Background

Abuse Victim's New Year Resolutions

Uploaded 12/15/2011, approx. 1 minute read

My name is Sam Vaknin, and I am the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited.

I will treat myself with dignity and demand respect from others. I will not allow anyone to disrespect me. I will set clear boundaries and make known to others what I regard as permissible and acceptable behavior and what is out of bounds. I will not tolerate abuse and aggression in any form or guise. I will seek to terminate such misconduct instantly and unequivocally.

Four, I will be assertive and unambiguous about my needs, wishes and expectations from others and about my emotions. I will not be arrogant, but I will be confident. I will not be selfish and narcissistic, but I will love and care for myself.

Number five, I will get to know myself better, shortcomings and limitations as well as advantages and strong points. Number six, I will treat others as I want them to treat me. I will try to lead by way of self-example. And number seven, if I am habitually disrespected, abused or if my boundaries are ignored and breached, I will terminate the relationship with the abuser forthwith. Zero tolerance and no second chance will be my maxims of self-preservation.

You owe it to yourself to promise yourself these things. You owe these promises to yourself. Happy holidays and happy or happier New Year. If you wish, if you want me to tackle specific topics next year, please send me an email and I will respond. The email appears on the annotation on the left side of the screen. Write to me with special requests, special issues you want me to deal with, and I promise to include them and incorporate them in my next videos. Again, Happy New Year.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Manipulate the Narcissist and Live to Tell About It? (Lecture in Budapest)

The lecture discusses the complexities of dealing with narcissists, emphasizing that the most effective method for managing a narcissist is to maintain no contact. It outlines eight techniques for manipulation, including gray rock, mirroring, and deflection, but warns that using these strategies can lead to adopting narcissistic traits oneself. The speaker explains that narcissists are often victims of their own trauma, leading to their manipulative behaviors, and highlights the importance of understanding the narcissist's mindset to navigate interactions effectively. Ultimately, the lecture stresses that the only true path to healing and self-preservation is to sever ties completely with narcissistic individuals.


Push Narcissist’s 4 Secret Buttons: Gamma Man or Agent of Chaos, Madness?

The lecture discusses the four key psychological buttons of narcissists: the precocious child, the conquering hero, the father guru, and divinity, each representing different aspects of the narcissist's identity and behavior. These buttons can be manipulated in two ways: to maintain a relationship or to facilitate a breakup, with specific strategies for each button. The speaker emphasizes that narcissism is a complex and pervasive personality construct, not merely a collection of behaviors, and highlights the chaos and discomfort that narcissists introduce into relationships. Additionally, the concept of the gamma male is introduced as a non-clinical classification that aligns with certain traits of cerebral narcissists, illustrating the broader spectrum of narcissistic behaviors.


Two Faces Of Narcissistic Abuse Disrespect From Shared Fantasy To Bargaining

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, including the two phases of the shared fantasy and bargaining phase. He explains how narcissists use stickiness to create a shared fantasy with their targets and then extract adulation, abuse, sex, and services. Vaknin also highlights the differences between narcissists and psychopaths and concludes that narcissistic abuse is a choice and a stupid one at that.


Why You Can't STOP Watching Narcissism Videos

Many individuals become obsessed with watching videos about narcissism as a way to cope with the trauma of narcissistic abuse, leading to compulsive behavior similar to addiction. This obsession serves various psychological functions, such as providing a sense of understanding and structure to chaotic experiences, and allowing victims to connect with others who share similar experiences. The repetitive consumption of this content can act as a form of self-soothing, helping to alleviate anxiety and restore a sense of control in a disordered world. Ultimately, the desire for validation and empowerment drives individuals to seek out and engage with this content, regardless of its accuracy or scientific basis.


Dangerous Shared Fantasies: Coercive Control and Collusive Infidelity

The lecture discusses the concepts of coercive control and collusive infidelity, emphasizing their roles in abusive relationships and the psychological dynamics involved. Coercive control is characterized as a pattern of behaviors that strip away a partner's autonomy and self-esteem, often leading to severe mental health consequences. Collusive infidelity occurs when one partner unconsciously encourages the other to engage in extramarital affairs, creating a shared fantasy that reinforces their respective roles as victim and perpetrator. The lecture also highlights the need for legal frameworks to address coercive control, drawing parallels to established offenses like fraud to better protect victims.


Why God Allows Narcissistic Abuse, Evil Psychopaths? (Theodicy, God Cycle, Lecture 1)

The lecture explores the complex relationship between God, evil, and narcissism, questioning why a benevolent and omnipotent God would allow evil to exist, particularly in the form of narcissism and psychopathy. It presents three philosophical perspectives on evil: that it is necessary, that it does not exist, or that God is not necessary, while also examining the implications of free will and the nature of human choices. The discussion highlights the moral ambiguity surrounding narcissistic behavior, suggesting that narcissists may not be inherently evil but rather act out of self-interest and a distorted perception of reality. Ultimately, the lecture raises profound questions about the nature of God, the existence of evil, and the human condition, suggesting that our understanding of these concepts may be limited by our finite perspectives.


lovebombinggroomingLove Bombing and Grooming: In Crosshairs of Narcissists, Sadists, Psychopaths

The lecture explores the parallels between demon possession and narcissism, suggesting that both concepts serve as metaphors for psychological states rather than actual entities. It argues that terms like "demons," "ego," and "superego" are linguistic constructs used to describe complex human behaviors and experiences, with historical roots in the way societies have understood mental illness. The speaker posits that narcissists, much like those described as demonically possessed, experience a profound disconnection from their true selves, leading to a life characterized by detachment and a lack of genuine emotional engagement. Ultimately, the discussion highlights the need for a nuanced understanding of these phenomena, emphasizing the cultural and psychological contexts that shape our interpretations of both mental health and supernatural beliefs.


Narcissists Love Your Victimhood (Game Changers Interview 3 of 3)

Dr. Sam Vaknin discusses the challenges of educating potential victims of narcissistic abuse, emphasizing that education alone is not enough to prevent victimization. He explains that victims often have unclear personal boundaries, are people-pleasers, and have deep psychological needs that make them prone to victimhood. Vaknin suggests that it is more important to address the psychology of the victim than their cognitive capacity to recognize abuse. He also highlights the need to restore faith in the future for both victims and narcissists, as well as the elites who have lost perspective on the future.


Silencing Denying Your Pain Betrayal Trauma And Betrayal Blindness

The lecture discusses Betrayal Trauma Theory, emphasizing that trauma can be exacerbated when the perpetrator is someone the victim relies on for survival, leading to denial and dissociation as coping mechanisms. It critiques societal norms that discourage emotional expression, arguing that acknowledging pain is a sign of strength rather than weakness. The theory highlights the importance of recognizing betrayal in relationships, particularly in childhood, and how it can lead to various psychological disorders, including PTSD and dissociative identity disorder. Ultimately, the lecture advocates for a deeper understanding of betrayal trauma to improve therapeutic approaches and support for victims.


8 Ways to Survive the Narcissist (ENGLISH Excerpts)

The lecture is divided into two parts, with the first 15 minutes outlining the eight proven ways to manipulate a narcissist, with the most effective being no contact. The other seven techniques include gray rock, deflection, mirroring, shared psychosis, high-grade narcissistic supply, withholding, and intermittent reinforcement. However, the speaker warns that these techniques can lead to the development of narcissistic and psychopathic behaviors in the victim. The lecture concludes with an invitation to explore the narcissist's mind.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy