Vaknin Talks

Overwhelmed by Emotions: Affective Dysregulation in Borderlines, Narcissists

Emotional dysregulation, often associated with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders, is characterized by a failure of internal regulatory mechanisms, leading to intense emotional responses triggered by both positive and negative affects. There are two main types of emotional dysregulation: anticipatory, which arises from anxiety and catastrophizing about potential negative outcomes, and reactive, which occurs in response to actual events like abandonment or humiliation. This dysregulation is distinct from emotional chaos or instability, as it reflects a lack of regulation rather than an amplification of emotions, and is often exacerbated by impaired emotional cognition and the inability to accurately appraise situations. The interplay between emotional dysregulation and intimacy highlights how close relationships can amplify feelings of threat and vulnerability, further complicating the emotional landscape for individuals with these disorders.

Posted on 12/19/2024, 47 minute read

From Symbiotic Magical Thinking to Separation Trauma (Zagreb Clinicians Seminar, Part 2 of 5)

Trauma is a significant factor in the development of personality disorders, particularly in the context of childhood experiences and attachment styles. Individuals with Cluster B personality disorders exhibit traits such as magical thinking, cold empathy, and insecure attachment styles, which stem from early adverse experiences. The dynamics of these disorders often involve a dissociation from reality, leading to a fragmented sense of self and reliance on external validation. Ultimately, the interplay between maternal influence and the child's perception of self and others shapes the development of these disorders, highlighting the critical role of early relationships in psychological health.

Posted on 12/18/2024, 60 minute read

Cluster B Personality Disorders Revisited (Zagreb Clinicians Seminar, December 2024, Part 1 of 5)

The seminar focuses on the psychodynamics, etiology, phenomenology, and interpersonal relationships of Cluster B personality disorders, emphasizing the internal psychological processes that characterize these disorders. It explores how adverse childhood experiences, particularly bad parenting, contribute to the development of pathological narcissism and other Cluster B disorders, highlighting the emptiness and identity disturbances that define these individuals. The discussion includes the relational nature of these disorders, the confusion between internal and external realities, and the compensatory mechanisms employed by those affected. Ultimately, the seminar aims to provide a deeper understanding of the alien psychological landscape of Cluster B personality disorders and the challenges they present in interpersonal relationships.

Posted on 12/17/2024, 50 minute read

Prosocial Narcissist: Appearances, Not Substance (Aretaic, Not Deontic)

Pro-social or communal narcissists derive their sense of grandiosity from their ostentatious morality and public displays of altruism, often leveraging their ethical behavior to gain admiration and narcissistic supply. They can contribute positively to society, but their motivations are rooted in self-image rather than genuine moral obligation, distinguishing them from those who act out of a true sense of duty. The distinction between Deontic do-gooders, who focus on moral actions, and Eretaiq do-gooders, who prioritize their perceived virtue, highlights that narcissists are primarily concerned with how they are viewed by others. Ultimately, there are two types of narcissists: the celebrity narcissist, who seeks attention through appearances, and the career narcissist, who aims to leave a lasting impact through substantial achievements.

Posted on 12/16/2024, 17 minute read

Why Live? Suicide Revisited (Compilation)

Anxiety is a pervasive emotion in modern society, often stemming from a culture focused on growth and material success, which has led to a sense of hopelessness and disconnection in relationships. This environment has contributed to a rise in narcissism, particularly among the youth, as a coping mechanism to navigate a world perceived as toxic and devoid of meaning. The lecture discusses the complexities of suicide, emphasizing that it is often a symptom of deeper societal issues rather than merely a result of mental illness, and highlights the need for a more nuanced understanding of suicidal ideation and behavior. Ultimately, the speaker advocates for a shift in how mental health practitioners approach suicide prevention, emphasizing the importance of recognizing the underlying emotional states and societal factors that contribute to suicidal thoughts and actions.

Posted on 12/15/2024, 2 hour 11 minute read

Young Narcissists: “Blue Bird Syndrome”

The Blue Bird Syndrome describes the phenomenon of Generation Z's dissatisfaction with their lives, leading to frequent job-hopping and an inflated sense of self-worth. This generation is characterized by narcissism, grandiosity, and a fear of missing out, which fosters a culture of entitlement and victimhood. Their reliance on information rather than knowledge, coupled with a lack of commitment and investment in their futures, results in self-sabotage and a disconnection from reality. Ultimately, this mindset leads to a superficial approach to life, where experiences are prioritized over meaningful engagement and personal growth.

Posted on 12/14/2024, 12 minute read

When Is It OK to CRY? 3 Rules

Crying serves as a powerful form of signaling, communicating distress and a need for help to those around us. It functions as an anxiolytic, reducing anxiety by prompting others to modify their behaviors in response to our emotional state. While crying can foster connection and support, it is often stigmatized and viewed as a sign of weakness, leading individuals to refrain from expressing this natural behavior in certain environments. It is advisable to cry in friendly settings, when alone for self-soothing, or when it can effectively alter negative circumstances, as it can facilitate empathy and support from others.

Posted on 12/13/2024, 10 minute read

Why Narcissist DISCARDS MEMORY of YOU (Having Idealized and Devalued It)

Narcissists possess intact semantic memory but suffer from significant gaps in episodic memory, leading to a fragmented sense of self and reliance on confabulation to fill these gaps. They idealize and devalue both people and memories, treating them as interchangeable internal objects, which results in a distorted perception of reality. Unlike borderlines, who can access emotions and thus maintain more authentic memories, narcissists are disconnected from positive emotions, causing their memories to be unrealistic and fabricated. This inability to reconcile their internal narratives with external realities drives their compulsive behaviors and ultimately leads to the discarding of relationships that do not conform to their distorted self-image.

Posted on 12/12/2024, 15 minute read

How Narcissist Remembers You (Dark, then Rosy Retrospection, Nostalgic Recall)

Narcissists experience memory through dissociation, leading to significant gaps and an inability to maintain a cohesive identity. Their recollections are often confabulated, creating a distorted narrative that serves their self-enhancing needs, where former partners are reduced to mere internal objects or relics of the past. When they do recall past relationships, it is typically through dark retrospection, which demonizes the other, or rosy retrospection, which idealizes them in preparation for potential hoovering. Ultimately, narcissists possess almost no episodic memory, rendering their former partners largely forgotten and irrelevant in their internal narratives.

Posted on 12/11/2024, 14 minute read

How YOU INFURIATE the Narcissist (Narcissistic Rage)

Narcissistic rage is a reaction that occurs when a narcissist feels their grandiose self-image is threatened, often resulting in explosive outbursts or passive-aggressive behavior. This rage can be triggered by various factors, including challenges to their self-concept, reminders of their vulnerabilities, or frustrations in their pursuit of self-enhancement. The narcissist's aggression is often misdirected, as they project their internalized insecurities onto others, leading to a cycle of devaluation and hostility. Ultimately, this behavior stems from a deep-seated fear of exposure and a desperate need to maintain their inflated self-perception.

Posted on 12/10/2024, 24 minute read

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