Vaknin Talks

Narcissist Imagines Himself Through YOUR Gaze (Attributional Delusions)

Narcissists idealize themselves through the gaze of other people, known as narcissistic supply, and make assumptions about how others perceive them. They react strongly to their assumptions about the gaze of others, attributing thoughts and beliefs to them without checking if they are correct. This idealization is two-faced, as they idealize others to gain their power to idealize them. Narcissists transition between states, but their desperate need for the gaze of others and their self-love and sexual attraction to themselves remain constant. This self-love is not genuine, but rather a form of limerence, infatuation, or lust.

Posted on 3/10/2024, 8 minute read

Haunted Minds of Narcissist, Borderline: Schizoid Empty Core

In the lecture, Professor Sam Vaknin delves into the concept of emptiness and void at the core of borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. He uses metaphors from physics, such as the supernova and black holes, to explain the internal experiences of individuals with these disorders. He discusses the "hollow personality" and the impact of the void on behaviors and relationships. Vaknin also explores the schizoid personality and its characteristics, emphasizing the intense loneliness and longing for attachment experienced by individuals with these disorders. He delves into the concept of identity and the challenges faced by those with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders in forming a stable sense of self.

Posted on 3/9/2024, 35 minute read

What Happens When Narcissists Meet Each Other or a Psychopath?

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of the uncanny valley, which is the discomfort people feel when encountering a narcissist. He explains how different types of narcissists interact with each other and with psychopaths, highlighting the immediate and distinct reactions that occur. Vaknin suggests that these interactions can serve as a litmus test for diagnosing personality disorders.

Posted on 3/8/2024, 5 minute read

Secrets of Strong, Lasting Relationships

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the characteristics of strong and resilient relationships. He emphasizes the importance of shared vision, continued sexuality, and prioritizing the relationship above all else. He also explores the different types of successful marriages and the tasks that couples must perform to establish a strong and happy relationship. Vaknin draws on the work of Judith Wallerstein and highlights the significance of maintaining love, intimacy, and communication in relationships.

Posted on 3/7/2024, 19 minute read

Unlimited Freedoms of Psychopathic Narcissist: Reactance Theory

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of reactance theory and its relevance to narcissists and psychopaths. He explains that these individuals are obsessed with unlimited freedom due to their defiance and sense of entitlement. Reactance theory suggests that when people feel their freedoms are threatened or eliminated, they experience distress and resistance, leading to a strong desire to restore their freedom. In the case of narcissists and psychopaths, this can lead to immediate and unstoppable actions to preserve their freedom. The lecture also delves into the psychological implications of reactance and the ways in which it influences behavior and decision-making.

Posted on 3/6/2024, 20 minute read

Unforgiving Narcissist Hoovers to Revenge, Holds Grudges

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the concept of hoovering and how it can be driven by a narcissist's grudge against the victim. He explains the differences between rail hoovering and vengeful hoovering, and provides warning signs to identify the latter. The lecture delves into the reasons why narcissists find it nearly impossible to forgive, forget, and move on, and how holding grudges serves to reconstitute their grandiosity. Additionally, the lecture explores the role of grudges as a relationship management tool and the psychodynamic reasons behind a narcissist's tendency to maintain grudges.

Posted on 3/5/2024, 31 minute read

Skin-deep Narcissist, Skinless Borderline

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the use of metaphors to understand narcissism and psychopathy, comparing them to natural phenomena. He introduces the metaphor of the skin, likening the narcissist's false self to the skin's protective functions and characteristics. He emphasizes the false self's role in shielding the narcissist from reality and facilitating the conversion of reality into fantasy. Additionally, he explores the false self's hypervigilance and its impact on the narcissist's perception of the world.

Posted on 3/4/2024, 21 minute read

Get Your Defenses Right! (Projection, Rationalization, Splitting)

Professor Vaknin discusses the misuse of psychological terms such as projection, rationalization, and splitting by self-styled experts online. He explains that projection involves attributing one's negative traits to others, while rationalization is a defense mechanism used to justify socially unacceptable behaviors. Additionally, he delves into the concept of splitting, emphasizing its role in mental health and its connection to narcissism and borderline personality disorder. Vaknin highlights the confusion and misinformation surrounding these concepts and stresses the importance of accurate understanding and education in the field of psychology.

Posted on 3/3/2024, 54 minute read

Narcissism is NOT High Self-esteem, Self-worth, Self-confidence (Role of Attribution Error)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the differences between self-confidence, high self-esteem, and narcissism in this lecture. He explains that healthy self-esteem involves self-acceptance and self-love, while narcissism is compensatory and volatile. He delves into the concept of attribution errors and how they relate to narcissism, as well as the cultural and societal influences on self-esteem. Vaknin emphasizes the importance of stability and self-regulation in healthy self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence, contrasting them with the external and unstable nature of narcissism.

Posted on 3/2/2024, 34 minute read

Narcissist at Work? 3 Best Ways to Handle Him/Her! (EXCERPT with Conor Ryan, Eyes Wide Open Podcast)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses dealing with narcissists in a corporate environment, advising to either disconnect or use the "gray rock" method to render oneself uninteresting to the narcissist. He warns of the dangers of challenging or humiliating a narcissist, as they can be vindictive and seek to ruin one's life. Vaknin also explores the relationship between technology, social media, and the rise of narcissism, suggesting that technology rewards and empowers narcissistic behavior, creating a self-generating feedback loop.

Posted on 3/1/2024, 7 minute read

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