Vaknin Talks

Narcissist's, Borderline's Children Dystopia: Our Post-modern World (with Prabhã Calderon)

The concept of the self has evolved from a unitary, immutable entity to a more fragmented understanding, likening the self to a theater troupe with multiple responsive entities. This fragmentation is influenced by various psychological theories and highlights the importance of monitoring both internal and external environments. Individuals with borderline and narcissistic disorders struggle with identity and emotional regulation, often relying on external sources for validation and stability, which can lead to maladaptive behaviors. While therapeutic approaches can improve their quality of life, the core issues stemming from their developmental experiences remain largely unchangeable.

Posted on 12/29/2024, 54 minute read

Narcissist’s F-word Test (Obscene Self-enhancement, Signaling, 1st-person Pronouns Density)

Narcissists and psychopaths frequently use obscenities and expletives as a form of signaling to gain social approval and reinforce their self-image. This behavior serves to create a facade of bravery and defiance while also fostering a sense of commonality with their audience. The excessive use of foul language, along with a high density of first-person pronouns, reflects their need for narcissistic supply and positive reinforcement from others. Ultimately, this immature and infantile behavior is indicative of underlying narcissism or psychopathy.

Posted on 12/28/2024, 8 minute read

Dynamics, Grief in Relationships with Narcissists, Cluster B (Zagreb Seminar, Part 4 of 5)

Breaking up with a narcissist involves profound grief due to the complex emotional dynamics of the relationship, where the victim often feels a maternal attachment to the narcissist's inner child. This shared fantasy creates a bond that leads to a deep sense of loss when the relationship ends, as the victim mourns not only the narcissist but also their own identity and potential. The narcissist's behavior, characterized by idealization followed by devaluation, creates a cycle of dependency and disorientation, leaving the victim feeling bereft and confused. Ultimately, the aftermath of such relationships can lead to prolonged grief, as the victim struggles to reconcile their experiences and regain a sense of self.

Posted on 12/27/2024, 33 minute read

Can We Survive Without Fantasies, Delusions? (Verbal Conditioning)

Delusions and fantasies can entrap individuals, rendering them vulnerable to exploitation and creating significant challenges in interpersonal relationships. Confronting someone entrenched in delusion requires careful consideration, as these beliefs often serve as coping mechanisms rooted in early childhood experiences and can provide meaning and motivation in their lives. Attempting to dismantle these delusions without offering a viable alternative can lead to aggression or depression, making it crucial to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. Ultimately, the challenge lies in addressing the underlying issues while fostering a healthier reality that individuals can engage with meaningfully.

Posted on 12/26/2024, 18 minute read

Narcissist: Narcissus or Goldmund? (with Eliisa Baumann)

The formation of the false self in narcissism is a defense mechanism developed in childhood to protect against emotional pain, often stemming from dysfunctional parenting. This false self becomes a substitute for the true self, which is suppressed and cannot be revived, leading to a disconnection from reality and a reliance on internalized narratives. Narcissists live in a solipsistic world where their perception of reality is distorted, and they interact primarily with internal objects rather than external ones, making it difficult for them to accept feedback or change. Ultimately, narcissism serves as a maladaptive coping strategy that can manifest in various forms, often leading to a society that increasingly normalizes narcissistic behaviors.

Posted on 12/25/2024, 56 minute read

Gaslighting: How to Defend Yourself, Recover (with Jacqui Yates, Circles)

Narcissists create a shared fantasy that distorts reality to secure narcissistic supply, primarily attention, while psychopaths are goal-oriented and manipulate perceptions for personal gain. Gaslighting is a collaborative process where victims begin to doubt their own reality, often leading to self-gaslighting, and it can be countered by developing a circle of trust and documenting experiences. Early intervention in children with conduct disorder can be effective, but societal reluctance to diagnose such conditions often delays necessary treatment. Ultimately, narcissists and psychopaths are unlikely to change, and seeking therapy for them can lead to self-deception and further gaslighting.

Posted on 12/24/2024, 28 minute read

Fearful-avoidant (Disorganized) “Attachment Style": Latest Faddish Nonsense

There has been a rise in nonsensical psychological constructs that lack validation, leading to the creation of terms like "fearful avoidant attachment," which are essentially rebranded versions of existing personality disorders, specifically borderline personality disorder. This trend reflects a broader issue in social sciences where a significant portion of research consists of recycled ideas, contributing to a replication crisis and the medicalization of normal behaviors. The expansion of diagnostic categories in psychology benefits various stakeholders, including practitioners and pharmaceutical companies, while pathologizing common human experiences. Ultimately, this undermines the credibility of the field, reducing it to pseudoscience and obscuring the true nature of mental health issues.

Posted on 12/23/2024, 14 minute read

Secret of Winner Narcissists: Stupidity (with Daria Zukowska, Clinical Psychologist)

The lecture discusses the parallels between stupidity and narcissism, highlighting that both share traits such as grandiosity, entitlement, and a tendency for magical thinking. It emphasizes how societal trends, including the decline of gatekeeping and the rise of victimhood culture, have empowered narcissists and the less intelligent, leading to a culture that rewards superficiality over substance. The speaker argues that narcissists thrive in a fantasy-based society where their delusions go unchallenged, and they often achieve success by manipulating perceptions rather than demonstrating genuine competence. Ultimately, the lecture suggests that the current cultural landscape favors narcissism as a positive adaptation, creating a cycle where the less educated and less intelligent dominate social narratives.

Posted on 12/22/2024, 45 minute read

How "Dead" Mother Creates "Dead" Child (Zagreb Clinicians Seminar, Part 3 of 5)

The lecture discusses the psychological impact of maternal relationships on child development, particularly focusing on the concept of "dead mothers," which refers to mothers who are emotionally unavailable or rejecting. This lack of maternal support hinders the child's ability to develop a healthy theory of mind and internal working models, leading to difficulties in forming relationships and a reliance on fantasy as a coping mechanism. The speaker outlines how children with such backgrounds may develop personality disorders, particularly narcissism and borderline personality disorder, as they struggle with self-identity and emotional regulation. Ultimately, the lecture emphasizes the importance of maternal figures in healthy psychological development and the consequences of their absence.

Posted on 12/21/2024, 44 minute read

Borderline’s Attachment Style: Anxious Preoccupied or Dismissive Avoidant? (Read PINNED COMMENT)

All Cluster B personality disorder patients exhibit a dismissive avoidant attachment style, contrary to the belief that individuals with borderline personality disorder possess an anxious preoccupied attachment style. While those with anxious attachment can maintain long-term, stable relationships, borderlines often engage in short-term, casual relationships and exhibit approach-avoidance behaviors due to their fear of intimacy and engulfment anxiety. Borderlines also display grandiosity and a secretive nature, contrasting with the neediness and people-pleasing tendencies of anxious preoccupied individuals. Ultimately, the behaviors and emotional dynamics of borderlines align more closely with dismissive avoidant attachment than with anxious preoccupied attachment.

Posted on 12/20/2024, 18 minute read

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