Contemptuous Narcissist, Contemptible You, Psychopath Celebrates

Uploaded 10/25/2020, approx. 39 minute read

I am going to do a Trump on you. Musk off, Covid on.

My name is Sam Vaknin, not Donald Trump, in several universities around this shrinking globe.

And today, again, we have quite a few things to ponder, and I hope they are as provocative as usual.

And as is our habit, we start by tackling reader-viewers questions.

And at some point, hopefully one of these days, we will get to the topic of today's video. And the topic is contempt.

How the narcissist is contemptuous, how he finds you contemptible, and how the psychopath takes advantage of this mutual self-assured destruction to celebrate and to get the better out of both groups of people, narcissists and their victims.

But before we get to this delectable, delectable cuisine of contempt and seething rage and mortification and injury, in other words, the day-to-day life of a narcissist, before we get to all this, let us tackle a few questions posed by our highly intelligent, amazingly insightful viewers.

So let's start with the first one.

What do you think about combined narcissism and perverse narcissism?

Combined narcissism is a term totally unnecessarily invented by Dutch psychiatrists who felt left out of the game and their grandiosity compromised by the indisputable fact that Europe is a decade behind the United States in understanding narcissism. So they felt left out and they came up with this utterly meaningless and nonsensical term, combined narcissism.

They even got this term introduced into Dutch language textbooks.

Similarly, French psychologists and psychiatrists who are very good with words, they love words, French generally, French intellectuals, they're in love with words. For them, words, language is a kind of music. And then they fall in love. They get infatuated with their own flow of words to the point of compromising, undermining, sabotaging and ignoring any meaningful communication.

So they came up, French psychologists and psychiatrists who again felt left out by their Western colleagues, much more advanced Western colleagues. They came up with the term perverse narcissism, which is even more idiotic than combined narcissism, because which narcissism is not perverse.

And the term perversion has undertones and overtones and associations, which are essentially sexual. It's true that in French, in French language perverse simply means deviant or sick or pathologized, pathological.

But why do we need yet another term except to aggrandize the injured egos of French psychologists and psychiatrists?

Generally, the only contribution the French have made to psychology is to obfuscate it and to ruin completely any meaningful thing ever said. I mean, have a look at Lacan, for example, and he's utterly inane and outlandish psychotherapy. I am not impressed with the contribution of European so-called scholars, not in Russia where they are still using terminology from the 1930s, not in France where they are much more in love with the language than with what it says, and not in the Netherlands where they're trying to reinvent the wheel when there's no need to.

When there is a proliferation of terms, it's a sure sign of a pseudo science, not a real science. For example, in physics, we have terms that are used throughout the world universally and uniformly. Energy in Indonesia is energy in Israel, is energy in Russia, is energy in the United States. The same words, same terminology, same meaning, totally agreed upon. Maybe it's the influence of mathematics, but it's a sign of a true science.

In mathematics, in biology, in chemistry, we don't have like six terms for the same phenomena, 19 terms for the same substance. It's a single language, single universal lingua franca. Look it up.

Psychology is among the few exceptions where everyone and his dog comes up with new terms.

But wait a minute, Wagner, you can say. You also came up with new terms.

Well, here's the rule. If you have prior state of the art, if topics and issues and subjects had been studied and named, you use these names. You use these words, you use these phrases, you don't reinvent the wheel, you don't come up with new terms, because it's confusing and it creates a bloody holy mess.

So when I wanted to describe the inner dynamics of the narcissist, I borrowed a term from 1938, I borrowed a phrase, narcissistic supply. When I wanted to describe the split in the narcissist personality, I borrowed a phrase from Helen Deutsch, and that phrase was borrowed by Donald Winnicott, and then by Cernberg, I'm sorry, and then by Cernberg, the false self.

It's not okay to call the false self by some other name. It's not okay to call narcissistic supply by some other phrase. It's wrong, it's confusing.

And the second condition, so the first condition, if it already has a name, use that name.

The second condition, evidence-based, you can't simply come up with some concoction. It has to be based on studies, on observations, on clinical data, on cases, case studies. You can't just go into a flight of fancy.

In this sense, scientists, unlike judges, most judges, scientists are purists. They are originalists and they are textualists. Scientists adhere to previous knowledge, previous language. They maintain continuity so as to render themselves comprehensible to their colleagues all over the world.

The only exception is psychology.

So combined narcissism, trash, nonsense, unnecessary. We already have a term for that, malignant narcissist, psychopathic narcissist, if you want to follow MoniChton.

Perverse narcissism, I don't have a clue what this is, probably pathological narcissism. Why call it perverse? It's confusing. It's also nonsensical. It's also meaningless.

Empath, nonsense, shy borderline, no hint of an evidence, no study, no scholarly literature, nothing to support this concoction. These are nonsensical terms and they represent ignorance and an ego, an attempt to inflate the psychologist or the scholar's ego in an empty way. It's empty.

Don't adhere to such practices. They are bad and they are wrong.

And now someone asked me about the true self, whether the true self is alive, is still alive or not alive, but there is still a spark there. Could it be recharged? Could it be rebooted? Could it be restarted to borrow half baked metaphors from computer science?

Let's stay in computer science. Do you know what is hard brick? When your device, your smartphone, your tablet, when they suddenly refuse to start up, when they refuse to be charged, when it's just a black screen of death, it's dead. It's utterly dead.

This is called bricking. When your device becomes a brick, as good and useful as a brick.

And now there are two types of bricking, soft bricking and heartbreaking. Soft bricked is when the software in the device had gone bad. That usually can be fixed somehow by reflashing the ROM. I mean, there are various ways that the software can be fixed somehow. You may lose some data, but the software can be fixed and the device comes back to life.

But there is another type of bricking, heartbreaking. It's when the device is dead. The motherboard has been fried. Something happened to the battery connector. Something that cannot be reversed, cannot be fixed, cannot be cured, cannot be healed, cannot be maintained. No one can help you. No service shop, nothing.

The device is demised, is deceased. This is called hard brick and usually has to do with hardware. That's why it's called hard brick.

The true self is hard bricked. No amount of charging, no amount of recharging, no amount of rebooting and restarting and installing and uploading, and no amount of intervention can revive or resuscitate the true self. It's hard bricked.

It's there, exactly like your device, but it is as useful to the narcissist as your devices to you, when it can't start and it can't be charged.

Okay, the next question is Eckhart Tolle.

Everyone says that my nothingness, my principle of nothingness, is the same as Eckhart Tolle's, and of course, there were many uncharitable interpretations that I've been stealing my nothingness principle from Eckhart Tolle.

With all due respect to spiritualists and other self-styled gurus like Eckhart Tolle, Eckhart Tolle discusses something completely different.

He discusses what used to be called ego death, no self. These are desired goals in many mystical traditions, and the experienced outcomes of psychedelics and practices such as meditation are often compared to these things.

Like if you take, if you consume psychedelics, or if you meditate, or in yoga, in some ways, you reach the stage of ego death, not having a self.

These are supposed to be precursors, preconditions to enlightenment.

And as usual, when Western, quote, unquote, luminaries, from Jung to Tolle, they took these concepts from the East, and they messed up these pure concepts, erroneously and egregiously, conflating ego, which is a clinical term in psychoanalysis, self, which is a clinical term in psychoanalysis, including Jungian psychoanalysis, identity, proprioception, they made a holy mess.

These self-styled spiritual gurus, Eckhart Tolle, first and foremost, made a bloody mess of all these concepts, created the equivalent of a word salad, and sold it to you, the brain dead masses.

The field is so hopelessly modeled that it had become comically meaningless, and useless, and haunted by New Age logoria. Look it up.

Even when one peels off all the layers of the onion, the smell of the onion lingers.

Someone, when you're enlightened, someone is enlightened. There is a person there who is enlightened.

But someone experiences annulment, endures oceanic feelings, merges with the universe, and is guided and instructed by the sages. There must be someone there, as Descartes had observed correctly, cogito e busque, I think therefore I am, I, there must be an I. There is no escaping being, you cannot escape being.

What we can avoid, with lots of hard and unrelenting work and tedious practice, are the categories of existence, the ways in which we had perceived and organized the world hitherto, the boundaries, the restrictions, the inhibitions imposed on us by socialization, by our sense, by our minds, and by the baggage of social mores and cultural edicts that attend to all the above.

We can get in direct touch with reality in a manner not mediated, obstructed, or obfuscated by narratives, including our personal narrative, or by language.

But it would still be us to get in touch with reality directly. You need to be there. There's someone there. There will still be someone accomplishing all this.

Cartesian kernels of consciousness, however minimized, however transformed.

One ought to read the brilliant works of Moshe Croi in Israel to realize how badly we have strayed from, from in the West, we have strayed from the true messages of traditions such as Sufism, Kabbalah, Buddhism and Zen Buddhism, and other venerable schools of thought about non-thought.

So no, no way did I borrow from Tully, no way do I have anything in common with him and his ilk which I hold in extreme profound contempt.

I propose the topic of this video. I will not be identified with his fakes.

The principle of nothingness as I propounded, it's a combination of self-awareness, self-awareness, on the contrary an enhancement of the self, leveraging the ego, reconstructing it if needed.

The main problem in narcissism is that the ego is dead and so the narcissist resorts to other people to fulfill his dead ego's functions.

So my principle of nothingness is resuscitating the ego. It's enhancing the self, constellating the self, creating self-awareness at a higher level.

Followed, by total acceptance of everything, especially and first of all of yourself. Once you become self-aware you are on the path to self-acceptance and from there to self-love. Self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-love and these negate the need to find meaning in life. Once you have this you don't need to find meaning in life. That's where I clash with Viktor Frankl and lesser extensions like Jordan Peterson.

Once you have this you don't need to find meaning in life. You don't need to compare yourself to any standard, any expectation, any rule or combination of rules, internal or external. You just are.

But as distinct from Eckhart Tolle and the others, you are.

My principle of nothingness says that the only way you can truly be and exist is to vanish, to not be and exist as others expect you to be and exist.

Right now, you think you are, you are not.

What's happening right now is that you are defined by the plethora and the network of your interactions with myriad other people in your past, in your future, in your presence and the people in your past, they are in your head, they've invaded your mind in the form of introjects.

My principle of nothingness is getting rid of all this baggage. Purifying, unadulterated yourself so that there's a kernel, a core, a diamond, a crystal of yourself. Left.

This is the ego. It's not ego death. It's not ego death. It's ego resuscitation. It's ego revival. It's exactly the opposite of Tolle and his misinterpretation of Eastern traditions.

Okay, got it kiddos. Let's continue.

Next question.

Vaknin, I caught you in a contradiction. You say that narcissists love promiscuous women and then you say that narcissists hate promiscuous women. Can you make up your mind?

Well, you didn't catch me in a contradiction. I'm sorry. Narcissists are terrified of female sexuality. End of story. This is a fact. It's a foundational fact. They are terrified of women and more so terrified of their sexuality. And of course, they abhor dread promiscuous women, the epitome and quintessence of female unbridled, free-spirited sexuality. They hate such women, but they are also attracted to them inexorably. This is known as ambivalence.

We are often very attracted or very curious or very fascinated by things that also repel us the most, frighten us the most. That's why we watch horror movies. We watch horror movies because we are attracted and fascinated by things that frighten us.

So the narcissist is frightened by these women, but also attracted to them inexorably, powerfully, forcefully. He cannot resist it irresistibly.


Because only promiscuous women can mortify the narcissist. He is fascinated with promiscuous women the same way all of us are fascinated with death. These women promise him and encounter with himself without the force of promise him a psychedelic experience, if you wish. They are like psychedelics. So he's attracted to them.

Second thing, the narcissist is not jealous and is jealous.

Vaknin, can you make up your mind?

The narcissist is jealous only, romantically jealous, only when abandonment is imminent, then his object or inconsistency is provoked. His abandonment anxiety is provoked and he becomes romantically jealous. Romantic jealousy is a misnomer. It's another name for fear of loss. We become romantically jealous because we are free to lose our partner to someone else. So that's when he's romantically jealous.

The rest of the time, he is not romantically jealous. He's the least possessive. He doesn't have a jealous bone in his body except when threatened with abandonment. And then he becomes the polar opposite of this. He becomes super possessive, insanely romantically jealous, paranoid, persecutory, constricting, tyrannical. When he foresees, when he smells, impending abandonment. It's in the air. It's imminent. All the signs are there. He goes bananas. He becomes the exact polar opposite of what he usually is.

A true macho chauvinistic man. You know, you're his property and he will not let you stray around.

Okay. It's time to get to the topic of today's video. And after the topic, I'll read to you two selections from the literature, as had become our much vaunted, vaunted, look it up, tradition.

All of you, of course, have noticed the covert and sometimes very overt line strand hue of contempt in all my videos and very contemptuous. I mask it as humor. I mask it as, you know, but I'm contemptuous. It's very clear.

Then all narcissists are contemptuous. They all regard you as contemptible.

And I'm going to review several triggers of contempt, but by no means is this an exhaustive list because the night and the narcissist is capable of being triggered into extreme overt aggressive malevolent contempt by everything. Literally, he is constructed to hold the world and others in the world with maximal contempt. It's part of his grandiosity and integral part buttresses the grandiosity and it creates a favorable relative positioning which supports his sense, his innate sense of superiority.

So it's indispensable, is what I'm trying to say.

Take away the contempt. You take away a big part of narcissism, which is precisely what we do in cold therapy by the way.

Okay. The first thing, number one on the hit list is weakness.

Narcissists detest weakness and any sign of frailty, dependence, weakness, neediness, clinging.

The problem is that narcissists interpret almost everything as a weakness.

Now, mind you, there's a difference between weakness, vulnerability, and weakness.

Vulnerability is an opportunity. Vulnerability is the lever, the access point, the intrusion point, which narcissists and the psychopath can make use of to convert you, to provide something.

So the narcissist scans you as does the psychopath. They use cold empathy. They scan you, they pinpoint within split seconds, by the way, they pinpoint your vulnerabilities and these, they don't regard as weaknesses. These they regard as opportunities.

In other words, your vulnerabilities are imbued and suffused with positive emotionality in the narcissist and psychopath.

It's important to understand this distinction. You can be totally vulnerable, totally open, gullible, even sometimes stupid. But if this could lead to narcissistic supply or to sex or to money or to power or to any other goal, if this is helpful in attaining goals, these vulnerabilities, fault lines, fractures, less than optimal traits and characteristics of your characteristics of yours, these will be actually idealized. The narcissist would regard them as endearing. It would render you more complex. He would say that you're complex, that you're amazing, that you are incredible, that you're multi-layered, that you're an enigma. He would tend to idealize these because he can use them and abuse them to exploit you, to extract from you what he needs, including supply.

Weakness is something else. Weakness is a character trait or a behavior which do not yield anything as far as the narcissist or psychopaths are concerned. They don't, they can't be leveraged, they can't be used, they can't be abused, they can't be exploited. They are irrelevant to the narcissist and psychopath agenda.

And yet they imply that you are susceptible, that you are broken, that you are damaged, that you're weak, that you're frail.

So these group of characteristics and traits and behaviors, they are despicable because they render you inferior. It's all about inferiority.

What the narcissist and psychopaths cannot use, they discard.

And if you present a package to you, they can use some parts of you but can't use other parts of you. They can use some traits but have no use for other traits. They leverage some behaviors of yours but other behaviors are irrelevant or even, you know, dysfunctional or counterproductive.

When yousuch a package deal, it creates, oh yes, dissonance in the narcissist and psychopath.

On the one hand, the narcissist and psychopath needs you, wants you. You have something to give him that he needs and wants.

In other words, you're in a position of superiority in some sense. If you're a source of supply, they need your supply. You're superior to him if you can give him advice, you know.

But on the other hand, there's a part of you that is tangential, a fringe part which infringes on and encroaches on the other part which is useful. It's kind of the price the narcissist and psychopath has paid to be with you.

Like the narcissist and psychopaths are likely to say, you're so wonderful, you're so complex, you're so amazing, you're so beautiful, you're so handsome, you're so perfect, but you're so gullible, you trust people too much, you make wrong decisions, you're stupid, you procrastinate. Like they can't countenance, they can't accept the complexity of human beings because they have a splitting defense mechanism. They're infantile, they're children and children split everything, dichotomous thinking, black and white thinking, positive, negative. Everything is either 100% good, 100% bad, 100% useful, 100% useless.

And when they come across someone with 50-50 in anything, it confuses them and makes them feel inferior and they're projecting this sense of inferiority onto you and they deplore your weaknesses because it challenges their theory of mind and their theory and understanding of the world as it should be. The world as the narcissist thinks it should be.

And any deviation from the narcissist idealized morning of the universe and reality, it's reality's problem, not the narcissist.

It reminds me that Einstein was asked, someone asked him, listen, your theory predicts that if light passes next to the sun, the light will not move in a straight line. What happens, Einstein was asked, what happens if the light does move in a straight line, line and negates your theory? Einstein said, well, then light and the sun have a problem, not my theory.

It's exactly a very narcissistic reaction. He was not a narcissist by the way.


The second thing is any perceived inferiority, contempt is virulently and viscerally triggered automatically by any perceived inferiority.

Inferiority could be on any level, intellectual inferiority, of course, physical inferiority. That's why narcissists and psychopaths react to disability with contempt, with derision, with mockery, with disgust, with revulsion. So any inferiority, but also for example, moral inferiority, some narcissists cast themselves in the roles of saints or victims or sages or gurus, spiritual gurus, I propose the beginning of the video.

And so they are sanctimonious, they are self-righteous, they attain the high moral ground.

And if you don't abide by their strict and sadistic benchmarks, yardsticks, then something's wrong with you. You are morally inferior and they have a right to blast you, to kingdom come, to hell come. They have the right to castigate you, to chastise you, to publicly humiliate you, to put you straight or to punish you if nothing else works.

So morally inferiority, many of the people you see who are preachers, moral compasses and so on, they are actually covert narcissists. That's why I think empaths are covert narcissists, because they have this holier than thou, high moral ground, sanctimonious self-righteousness. All around them, it's an aura, this is the most repulsive thing I've ever seen.

So when the narcissist and psychopaths perceive inferiority on any level, intellectual, for example, the cerebral narcissist, they react.

Now the thing is that their need to feel superior and grandiose and above everyone and leaders and compasses and guide their need to stand apart from the maddening crowd. Their need is so suppressing, so hardwired that even when there's no inferiority to be discerned, nothing observable, they will invent it. They will find something, they will concoct something, they will reframe, they will gaslight light, they will confabulate anything to obtain the desired result of you inferior, missuperior.

So they will hunt for mistakes in pronunciation, contradictions in speech.

Yes, those of you who write to me with these comments in all probability are highly narcissistic.

So they will try to drag the other into their level, bring someone down, opaque, reduce him to size.

They hate when people are better, more knowledgeable, more handsome, more beautiful, more something.

No one needs to be, no one can be, and no one should be more than they are.

And they want to drag accomplished people or people with natural endowments and assets or more clever people, they want to drag them down.

They want to reduce them, they want to minimize them, and ultimately they want to corrupt them.

So they would set up tests, they would push you to behave immorally, to do something socially unacceptable, to make a mistake. They would create a lot of stress and anxiety and tension. They would harass you and harangue you and Hector and set you up for failure and defeat, and then gloat with glee at your misadventures and mishaps.

And so this is a way of introducing inferiority, imbuing with inferiority, situations in reality which don't have a trace of inferiority in them.

Inferiority is an organizing principle. It imbues the narcissist's life with meaning.

And his superiority is an explanatory principle.

For example, it explains why the narcissist is not accomplished, because he's superior and people envy him, because they envy him, they passive aggressively, sabotage him.

Here you are. It makes meaning. It renders his discombobulated chaotic life meaningful. It's not his fault.

There is alloplastic defense here. There is external modification.

These people, they're inferior, they are malevolent, they're malicious, they're stupid, they're ignorant. So of course they do this to me. Alloplastic defense.

The price of the narcissist pays for this? An external locus of control. It's like I'm surrounded by so many morons by so many vicious, wicked people. It creates a paranoid, a persecutory state of mind.

So I'm in the mercy of these people. I can't fight all of them all the time. I try, but I can't.

I realize that my effort to reform everyone around me, to bring them up to my level, is doomed. It's an admission, in essence, of defeat.

Ironically, assuming that everyone is inferior to you is self-defeating, because ultimately you're left all by yourself. It's a solipsistic stance. You're left all by yourself, but the narcissist cannot countenance true solitude, because he needs people for narcissistic supply. It's a self-defeating, self-destructive way of thinking.

Another thing the narcissist holds in severe contempt, abiding, all-pervasive, cellular contempt, is inadequacy.

The narcissist regards the world as a hostile jungle. Everything is a win-lose. I win. You lose. You win. God forbid. I lose. Everything is zero sum. Plus and minus together is zero. Zero sum.

Your minus, my plus, hopefully. But it's always a zero sum. I'm a winner. You're a loser. I'm a success. You're a failure.

This is the vocabulary of the narcissist, and because of that, the narcissist must compare all the time competencies, skills, talents, and adequacies.

And if you come, if you end up with a short stick, with a short end of the stick, if you comedown with, you know, being inadequate, not talented, not skilled, narcissists hold you in extreme not strong, not a victor, not triumphant, not to prevail over others, not to be top lobster, apropos, not to fit into a hierarchy of dominance, not to attain the higher rank.

That means you are a zero nobody.

And this is the main message, of course, of Jordan Peterson.

I'm sorry to say.

Now, and Donald Trump, ironically, Jordan Peterson and Donald Trump have a lot in common. I can't much see the differences between them.

Donald Trump is much more vulgar, much more coarse, and he has severe difficulty to put three words together. Peterson is more adept, linguistically, but the message is the same, identical.

The narcissist deplores, mocks, derides and decries emotions, and even much more so, the display of emotions.

So you can have emotions, but hide them, hide them effectively.

Be self efficacious in not communicating your inner world, your inner landscape, because emotions are weaknesses. Emotions are disadvantages.

Once you communicate your emotion, you're open to attack.

People can make use of your emotions, abuse your emotional needs.

People, when you are down, when you emote, when you feel, when you have emotions, you're weaker.

You, for example, you need empathy. You need sympathy. You need a friend.

That moment, you're weaker.

Many predators, many predators spend all their lives spotting women, sad, broken women, after a breakup, after a divorce, after a bad fight. And they take them to bed. They get them to sleep with them. They get to have sex with them because they leverage expertly.

These women's need for saccord, for support, and of course, vice versa.

You can reverse gender pronouns throughout this presentation.

So emotion means openness, means access, means leverage, means goal, means mission accomplished.

If there's a predator and you're sad, you will end up in bed with him. If there's a predator and you are hesitant and you're confused, he will end up with your money, a con artist, a scammer.

Emotions are bad for you. It's like all the cigarettes, you know. Surgeon general warned that emotions are bad for you, bad for your health, bad for your longevity, bad for your finances, and bad for your self-respect and self-esteem after a one-night stand with someone you didn't want to sleep with.

This is what emotions do to you.

Try to the best of your ability to eschew emotions, to give them up. Or at the very least, don't give intelligence to the enemy. Don't communicate your emotions.

Remain poker-faced. Remain composed. Pretend. Act. Lie. Confabulate.

Or communicate the wrong emotion to mislead the adversary.

It's all in the narcissist's life. Everyone is everyone's enemy. Everyone's, everyone's opponent and adversary. It's all gigantic game of chess.

And in chess, if you show your counterparty, if you sweat, if you like Spassky and Bobby Fischer, if you, you know, if you disclose what's happening inside you, that's an advantage. And your opponent will make use of it. We'll move the right pawns and the right way, right to, you know, on the chessboard and you're done. You're finished. You hide your emotions.

You can be a champion. You will be a champion. Any vulnerability that is not, I remind you, any vulnerability that cannot be leveraged and used and abused and exploited to obtain something, some goal, is contemptible, is disdained, is rejected.

So emotions are the number one, top of the list, vulnerability. They are portals, emotions are portals. Access points, you know, we have in computers, intrusion detection systems. They are where they happen. They are where the hackers, where the life hackers can come in. They can hack your life. They can compromise your operating system. They can take over the computer, ransomware. You have to pay to restart yourself.

Be very careful in disclosing your emotions, especially in today's world. Any narcissist and psychopath will tell you. And don't ever be needy or clinging or show that you need something or that you want something. To want, to desire, to go after, to be needy, to be clinging, to show with facial expressions and body language that you hurt, that you are afraid.

No, no. Very bad policy. Neediness is repulsive. Clinging is disgusting. It makes you a human parasite. A leech. A virus.

The codependent, I mean, nothing, the psychopath and narcissistdetests more than a truly codependent person. Ironically, they end up with many codependents and many borderlines.

And yet these are the two types of people they detest most. The borderline, the borderline that compensates, acts out, falls apart and disintegrates in the slightest hint of humiliation, rejection and abandonment. And the codependent is all over the narcissist and the psychopath. She wants his time. She wants his attention. She wants him to regulate some of her inner functions, psychological functions. She relies on him for a sense of self-worth and self-esteem. She derives from him wisdom, guidance, and the narcissist finds all this absolutely beyond the pale and contemptible.

Some narcissists, psychopathic narcissists, and of course all psychopaths. They're not beyond making use of neediness and clinging. They would spot these traits in you, these behaviors, and they would co-opt you into a cult.

Now the cult could be two people, the cult could be two million people. But it's a cult. Narcissists and psychopaths seek out needy, clinging, codependent, ego-compromised, decompensative, acting out people like borderlines and codependents, and they create cults.

But the cult is always goal oriented. The aim of the cult is adoration and admiration. Narcissist is six or five. Six.

There are cults based around six. Money. It's always goal oriented. Attachment, bonding, love.

You notice that I'm about to throw up. These are biak. These are really sleazy, smarmy things. They are like slimy. They're like something you have to wash yourself very thoroughly after.

An expression of I love you, attachment, bonding, empathy, is either manipulative, the woman who tells you I love you, she wants something. What does she want? What is her agenda? Where is it ongoing? What is she scheming here?

You know, because narcissists and psychopaths project their inner dynamics onto others. If they are narcissistic and psychopathic, everyone is.

And they know that when they tell you I love you, it's because they want something. They're leading somewhere. It's part of the love bombing, the grooming, the shared fantasy. It's all part of a narrative, a very long term narrative.

They see the end. You don't. They have seen this movie. You haven't.

And so on the one hand, any expression of attachment, bonding, and love provokes, provokes the persecutory delusions, paranoia. What's going on here? Where is the knife that is going to end up in my back? Who's going to bite my back and when? Is she colluding with someone? Is it all part of a mega mega wicked Dr. Strangelove pack plan kind of or that's on one hand. On the other hand, it, of course, expresses vulnerability, but the vulnerability of bad cut, neediness, clinking.

So the narcissist feels suffocated, strangled, stifled, imprisoned, incarcerated, restricted, constricted, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. His emotion reaction to statements of allegiance, of affiliation, of emotion, positive emotions like love attachment, bonding, long-term planning, demands for commitment and investment. His reaction is horrible. He just wants to bolt. He wants to vanish. He wants to go away.

Things have gone seriously awry. Oh my God, she's in love with me. Horrible. Now, many of them will not show you this. On the contrary, they will reciprocate and they do this for two reasons.

First of all, in some cases, your positive emotionality can be leveraged to obtain goals. You love me. Okay. Give me money. You love me. Okay. You know, sleep with me. So they convert positive emotionality temporarily into goal orientation.

And the second reason is they want to mislead you. You're playing a game. There's something of a foot, like Cheryl Holmes used to say. The game is a foot. The chessboard is set with all the pieces. Okay, let's play, honey. You tell me you love me. I'll tell you I love you. Like the gambit. It's a gambit. You move your pawn. I move my pawn. No problem.

There's a saying. I'm a Moroccan Jew. There's a saying in Morocco. Follow the thief to the door. Don't stop the thief. Wait. See where he's going.

Same with the narcissism cycle. You tell me you love me. I'll play your game. No problem. For as long as it takes. I want to see where you're going. I know you're going to cheat on me. I know you're going to abandon me. I know you're going to steal my money. I know you're exactly like me. I know you're goal oriented. What's your goal? I want to know your goal. I'm going to unearth you. I'm going to cover you. I'm going to blow up your cover up. I'm going to unearth, reveal and expose your true agenda.

Empathy, bad for you. Bad thing. Empathy has two elements which call for contempt.

The first one, it implies that you can get to know the narcissist. That there is a way for you to resonate with the narcissist. In other words, it implies equality with the narcissist. No way, no shape, no form.

Narcissist rejects any attempts to compare yourself to him via empathy.

The second thing is, as usual, the narcissist attributes agenda. Why would you use such a skill like empathy if you don't want to accomplish something? You use empathy to decipher the narcissist, to read between the lines, to get to know him better. Why would you want to get to know him better? To manipulate him, of course.

So in the narcissist's mind, empathy is cold. He is not aware of any other kind of empathy. He's never experienced warm emotional empathy.

So trying to communicate color to call a colorblind person, as we will see in a minute. So when you show empathy, he says she's using cold empathy. When I use cold empathy, it's to obtain something. What does she want?

And gradually these things accumulate. Every incident of a declaration of love, every time you declare your love, every time you show attachment, every time you care for him, every time you demonstrate empathy for him, every time you tell him, I understand you, I love you. These things accumulate. It's a negative balance. It's not your credit. It's a liability.

Because the more you show, the more you demonstrate, the more you exhibit, the more you display these traits and behaviors, your love, your empathy, the more suspicious the narcissist becomes.

It's getting out of hand. That must be something really, really, she's planning something seriously bad and wicked or she had done something really bad and she feels guilty and now she's trying to overcompensate for it. It's always in the background. A narrative of perfidy, look it up, betrayal, a narrative of backbiting and backstabbing, a narrative of who is going to end up with the upper hand. It's me or her. One of us is going to be left standing. One of us is going to survive this. We can't both. It's war unto the death. Altruism is perceived the same way.

To be altruistic, you need to be really stupid because you're giving something of yourself. If you're stupid, what am I doing with you?

And the alternative is that you're using altruism, you're using giving as a manipulative tool or a tool to control other people. So you're competing with the narcissist. So it's either you're an idiot or you're a competitor.

And in the narcissist's world, competition is cut throat, cut throat physically. So if your competitor is going to demolish you, he's going to vanquish you, he's going to destroy you, he's going to lead you to your ruination. If you compete with him by being nice to other people, you're trying to co-opt other people to turn other people against him, he's going to demolish you. Nothing, not one brick will be left.

If on the other hand, you're altruistic for no gain and for no reason, then you are seriously stupid. You're intellectually challenged and it makes it very difficult to idealize you.

And then if the narcissist cannot idealize you, he cannot idealize himself.

The psychopath, when he sees an altruistic person, wants to take everything she has to offer. But once he had taken everything she had to offer, he wouldn't be very hesitant to be with you.

If you're an altruist, charitable, loving, generous, giving, the psychopath wants to take everything you have to give. But then once he had taken everything, he would be very hesitant to be with you because the psychopath is very afraid to be with a stupid partner. A stupid partner can compromise him, can lead to his downfall and decline him.

So he doesn't want stupid partners. He wants clever, cunning, smart, in a bad way, partners. He wants partners like him.

Partners will be able to collude with him, to conspire with him, to cheat other people, to steal from other people, to abuse other people. And that's why psychopaths and narcissists are into group sex and free moneys.

Okay. In the next video, I'm going to discuss counter projection.

You're warned.

Now I want to read to you two segments from literature.

The first one is, the book is a brief history of everyone who ever lived. The human story retold through our genes and the author is Adam Rutherford. A brief history of everyone who ever lived by Adam Rutherford. There's a segment there.

And this section that I'm going to read to you has to do with color blindness.

But I encourage you mentally to change internally to replace, whenever I say color blind, replace it with narcissists. I'm quoting. Some women might be tetrachromatic. Tetrachromatic means you can perceive four colors.

Most human beings perceive three colors, red, green, and blue. Tetrachromatic people perceive four colors.

So some women might, women, only women, might be tetrachromatic.

These women, through another random chance duplication, have acquired a fourth opsin, opsin is a protein that translates light, have acquired a fourth opsin on one of their X chromosomes. Around one in eight women are estimated to have this extra gene variant.

But whether that bestows tetrachromacy is not yet known.

The ones who do have this power, and now think narcissist, the ones who do have this power to see four colors, they see colors where we see monotones.

It's a new area of research and the condition appears to be rare and poorly accounted for.

A few women have been studied and they seem to see clear differences in colors that are merely shades to normal people, tetrachromats.

When examining red, green color blindness, the Ishihara test presents a circle containing circles in different hues. Hidden in this circle, in plain sight to those with typical vision, is a number.

But you, due to the design of the shades that pick out the number, it is invisible to color blind people.

So Ishihara test is circles within circles within circles, and then there's a number. Only color blind people cannot see this number. And then women can see four colors, one-eighth of women.

So you begin to see the equivalencies and it's an allegory of narcissism in a way.

Narcissists can't see the number and definitely they cannot see four hues or four colors. They can't even see three. They can see one and it's not a color. It's totally gray.

They are color blind. Narcissists are color blind, empathy blind, human blind, emotion blind.

The tetrachromat tests also rest on the ability to discriminate distinct hues of green where we only see if.

Okay, another excerpt from the book Universe Exploring the Astronomical World. Universe Exploring the Astronomical World.

The editor was Victoria Clarke. It was published by Feiden, a big publisher of art books.

And this section, this excerpt is about art ostensibly.

Listen well.

Yayoi Kusama is an internationally recognized artist who was born in 1929 in Japan. In 1959, at the age of 30, she moved to New York where she became part of the avant-garde scene. She works primarily in sculpture and installation, but has been actively involved in other forms of art.

According to the Broad Contemporary Art Museum, her piece, InfinityMirrored Room, the souls of millions of light years away, is a mirror-lined chamber housing a dazzling and seemingly endless LED light display.

This experimental art work has extremely limited capacity, accommodating one visitor at a time for about one minute, requires a separate time, same-day reservation.

Now this is an allegory of the narcissist Hall of Mirrors.

You are introduced into the narcissist Hall of Mirrors, and you see yourself in an idealized form.

I encourage you to watch the relevant videos. I'm quoting from the book Universe Exploring the Astronomical World.

To enter this mirrored room made by the Japanese artist Yayoi Kusama, born 1929. To enter this room is to enter a disorienting cosmos in which mirrors and LED lights combine to create a multitude that repeats itself to infinity.

Kusama's inner universe becomes as expansive as the wider universe, and viewers find themselves transported into an illusion of the immensity of the cosmos.

The rich tones Kusama selected for the LED lights recall the palette of scientific imagining and scientific imaging of deep space, notably the Hubble Deep Field.

Yayoi Kusama's Infinity Mirrored Room, the souls of millions of light years away, is a tangible three-dimensional expression of this paradigm-shifting moment of cosmic imagery.

Yayoi Kusama's work is the expression of her mindscape, often inspired by hallucinatory experiences in childhood and early adulthood when she saw herself in all-encompassing spaces covered in patterns.

She first conjured these in the 1950s in her Infinity Nets, seemingly boundless and heavily worked abstract paintings punctuated by countless marks, polka dots and webs.

With Infinity Mirrored Room installations that she started in the 1960s, Kusama expanded her painting practice onto an experiential environment which itself becomes a spatial representation of her inner world, universe exploring the astronomical world.

I hope you enjoyed and next video we're going to talk about counter projection and several topics which have to do with narcissism, dissociative identity disorder, cyberpathy, it's a new diagnosis, conscience and delusion and other similar topics.

Next video is going to be very rich and I'm always open to questions, the answers to which you cannot find on my YouTube channel.

How to search my YouTube channel?

You go up next to the about section, there is a magnifying glass. Magnifying glass, click on it, a search box opens, type the keywords and you'll find the videos in my channel that are relevant to your query.

Do this before you waste my time asking me questions. It's courtesy, it's a civil way to interact.

If you don't do this, you're entitled, you act and type it and this, may I remind you, is an narcissistic trait.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

How Narcissist Sees YOU

In this transcript, Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's point of view and how they perceive their significant other. The narcissist takes a snapshot of their partner and idealizes them, but as reality sets in, they begin to change the way they see their partner. The narcissist sees themselves as a victim and their partner as an abuser, constantly blaming them for things and accusing them of being manipulative. The narcissist also accuses their partner of being self-destructive and lacking self-awareness, and may plot revenge if they feel humiliated or shamed.

DO THIS When Narcissist Talks to You!

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the importance of focusing on the motivation behind a person's communication rather than the explicit content. He emphasizes the hidden text method and explains that narcissists communicate with specific goals in mind, such as impressing, confabulating, supporting grandiosity, and manipulating others. He highlights that the actual words spoken by narcissists are less important than understanding why they are communicating in a particular way. Additionally, he touches on the use of language to manipulate and brainwash others, particularly in the case of narcissists and psychopaths.

Narcissist's Vulnerability: Grandiosity Hangover

Sam Vaknin discusses the grandiosity gap and hangover in narcissists, and how these vulnerabilities can be exploited to manipulate them. He explains that narcissists react with rage to any criticism or hint that they are not special or unique. He also provides strategies for dealing with narcissists, including using specific sentences to make them go away.

Narcissist's Routines

Narcissists have a series of routines that are developed through rote learning and repetitive patterns of experience. These routines are used to reduce anxiety and transform the world into a manageable and controllable one. The narcissist is a creature of habit and finds change unsettling. The narcissist's routines are often broken down when they are breached or can no longer be defended, leading to a narcissistic injury.

Expose Narcissist’s Secret Speech

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses how narcissists use code and a cipher to manipulate others, including various techniques such as counterfactuality, victim language, projection, gaslighting, and passive aggression. He advises ignoring the hidden message and not responding to the occult message when communicating with a narcissist. He also discusses the evasiveness of narcissists and psychopaths, their competitive nature, and their use of alloplastic defenses to shift blame and deny responsibility for their actions. Finally, he explains that mentally ill people cannot be reasoned with, and their speech acts and decisions need to be deconstructed.

Why Narcissist Never Says “ I Am Sorry”

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's inability to apologize or feel remorse, attributing it to their grandiosity, sense of entitlement, and lack of empathy. He also delves into the sources of the narcissist's immunity to consequences, including their false self, magical thinking, and manipulative skills. Vaknin argues that narcissists should be held accountable for their actions, as they are aware of right and wrong but simply do not care about others enough to refrain from harmful behavior.

Why Narcissist Can't Hear YOU, Understand What You Are Saying To Him

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the reasons behind a narcissist's inability to listen, understand, and comprehend others. He delves into the narcissist's self-deception, grandiosity, and the impact on their perception of reality. The narcissist's internal speech overrides external stimuli, leading to selective auditory attention, retention, and perception. The text also covers the concept of framing and emphasizes the unconscious nature of the narcissist's behaviors.

Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind

Narcissists play the role of a good enough mother, adopting a maternal role and idealizing their victims. They regress their victims to infancy, merging and fusing with them, eliminating their individuality and appropriating their individuality. The narcissist creates an introject, an internal representation of the victim, which is muted and spews out words attributed to the introject by the narcissist. The victim has an introject of the narcissist in their head, which is fully active and talks a lot, becoming a second, harsh, sadistic inner critic. The current advice to recognize and embrace victimhood is counterproductive, as it freezes the emergent roles allocated by the narcissist, and the locus of control remains in the narcissist's hands. Victims need to extricate

Decathexis: When YOU are No Longer Useful (Psychopath’s, Narcissist's Transactional Relationships)

Professor Sam Vaknin discusses the predictability of narcissistic behavior and provides two rules to understand and predict their actions: optimized allocation of resources and resentment when forced to act. He explains that narcissists view relationships as transactions and are only interested in others if they can provide something of value. Once the utility of a person is over, the narcissist abruptly drops them. This transactional approach to relationships and the lack of emotional investment makes narcissists and psychopaths unpredictable and unreliable partners.

Faces of Narcissist's Aggression

Sam Vaknin discusses the narcissist's belief in their own uniqueness and mission, their sense of entitlement, and their aggressive tendencies. He explains how narcissists express their hostility through various forms of aggression, including brutal honesty and thinly disguised attacks. Vaknin also warns about the dangers of narcissists and their potential for physical and non-physical violence.

Transcripts Copyright © Sam Vaknin 2010-2024, under license to William DeGraaf
Website Copyright © William DeGraaf 2022-2024
Get it on Google Play
Privacy policy