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Enabler Is Your Enemy, Snake in Your Grass

Uploaded 12/15/2022, approx. 2 minute read

And this is the topic of today's video.

Enablers.

Enablers are not your friends, they're your enemies.

My name is Sam Vaknin, I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited, and I'm a professor of psychology, believe it or not.

As I said, enablers are often mistaken for friends when in reality enablers are your worst enemies.

Enablers encourage your self-destructive behaviors. Enablers aid and abet your suffering. Enablers amplify any self-harm or self-harming conduct.

Enablers are there to participate in your self-defeat and self-destruction, to egg you on, to provide you with the tools and instrument of your self-annihilation.

A true friend would never hand you a loaded gun knowing that you may be suicidal, but an enabler would do exactly this.

An enabler would have sex with your girlfriend at your request, aware all the time that this will cause you excruciating pain. An enabler would ply their alcoholic or junky friend with drinks or drugs. An enabler would encourage a shopaholic to shop even more.

Would encourage a workaholic to work even more. An enabler would go on retail therapy sprees with a shopaholic.

An enabler would induct you into bed company, hoping for the worst outcomes.

Beware the enabler.

Enablers are charming. They're smiling. They're solicitous. They're intelligent. They pose as your best friends. They bring you anything and everything you want.

You want alcohol, it's there. You want drugs, it's there. You want them to have sex with your girlfriend. They oblige. They're always at your beck and call. They're always available. They're always there to cater to your needs, especially express needs.

But they're snakes in your grass. They're dangerous people, unbounded, mentally ill.

People who derive pleasure from inflicting pain. Enablers are actually sadists.

You have been warned.

Okay.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like the following:

Best New Year Resolution: Fake Friend Out!

Getting rid of fake friends is essential for personal well-being, as they often act as enablers and undermine your self-worth. True friends support you during difficult times and celebrate your successes, while fake friends capitalize on your vulnerabilities and rejoice in your failures. Weak people pleasers, often mistaken for kind individuals, can be particularly harmful as they lack boundaries and may betray you to gain approval from others. Ultimately, removing toxic relationships from your life is crucial for maintaining your mental health and happiness.


Weak People Pleasers? Walk Away!

Weak character is often associated with unreliability and instability, leading individuals to engage in reckless and antisocial behavior due to their inability to assert boundaries. People pleasers, in particular, may enable the self-destructive tendencies of others, often mistaking their submissiveness for kindness or empathy. This weakness can stem from conditioning by needy parents or mental health issues, resulting in a cycle of self-loathing and harmful behaviors. Ultimately, it is advised to distance oneself from such individuals to protect one's own mental health and well-being, as their actions can lead to further victimization of those around them.


Narcissist: Confabulations, Lies

Confabulation is a common human trait, but the distinction between reality and fantasy is never lost. However, the narcissist's very self is a piece of fiction, concocted to fend off hurt and pain and to nurture the narcissist's grandiosity. The narcissist fails in his reality test and is unable to distinguish the actual from the imagined, the real from the fantasized. The narcissist's countenance, no disagreement, no alternative points of view, no criticism. To him, his confabulation is reality.


Masochistic Personality Disorder (Masochism)

Masochists often internalize feelings of worthlessness and unworthiness, leading them to engage in self-destructive behaviors that undermine their own happiness and success. They tend to seek out painful experiences and relationships, rejecting help and support while gravitating towards situations that result in failure and disappointment. Their actions serve as a means of catharsis, relieving pent-up anxiety but simultaneously avoiding intimacy and its benefits. Additionally, masochists may provoke negative responses from others to reinforce their self-perception, finding comfort in humiliation and defeat.


Fake, Narcissistic - or True Friend?

Self-destructive actions can be tolerated by fake friends, who offer unconditional respect regardless of behavior, while true friends respect you based on your actions. Trust from a true friend is conditional and earned, whereas a fake friend claims to trust you unconditionally. True friends provide honest reflections of reality, while fake friends only reflect your own image back to you. The motivation behind a true friendship is genuine love, whereas a fake friendship is often driven by self-interest and ulterior motives.


People-pleasers and Pathological Charmers

People pleasers are often dishonest and manipulative, seeking to foster dependence in their beneficiaries. They use a range of coping strategies, including infantilization and self-sacrifice. People pleasers are a subset of pathological charmers, who are mostly narcissists. Pathological charmers use their charm to manipulate others and exert control, and feel threatened when their charm fails to elicit narcissistic supply.


Narcissism Fridge Magnets

Professor Sam Vaknin provides 15 quotes on narcissism, including the narcissist's obsession with themselves, their use of language as a weapon, and their need for adoration from a submissive partner. The narcissist is also described as holding their followers in contempt, hating themselves deep down, and developing paranoid narratives when their defense mechanisms fail. The quotes emphasize the destructive nature of narcissism and its impact on both the narcissist and those around them.


Signs of SWITCHING in Narcissists and Borderlines (Read PINNED comment)

Switching between self-states is a common phenomenon in various personality disorders, particularly in borderline and narcissistic personality disorders, and can be triggered by both perceived threats and promises. This process involves emotional dysregulation, leading to visible signs such as changes in body posture, behavior, and identity, which can be disorienting for observers. There are three types of switching: consensual, forced, and triggered, each characterized by different internal dynamics and responses to environmental cues. Ultimately, individuals with these disorders lack a stable core identity, resulting in a fluid and often unpredictable experience of self that can significantly impact their relationships.


Expose Narcissist’s Secret Speech

Narcissists communicate using a dual-layered approach, where the overt message conceals a hidden, manipulative intent designed to trigger emotional responses in their targets. This hidden message often employs techniques such as counterfactuality, victimhood, projection, and gaslighting, which distort reality and shift blame onto others. Effective communication with narcissists requires ignoring the hidden messages and, if possible, involving intermediaries to prevent emotional manipulation. Ultimately, understanding the nature of narcissistic communication can help individuals protect themselves from the psychological harm inflicted by these interactions.


Narcissist: Confabulates, Gaslights, Or Lies?

Narcissists often create confabulations to fill gaps in their memory, believing these invented narratives to be true, which distinguishes them from gaslighting, a premeditated and intentional act. Unlike psychopaths, who knowingly manipulate reality for their goals, narcissists lack the ability to differentiate between reality and their fantasies, leading to a form of self-deception. Confabulation serves multiple functions for narcissists, including bridging their internal perceptions with external realities and connecting their present experiences with past maternal figures. Ultimately, confabulation is a critical mechanism that helps narcissists maintain their grandiose self-image and cope with their dissociative tendencies.

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