Vaknin Talks

How Narcissist Fails to Integrate Two Mothers

The narcissist's inability to separate from their original mother leads to a disjointed perception of good and bad, resulting in a failure to integrate these aspects later in life. This incomplete separation causes the narcissist to idealize their intimate partners as mother substitutes, only to later devalue them, reflecting the unresolved dynamics of their childhood. The narcissist's relationship with their mother remains a catch-22, where they either idolize her or vehemently reject her, both actions reinforcing their self-perception as bad objects. Ultimately, the splitting defense persists throughout the narcissist's life, preventing them from achieving a mature understanding of relationships and self-identity.

Posted on 1/28/2025, 17 minute read

How Long Does Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse Take? 3 Stages (with Yamarie Negron, Circles)

Narcissistic abuse fundamentally alters a person's identity, values, and autonomy, leading to a state where the victim becomes a mere reflection of the narcissist's fantasies. Unlike other forms of abuse, which may have specific goals, narcissistic abuse is characterized by a relentless drive to maintain the narcissist's grandiose self-image, effectively erasing the victim's sense of self. Recovery from such abuse is complex and involves navigating grief, functional recovery, and the long-term effects of complex trauma, with the healing process often requiring social support and self-awareness. Ultimately, healing necessitates taking responsibility for one's own recovery and rediscovering one's identity outside of the trauma experienced.

Posted on 1/27/2025, 33 minute read

Narcissist Dominates Borderline in Comorbidity (When Diagnosed in Same Person)

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) are fundamentally incompatible, as NPD lacks emotional empathy and positive emotional experiences, while BPD is characterized by intense emotional experiences and a degree of empathy. In cases where both disorders are diagnosed, NPD typically serves as the primary disorder, suppressing the secondary traits and behaviors associated with BPD, which may emerge under stress or decompensation. The primary disorder is always active and defines the individual's personality, while the secondary disorder remains dormant until triggered by environmental stressors. This dynamic can be understood as a functional overlay, where the secondary disorder masks or complicates the presentation of the primary disorder, leading to confusion in diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on 1/26/2025, 15 minute read

Joker’s Era of Narcissistic Collapse (with Ginger Coy)

Adolf Hitler's rise to power was significantly supported by industrialists and technology leaders, paralleling contemporary relationships between wealthy figures and political leaders. The current global landscape reflects a troubling confluence of autocratic leaders and the ultra-rich, which poses a challenge to democracy and suggests a shift towards oclocracy, or mob rule. This societal transformation is characterized by a retreat from established norms and institutions, leading to a state of narcissistic collapse within Western civilization, where individuals increasingly seek solace in fantasy rather than confronting reality. Ultimately, this trajectory indicates a potential future devoid of traditional social structures, as humanity reverts to a more isolated existence, driven by the allure of unregulated freedom and the rejection of collective responsibility.

Posted on 1/25/2025, 1 hour 23 minute read

How Narcissist Simulates the Mother S/he Never Had

Narcissists cannot genuinely imitate unconditional love or the mother's gaze because they lack firsthand experience of these emotions. Instead, they idealize their partners, creating a distorted, perfect version of them that the partner then perceives through the narcissist's gaze, leading to a dissociative effect where the partner feels both idealized and estranged from their true self. This process results in the partner mistakenly attributing their feelings of self-love and acceptance to the narcissist, believing that the love they experience is external rather than internal. Ultimately, both the narcissist and the partner become confused about their identities and the nature of their emotions, leading to a shared fantasy that distorts their perception of reality.

Posted on 1/24/2025, 13 minute read

WHY Narcissist ALWAYS NEEDS YOU, Even After Snapshotting (and Borderline?)

Narcissists continue to seek interactions with external objects even after snapshotting because they confuse these external objects with internal representations, believing they are engaging with the real person rather than a mental construct. Their inability to perceive the separateness of others leads them to interact with internal objects while attributing external qualities to them, creating a delusional sense of normalcy. This confusion is compounded by their developmental disruptions, resulting in a lack of object constancy and a compulsive need to transition between idealization and devaluation phases. Ultimately, narcissists are trapped in a solipsistic reality where they interact with themselves through the guise of external relationships, failing to recognize the true nature of their interactions.

Posted on 1/23/2025, 21 minute read

Subclinical Narcissism, Psychopathy: Spectrum or Different Disorders? (Dark Personalities)

Dark triad personality consists of subclinical narcissism, subclinical psychopathy, and Machiavellianism, while dark tetrad includes sadism as well. Subclinical traits do not meet the criteria for a formal diagnosis of personality disorders, distinguishing them from clinical conditions. Many individuals exhibit narcissistic personality styles without qualifying for narcissistic personality disorder, leading to widespread misinformation about the prevalence of these traits. It is crucial to differentiate between subclinical and clinical conditions to avoid mislabeling individuals based on superficial traits.

Posted on 1/22/2025, 6 minute read

Psychopath, Narcissist Manipulate You Differently

Narcissists and psychopaths differ significantly in their manipulation techniques and psychological impacts on victims. Narcissists rely on external validation, distorting victims' internal realities to undermine their self-identity, while psychopaths manipulate victims' internal realities to distort their perception of the external world. The aftermath of narcissistic abuse is often more pervasive and damaging, leading to a loss of core identity, whereas psychopathic abuse typically results in external consequences like financial loss or coercion. The distinction between "good" and "bad" narcissists can be harmful, as it allows even malignant narcissists to exploit victims under the guise of societal contributions.

Posted on 1/21/2025, 10 minute read

4 Surprising Views of Homosexuality (Compilation)

Homosexuality is primarily biologically determined, with a significant emphasis on the role of othering in the development of sexual identity. The failure to properly other individuals can lead to a reliance on sexual partners for the integration of one's sexual identity, resulting in a dynamic where homosexuals may perceive their partners as extensions of themselves rather than as separate entities. This contrasts with heterosexual relationships, where the otherness of the partner is a key component of sexual attraction and identity formation. Ultimately, while homosexuality may exhibit some narcissistic traits, it is fundamentally a distinct phenomenon characterized by a failure of integration rather than a mere reflection of narcissistic libidinal investment.

Posted on 1/20/2025, 1 hour 12 minute read

Truth About Lying: We ALL LIE ALL THE TIME

Most people lie frequently, with statistics suggesting that individuals lie an average of twice a day, and many adults lie every ten minutes during conversations. The definition of a lie is broad, encompassing intentional falsehoods that contradict reality, and motivations for lying can range from politeness to manipulation. Various types of lies exist, including utilitarian, compassionate, and ceremonial lies, each serving different purposes in social interactions. The prevalence of lying is further complicated by factors such as cognitive distortions, confabulation, and the influence of social media, which has normalized and even celebrated dishonesty.

Posted on 1/19/2025, 33 minute read

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