and excuses to justify behavioral whiplash, behavioral changes. I think women are so disoriented, men are so disoriented, that any rule, any value, any boundary has a limited shelf light.

There's a kind of planned obsolescence involved.

Everything I'm telling you Minnie told me.

It's like you get up in the morning and you come up with a whole philosophy of life, a whole set of values, and a whole collection of boundaries relevant to that day, or maybe even to the evening, or relevant for the next hour. You reinvent yourself time and again. It's like shape shifting.

Studies have revealed this identity disturbance. I will try to illustrate this identity disturbance, which I say is now collective and more pronounced among women than among men, but definitely is affecting men as well.

Gender vertigo is essentially a borderline reaction to extreme dislocation and trauma.

What's the trauma? What's men's trauma?

Where are all the women? Where did all the women go? It's a major trauma.

And what's women's trauma?

The discovery and realization that they had attained many of their goals, but this has made them much less happy. And so I'm going to illustrate identity disturbance in action in sex.

Studies have revealed that we reserve certain sex acts only for intimate relationships, refraining from including these acts in the repertory of casual sex.

Now this is a boundary. This boundary, behavioral boundary, personal boundary, reflects values.

Intimacy is more important than casual sex with a stranger. So we have values here. We have beliefs. We have boundaries and rules. And actions in this case do speak louder than words. When certain sexual behaviors are reserved for that special someone, for the person you love, this exclusivity communicates love efficaciously.

So this is the ideal landscape where some sex acts are reserved for intimate relationships and others are shared in both casual sex and intimate sex.

But increasingly, increasingly, we are discovering in studies that people do anything and everything with near or total strangers. It seems that people are incapable of experiencing or at least understanding intimacy or emotions.

This is a psychopathic feature of psychopathic personalities. The same people abuse substances. The same people sexed compulsively, exchange sexually explicit material compulsively. All these behaviors are indicative of identity disturbance because the individuals involved profess claim to have one set of rules, beliefs, boundaries, and values, but then behave completely differently and justify their behaviors with a diametrically opposed set of beliefs, values, etc. It's a clear case of identity disturbance.

The unfortunate mate of such dysregulated, maximally inhibited individual is often told it may be the same sex act, but with you I experience it differently. It is filled with emotions, attachment, and affection.

Regrettably, such self-reporting is highly suspect. Most often it's counterfactual.

People with psychopathic features confuse possessiveness and competition with love. They use sex to manipulate and subjugate. Most promiscuous people, let alone whose sex is out of control and would do anything with anyone, most of them are incapable of positive emoting or coupling. They feel vaguely bad or vaguely good. They mislabel dim stirrings as bonding. At times they resort to faking affect and orgasms.

The more psychopathic women become, the more they acquire these features.

And there is a generalized trauma, because while a hundred years ago, you went through two, three heartbreaks in life. Your first girlfriend rejected you, then you got married and your wife died. So you were widowed. Then you got married a third time.

I mean, there were two, three heartbreaks in a typical life in the 19th century and well into the 1950s. Two, three heartbreaks. Three heartbreaks was considered to be horrible.

But today, many men and women undergo multiple heartbreaks. 10, 15 is common, very common.

And there are also the mini heartbreaks, the tiny heartbreaks that are involved in casual sex and one night stands. Because there's no such thing as meaningless emotionless casual sex. It's a myth. Biologically, hormonally and psychologically, there is attachment and bonding, even in the briefest, quickie. And then you have to say goodbye.

And somewhere, sometimes unconsciously, your heartbreaks, a typical average Western woman and a typical average Western man, experience dozens of heartbreaks in a lifetime. That's abnormal.

And people come to fear heartbreak, abandonment, and being cheated on. And the fear is so great. And they fear it to such an extent that they undermine intimacy. They bring on the very outcomes that they're so terrified of. They equate intimacy with pain.

So they throw intimacy to the trash in the hope of throwing away the pain as well.

They restrict their emotional expression. They appear to be called cynical, standoffish, transactional. They avoid commitment or investment in any relationship. They hedge their bets. They maintain alternative partners on the side. They reject sexual advances by their intimate partners. They abuse substances. They act promiscuously, recklessly. All these are intended to accomplish one goal.

No intimacy, please. We are modern. We are current. We are in the flow, in the flux. So please, no intimacy, because we don't want any pain.

And as they undermine and challenge the emerging intimacy in their relationships, as their relationship inevitably deteriorates, they feel justified to strain, to cheat, and to deceive.

And you have an emerging trend, a growing trend of sadomasochism.

There's a lot more kink, BDSM, a lot more, many more power plays, mind games, sick and predatory. Sex is becoming more and more of a battleground and more and more frightening and terrifying. The outcomes of sex could be really devastating nowadays. Sadomasochists tend to choose precisely such partners who are incapable of intimacy and undermine it.

Their mate selection is skewed in favor of the dysregulated and the dissolute.

The inevitable betrayal by the partner and the resulting excruciating pain, they are sources of addictive vindication and gratification.

So when we review the scene, and everything I've said in this video is based on studies, when we look at the emerging scene, it's horrific. It's mind-bogglingly terrifying.

It's dystopian. It's a nightmare. A nightmare reified, come true.

Both for men and for women. Women started it. Women started it by transitioning from demands for equality to demands for identity. There's a difference between equality and identity.

Women have eliminated the traditional gender roles, but offered nothing as a substitute.

What women had done, they had discarded the traditional gender role of a woman and they had adopted the traditional gender role of a man. And this destroyed every chance of meaningful intercourse, pun intended, between men and women. It's a horrible landscape.

Am I hopeful? I don't know. I don't know if women can go back. I don't know if they want to go back.

The confusion is so enormous, even in academic texts, even in the confusion between all these concepts, emancipation, power versus psychopathic behavior versus defiance.

They confuse power and defiance. They confuse psychosexuality and sexualization. They confuse decision-making and choice with lability and dysregulation.

There's a lot of confusion and this confusion is pushing women to become more and more borderline and psychopathic and pushing men to become more and more narcissistic. It is the collapsing gender roles that brought the narcissism pandemic and now the borderline secondary psychopathy pandemic.

It's still not too late. We can still save something. We can still restore something. I'm not saying going back to my grandmother's time. Women had been enslaved and mistreated. This should never ever happen again. Women should have equal power, equal access, equal pay, equal vote, equal everything. Women are as much persons as men, and women should have the right to choose to make decisions about absolutely everything, exactly like men. But women should never be men because this would be taking away the most enchanting and wonderful thing in creation.

Women should be women. Men should be men. We should rewrite the sexual scripts.

We should acknowledge the truth that there's no such thing as emotionless, harmless, meaningless, casual sex. There isn't. It's not true. It's a myth.

We should stop being politically correct. We should confront the issues bravely, courageously, unflinchingly. We should admit that we had strayed. We took the wrong turn in the road. We've gone far from home. I'm not sure we know how to return. And it's costing all of us happiness. It's costing all of us functionality. And it had rendered the world gray and ugly.

Today, there's no anticipation and joy in finding a partner for sex.

Only the mechanical, masturbatory, auto-erotic exercise among the sheets.

It's ugly. It's dull. It leads nowhere. People are isolated and atomized because they can't find counterparties for anything, even for good sex.

How long can we survive like this? Not long.

Already, we are paying a very dear price in terms of the species. I mentioned the demographic bump. The majority of humanity will be old in 50 years' time. Simply old people.

They're no families, no marriages, no children, nothing. We as a species would pay a horrendous price that we dare to tamper with, reverse engineer, and second-guess nature itself.

Because in nature, the distinction between genders is clear. In nature, there is sexual fluidity, ironically. The sexual fluidity, there's more than one sexual orientation or sexual identity.

But genders are always very clear. There's no case in nature where gender roles are fuzzy, blurred, or non-existent, where there's uni-gender. And I'm talking about higher-level animals.

We are the exception because we have, with our own two hands, thinking ourselves to be so smart, we have undermined, we have tunneled under the very foundations of our civilization.

And after all, we are social animals. After all, we crave sex and companionship, not only in order to procreate, but because we can't live alone well. We can't. We're trying to.

This is the greatest attempt in human history to become totally self-sufficient in need of no one and to see no one for the rest of our life.

It's not working. It's not working as we mental health practitioners, professors of psychology, psychologists, I mean, you name it, we are witnessing the tsunami of mental health issues that are the direct outcome of these misguided philosophies and ideologies, because they're philosophies and ideologies.

They're not science. They are pseudoscience or utter nonsense. We need to wake up and we need to get back on course, and we need distinct, clear, boundaried gender roles. Men need to be very, very different to women.

It is this difference that is the engine of our survival. It is this difference that is the magical kingdom of charm and attraction, including sexual attraction. We have eliminated the difference, thereby almost eliminating ourselves.

We are all forewarned and warned.